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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Lovetotravel3 Feeling worthless and emotionally drained
  • replies: 3

My husband and I have been married for 19 years and the past six living in WA, away from family in the Uk. He has a great job and my kids(teens) have a great life. On the surface we resemble an ideal family. i landed a great job 18 months ago and eve... View more

My husband and I have been married for 19 years and the past six living in WA, away from family in the Uk. He has a great job and my kids(teens) have a great life. On the surface we resemble an ideal family. i landed a great job 18 months ago and everything seemed ok until I realised it was the job from hell, my boss was an out and out bully, most staff left and I was left to do their jobs along with mine..it was draining and had a huge impact on me as a person, mother and wife..I felt trapped, my husband loved the idea of my job and wasn’t supportive of what I was going through. My son (20) attempted suicide and I found him in time for him to be admitted to hospital, the grief and fear that I’d failed as a parent was too much and I quit my job.. my husband hated me, belittled me said I was disgusting for walking out of a job and leaving him to finance our lives..I honestly felt I couldn’t win. A few months ago I started my own business in the same line of work and because it’s taking time to get off the ground he tells me to get in the real world and get a job, he calls me workshy, lazy, and that I have no respect for him. Today he called me to ask for a rundown of what I’ve been doing to pay bills? He even asked for a list of emails to check I’m actually applying for jobs ..I feel utterly useless, I have no energy to get out of bed, I hate myself, I do feel like I’ve let my family down and I feel like I can’t take anymore...

unigirl1994 No sex drive on antidepressants
  • replies: 4

Hi all. I'm not new to this site/these forums but it's the first I've spoken to someone about this issue. Since commencing my anti depressants (3 years ago) my sex drive has slowly dwindled away and I feel like it's causing major strain in my 10 year... View more

Hi all. I'm not new to this site/these forums but it's the first I've spoken to someone about this issue. Since commencing my anti depressants (3 years ago) my sex drive has slowly dwindled away and I feel like it's causing major strain in my 10 year relationship with my boyfriend. We live together and he works shift work most of the week, and has always had a high libido. So when he has time off, it's no surprise he naturally wants to have a lot of sex (which is fine) however I find it so hard to reciprocate his energy. I've just halved the dosage of my medication (after speaking to my GP) in hopes of making things better as I feel like an awful partner however not much has changed. I really wish I wanted sex more, but I just don't often feel into it these days- and I feel like he deserves better... We had a brief chat tonight and he said I need to stop forcing myself into it because it makes him feel worse. Which naturally made me cry and feel even worse about myself. Should I mention I've gained 20kg since starting anti depressants and have lost 7kg since April but still hate the way I look. I feel like he deserves someone prettier, skinnier and with a higher sex drive who isn't mentally screwed up like I am. I don't know how to change my mindset about everything. Any input would be appreciated...

triggerhappy Boundaries with my boyfriend
  • replies: 6

Hey, I am a 17 y/o girl, and my boyfriend is 16 y/o. We met towards the beginning of the year, whereby he asked me out on a date (to which I refused). He took it perfectly, and we have been decent enough friends ever since, although his feelings mode... View more

Hey, I am a 17 y/o girl, and my boyfriend is 16 y/o. We met towards the beginning of the year, whereby he asked me out on a date (to which I refused). He took it perfectly, and we have been decent enough friends ever since, although his feelings moderately persisted. Moving forward to a month ago, I asked him out as I had developed feelings for him over time and morphed into an established relationship perhaps two weeks ago. I felt like we had a nice synergy going on, both being intelligent and respectful humans. Once we became sexually active together it was all well and good, but gradually he became pushier whenever he became aroused and I wasn't in the mood. If I say no he'll listen and be sweet about it all, but still pressures me as he gets over-stimulated when I am in his company. Anyhow, yesterday evening we were just chilling at his house, and I was just having a casual yet assertive conversation with him about how I will be busy for the next fortnight with work and the need to buckle down on it. This naturally led to compassionate cuddling, kissing, etc.. although I wasn't quite in the mood for anything more given how exhausted I was at the time. We go to bed cuddling, then he starts to ramp things up a little, and I politely remind him I am really not in the mood but am all for affection. Fall asleep for a few hours (I am a deep sleeper). I wake up (half awake at least) to him crossing my boundaries. I really don’t know how to feel; certainly pissed and have felt stuck and unable to think critically. On the other hand, I feel like I am overthinking things. I am overreacting? My boyfriend is genuinely a kind person who cares for me, and I feel like his views on boundaries are distorted, perhaps? All I know is that I feel highly uncomfortable. Could do with some insight.

