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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Kieffer together for 30+years and he is depressed and has alcohol dependency
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We met at 18, bought up two great children but now my husband is on medication but drinks every night. I work full time and on my holidays he had several episodes where I came home to slurring words. In one I was accused of having an affair ( faithfu... View more

We met at 18, bought up two great children but now my husband is on medication but drinks every night. I work full time and on my holidays he had several episodes where I came home to slurring words. In one I was accused of having an affair ( faithful for 38 years so far) and he had no recollection of the other "discussions" about my short comings in various aspects of our life. I just seem to irritate him all the time and tonight he went to bed mid conversation about things happening in my work life, without having dinner. He had clearly been drinking and said he didnt want to hear about my problems with mothers at school or about my hobby. Seeing that I only have work and my horses in my life that sounds like he just doesn't care anymore. I am finding this really upsetting and this is a lonely period in my life. My children are gone and I really don't have any close friends anymore to talk to. I'm fine at work when surrounded by lots of lovely people but thoughts of being lonely creep in and go round in my head alot at home. I often cry on holidays now when I used to be the most positive person all the time. I try not to listen to the negative thoughts and mostly succeed but problems with my husband seem to have pushed me over the edge. My husband regularly drinks a whole bottle of red and several stubbies. I just don't like the person he becomes when he does this. I'm not sure if I'm asking you guys to help me or how to help him to stop drinking. He tries for a day or two to cut down but then hes back to it and lying about what he has had. 13 standard drinks a night is fairly common and at about 8 the sarcasm starts then around 12 the disagreeable man appears.Maybe I should see a councilor so I can unburden myself on them. I don't want to unload to people who will just get sick of hearing about it . When I do spend time with my partner and he is sober I still really enjoy his company.

Michael_W Deceased partner's Mother
  • replies: 4

Hi, My Partner of many years passed away 10 years ago and he made his mother and I promise him that we would both look after each other for the rest of our lives. My partner also told me he would be furious if I did not "move on" after his demise. I ... View more

Hi, My Partner of many years passed away 10 years ago and he made his mother and I promise him that we would both look after each other for the rest of our lives. My partner also told me he would be furious if I did not "move on" after his demise. I have honoured his wish and keep in constant contact with is Mother, escorting her to appointments, shopping, socialising, odd jobs around the house, paying bills etc. I moved out of the home my deceased partner, his Mother and I shared 2 years after his death, as I met some one new and she found it too soon and was quite rude to my new partner. Despite me moving out and still keeping in regular contact, my ex mother in law has decided she doesn't like my new partner and he is no longer welcome in her home. She has become very nasty and has created false rumours in the community, tarnishing my partner and my reputations. She has become two faced towards me and resents me "moving on". She commenced excessively drinking 10 years ago and I think this is now affecting her behaviour and judgement. She has recently alienated me from family gatherings with no explanation. I am "indebted" to her as I have financial interests in the property she currently resides in and I feel she may be using this fact as a tool to "keep me in the picture". I am currently at my wit's end as I feel what ever I do, I am getting no where by keeping in contact. I have loyalty to my new partner of 9 nears. Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated.

nic90 Recently cut off from someone I was obsessed with for 4 years, how stalking ruined me
  • replies: 3

Its quite a sad story, I've never been to therapist but I know I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for most of my life. There was a girl from work that I was slowly gaining a strong attraction towards and heard that she was interested in... View more

Its quite a sad story, I've never been to therapist but I know I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for most of my life. There was a girl from work that I was slowly gaining a strong attraction towards and heard that she was interested in me. I never pursued it due me not being in the right headspace feeling down and not confident to approach her. I actually fell for her sister previously and I knew for a fact her sister was flirting and liked me as well but I never went for it until it was too late and she was in love with 2 other guys. It hurt me pretty bad. Similar thing happened with her sister as she was seeing someone else which got me pretty upset and jealous. I never felt confident or sure enough to make a move as I don't want to get hurt seeing I really can't handle it so I'm always so hesistant to make a move. We were slowly bonding more at work but I still didn't pursue anything and she was seeing another guy. This is where it got bad and I started stalking her to see who she was with on social media. Then I told her how I felt about her and I was told she had feelings too and started bonding even more but I still didn't trust her so I kept stalking her on social media. I still never made a move yet. I fell so inlove with the idea of this girl, she was pretty, sweet, easy to talk to and someone I felt like I could be in a relationship with. I'm not sure if it was because I fell for her sister and she was so similar or what. I became so obsessed with this girl and I would get so jealous of her talking to other guys and this happened for 4 years. I felt like she was marriage material and the way she looked at me at times and how she always got excited to see me and knew how strong the feelings were getting for eachother even though we never went on a single date yet. There was something there and I was so attracted to her but for some reason I never went for it. It makes me wonder if she was playing mind games with me. I finally found a new job and she was about to go overseas at the same time and I told her I was gonna miss her and we should catch up when she gets back. She seemed fine until I started messaging her ex's to stop talking to her on fake accounts. She eventually found out it was me and obviously told me to never message her again and blocking me today. I feel like a total weirdo and a loser for being obsessed over someone for 4 years at times I felt inlove with her or the idea of her. What the hell is wrong with me?

