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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Felicia_C Partner with BPD Broke up with me will she come back?
  • replies: 1

I met my now ex almost 10 years ago now. I 100% believe she is my soulmate. We started dating in 2013. I could not have been happier this entire time. We went through a lot together being a same sex couple we came out together. We moved into an apart... View more

I met my now ex almost 10 years ago now. I 100% believe she is my soulmate. We started dating in 2013. I could not have been happier this entire time. We went through a lot together being a same sex couple we came out together. We moved into an apartment and adopted a cat together. We would have usual fights but nothing major. sorted it out within the day. Last year in September we went on a holiday . During this time she proposed to me. (She Wanted to do it back in January) I then proposed to her 2 weeks later at one of our favorite spots. Now it starts going south. we went to a wedding expo in October and she wasn’t engaged in this very much. (Of course I thought it was just usual wedding jitters) we went back to my parents house and she said she had to go home and do work (later I found out she went to a friends house) She started staying at work late filling her time up with other things instead of time with me. I approached her on this and she got upset I was holding her back from doing things she wanted. I started to get very down on myself and one day looked through her messages (hate myself for this and know it is completely wrong) she had been talking to her friends from work saying she wanted to die, self harm, bulemia etc. (I knew all of this had happened in the past but didn’t know it had come back again... not that it ever goes away I guess) I then found out that she was attracted to one of these girls which I later confronted her about and she said it was just she liked her look (still makes me feel shit) she eventually said she didn’t tell me about all her negative feelings of herself and actions bevhase she didn’t want me to be ashamed of her. early December she decided she was going to go to Japan with her family after we had everything planned. I didn’t mind so much she went but I spoke to her (argued) that the lack of communication about it with me hurt. While she was away there wasn’t a lot of communication but she was constantly online on Facebook at the same time of this girl. we spoke one night on the phone and I asked are you breaking up with me and I just knew. She came home and it was done. I Moved out and took my things. We tried therapy and had a good run for a week. I found out she slept with a guy and at the next session she did not care if she ever saw me again. She was diagnosed with bpd last week and I just want to know if I have any chance of her coming back. I love her so much and I know we should be together.

Jane_J What do I do?
  • replies: 6

I am living with abusive family members who have been abusing me sexually, physically and emotionally for 28 years. My health has been destroyed so badly that I am unable to work. I cannot leave as I have no money. What do I do?

I am living with abusive family members who have been abusing me sexually, physically and emotionally for 28 years. My health has been destroyed so badly that I am unable to work. I cannot leave as I have no money. What do I do?

bree00 Confused, heartbroken and needing advice
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I am currently in a committed relationship with a guy I met online. We have been dating exclusively for 7-8 months. We have a very good relationship built on mutual trust Recently a good friend of mine informed me that she had seen a pro... View more

Hi everyone, I am currently in a committed relationship with a guy I met online. We have been dating exclusively for 7-8 months. We have a very good relationship built on mutual trust Recently a good friend of mine informed me that she had seen a profile with my boyfriends name and photos on a dating site. I immediately thought that there was a very logical explanation for this and there was nothing to worry about. I still believe that to be true. However, lately I have found myself thinking about what my friend told me and it makes me feel so upset and sick even though I trust him and don’t believe he would ever ‘cheat’ on me. When I first heard from my friend I was overseas and had no way of contacting my boyfriend for nearly 2 weeks. During that period of wondering and simply not knowing I ended up losing my mind and breaking my heart I have been in previous toxic relationships that ended due to my partner cheating on me several times. That has lead me have some quite tricky trust issues. Once I returned home I mentioned the whole saga to my boyfriend, which he found quite amusing. He is unaware how deeply this has affected my even with knowing that there was never any real’cheating’ but only accusations had anyone ever been faced with anything similar? How did you cope? Should I feel guilting for being upset?

Grub17 Serial cheater
  • replies: 4

I’ve recently found out once again my partner/ex has been texting another lady. I first found messages (most deleted) after he has a missed fb call from her.. he denied most the first day then the second day said he messed up and tried apologising an... View more

I’ve recently found out once again my partner/ex has been texting another lady. I first found messages (most deleted) after he has a missed fb call from her.. he denied most the first day then the second day said he messed up and tried apologising and wanting to work us out, later in the week I found pics and videos on his phone that he had in his deleted photos file. I want him to move out so I can figure my head out. I’m feel like I should kick him to the curb because this has gone on for ten years of online/texting cheating. He has recently started to admit to everything (which he never does) including physically cheating at the start of our relationship. I’m so confused and feel empty. I want my family but I don’t want to be a door mat.

