Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

F36 Women leaving their family
  • replies: 5

Hi, I have MDD, and badly. My condition has meant that I have been unable to see my children much (divorced) - if you can’t feed them and can’t stop crying it is only damaging for them to be around you. That is a hard fact to accept, that you’re not ... View more

Hi, I have MDD, and badly. My condition has meant that I have been unable to see my children much (divorced) - if you can’t feed them and can’t stop crying it is only damaging for them to be around you. That is a hard fact to accept, that you’re not a good influence on your children’s well-being/life. They are 6 and 7 now, but I have only been able to see them every second weekend since they were 1 and 2. Still, they love me dearly - and I them. Lately my condition has become so bad that I have to cancel the weekends with them. The irony is that I am only staying in this country where I have no family and zero support because of the kids. Now that i can’t see them anymore at all I have made the decision to leave and go back home overseas. The decision is gut-wrenchingly painful, but we are at a point now where - sorry for sounding dramatic - it’s the choice between having a mother who is alive but overseas...or not. I am wondering if people here have ever heard of a situation where the mother has left and it was for the best and everything turned out okay. Or are there children of mothers here who had to leave, and it all turned out ok? I think I just really want to hear that this is the best way forward.

Kel93 Completely broken.
  • replies: 1

Hi I’m 25 have 2 children to the love of my life, but recently some has changed in him. Today he left for work and everything seemed as good as it could be considering the rocky patch were going through (I’m suffering severe PND and he is also suffer... View more

Hi I’m 25 have 2 children to the love of my life, but recently some has changed in him. Today he left for work and everything seemed as good as it could be considering the rocky patch were going through (I’m suffering severe PND and he is also suffering depression which has made him tell me he no longer loves me or wants me, we agreed that we would put our relationship on hold but still live together to raise our kids that was until 5:30pm today, I received I text message from him saying “I’m sorry I’ve had to do this but I’ve left to go stay with my dad for a bit to get my head in order I feel angry all the time, you will always have my heart and tell the kids I love them, I’m only gone for now it won’t be forever I’ll be back soon, I’ve left some money in our daughters school bag” this has knocked me for 6 and completely shocked me I don’t know what to say or do I haven’t heard from him since. My 4 year old is devastated that her daddy is gone he also only left me with $85 out of the $600 he had to support our kids with and gone to his dads which is over 4 hours away. I’m completely stumped, I’m so hurt, in so much shock, heart broken, angry and feel numb. Does anyone have any advice for me on how I can cope with 2 little kids as well as trying to support myself with my depression?

SoyMeme I don't know how to end my relationship because my girlfriend suffers severely.
  • replies: 1

I've been in a relationship for nearly 4 months now. In the beginning we were mad for each other and over the past month or so I feel like I'm losing connection. She constantly says how madly in love with me she is and how she wants to spend the rest... View more

I've been in a relationship for nearly 4 months now. In the beginning we were mad for each other and over the past month or so I feel like I'm losing connection. She constantly says how madly in love with me she is and how she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I felt the same for the first half of the relationship but recently I've kind of felt out of it, I feel like a relationship at this time isn't the best option for me. I've just finished high school and I spent most of it in relationships so I don't know what it's like to be single out in the real world and I have a strong feeling I need to have that chance now. The problem is that my girlfriend suffers extremely from anxiety and depression. She tells me how paranoid she gets because she thinks that I'm going to leave her and that she just can't live without me. She boasts about me to everyone she knows and tells me how obsessed with me she is. I feel like this is all too much for me and I just need to kind of escape it a bit. We've talked about dying down the affection a touch recently but when I told her it was a bit much I could tell how upset she was. Her depression in the past has been extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY bad. Not only before our relationship but even during it. I won't go into too much detail with that because i canr invade her privacy like that. But its like im an anchor for her depression and if i leave im afraid something terrible would happen. I care about her so much and i want her to be happy but on the other hand, I just feel like this isn't what I want and I need a break from it all. I've contemplated breaking up with her but I just can't because of how afraid I am to hurt her. I need help some things in this post I forgot to mention are that we live an hour away from each other and I'm the only one with a car so we only get to see each other once a week at most. And also I too suffer from social anxiety disorder which also puts a strain on trying to break off a relationship, it's all just too hard for me and I can't figure out what to do. Kind regards