Angel82 So many problems where do I start
  • replies: 2

I have suffered depression and anxiety for past 15 years and have been successfully medicated to the point my life is manageable day to day I have extremely low self esteem and self worth and am my own biggest critic. I have 3 children and am recentl... View more

I have suffered depression and anxiety for past 15 years and have been successfully medicated to the point my life is manageable day to day I have extremely low self esteem and self worth and am my own biggest critic. I have 3 children and am recently divorced 2 years ago after 20 years and have been in a new relationship for 12 months all these recent changes are making life hard to deal with again my kids aren't coping with the divorce as well as I thought and are being very defiant and disrespectful to only me no one else and I'm told that it's my parenting that's the problem by several people including professionals I can't discipline them like I was as a kid cause society says that's wrong so I constantly judge myself on whether Im doing the right thing. My new partner is sweet and caring and loving but also suffers from depression and anxiety and I find that I don't know how to deal with someone suffering from it let alone go through it myself. We love each other and he has had his own past issues with ex's that have left him untrusting and afraid to open up again he says that he wishes he could treat me the way he treated his ex's as I'm the one who deserves it yet after 12 months he still can't he says I need to be his rock and support him through his depression not question him all the time but I've done everything I can and things haven't improved we have a non existent sex life as his depression leaves him uninterested in intimacy which leaves me feeling rejected and unwanted he says I need to understand that it's not about me it's his head but I can't stop my head from over analysing it and thinking it's all my fault he has no drive to move forward or seek help for himself and I feel stuck and helpless

Sashed Chronic lying - teenager
  • replies: 5

A web of lies are starting to unfold from our teenage /step son, to the point that he posted on social media of so called 'abuse' from family members, which is of course a one of many lies. He had been keeping some major secrets (moving out of home) ... View more

A web of lies are starting to unfold from our teenage /step son, to the point that he posted on social media of so called 'abuse' from family members, which is of course a one of many lies. He had been keeping some major secrets (moving out of home) from us and extended but close family, so called 'friends' seemed to know all about it. As he is only in contact us via phone at the moment when we have casually confronted him about the lies, he still answered with lies and blamed his 'friends' for spreading the abuse allegations. We have the cold hard truth. He had been seeing a counsellor with a mental health plan in place, going to a good local school, thriving in sport and had a job. No idea where to start when he agrees to meet us in person to start to talk things through, only to be calm and diplomatic. Obviously he has suffered the trauma in the past of his parents divorce, but where to from here?

LUCIDFOX_X Heavily considering separating from my partner
  • replies: 2

Hey guys... Me again.... Same old confused me! I've been seriously thinking about moving out from my apartment with my partner and breaking up. Really not sure how to approach this very much. I'm really just scared that 1. I might regret it and 2. Ho... View more

Hey guys... Me again.... Same old confused me! I've been seriously thinking about moving out from my apartment with my partner and breaking up. Really not sure how to approach this very much. I'm really just scared that 1. I might regret it and 2. How bad will the loneliness be? It's a struggle at the moment but I don't feel ready to settle down so young and I just don't know if he's the right guy for me... A lot of the time I feel like he is but I also just want to explore other people to? And date? See who else is out there. I feel like I need to go on a self exploration adventure and just go and do stuff. If you read my previous threads, you'll sort of get a better understanding of what kind of person he is. I feel quite tied down due to the fact that he has a criminal record. Any advice anyone? Please?

Georgia777 Accused of abuse
  • replies: 7

I have recently left a relationship where I was accused of abuse. I had on occasion behaved poorly and let fly, however had not viewed this as abusive, but normal, albeit poor behaviour. On occasion I apologised and she let fly with a series of compl... View more

I have recently left a relationship where I was accused of abuse. I had on occasion behaved poorly and let fly, however had not viewed this as abusive, but normal, albeit poor behaviour. On occasion I apologised and she let fly with a series of complaints about things like me having stuff in our shared house and failure to complete some tasks around the house. She did not accept my apologies, therefore I found this frustrating and felt the need to leave the house. I am confused about the boundary between normal but extreme/ unacceptable outburst and abuse and am taking this labelling very hard.

Emeraldeye Will mediation help with abusive family member
  • replies: 13

Four five years now, I have suffered from narcissistic abuse from my sister in law. This abuse has ranged from simple shunning, name calling, and manipulating situations so that myself and my husband and children are cut out of family events... to qu... View more

