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Separation and broken

Community Member

Hi 1st time here,

well ive lived with mental health for the last 15 years, used to get moody and the self verbal abuse, very low self esteem, GP put me on meds and as we all no up and downs well after all this time I broke in April this year, wife was at her end and I had thought bad ones, cat team got me a hospital admission , my wife and 2 girls drove me , 4 hrs drive, my wife dropped me off .. never came back. I was there for 8 weeks and learnt a lot about depression , anxiety and self esteem and anger control. It’s been the hardest 5 mths of my 49 years of life, my oldest Daughter is not coupling with the illness I have and the breakup of the marriage, she finds it hard to talk to me this just turns the emotions on. Why I’m writing this today , it’s my 19th anniversary, I’ve been an emotional wreck since last night and my mind had been going to places I don’t like, I call it the grey place. I’ll never do anything to my self but the thoughts do came and go then I see my girls that’s more than enough to keep fighting to control the bugger illness. I’ve went back to hospital to help with coupling with daughter emotions, haven’t been back to work this time as I have lost all my will to go on, I have no support were I live thanks to cut in rural Victoria.I have never felt so alone and scared in my life like I do now .

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Brett and warm welcome to Beyond Blue forums

You sound very down Brett. Understandably though - after 19 years of marriage and living on your own in rural Australia. Yes, it is frightening. I agree Support services out there are not the best. They do try to make up for the short fall by providing support online and over the phone these days. Not the best if you are someone who prefers face to face contact is it?

Anxiety and depression can be debilitating at times, though as you progress you’ll learn they are manageable. Being gentle and kind to yourself goes a long way in the recovery process. I’m not a health professional, though from my own experiences, my thoughts are you are also grieving - for your lost marriage, lost wife and estrangement with your daughters. The grieving process has no set time nor do the grieving phases happen in any particular order. So I understand completely, you are having a hard time and no wonder.

When you left hospital - what follow-up plan did they give you? Who did they give you as contacts once you were discharged?

Talking is one of the best things I’ve found helping to work through depression. Living in rural Victoria must make this difficult if there no one close, e.g. your family or close trusted friend? There are a number of other options you could think about to help, e.g. online or chat support services -

  • Lifeline 13 11 14
  • Beyond Blue Support Services 1300 659 467

Also, there are a few threads here on BB that you might find useful to browse and even contribute to if you’re up to it -

  • Depression: Fight It or Embrace It found under Long term support over the journey forum started by Mrs Dools
  • Men Isolated found under Staying well forum started by White Knight

Other services you could look at to see what’s available around your rural district include:

Hope some of this helps Brett.

Keep reaching out to us here when and if you want Brett. You're not alone.

Kind regards