Empty Nester sad and lonely

[Mumma_44]

Hi. I never thought enough how to cope when this day would come. I envisaged a staggered, slower leaving of our 3 kids, but one way or another they all left around the same time. So adjustment has been difficult. Hubby has his own issues and seems very wrapped up in himself, and bad habits. I am battling loneliness, lack of motivation and a sense of purpose. Most of my friends left Sydney. Even those here are often busy and unavailable. After 8 months I am so sad and lonely, and still not ready to admit being depressed, though I probably am.

[Croix]

Dear Mumma 44~

I read your reply to Onlymeagin in which you said something along the lines that recognizing one is depressed is hard. It does not have to be, like any illness if diagnosed it will most probably respond to treatment. I'm not saying you are depressed, it is very natural to feel loss and grief when children leave home, even if it is part of the natural order of things.

Can I suggest firstly you see your doctor and discuss how you are feeling, can't hurt and may well help. I would imagine too that up until now you have spent a great deal of time, energy and emotion looking after your children. Now your relationship with them will have changed, they have become independent adults.

So I guess now is the time to look after your own needs. One of course is something to supply occupation, interest and accomplishment. Would you like to say what sort of things are possibilities?

Hopefully you will find something that also provides a degree of social life too.

I'd really like it if you came back and talk about this more

Croix

[Mumma_44]

Thanks Croix. I've made some efforts to find more work, and resume some hobbies. However it is hard given the lack of energy and motivation. I do work 2 shifts every day, with children, maybe that makes it worse as a reminder? I just started volunteering at a charity last week. I am an artist and like creative things, so started a project painting for one daughter. Beyond that, even with the spare time, I don't seem to be that interested, when I thought I would be after waiting for so long to be more free. Now we are into Spring I aim to get outdoors and even exercise, Winter made this unsavoury. I thought keeping busy would help.

[Croix]

Dear Mumma 44~

You sound as if you are starting to do the right things, though if you are doing 2 shifts per day I'm not sure where you get the time! Seeing those children as individuals might help, as that way you are not focusing on yours. I'm sure you make a big difference to the ones in your charge.

You are quite right about winter, I get 'locked' inside and my activity goes right down.

Try not to judge yourself, it is a whole new chapter and it takes a long time - plus luck - to settle into a full routine. Bits and pieces are a start. Have you enjoyed what you have seen of the charity organization? As an artist maybe there is a way you can combine that in something?

Croix