Four five years now, I have suffered from narcissistic abuse from my sister in law. This abuse has ranged from simple shunning, name calling, and manipulating situations so that myself and my husband and children are cut out of family events... to quite severe verbal abuse, screaming and lunging at me, gaslighting and sustained bullying. Some of her emotional outbursts have been in front of my young children, and three times now I've had to deal with the fallout of her inappropriate behaviour in front of them and explain it away so they don't feel so distressed. During this time, I have asked perhaps a dozen times if she would meet to talk through our issues and try and put it all behind us... This has always been refused, and the only communication I've really received from her with regards to what her perspective is in this whole situation is abusive communication.... so not only do I have really no idea what I've done/I do to trigger this kind of extreme behaviour, but I have had given absolutely no voice to express the hurt I've felt. I myself have been treated for depression, anxiety and PTSD as a result of some of these attacks and the ongoing bullying, and it's been a terrible time for my husband also, who has also been diagnosed with depression. I made the decision a while ago to stop being around her at all, block her on my phone etc, and prioritise our healing. This has been hard for the wider family to understand, but they have mainly supported us. I've been through a great deal of counselling, and started to make headway, and we tried going to a few family events again. But then more recently there was another flare-up, and the abuse went to a level that really scared me. She also said she never wanted anything to do with me ever again. For me, that was it... I'd reached my limit. I had had enough. I was happy to give her what she wanted. I cut all ties again, moved on mentally and have missed out on family events where she was there, just so I could find peace in my head once again. But then all of sudden, my husband and I get a request for us to go to mediation with them. It's so strange. Anyone else with any experience on mediation within families? Or experienced narcissistic abuse and had any positive outcomes either through reconcilliation? Or should I follow my gut, and stay away?!!

Questions_ Advice Anyone?
  • replies: 6

Hi, I've been trying to make sense of my marriage and what I should do. In a nutshell, my wife and I have been married for 11 years. We have known each other most of our lives and have two beautiful children. Five months ago I suspected she was in an... View more

Hi, I've been trying to make sense of my marriage and what I should do. In a nutshell, my wife and I have been married for 11 years. We have known each other most of our lives and have two beautiful children. Five months ago I suspected she was in an emotional affair with one of the single Dad's at school. Over this time, it has been confirmed she has feelings for him but wouldn't cheat on me as she is married. She mentions she wants us to work and that she loves me but not in love with me. She tells me me she is confused and doesn't know what she wants. My obvious thought is what have I done wrong - is it me, is it my fault. I am in a high profiled job, spend tremendous time with the family, take her to amazing events and am very affectionate and loving towards her. And she recognises that. However, the spark for some reason has vanished. For five months I put up with the situation at school until I finally confronted him on the issue. As a result, he has cuts ties with her (communication wise) and she now resents me for doing so. Her argument is that I am forcing who she can and can not talk too, yet on the other hand tells me she has feelings for him. I have threatened many times to walk away, but she says to give her one last chance to try and make it work. Friends and family can not even fathom why she is so confused. To make matters worse, when we talk about it, she shuts down, doesn't speak and gets angry. Counseling won't work because, as she states, there is nothing more I can do - she needs to work it out. As it stands right now, we both agree we want to try and work this out (but this is the same conversation we have had 40+ times before). My concern is as she doesn't open up to me, and is confused of the situation, I really don't know where I stand. It is heart breaking as I am in constant purgatory. I know time may bring us back together and I should give her some space to sort things out whilst (no matter how I'm feeling) being supportive. Separation won't work as I'm the type of person that would need to move on. Something I think she also recognises. It almost feels like she is wanting me to make the decision for her. Oh and as a side note. This guy is a single dad who has done time in prison for assault - we couldn't be any more chalk and cheese. I would be interested to hear from anyone else that has had this happen to them and what steps they took to move forward? Confused.

SuperKA Dealing with Partners family problem
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm SuperKA, I'm 26 and recently I became unemployed due to workplace bullying. For the past six/seven years, I've been with my partner. Currently we are in a complicated relationship as we broke up earlier this year, but slowly working through t... View more

Hi, I'm SuperKA, I'm 26 and recently I became unemployed due to workplace bullying. For the past six/seven years, I've been with my partner. Currently we are in a complicated relationship as we broke up earlier this year, but slowly working through things together. In the time I have been with her, there had always been an issue with her mother and her sister. They have always been the most nastiest people I've met and I've sort've had to be on the outside witnessing them abuse my partner. Whilst, yes it's not my problem, it is still something I have to deal with and quite honestly it is mentally taxing. Her family are not really the type of people that are easily comfortable because they are set in theirs way. So whenever I am on the outside, hopelessly watching them abuse her or when she comes to me all upset. I've had no choice, but to either take it in my stride and bottle up how I feel or take out my anger on my partner which is not fair on her. I don't have family or friends that I can talk to as they all hate her. I've tried everything, I've moved her two times, both of them fell through, I've tried saving money to get our own place, but we always went through my savings paying for her medical bills and other issues (She has kidney failure). So she wasn't able to work for some time. A year ago, I've taken up Martial Art as a way to deal with my anger, but that can only do so much. I am at a lost as to how to deal with them. My partner has told me that she didn't need me to solve her problem, but to be there for her. Six/seven years down the track, listening to her talk about what they do to her it is torture. Whenever I am at her place, it is just them fighting non stop, whinging, if it is about her they will constantly whittle her down and in turn, just being there it feels like they are hurting me in the same spot every second. It has gotten to a point where I hate them so much. I don't know what to do, I can't tell her not to talk about because as a partner I feel like it is my duty to be there for her through everything. She wants me to go to her place all the time and almost every time I have to work through the anxiety to go over. So yeah, it is complicated