Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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whose_da_man88 Anxiety/Depression and impacts to people around you
  • replies: 5

Hi, I'm in my 2nd year battle with anxiety and depression. Of late I can see this is affecting my partner a lot. I'm struggling through my own battles with the physical symptoms. I feel like s*** and I have withdrawn from a lot of things and I can't ... View more

Hi, I'm in my 2nd year battle with anxiety and depression. Of late I can see this is affecting my partner a lot. I'm struggling through my own battles with the physical symptoms. I feel like s*** and I have withdrawn from a lot of things and I can't commit as I'm worried if I don't hold up. My latest battle is with panic attacks. Clearly i'm not sexually active, I'm less thoughtful and more self-centred and a lot less intimate because of my condition. I'm not sure what my partner is upset about but its clear that it is. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm trying to juggle between myself and the people around me - especially my immediate family. I hear that it can be hard of them too so trying not to blame them for not understanding but I'm now worried my partner will change for the worse, whether to deal with expectations or whether my condition takes them into their own spiral of anxiety/depression. I don't want to lose myself and i dont want to those dearest to me either. Thanks.

melly78 How to deal and live with a binge drinker
  • replies: 3

Hi, i'm desperately seeking some advice. My husband has always had seasons of binge drinking. He doesn't drink daily, or with friends but goes through cycles of having 2 one week, 2 next week, then 4 then a big binge. This has been happening for year... View more

Hi, i'm desperately seeking some advice. My husband has always had seasons of binge drinking. He doesn't drink daily, or with friends but goes through cycles of having 2 one week, 2 next week, then 4 then a big binge. This has been happening for yearsAfter a big binge he goes through what i call a 'shame spiral' spends the day in bed feeling sorry for himself, telling me & our children (age 7 &10 years) that he'll never do it again & he just cant drink. A few weeks pass & it slowly starts again. Years back he was outside in the street naked & hurt...someone called the police & ambulance, my children saw the whole thing, as a result DHHS interviewed my children. He had to see a psychologist who told him he doesn't have a problem with alcohol. Most times this happens when i'm not home & he has a day off. i find him tipsy & i try to keep the kids & house calm so it doesn't end with us arguing. we all pray that he falls asleep so there are no dramas.Yesterday i was at work all day & came home to him very drunk. Both children were home with him & by the time i got home they were both in tears scared. More scared for their dad who they love with their whole hearts, they don't want him to hurt himself. I feel stuck. when things are good, they're great! He's a very loving father & husband Problem is these great times don't last long & happen so frequently that they're now totally being overshadowed by these hard times. He's so bitter & angry with the world & has totally isolated himself from others. He has no 'mates', isn't close to his family members & people who we see occasionally wouldn't feel comfortable approaching him about any of these issues. Mostly i keep them to myself..as i don't want my family to think negatively about him. Basically im wanting to know where to start. He says he wants help but i've told him i can't help him. If he doesn't go see someone or talk to anyone about it..how can i help? Saying he just wont drink only works short term. Would a GP be a place to start? Where can get some support and work out some options for what to do? What should i do with him when hes drunk? I have in the past taken the kids to my parents and we've slept there.. but then they stress all night if dad is ok Plus its not fair to them to have to leave their bed and involve others in his problems. I feel so alone and i don't know where to start with keeping my children safe and also keep our family together. thanks for any advice regards, Melly

DS17 Being isolated at work
  • replies: 8

Hi all, I am woman in my mid 40s who has previously suffered severe anxiety and depression. More recently I had been relatively well but feel myself relapsing due to what is happening at work. I come home most nights emotionally drained and sometimes... View more

Hi all, I am woman in my mid 40s who has previously suffered severe anxiety and depression. More recently I had been relatively well but feel myself relapsing due to what is happening at work. I come home most nights emotionally drained and sometimes in tears. I am also having trouble sleeping. I work for a large organisation that has a terrible culture and where I have seen people been treated poorly. It is also rife with cliques. There has been a recent restructure and there have been changes and I now find myself in a small team of 3 plus one other person who works closely with our area and who is considered as unofficially the fourth member of the team. That fourth member is the ring leader of what is happening. These team members have begun leaving me out both in terms of going for coffee and lunch and they are communicating electronically amongst themselves via a chat functionality we have with our emailing system, called Lync. I know that they are communicating amongst themselves as it very obvious. It makes me feel uncomfortable as I often wonder if it is about me. Also, they do not include me in the open banter nor work related discussion in our open plan. As I am being ignored and deliberately left out I have tried engaging in conversation and have received clipped monoslavatic responses. So I summed up the courage and I asked the question whether there was something wrong or whether I have done something to offend inadvertently and was brushed off with its just work and being busy, which is not the case. I am reluctant to raise it with my manager as I don't think she is likely to do anything and she is also located interstate. Therefore she is not around to see what is happening. I wonder whether this exclusion is a form of bullying or whether I am being overly sensitive. This situation is taking its toll on me mentally and I feel myself slipping back into mental illness. I'm looking for any advice or coping strategies.... Thanking you kindly DS17