Johno460 Fallen in love with a close friend
  • replies: 3

I'm in a really close friend group. We're always together and doing stuff, sometimes just driving around. There's one girl in the group. We'll call her Jane. Jane and I really connect with a weird sense of humour and can just talk for hours on end. I... View more

I'm in a really close friend group. We're always together and doing stuff, sometimes just driving around. There's one girl in the group. We'll call her Jane. Jane and I really connect with a weird sense of humour and can just talk for hours on end. I love spending time with her. Anyway, the more time I spend with her, the more I can picture her as my girlfriend. She just makes me so happy. The issue lies in the fact that us dating would drastically alter the way our friend group functions. We do nearly everything together and dating Jane would create some tension, and if we had a falling out and/or a nasty breakup and didn't want to see each other, then the group would be destroyed (there is only 4 in the main group). I love going out every other day and having such an amazing group of friends, but I need to do something with these feelings welling up inside me and I have no idea what. I'm scared of outright rejection, scared of the consequences of a breakup and scared for my own mental health. I need some ideas of what to do. Extra info: I've only been in one real relationship before and that ended a few months ago. 18/m/straight (see next) I'm demisexual (I don't have sex until the relationship is formed) Thanks for reading

geoff Are You Happy at Home ?
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, this thread topic was suggested to me by a good friend, I think it's an excellent question that affects so many of us. If you think you could be depressed or lonely, or if you feel unsafe at home, remember it's important to seek help, so... View more

Hi Everyone, this thread topic was suggested to me by a good friend, I think it's an excellent question that affects so many of us. If you think you could be depressed or lonely, or if you feel unsafe at home, remember it's important to seek help, so please post if this includes yourself. Best wishes. Geoff.

LenaL Advice please
  • replies: 4

I'm terribly nervous about doing this as it really is the first official proactive cry for help I've ever done. I have received advice from family and close friends about how I am treated by my husband, and what is acceptable- however after 23 years ... View more

I'm terribly nervous about doing this as it really is the first official proactive cry for help I've ever done. I have received advice from family and close friends about how I am treated by my husband, and what is acceptable- however after 23 years (18 of those spent married to him) out of fear and wanting my marriage to be happy, I have never discussed their feelings further. I grew up in a family, with a very kind loving and supportive father, and often feel I don't possess the skills to deal with my husband's rage and anger. I've witnessed him break an oven door and smash a toaster with his fists, all because he dropped something or the oven burnt him while cooking, crazy things really. When he was a teenager, he suffered severe concussion from playing footy a few times, which his father has decribed his moods coming from too many head knocks. I've had a nurse friend describe his personality as undiagnosed ADHD, and without realising it I manage to work around his moods. For years, I've walked on eggshells and kept the house clean while raising 3 small children now teenagers. He would leave often on weekends to go fishing/gambling or watching sport. When I was pregnant with our 3rd child (12 years ago), he met a woman at work while meeting her interstate on an official work trip, developed a working-relationship and he subsequently then arranged to get her a job in our city as he'd had an emotional type affair with her. His mother said to me he's obsessed with this workmate which devastated me. If I ever raised this issue about the other woman, I was told I was crazy. 5 years ago we moved to his favourite fishing place, 3 hours from home. I thought he would be happy. We went through financial hardship last year, waiting for the sale of our hometown house which took longer than we expected. I knew it would work out, while he became mean, angry and blamed me for everything - I'm sure with the stress, he suffered some sort of mental illness which I was simply not trained to deal with. His outbursts were horrible, and he would start on me, when he woke up - I was told to sleep on the lounge again- but I've been doing that on and off for years as he doesn't sleep very well and suffers high blood pressure & sleep apnoea, and blames me for his poor sleep. He treats me very differently, almost like a Jekyll and Hyde personality. He doesn't want to talk, and leaves me feeling inadequate or stupid. He pulls faces if I speak, or interrupt his sport viewing time.

noodlesmango Isolated
  • replies: 3

Left my husband because he cheated on me multiple times with the same woman. Now I feel so lonely and isolated. I live in a small town which is very clicky and I’m an outsider here. I have a couple of friends but they are always busy and have their o... View more

