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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Zenman123 Insane sister tearing my family apart
  • replies: 1

Hi beyondblue My sister is currently trying to tear my family apart. Some backstory, around 5 years ago she met a boy who became her boyfriend, I didn't like the guy as I could see he was trouble. The two have been constantly lying and stealing from ... View more

Hi beyondblue My sister is currently trying to tear my family apart. Some backstory, around 5 years ago she met a boy who became her boyfriend, I didn't like the guy as I could see he was trouble. The two have been constantly lying and stealing from my parents since they met, they constantly ask my dad for money (who of course gives it to them) and never make an effort to repay him. Ever since my sister met this boy she has been insane, she actively looks for things to argue about and she thinks she is entitled to everything, one common phrase when she is arguing is "everybody hates me, you never say nice things about me" stuff like that, for a few months I would come home to my sister and my mum arguing over tiny things that my sister deemed worthy to argue over, one argument that I remember was that my mum said good morning to me and not my sister. So 6 months ago there was a particularly bad argument, I can't remember what it was over but it ended with the boyfriend strangling my mum, the police got involved and my mum decided to not press charges and the boyfriend got away with a slap on the wrist and a stern talking to by the police. 3 Days ago was another bad argument, I dont know how it started but I came out of my room to defuse the situation and tell her to go back to her home, which somehow made it worse. She threw an empty weatbix box at me and then she charged my mum, I could see from the look in her eyes that she wanted to hurt my mother, so I grabbed her arm and put her to the ground, not in a very violent way I believe more in defence of my mum. I let her go and she ran into the kitchen and said she was going to kill herself then and there, at which point I barricaded myself in my room and called the police, who came and took her to the hospital for an evaluation. Fast forward to last night and I find out from my dad who still talks to her that she wants to take out an DVO order on me and my mother, I don't understand why and I can't see it having any legal footing. But I am scared for my life, she has shown herself to be very unpredictable in the past and her boyfriend has many violent tendencies to I am worried they will try and harm or even try and kill me and my mother, either by coming into the house or burning it down. I don't know what to do, she is completely irrational and won't listen to anyone, not even her grandmother who is becoming increasingly worried. What should I do?

ABoot Separation looming? Lost, Upset and Confused
  • replies: 15

Hi all At this point in time I have been battling the last 24hrs with a range of emotions that have me thinking rationally one minute and devastated the next. My wife of 2 years (been together 8.5 years) has said to me that she can no longer let her ... View more

Hi all At this point in time I have been battling the last 24hrs with a range of emotions that have me thinking rationally one minute and devastated the next. My wife of 2 years (been together 8.5 years) has said to me that she can no longer let her guilt of not loving me like she should get to her causing her anxiety and stress and has said that she has had enough and wants to separate. As you can imagine I am extremely distraught and we also have an 8 week old baby girl which I get even more emotional about due to the fact that more than anything else in this world I love her so much and cant stand the thought of not having her in my life every day. Our relationship has been dull since about April this year when she spoke about the same things to me, more about some behavioural traits I had and how she was not 100% convinced I would good when our baby was born. I took this pretty hard and went on the hard road of seeking help and acknowledging I had some issues. Since then have made huge improvements and she has even said that I am the perfect person that I needed to become, however Its not about that its about the fact that she has lost all spark in life and says that she is "numb" and when she looks at me she feels nothing. Which is upsetting. she has agreed to couples counseling but I am afraid her outlook is set and it may be in vain. I can not let my family go and its tearing me apart. I love both my wife and baby more than anything else and can't see why she isnt trying the same way I am. Any help would be appreciated.

Ms_Hattie Stuck in a sexless relationship
  • replies: 8

I have been with my partner for 14 years and we have 2 children together under 10. For the last few years we have had sex so little, maybe once or twice every few months. This is where it gets really hard to write about because it is my partner who d... View more

I have been with my partner for 14 years and we have 2 children together under 10. For the last few years we have had sex so little, maybe once or twice every few months. This is where it gets really hard to write about because it is my partner who doesn’t want sex. As a female it is so hard to accept the rejection as for me anyway, I feel that sex is usually withheld by the woman in the relationship. We have talked about this, he tells me he will seek help, he doesn’t, we go round in circles. A few weeks ago I spoke to him again to tell him that I couldn’t go on and he saw a doctor who has sent him for tests and also prescribed anti depressants. I know my partner has been feeling low and stressed at work. We are still not having sex. I don’t initiate it and haven’t for a long time as the rejection is so devastating and I also wonder if when he does agree to have sex whether he really wants to or is just going through the motions, which doesn’t do much for my self esteem. I don’t know what to do. This is a major isssue for me and makes me feel angry, hurt, resentful. I do still have love for him but at the same time the thought of going with little to no sex for the rest of my life is unbearable. I also don’t want to break up the family as I can’t face doing that to my children. He is a good father. I have been seeing another man for a few weeks. It started out just sex but I have been developing feelings for him. I know that this is completely the wrong thing to do but I am so low and craving the affection. I am so confused and don’t know what to do.

ihen seeking for help
  • replies: 2

I no longer feel interests in anything anymore. I would like to smile again. I would like to feel the same passion as before. I feel like I am dead inside. How can I come back to life? I have no energy to do simple things.

