Losses of this year.

[chels26]

So my year started off as a new slate. I had my family my job and my friends, everything was going great. I eventually met my to be ex boyfriend and I of course again rushed into this realationship too quickly. So with my past relationship before my recent I had learnt that not all people are who they seem, I learnt the pain of been mentally and physically abused, I also learnt that talking is a big part of relationships. So here I was again falling madly in love with this guy that I thought was perfect, I met his family went on holidays spent many birthdays with them, thought I was family until one day out of the blue I ask if he was okay because he was becoming distant, he then replied that he needed to talk. Right them and there I knew he was about to break up with me. So my thoughts go dark real quick. He wanted to meet up and I said no he asked if he could ring me he tried but ignored it and I messaged him it's okay I know it done, were over you don't to say anything let me just get my stuff tomorrow. I was trying to act so brave but on the inside I felt this pain I've never felt before. I've had breakups before but this felt like my heart was getting ripped out of my chest. So weeks have passed by I've decided to drink every single weekend put on a happy face and pretend like everything is normal. Later on this year I lost my job and then my friends. I developed this habit if sleep long enough I won't have to deal with anything or think about anything. The sad part is that it's been two and a half months and I'm still crippled by the pain of the breakup. I still love him even though h doesn't give a damn about me. His on my thoughts all the time and I feel like a crazy stalker. I hate this year and wish I never tried anything new. I hate boys I hate work I hate being alone all the god damn time. I miss having a companion and sharing day to day stuff. Being alone scares me the most but being so self concious and suspicious I push everyone away. I don't know how to get my shit together when I don't want to do anything.

[PamelaR]

Hi Chels26 and warm welcome to Beyond Blue

Life sounds very difficult for you at the moment. Relationship breakups are very hard aren't they?

I remember being so heartbroken over a guy who was absolutely gorgeous. He was someone I thought was perfect. That he wasn't at all like any of the ones who treate me so badly before. How gentle, soft and wonderful. But alas, it was not to be. His previous girlfriend who'd been away travelling returned home and that was it. I was dropped, just like that.

It felt like the earth was going to stand still, that I couldn't breathe. I cried and cried. It was awful.Do you have anyone who can help you grieve? For instance are you seeing a doctor or a health professional, e.g. a psychologist? I've found them to be very helpful during periods of my life like you're experiencing.

Depression is the pits isn't it. But it is manageable. Talking is one of the best things. It is so good you've been able to share your story here. Getting out of bed can be hard when you're low. What I do is make myself a commitment of what I want to achieve for the day. Starting with a shower!! Then breakfast on the deck with the cats while listening to the birds. If I have the energy - do some housework.

All this starts with making a plan for the day and trying to keep it. Writing a journal and keeping note of the good things I've done during the day has helped tremendously.

You've done well to write here Chels! Would like to hear from you again - if and when you want too. No pressure. You're not alone.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[LeeA18]

Hi chels

I know what you are going through. It’s a real struggle when you think you’ve met “the one” and it just doesn’t work out that way.

Yesterday I wrote him a letter. Wrote absolutely everything that was on my mind. What I thought of him. What I thought I deserved. Everything. Then I burnt it. Gosh it felt good. It was 5 pages of what was going on in my head. I couldn’t stop writing when I started. Give it a go. It may help you too.