blahish Father Unknown
  • replies: 1

I think is more vent thread as I just need to get this out there with out stuffing up my life. About 5 years about I started an affair with another man - lets call him xx (at the time we where both married). The affair had started when hubby and myse... View more

I think is more vent thread as I just need to get this out there with out stuffing up my life. About 5 years about I started an affair with another man - lets call him xx (at the time we where both married). The affair had started when hubby and myself where going though a rough patch. During this time, hubby and I built a new house and decide to try for a baby, during this time I didnt see xx for around 9 months but one day if got the better of me as hubby and I were struggling to conceive and I just wanted a baby. So around October 2015 I saw xx again, the next week I discovered I was finally pregnant. A couple of weeks later I received a picture message off xx phone from his mother- a photo of his wife and son. Around then I did cut all ties but xx did find out that I was pregnant. Fast forward to end of last year, I caught up with xx again and said that the reason I stopped speaking to him is due to his daughter sending a me a message in which he replied with oh well she (the wife) walked out 12 months ago. But I got the impression when I said "we need to talk" he thought it might be something else and not about the picture Nothing will be gained from tell xx that he may or may not be that father, the only gain will be a lot of lives wrecked and a lot of anger. I am certain both his children would stop talking to him and that not what I want, But I keep thinking to myself does he even realize this could be a possibility. It is something I will have to live with forever

merry301 I love him more than life itself, but I’m hurting inside
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My fiancé and I have been together now for 6 years, engaged for just over 4 months! This man is my soul mate! We met when I was 17 and my love hasn’t changed! Fast forward 6 years and tonight he’s on the Xbox, I’m in bed, because we’ve just argued ag... View more

My fiancé and I have been together now for 6 years, engaged for just over 4 months! This man is my soul mate! We met when I was 17 and my love hasn’t changed! Fast forward 6 years and tonight he’s on the Xbox, I’m in bed, because we’ve just argued again. It’s not a normal “argue” though! It’s hurtful, it’s loud, it’s always about something minor & it’s not the man I fell in love with! I mean I’m sure the neighbours would think I’d cheated on him or something terrible! When it was probably just because I drove the long way home! We are currently in the process of changing medications, seeing a psych and a GP! I know they say the period of changing over meds can be the danger zone & ive been through this with my mum my whole life! But it’s so different when it’s your partner! I’m lost! I feel very supported by those around me - but I feel like I’m walking on egg shells in my own home! He gets so mad he physically shakes & has never ever been psychical with me, but he just gets so mad that he uses words to hurt me, I don’t know what I should do! He tells me things like “we’re over”, “I can’t do this anymore” “I don’t want to be with you” - but then when he’s calmed he’s a different person and apologises & says he loves me! It’s so up and down, back and forth and I know it will get easier when he’s meds are sorted! But I’m struggling to do this every week! I need to know how to best support him through this stage! And best support myself! I need to know that I’m not alone & that there are lots of other partners and families who are dealing with this! If anyone has any advice I’ve got open ears!

Ash19 Boyfriend messaging his ex
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Needing some advice. I've been with my partner for six months. Throughout that time he's sent messages to his ex of ten years through email or text without telling me about it. I've ending up finding out most times accidently or on the odd occasion t... View more

Needing some advice. I've been with my partner for six months. Throughout that time he's sent messages to his ex of ten years through email or text without telling me about it. I've ending up finding out most times accidently or on the odd occasion that he's told me days later. I understand that some people do talk with their exes so all I asked of him after the first time it happened was that if he felt the need to message her could he tell me that he's talking to her. Basically it's happened numerous times since then - probably six or so occasions that I know of and he only admitted to me once out of those six that he had messaged her, the rest I came across by chance. You may think I'm being silly or controlling. But I am just worried because he is being secretive about it and that they were together so long. He's said that he doesn't want to be with her but it's just so confusing. We've spoken about it many times and I've asked him why does he keep it secret when I've said I'm fine with them talking as long as I know but it just keeps going in circles. I ask him to let me know, he says he won't message her, he messages her, I find out afterwards, I ask that he let me know and repeat. It's just upsetting. I've spoken to my older sisters for advice because I thought I was crazy for what I was expecting of him but they have agreed and said they wouldn't like it either. I don't want to keep talking about it anymore with him at this point because it doesn't change anything and just causes a fight. Any advice?

