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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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CountryMum91 Living with Depressed Father
  • replies: 1

Hi, bit of a story but I’ll try keep it short. my father has had depression for 25+ years due to many life factors. 2 years ago he moved to a country town and his depression got worse as he is lonely. my husband and I and our 2 kids recently moved st... View more

Hi, bit of a story but I’ll try keep it short. my father has had depression for 25+ years due to many life factors. 2 years ago he moved to a country town and his depression got worse as he is lonely. my husband and I and our 2 kids recently moved states and into dads house with him to support him and care for him. i knew it would be hard but I’m really feeling like I can’t do this anymore. Lately, my dad has been more angry, depressed and sad than usual, he is snappy and take his moods out on me mainly, sometimes the kids. I have tried to talk to him but nothing works and nothing changes. My dad drinks alcohol, he has cut back but still drinks and it makes his depression worse. I have tried talking to him numerous times and I’m always careful with what I say because everything is getting worse. Nothing I say seems to matter or change anything. And when I do talk about it he goes straight on the defensive. there are other things too, like if we go away for the weekend it’s like dad can’t cope without us or he gets anxious and mad but I need a break sometimes from him and I can’t take him everywhere with me. its taking a huge toll on my health and I’m worried it’s going to affect my kids. I feel like I should move away to protect my family but in doing so I’m worried it will hurt him immensely. All I want to do is help him but he doesn’t seem to care enough to try. I’m here doing my best to be a supportive daughter but I don’t want it to affect my kids or rip apart my family. Any advice? I can elaborate further if needed. thank you

Clear82 Scared of rejection second time around
  • replies: 2

I gave my ex a second chance. First time we were dating, all seemed fine and then out of the blue he messaged me saying he can’t be with me anymore. Now we have been dating again for a month and everyday I live in a state of anxiety that he going to ... View more

I gave my ex a second chance. First time we were dating, all seemed fine and then out of the blue he messaged me saying he can’t be with me anymore. Now we have been dating again for a month and everyday I live in a state of anxiety that he going to do it again. I lose sleep over it now and read over our texts all the time and think oh maybe cause he said that he isn’t happy or it’s been long wait for text etc. How do people cope with the fear of rejection?

Sezzybear Opinions please-In laws insist on buying expensive uneeded gifts
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I'm in an agonizing position with my inlaws and I just dont know how to best handle it anymore. Anytime its a birthday or xmas etc a very large (we live in a small rental) very expensive gift arrives that I very gratefully thank them for - bu... View more

Hi all, I'm in an agonizing position with my inlaws and I just dont know how to best handle it anymore. Anytime its a birthday or xmas etc a very large (we live in a small rental) very expensive gift arrives that I very gratefully thank them for - but will never use because as horrible as it is to say - the gift has not been given with me in mind, is generally a status symbol for them - and generally is a version of things hubby and I already researched and spent savings on, as if to say "we know better" its my birthday soon and hubby disclosed to me that they have bought me an expensive appliance - after he and I did alot of research and bought one 8 months ago for about $400, a big amount of money for us. He wanted me to be prepared for the implyed insult that the inlaws knew we already bought this appliance but bought us one they thought was better suited. My love language is gifts and am absolutely loath to express any of this to them (my psychologist says to just return the gift for money) but the inlaws are around frequently because of grand children and would notice the gift not being used. What do I do? This is causing me so much anxiety I cant get it out of my mind! We need money like crazy - and its just so toxic that instead of giving us something we need and consulting us at all - they just keep buying us different versions of things we already have. I feel so awful about this situation and how ungrateful I'm being that I now get panic attacks before birthdays and xmas etc All advice is welcome (even if its to tell me Im being horrible) - thankyou in advance lovely people

Lost_in_love Lonely husband
  • replies: 2

Hi. I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I feel I am in a marriage that is over. This is my second marriage my wife’s firs. I work interstate and only make it home every six weeks or so to see our four kids and my “wife”. We have been married 15... View more

Hi. I don’t know what to do or think anymore. I feel I am in a marriage that is over. This is my second marriage my wife’s firs. I work interstate and only make it home every six weeks or so to see our four kids and my “wife”. We have been married 15years and lately I am being treated like an ex. My wife no longer appreciates the sacrifice I have made financially for the family to survive. She does not like my senses of humour, my opinions mean nothing to her she is over critical of everything I say and do. Sex is non existent as well as her affections towards me. She now tells me she hates the way I touch her and I am always being the one to initiate any intimacy which is met with I can’t give you what you want. My feelings have changed due to this but I want our marriage to work. Any suggestions?