Gpop New to BB
  • replies: 25

Hi everyone my name is Al, I am new to this and not too sure where to begin or to express what I am feeling atm. So do I just poor everything out on this forum, as to what has transpired over the last 14 months since finishing my FIFO job. I can’t ke... View more

Hi everyone my name is Al, I am new to this and not too sure where to begin or to express what I am feeling atm. So do I just poor everything out on this forum, as to what has transpired over the last 14 months since finishing my FIFO job. I can’t keep everything bottled up anymore, need to let it out, I am afraid my mental state is not where it should be. Help

Niamh1989 I’m a new mum, not coping that well, and I have no one to talk to about it
  • replies: 2

Hi all. I’m 30 years old and I’m mum to a beautiful 10 month old little girl. I bonded with her from literally the very beginning and I love her more than anything. I have never struggled to bond with her. Like most mums, I put her needs before all m... View more

Hi all. I’m 30 years old and I’m mum to a beautiful 10 month old little girl. I bonded with her from literally the very beginning and I love her more than anything. I have never struggled to bond with her. Like most mums, I put her needs before all my own. Lately I’ve been having a really rough time. I think I can boil it down to the following things: 1. I am my own worst enemy. I hate having to ask for help. I really really hate it. I feel embarrassed and like an idiot. 2. The person I would most like to ask for help is my mum and she can be quite cold and unhelpful. She is from the school of thought that nobody helped her and she managed so what am I complaining about. Because she’s like this, I am cold in return. She makes me feel incredibly guilty if I ask her for anything. She babysat once in 10 months for 2 hours. She was supposed to again today and I was so looking forward to it, then I got gastro (!!) And had to cancel. She just said, oh no get better soon. I don’t think she will offer to do it again anytime soon. Once I poured my heart out to her in an email and told her I was not coping, I had called lifeline, and I had hurt myself, about one or two months ago. She called me up and basically said, that’s life, and to call her if I need to (honestly why would I?) or call Lifeline again in future. 3. none of my friends have kids. 4. My husband is supportive but he works full time. He does a lot to help me on weekends. However I’m still breastfeeding so really it’s still me doing nighttime’s, and bub still wakes several times every night. I can be mean to my husband as I am so exhausted, run down and feel so alone. He becomes my punching bag. We always make up afterwards but day to day it can be volatile. Im sorry this isn’t very well explained. Basically I feel alone and I need somewhere to turn. I am in playgroups/mums groups but honestly I know for a fact that these mums have their shit together more than me. They’re not perfect but they definitely aren’t in this level of struggletown. I’m not quite sure why I’m having such a shit time of it really. My guess is that my bub is particularly tricky, I don’t have a supportive immediate family, and none of my friends have kids. anyway just really hoping someone out there can identify or relate to any of this....... Niamh

SydneyKat Cheated on me
  • replies: 18

So all this time I thought he was having just an emotional affair, people told me otherwise and I didn't believe it. Now the guilt has hit him and he told me he slept with her a handful of times, he said he couldn't keep the secret any longer. He see... View more

So all this time I thought he was having just an emotional affair, people told me otherwise and I didn't believe it. Now the guilt has hit him and he told me he slept with her a handful of times, he said he couldn't keep the secret any longer. He seems to be deciding between me (wife of 6 yrs and 18 yrs partners in total) with young child and the other woman . The ex partner of the woman actually contacted me and told me all, but u was unsure at the time , he also said she is a woman who goes for taken men (who does that right?!) this is her 3rd time, he also told me other bad traits of hers . My husband seems to be discovering pieces of this but doesn't believe everything either ( deluded, wants to believe she was the one for him, she was there for him to talk, he'd been bottling up feelings for a while, that were over years against me , I'd call them niggling things about me, eg me cleaning too much , not getting right brand of something ). Am I insane for contemplating the idea of what if he asks to come back ? He says he has been thinking about it but doesn't know what to do still. Or do I just burn everything of his and tell him not come near me again

newstart89 Finding closure and moving forward after infidelity
  • replies: 3

I recently found out that my ex fiancé (partner of 10 years) was having an affair. We have parted ways, however I am struggling to find closure and move forward. He refuses to discuss the topic, and has also said that he is not sorry for what he has ... View more