I no longer feel interests in anything anymore. I would like to smile again. I would like to feel the same passion as before. I feel like I am dead inside. How can I come back to life? I have no energy to do simple things.

RandomBloke Stuck with inlaws, feeling alone, wife choosing the comfy family nest over a building a new family.
  • replies: 2

Hi and thanks in advance for reading,first timer on this forum. In short I feel alone and stuck in a place I dont want to be, im struggling. Both sides are of a european background,I was brought up by my mother after my dad left and she grew up with ... View more

Hi and thanks in advance for reading,first timer on this forum. In short I feel alone and stuck in a place I dont want to be, im struggling. Both sides are of a european background,I was brought up by my mother after my dad left and she grew up with her parents as they migrated over. We have been together for 15 years now,got married a few years back and, got a house and put it up for rent moving in with her parents to get ahead. By all means not a desperate move,but a choice. We all thought we could make it work. My wife and her mother made the decision over the financials, I didnt get an invite which does not sit well with me from the beginning,considering the original arrangement was we are moving in, we pay the difference ontop of the bills they usually get. They have a VERY conservative way of living to say the least and very good with saving, id call it an obsession. Anyways, they have schooled us etc how to get ahead and we have found our own balance that is suited to a realistic way of living,not in a tacky cave. But I do respect what they have and what they have done. They went over sea's(back home) last year chasing the sun and came back this year, as they did the year before that. This time around, retired. In that time the arrangement suddenly changed to us paying for every bill even when they are here.That is literally everything including council rates.Originally was told they will buy food, now its magically changed to only dinner and "we should be happy because we are still saving". In short my wife and I are paying for everything while per parents are living a well calculated retiree dream. I dont feel a single bit of gratitude for my contibution. While they buy the cheapest food and make zero effort in the kitchen I enjoy cooking and the kitchen and still buy food they would never pay for and cook when I get time without a second through. I dont feel a single bit of gratitude. I dont want praise but why do I bother to please? I look after the garden, when they are away I take care of their house, mow the lawn, go work etc. Old man in law does nothing but watch TV. Wife is very happy living with her parents and is unapproachable in regards to me coming to her with anything that weighs me down, expects me to change for her yet wont make any changes for me, deflects everything turns it around blaming me for anything I bring up. Moving out to save us is not an option for her because money is more important than happiness. Im stuck.......

Yayeet lost
  • replies: 1

hi everyone has their story so here is mine, two years ago, i found this celebrity online. this might sound really weird but we had so much in common, if we were living in the same space we might even be together. I couldn’t believe how someone could... View more

hi everyone has their story so here is mine, two years ago, i found this celebrity online. this might sound really weird but we had so much in common, if we were living in the same space we might even be together. I couldn’t believe how someone could be so alike, however, after i knew about him, i had trouble relying on myself as mentally i felt like there were two of me and i didn’t know what to do, i tried talking to my parents and friends but i felt like it was something that no one would believe. i had a little insomnia and my social skills were completely different from before, i felt devastated at times but i didn’t want to process the emotions, the situation still kind of affects me, but i don’t know what to do in a lost state.

Mlasho Inlaw struggle
  • replies: 6

How do people deal with inlaw? I love my husband dearly and i want to be able to handle his family but i really struggle. They left me in tears for several of the last few times we have had family things. They have now got me to a point where its bor... View more

How do people deal with inlaw? I love my husband dearly and i want to be able to handle his family but i really struggle. They left me in tears for several of the last few times we have had family things. They have now got me to a point where its bordering onto hate. I dont want to make life difficult for my husband who tells me to not worry about it as their opinion doesnt mean squat. Its really not that easy for me. I dont know how to even try with them anymore. I just avoid them as much as possible. My husband is well aware why and i know he feels torn as he feels he owes his father for raising him when his mother left. How do people deal with their own mentality, mine can be a total mess, while trying to make life less difficult on their partners.

BarramundiGal Heres a scenario
  • replies: 1

I am 32, been with my partner for 10 years in 2 weeks. Two beautiful children, 4 & 7 (today is their bday). We have a business in which we have everything on the line for including part of my retired parents home on the line for. My partner is really... View more