Left my husband because he cheated on me multiple times with the same woman. Now I feel so lonely and isolated. I live in a small town which is very clicky and I’m an outsider here. I have a couple of friends but they are always busy and have their own lives. Feel so depressed and alone

Mike1990 Depression in the relationship, confused and wondering what to do.
  • replies: 1

Hi all beyondblue members, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 18 months. Both her and I are 28 years old and have enjoyed being together all the time. She opened up to me about her depression at the beginning of our relations... View more

Hi all beyondblue members, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 18 months. Both her and I are 28 years old and have enjoyed being together all the time. She opened up to me about her depression at the beginning of our relationship and I didn't let her depression get in between us. Throughout our relationship, as I thought I was doing, was supporting her through her toughest of times, always making sure she sees the positive side of life and always encouraged her to see her psychologist regularly regarding her depression. Everything went well up until I met with her mother, ever since then, things started to go down hill. Her mother said to my girlfriend that I remind her too much of her father( ex husband) and that I look like a control freak?????Little does she know about me and it upsets me that her mother judged me to be a person of negativity. Her mother was caught lieing a few times, where she rang my girlfriend and manipulated her in believing that other family members had al ot to say about me, when she asked her mother to tell her what others thought, she would insist my girlfriend to ring them up and find it out herself. When my girlfriend did that, no one of the family members said anything about me and confirmed with her that her mother was playing games, to the point she got into an emotional break down over it. Not long ago, my girlfirend sent me an email whilst I was out camping, I didnt respond to her text because I had no reception but as soon as I got home she sends me a break up text, which to me seemed as if she was influenced to do that and the only person I could think of is her mother being behind it. The other day, my ex and I met up for coffee to talk things through and I told her that she didnt mean to break up with me whilst she said that she felt confused and didnt know whether it was fear of being alone and depression made her choose to be with me and thats why she broke up with me. I told her that her mother was behind the decision and I could tell by looking at her, wanting to ruin our relationship. Now my ex is confused and scared to confront her mother that her and I are still seeing each other, I told her to take it slow and we could reconcile, but i feel the urge to go and see her mother, just to open up to her to let her know how much I really care about her daughter, I am confused and I want to save my relationship, this also happened to her brother in law and he confronted her mother too.

UnknownFurby Has my father made my anxiety worse?
  • replies: 2

So i read somewhere that being without a father can have a big impact in your life, this year my mother and I moved an hour away and my father won't travel to see me, he always said that he has no patrol money so i have to go there... but due my anxi... View more

So i read somewhere that being without a father can have a big impact in your life, this year my mother and I moved an hour away and my father won't travel to see me, he always said that he has no patrol money so i have to go there... but due my anxiety going back means bad memories , so i thought about asking him to put money aside and at lease try and see me 1 once a month, do you think this work??? When i was back at my hometown i usually saw him nearly every fortnight-ish but now i only seen him so far on my birthday ,his birthday and the once when he wanted to see a movie and decided to invite me... OH and on Easter i lost all trust in him... Long story short what happen is that they had to fix a fence (Auntie, my father and pop) anyway they said they said they might come and see me Monday after Easter if they have time ,i said that is fine ,anyway couple days later his GF son son (so grandson) are coming on Sunday (Easter) so i was trying to arrange for him to see me some time like before or after but he wouldn't listen so i got depressed and locked myself away for awhile ( i suffer for Anxiety and Depression), and the grandson not his flesh and blood so i was really hurt... anyway back on track without my father spending time with me do you think i could be hurting without knowing??

Mamba Marriage breakup
  • replies: 1

Hi Im having a really tough time as my wife and i have just seperated, i feel absolutely ripped apart, we have 3 kids 12 5 and 7 months, i have been a depressed mess for 18 months and she always stuck by me and helped me so much, we have been togethe... View more

Hi Im having a really tough time as my wife and i have just seperated, i feel absolutely ripped apart, we have 3 kids 12 5 and 7 months, i have been a depressed mess for 18 months and she always stuck by me and helped me so much, we have been together for 13 years and got married nearly 2 years ago, i cant stop crying, im a very emotional person but this is so hard, everything seems pointless, like whats the point of doing anything if theres no one to share it with im really scared about the future as im so use to having my family always there i dont know what to do, i get to have the kids 6 night a fortnight which is great but still feel empty