I recently found out that my ex fiancé (partner of 10 years) was having an affair. We have parted ways, however I am struggling to find closure and move forward. He refuses to discuss the topic, and has also said that he is not sorry for what he has done. I am completely devasted. We have been together since I was 18. It not only feels like I have lost my soul mate but also my identity. At the time we were going through a rough patch – however I never believed he would ever cheat or have an affair. He said that he had been unhappy for several years (although never discussed this with me). During these years we also purchased our home, and he proposed a year ago. He has said he thought doing these things would “fix” the relationship. I was unaware he was unhappy and this obviously sent different signals to me. While still caring (and possibly loving him), I am also concerned for his own mental state. The affair began with him signing up to a dating site with a false identity, false life and false photos (unfortunately this isn’t the first occurrence he has falsified his identity). A few months into the online affair he identified his true self to her, and begged for her forgiveness. Since then they have been on several dates, weekends away etc. Promising to show her that he can care and look after her. When I found out about the affair he refused to discuss anything with me. Simply making the decision to leave our relationship of 10 years and pursue the affair (she is 18 and he is 30). This further confuses me as he said he did genuially want to work on our relationship but also said he would have never told me about the affair if things worked out. I have tossed back and forth between fixing our relationship, however I believe too much trust has been lost. I can’t find closure because ultimately I want to understand what drove him to this point. I want to understand why he never spoke to me about these feelings. I know from previous discussions that he morally is against cheating – so I cant understand what has occurred. I’m concerned that he isn’t in a good mental state either, however he won’t speak to family or friends. I moved interstate to be with my family, however I’ve now lost my soul mate, my job, my home and friends. I’m not sure how to move forward and literally restart my life. Ultimately I am looking for some advice on how to move forward, when closure is unlikely.

Unusual_orchid Any resources/materials about divorcing my own family and healing
  • replies: 7

Could I please have some recommendation regarding the resources/materials/books dealing with cutting off the relationship with toxic family member and healing from it? After 10 years of giving a chance to my mother - who is toxic, manipulative, contr... View more

Could I please have some recommendation regarding the resources/materials/books dealing with cutting off the relationship with toxic family member and healing from it? After 10 years of giving a chance to my mother - who is toxic, manipulative, controlling, delusional, angry all the time - I am deciding to completely cut off the relationship with her. Sitting alone here and tying this thread - it still feels like I am hearing her voice of telling me what I should be doing right now, what I should be eating for dinner tonight, what clothes I should be wearing, etc. I so much want to get rid of this invisible voice completely from my mind. How can I fix this?

Bluefire Should I leave?
  • replies: 5

I'm considering right now leaving my husband who I have been with for 19 years. Yesterday by chance I happened to see him parked a few suburbs away from home (after finishing work in the city) and walk into a seedy thai massage parlour, I was complet... View more

I'm considering right now leaving my husband who I have been with for 19 years. Yesterday by chance I happened to see him parked a few suburbs away from home (after finishing work in the city) and walk into a seedy thai massage parlour, I was completely shocked and tried to call him but he refused to answer I waited in the carpark and missed him coming back a different way but I called him again to see if he would lie as he was late home and we had places to be. He lied and then continued to lie, which is what he does, He's never admitted anything even when I've seen things with my own eyes. Now there has been a lot of lies over the years which I've known 100% are lies and I guess because I love him so much I've stored them away, I've never forgiven or forgotton but just stored them. over the years his affection has dropped off and he isn't interested in sex (very rarely) he says he has low sex drive and that it's him not me. lately he's been quite nasty and angry in the way he talks to me and over the years (when drunk) always threatens to leave me and that he's not happy - I've always questioned this the next day and he denies he feels this way? I'm very confused and it will be difficult to leave due to finances/ properties etc and I've always ended up staying but things aren't getting better, I don't trust him, I can't rely on him and he shows no interest in doing fun things with me much these days he just does the things he likes - alone. I've told him I want to leave and and first he was angry now he says he loves me and always will and wants to support me even when I go - I feel like he'll never change and I've invested nearly 20 years into this relationship - do I leave?