I am 32, been with my partner for 10 years in 2 weeks. Two beautiful children, 4 & 7 (today is their bday). We have a business in which we have everything on the line for including part of my retired parents home on the line for. My partner is really sick with 2 chronic medical conditions which have only come aboutover the last two years, he is facing another surgery shortly. He has a chronicback consition and another condition called gastricparesis where effectively ur stomach becomes paralyzed. He cant eat solids and contiues to decline in front of me. He has lost close to 40 kgs most people qould be cheering however it continues to drop and he continues to decline. I have had to take leave without pay from myjob i love and have worked hard for to help with the business. I know he is in constant pain and is fustrated he cant do what he used to do. But i just cop it, day in day out. I try so hard to do the best i can. But its never good enough. He is always putting ke down or having a joke at my expense. Long story short i dont want to be with him anymore and have felt this for a fair while. Unfortunately i am stuck. He is sick and if the business goes down my parents lose their home. I have lost my support network at my job, my girlfriend knows how i feel but is over hearing about it as i am not doing anything but what am i meant to do?? I cant tell my parents asthey will stress out too. Today ismy sons 7th bday and all i have done is cry. I just cant stop. I am trapped in this shitty situation and its just eating me alive. I just got to keep going. I just am sinkimg further and further. Single mother life yet still have to live with a possessive mean person.

one_way_street Alone and not sure what to do now after 30+ years
  • replies: 7

My husband and I have been married what would be 30 years in a couple of weeks and he has said to me that he loves me but is not in love with me, "it has nothing to do with me or anything I have done" and moved out. We have always run business' over ... View more

My husband and I have been married what would be 30 years in a couple of weeks and he has said to me that he loves me but is not in love with me, "it has nothing to do with me or anything I have done" and moved out. We have always run business' over our time together and are in a business together now with a substantial debt. His decision blindsided me and I was inconsolable. Working 7 days a week there was not time for to make friends of my own, he played golf so had a group of blokes he was friends with so we would get together with their partners. As the kids grew up I was the one that did everything with them and it was easy then to catch up with parents of their friends but we have moved away from all that now. I made a decision to offer to sell our beautiful home to reduce a bit of debt off the business - he offered for me to stay in this 4bdm 2 bthm 3 living area home with pool and spa but omg I would die living in the place all on my own...it sold straight away so unprepared for that we had 2 dogs one quite elderly and was blind so he had to be put to sleep the best thing we could have done for him and the other we gave to some loving people this was quite upsetting but I was going into a rental unit so no choice. I also made a decision to try working the business together to protect the staff with their jobs as well as our kids work there part time while at uni and at least I would have an income and a reason to get up in the morning. It would disadvantage both of us financially to pust it as well. I have since discovered that he cheated on me 2 years ago but just a one off thing apparently and that he is seeing other people now even though he wont admit to it. I am really struggling trying to come to grips with what has happened and where do I go from here. My kids say I am better off without him he treated me with disrespect and I deserve better but regardless I still have feelings for him. I do not know that I could ever trust anyone again after this. I am 54 years old and I have no idea how to make friends now, I do not feel confident at all. Life hasnt been the easiest I went through stage 3 breast cancer at 42 and lost my two best friends either side of my diagnosis to cancer, my health has not been the best and the effects from treatment I have to live with and I fought to stay here because of my family now I am alone anyway. I have avoided answering the phone as I struggle to talk about it I wish I knew what to do

Bettyboo333 When life gives you lemons, finding a way to the lemonade...
  • replies: 5

Hi, I'm 36, and a working mother to 3 children. Their father and seperated 5 years ago due to a long history of drug use on his side. I have had ups and downs with addiction but have managed to overcome these through the years. His, however i could n... View more

Hi, I'm 36, and a working mother to 3 children. Their father and seperated 5 years ago due to a long history of drug use on his side. I have had ups and downs with addiction but have managed to overcome these through the years. His, however i could no longer help with, and i suffered years of emotional abuse in the relationship from when it began at age 17. I was able to move away from the chaos and study and follow a career and take care of myself and 5he children with support of friends and family. I then met and married 3 years ago and now have 2 step children. My husband and i have had a rough start to our marriage. I had an emergency hysterectomy in the beginning which he stepped up and moved in to take care of me and help with the children. This fueled anger with my ex and a bitter custody battle took place. My ex continues to struggle with his addiction and attempts to turn the children against me, for moving on with another man. During this time i also had two very dear loved ones pass away. One of which was my father in law which has had a lasting impact on my husband. My husband has also had instability in his career and recently followed a new path at the age of 41. I have suffered from anxiety and depression since i was formally diagnosed at 15yrs of age. My panic attacks are at times debillatating is is the depression and my husband struggles to help. Over the past 2 years i have began experiencing sleep paralysis which is the most frightening thing I've ever beenthrough. In the past i have seen professionals who at times have helped but find i am very time and financially constrained with these methods. I'm entering a new phase of my career this year and studying a Bachelor of phsycholgical sciences at uni to help others and myself ofcourse. My biggest worry is juggling motherhood, being a wife and working at the same time, while maintaining my own sanity. I spend most ofthe time feeling nimb to what is around me, walking through the motions of the day just trying to maintain order within our family dynamic.. I've had issues with addiction in the past which is why Id like to ellaborate on my title... When life gives you lemons, and you cannot have teliqua haha, how to you find a way to enjoy the lemonade and not wind up with it spilling everywhere and ruining your new dress? Thank you for your thoughts