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How do I cope with my father's death?

Rainbow_bird
Community Member
Hi guys, my father recently passed away and it's under unsual and not very nice circumstances. I'm struggling to accept that my father has past and everything that's going on around it. Some days it's like nothing has happened and I just deleted numb but then I get hit with a huge wave of many different emotions and still day to myself how can he be gone. I don't want to accept that I no longer have a father and it's hurting me so much to know that my fiance will never be able to meet him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
2 Replies 2

PamelaR
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Rainbow bird and welcome to Beyond Blue forums

Thank you so much for coming here and providing your post. And though you don’t know me at all, I do offer to you my condolences on the very sad loss of your father.

The grieving process is such a difficult one and no one can say for how long or how hard it will be. It is such an individual thing and as such, it can really have massive impacts on so many of us.

The road now is rough, as you feel the pain almost all the time, which is what I’m gathering you are experiencing. That feeling of like - nothing has happened, it is all part of the acceptance phase. Though this doesn't help you I guess. Maybe some understanding of what you are going through will help.

If you feel like you want to write more about your father, please do so. If you feel like you would like to express more about how you’re feeling, again please do so. We are always here and will do our best to support you.

When you're up to it, perhaps do a search on the BB website for 'grief and loss' to find factual information about grief and threads where you can join in the discussion with peers.

Hope some of this helps.

Kind regards

PamelaR

Croix
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Rainbow bird~

I'm very sorry for the loss of your father. The death of someone you love so much is one of the very hardest things in life. I've found it is a time to lean on others if possible. Sharing can make things a little easier, though only a little. There is no constancy, I've been numb one day and totally preoccupied with grief the next.

There is no guide, rule-book or timescale, one just lives thorough it. People will tell you it gets better in time - and they are right, though it can take a very long time. One thing I kept trying to do was see the person who had passed away not just in the final time before their death, but as someone who had lived a long life with me during which there were many moments that would later be happy ones.

Some people find a grief counselor helpful, I guess it depends.

I've very glad you have a fiance, such things can draw one a lot closer. Maybe you have other family and friends too. I've kept on saying the exact same thing time after time to my family and friends until I'm sure they were so tired of hearing about my loss, but they patiently kept listening and it helped.

I think your fiance will get to know your dad, even though second hand. On cannot care about a person without leaning about the people that mean a lot to them too.

Another thing I learned about myself was there needs to be no rush to make changes, even though my instinct said there was. If your father lived with you then clearing out everything is maybe not something to be rushed into. When the grief has blunted and memories of the past are not as painful can be the time to decide what should go or stay.

It's OK to laugh, which may sound a funny thing to say, but if you can get a little relief from comedy it is a boost, a touch of normal life.

Croix