Glass567 Overweight Partner
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As the title suggests my partner is very overweight and dealing with serious depression. I’m struggling to stay with him because most days he won’t leave the house or even move from his chair in the lounge room. I want to be able to experience life a... View more

As the title suggests my partner is very overweight and dealing with serious depression. I’m struggling to stay with him because most days he won’t leave the house or even move from his chair in the lounge room. I want to be able to experience life and not just be at home all the time and the only person I want that with is him. We’ve been together for over 10 years and his weight is just getting worse and I don’t know what to do. His family and I have tried to encourage him to go to the gym but he can’t stand sweating from exercise and because he won’t exercise he has trouble being on his feet for more than a few minutes. I feel so guilty talking about it but I have no one I can talk to about it without feeling worse. I’m very new to this so thank you for listening if you got this far

mike1983 Sexual Problems In Marriage
  • replies: 4

My wife and i have been together 13 years married 7 with a 5yo and 3yo child Before meeting me my wife claims that she was quite ( shall we say ) free flying with men, which leads me to think she at some point had a high or moderately high sex drive ... View more

My wife and i have been together 13 years married 7 with a 5yo and 3yo child Before meeting me my wife claims that she was quite ( shall we say ) free flying with men, which leads me to think she at some point had a high or moderately high sex drive Since i have been with her, and since day one really she has been quite sexually awkward and being a gentleman i dont want to force a woman into something she does not want to do. The awkwardness from the beginning was her just not having the drive and rejecting me often to the point where i would stop making advances in fear of rejection. so sexually all through our relationship for me it has been rather problematic and when i try to cautiously raise the topic the conversation doesn't go very far. So rolling on the situation over time has been that the sex has been very much "same old" which i can handle, BUT it is getting to a point where the regularity has dwindled away and as of recent has gotten pretty bad, in order to instigate anything i tend to make hints for a couple of days and then she will reciprocate, almost as if she has had to have some days to mentally prepare ! I started a conversation with her about a week ago about her attraction to me etc and she said she was and that she had issues with her own body, mine to a point, work and that she enjoys sex when she is doing it, but its hard to get her to that point. my problem right now is i am beginning to resent her for it i think, and an even bigger issue, is because she pretty much refuses to put effort in. Right now i am finding i cant as i feel its either forced or not wanted, at this moment in time i am making no suggestions, no moves and am going cold turkey ( not without getting very annoyed ). i know she is not cheating, but it has gotten me down pretty bad questioning the longevity of my marriage as i do not feel she is into me. i know i am not the only guy here but i need a miracle pill for her but i dont want to have that awkward guy chat

Needadvice1122 Wife is leaving me...
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12 days ago my wife told me she wasn't happy and wanted out. She told me she has been unhappy for 6 months but was in denial that the issue was me. We have two kids under 5 and both work stressful jobs. We were going to build a house this year and sh... View more

12 days ago my wife told me she wasn't happy and wanted out. She told me she has been unhappy for 6 months but was in denial that the issue was me. We have two kids under 5 and both work stressful jobs. We were going to build a house this year and she is studying. She then went to stay at her sisters and left me with the kids for the majority of the last 2 weeks. She has suffered from depression and anxiety but hasn't been medicated for a long time. I suggested counceling, a holiday with just the two of us to reconnect, I even offered to quit my job if we could just try and work things out. She is adament she doesn't want to try. Could this possibly be an episode of depression thay she might change her mind about or am I just holding out for hope that isn't there?

Lou88 Jealous of my brother - my family doesn’t understand.
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My brother is having his 21st in a few months. He is a few years younger than me. Organising his 21st was much easier than mine & my parents seem to be looking forward to it much more, they’re less stressed etc. My brother has always been socially be... View more

My brother is having his 21st in a few months. He is a few years younger than me. Organising his 21st was much easier than mine & my parents seem to be looking forward to it much more, they’re less stressed etc. My brother has always been socially better than me - popular at school, lots of friends, charming to adults etc. I messaged my parents (I live overseas from them) and told them I was feeling upset & a bit jealous of my brother regarding his 21st, and thought it was going to be better than mine. Dad immediately got angry at me over the phone. So I tried explaining to mum & dad why I felt that way - ^ reasons above. Through my counselling (I have anxiety and depression), I’ve learnt to communicate my feelings with people early rather than bottle them up & lash out at people. However mum told me that I can’t help what I feel but it doesn’t mean the feelings are right, and I have really upset the whole family. I got upset & told them I wouldn’t be going to the 21st, and told mum to cancel a holiday we have booked together in a few months because I didn’t want to spend time with her. And told my parents I didn’t want to speak to them anymore. I haven’t been able to get out of bed since & feel so depressed. I don’t have many friends either. I don’t see any point in being here anymore. Please help.