Sarah_Baby_Girl Newly pregnant
  • replies: 1

I have been so sick during pregnancy that I HATE the experience. Being 32 and the last of my friends to have a baby people always told me being pregnant is the best thing in the world! Or they loved being pregnant Well I’m not feeling the love at all... View more

I have been so sick during pregnancy that I HATE the experience. Being 32 and the last of my friends to have a baby people always told me being pregnant is the best thing in the world! Or they loved being pregnant Well I’m not feeling the love at all! I’m so negative about it! I don’t want my husband to touch me or be near me. And this is quite sad because we love each other but anytime he comes near me I want to be sick or I am sick. I told work and they reduced my hours to 4 hours a week! So I’ve now basically moved back in with my parents and am spending all day night in bed with the family dog only coming out to eat. My poor husband took up a second job to get us more money due to my rubbish workplace cutting my hours he is always trying to check in on me and I find that annoying. Just hoping others felt like this at some time during pregnancy We wanted a baby this was planned why do I feel so negative and want to be left alone

Billyc Taking illicit substances and falling into an altered state of mind while married and in a loving relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, here goes. I’ve separated from my wife 3 years ago, due to ongoing issues I had with drug addiction. Mostly Ice. It lasted for about 2 years, I made several attempts to get clean but somehow found a way back. we had a good home and were very much... View more

Hi, here goes. I’ve separated from my wife 3 years ago, due to ongoing issues I had with drug addiction. Mostly Ice. It lasted for about 2 years, I made several attempts to get clean but somehow found a way back. we had a good home and were very much in love. the shame was unbearable at the time. and to make it worse, I went to defensive mode, I couldn’t handle the anger that came from her, and started being very responsive toward her confrontation of the situation. its now been 3 years clean! But... Ive lost the house and spent Lot of money on lawyers with a financial separation. Lost my car and job. Also lost all our mutual friends who at one point were my best friends. I’ve actually spent the past two years taking it out on them as I felt they facilitated an expensive and long drawn out separation. I still feel immense guilt and shame and it Consumes my mind everyday. I recently tried to return to work and got a good job, and apparently impressed, but every day I would show up with crippling anxiety, I found it very hard turn my head when someone approached me, I would feel like I was shaking and they could see it. one day one of the directors asked me to join him and get a coffee, walking back my hand holding the coffee would tremble and I’d spill it, we stopped three times to clean up the spill. I told him the cup was too hot... I would hide out in the toilet for 10 mins to catch my breath. And stop trembling, after a while I just stopped showing up. So they’ve given me time out.. which means I’ve lost my contract, they did say they liked having me and wished I could continue with them. So theirs prospect of more work with them. My main issues though are centralised around the devastation of my separation, and my petulant behaivior toward one and all thereafter. I am now alone and with friends. I feel like this is what I deserve. I’m 41 now and am starting all over again in all facets of my life, I’m territiary educated so it’s not a complete disaster! Albeit the crippling patterns of anxiety and complete lack of sleep each and every night. Thanks

Dadwith2toddlers My relationship is in ruins with my partner and 2 toddlers
  • replies: 3

It's been an extremely tough week. Last Monday I was asked to leave my home by Child Protective Services over a report that was made. I had said a terrible thing to my 3 year old daughter and it upset my partner. She talked about what was said to her... View more

It's been an extremely tough week. Last Monday I was asked to leave my home by Child Protective Services over a report that was made. I had said a terrible thing to my 3 year old daughter and it upset my partner. She talked about what was said to her counsellor and the counsellor thought what said was concerning enough to contact CPS. I have really struggled as a dad for a couple of years now. I've found myself getting angry at my kids for the stupidest reasons. E.g. spilling food on the floor, not listening to me when I tell them to stop. It's gotten to the point where I raise my voice to my kids in anger. It's pretty much borderline verbal abuse as I've been told by my partner. I'm not allowed back home now to see my family which is the toughest thing because I miss them like crazy. I'm missing out on their lives for the next month/s until I have made an effort to seek help and when I have been making progress, only then will I be able to return home. I don't physically abuse my children as that not in my nature, but I do feel my verbal communication on occasion has been a bit harsh. I will do whatever it takes to be allowed back home because at this point in time. I'm not allowed to visit them without supervision. I just want to be back home with my family but I have to look after myself and learn to be a better father figure.

