Advice/ Answers about a relationship

[Sabre89]

Hi,

This post is a little bit different but I am writing it with a heavy heart and in hope for some answers. I was with my partner for over two years. I know it sounds cliché but I was in honestly the greatest relationship. We never fought, it was easy, we always had fun and it was very loving. We recently broke up and I don’t understand why and no one (my friends, his friends, my family) saw it coming or understands why as everyone felt the same way about us as I did. I know he has always had anxiety, but he used to tell me he wouldn’t know what he got it over or it would usually come after a weekend of drinking. He struggled giving or receiving compliments. After dating for over a year I asked if he loved me because he hadn’t told me yet. He told me he had tried to say it but he couldn’t get the words out. After dating for a few more months I got a lot of anxiety myself over the fact he couldn’t tell me he loved me a we broke up. One week later he told me he loved me and that during our week apart he was miserable and had 2 breakdowns and he come to the conclusion he loved me. Everything went back to normal instantly and I felt stronger than ever. Recently I asked him is he still got anxiety over us and he said yes. He told me he wants to be with me, he loves our relationship, but he wakes up in the morning and the middle of the night asking himself if he’s wasting my time. He has also since revealed he can’t tell his parents he loves them and they have an wonderful relationship. I know he has an issue with expressing his words but I never really noticed it was that bad as he always express love through other means. A week after breaking up he applied for a job rurally, got it and left his whole life behind. We’ve spoken since he’s been up there and he isn’t doing very well. After trying to get answers from him he finally admitted he does miss me, thinks about me being there every day and just wants to book a flight for me to come up but then also says there’s no point in telling me that stuff because it doesn’t help anything and just makes me more upset. I feel like he is trying to suppress his feelings for me and not being real with himself. I love him and I know he loves me because he wouldn’t do the stuff he would have if he didn’t. I guess I am just trying to get answers as to what he is going through for some closure. I miss him, I love him and I don't know whether I should leave him alone or fight for us. Thank you.

[geoff]

Hello Sabre and a warm welcome to you.

I'm sorry for what's been happening and as you say ' he has always had anxiety', so I wonder if he suffers from this and turns to alcohol to mask how he feels.

What can happen is for him to decide to move away not because he doesn't love you, but because he thinks his illness will disappear, unfortunately, it will only make it love you more.

Can I suggest that you see your doctor and also ask if he will do the same because there seems to be something that is stopping the two of you being together in a loving relationship.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

You also ask what you should do, well as you

[Sabre89]

Hi Geoff,

Thank you for your quick response.
I've encouraged him to see someone and I know he has booked in to see someone up there but dont know if he has yet seen them as I havent spoken to him since.

We were speaking, as I wanted to be there for him but it just made it harder for me as I would miss him even more so we decided we should stop.

Im trying to just give him space and focus on myself but it's just so hard when I still dont really understand why we've broken up.

[geoff]

Hi Sabre, I'm pleased you have asked him to see someone and really understand how tough it must be for you because I would be feeling exactly the same as you, but now is the time to concentrate on yourself, and when he does get help the first thing he may do is want you back.

Love is such a complicated word, it's something we can never predict but when it happens there's nothing better, but breaks our heart as soon as it stops.

Please look after yourself.

Geoff.