Justbecauseme Understanding Break in Relationship
  • replies: 1

I need some support/advise on my situation. My bf and I have been in a very happy relationship for 6months. Not one issue, problem fight etc. He has always told me i am the one, and that he wishes he met me years ago. WE have such a connection it isn... View more

I need some support/advise on my situation. My bf and I have been in a very happy relationship for 6months. Not one issue, problem fight etc. He has always told me i am the one, and that he wishes he met me years ago. WE have such a connection it isn't funny and the love is so real. We both havnt' had this feeling for other partners in the past. We both have suffered badly with depression and anxiety, however worked through it in our past to keep it at bay and under control. From day 1 he has told me about an anger issue he has (non violent towards people) just has anger outburst and breaks things. (his sons confirmed this). He has never shown this side to me and said i don't want to see it as i'll freak out and run. So out of the blue the other night, he told me he needs to go and get it fixed, but he can't do it when in the relationship with me. He said the only way to protect me from it is to ask me to step aside, give him the time to go get help. He has told me he is 90% sure he'll be back and let him do what he has to for the sake of us. I'm so confused. I so understand his position. He told me he has not dealt with it in the past relationships, and one ended up with police getting called. He said he doesn't want to go down that path, an he wishes he dealt with it before meeting me. He has said the only way he can protect me from this, is to have the break. I have told him i'm not going anywhere and i am here to support him. He has asked for the space and has told me recently that just by me giving him the space, no contact etc, has really helped him. I am devastated and it has triggered my anxiety and depression. I am seeking counselling and am going to my doctors today to get some medication again as my anxiety is very high. I just don't know how to deal with this situation. Our relationship and bond is so strong. I'm willing to wait, but its hard not talking to him daily. His job has triggered his anger/depression/anxiety, and he has to get help if he wants to ever keep a job down. He is a very honest genuine man, and does what he says he will do, But how do i help myself in the mean time? I didn't expect my depression and anxiety to be triggered. I'm excising, seeing a Councillor, and now going to go back on my meds. I think it will all work out, but it's so hard when i want to support him but can't be there physically to help him. Has anyone been in this situation??

SarahF What do I have to do?
  • replies: 4

I am lost completely, I feel that I am in the middle in between thousands of people shouting for help but no one is listing, I am in year 12, I don't have the sense of purpose I don't know what I want to do, have no friends to talk to (I have been in... View more

I am lost completely, I feel that I am in the middle in between thousands of people shouting for help but no one is listing, I am in year 12, I don't have the sense of purpose I don't know what I want to do, have no friends to talk to (I have been in Australia for 2 years only), my family and I had to leave our home because of the war, my parents are not supportive at all, my dad is expecting me to go into Med and get a high ATAR score, but never supported me, He always put me down "you'll never be successful" "you're so dumb"... I feel useless and I wish if I can die. I used to support a lot of people and I forgot myself All I need is a hug and someone to tell me it is gonna be fine Please someone tell me WHAT TO DO, I want to know my directions where to go and what to do because I love success and being successful, I love people, I love to give. I am sick of watching motivational videos and listing to other inspirational success stories when I want to hear my own.

Hi_bye Worthlessness
  • replies: 1

Not sure what im asking here, just needed to let it out! I have isolated myself in my room for the last 2 days now and I just cant deal. My partner tells me im nothing as i dont have a job (lost it in feb) im nothing without him. I tell him he makes ... View more

Not sure what im asking here, just needed to let it out! I have isolated myself in my room for the last 2 days now and I just cant deal. My partner tells me im nothing as i dont have a job (lost it in feb) im nothing without him. I tell him he makes me feel worthless but he tells me to get over it or says ‘your still going’ He has avoided me for the last two days not a single word said even though I have been crying and being depressed. I feel so much rejection from the one person who is supposed to support me and love me. It makes me feel so unworthy and unwanted and unloved. I have no family or friends so my mind is suffering as i lay in silence. I cant express to my partner how i feel as it gets pushed back in my face time after time (ive tried). How does one get over these feelings? How do i better myself when I hate myself cause im not good enough? Why do the people you love the most hurt you the most? Sorry im just feeling real down and lost.

Across Married but feel alone.
  • replies: 1

Hi I have been married for over 12 years. We have 1 child together. In the last 12 months I feel as though we are drifting apart. We don't really talk much. It feels more like we just live in the same house rather then married. She has also started t... View more

Hi I have been married for over 12 years. We have 1 child together. In the last 12 months I feel as though we are drifting apart. We don't really talk much. It feels more like we just live in the same house rather then married. She has also started travelling a lot for work. I have been feeling rather alone and depressed. We get very little alone time together. Then I started spending time with one of my sons friends parents. I found that I have become very attached very quickly. We have not done anything nor do I know if she feels anything for me but i feel as though I cheating by the way I am feeling. That also scares me. I don't really have many people I can talk to about this.