Saddenedheart Depression breaking down relationships. Anyone got some advice?
  • replies: 4

Hi all, My partner has been battling depression after the passing of both of our parents less than 1 year apart. He developed stomach issues, his work was was missing payments, he was grumpy and drinking more socially. He went on stress leave and qui... View more

Hi all, My partner has been battling depression after the passing of both of our parents less than 1 year apart. He developed stomach issues, his work was was missing payments, he was grumpy and drinking more socially. He went on stress leave and quit his job. He went from working 3 days to working 5 days a wk. I moved in at this point. Within months I was "frustrating". I tried to understand given the grief process. I then went into hospital and he got agitated. I then got made redundant. I was so distracted that I didn't notice my partner's changing behavior. His social drinking was out of control. On NYE he said he doesn't know what he wants anymore, maybe me. He said he wasn't coping with all the changes in our lives. He felt terrible. He was put on anti-depressants. His drinking decreased for 3 months. He got a work promotion. We were so happy and thought this would be "our" year. He told me he loved me more than words could ever explain and was looking forward to creating a lifetime of memories with me. The days went from 8-11 hours. The drinking increased and got out of control again. I asked him if he was still on the same page with our goals and he was just 3 short wks ago. He promised to be the boyfriend I deserved. We had been looking for houses and tying off loose ends. 1 wk later he told me he was weening himself off the anti-depressants. He asked me to bear with him. He had all the withdrawal symptoms. Last week he had a bad day and told me he wanted to be left alone. He went to bed at 7:30pm. The next day he apologized and said he shouldn't be taking things out on me, it wasn't fair. Days after I decided to do the housework so he and I could relax. He came home seeming pleased but then criticized me for using too much bleach in the bathroom and I regrettably got mad. He was in bed again. This time he woke with no apologies. He then told me that he didn't think he wanted the same things anymore and it had been building for a while. He wants to talk but I have heard that his mind has been made up. I came home to grab some clothes to find that he has gone back onto anti-depressants since the break up. What does that mean? Can someone really make such life-changing decisions when they are in this state? Can the withdrawal symptoms change their way of thinking? We were always so happy and in love before all this tragedy rocked our lives. Is there anything we can do to try and salvage our relationship? What are your experiences with this?

Vicki_E My partner refuses help
  • replies: 7

I have been living with my partner for the best part of a year, and it has been a wonderful time until the last couple of weeks. He is clearly depressed, behaving out of character and self focused. He says he can’t see a light at the end of the tunne... View more

I have been living with my partner for the best part of a year, and it has been a wonderful time until the last couple of weeks. He is clearly depressed, behaving out of character and self focused. He says he can’t see a light at the end of the tunnel and knows he needs help but refuses to talk to anyone. It is affecting our relationship, and while I’m trying desperately hard to be supportive, I find myself questioning everything he says and does and smothering him with kindness. (I’m an ex nurse and a ‘fixer’ by nature). His ex wife says he has had these episodes before and she was never able to get him to seek help either. I don’t know what to do.

MummaPetal Husband says he loves me but I don't feel it
  • replies: 4

I've been married around 10 years and we have a child. There's very little intimacy in our marriage. When we are home together, my husband is either on his phone or on the computer. I just feel that we are living together. He doesn't have friends out... View more

I've been married around 10 years and we have a child. There's very little intimacy in our marriage. When we are home together, my husband is either on his phone or on the computer. I just feel that we are living together. He doesn't have friends outside of work or has any hobbies. He goes out for drinks sometimes after work but not often. I feel lonely and yearn for an equal relationship. I feel responsible for everyone in the family. We have discussed my feelings and I have said I've considered leaving. He says he loves me but nothing ever changes. I have no money to leave but I also feel that I cannot stay in an unhappy marriage. Can anyone offer any suggestions? Thank you.

Gaz67 Recently Seperated
  • replies: 6

I recently seperated from my wife of 29 years, I just fell out of love with her. We tried different things to rekindle it but it didn't work. I'm really struggling with it way more than I thought I would, I'm constantly breaking down, feel down & rea... View more

I recently seperated from my wife of 29 years, I just fell out of love with her. We tried different things to rekindle it but it didn't work. I'm really struggling with it way more than I thought I would, I'm constantly breaking down, feel down & really hate when I'm alone. We are currently still living in the same house as I can't afford to move out & niether can she so that is making it hard

BBUser38 I'm so lost and confused. I want to stay, he wants me to move on. What do I do???
  • replies: 2

So my depressing feelings are starting to impact my job, my relationship, my health. These feelings are ruining everything. But it's soon going to destroy the only relationship I have. My boyfriend of 3 years told me that he has not loved me since Au... View more

So my depressing feelings are starting to impact my job, my relationship, my health. These feelings are ruining everything. But it's soon going to destroy the only relationship I have. My boyfriend of 3 years told me that he has not loved me since August last year. Telling me that he has been trying to find a way to break up with me but he doesn't want the guilt of the pain it'll cause me. He says there's no way this relationship is going to work because we are two very different people trying to fit together. After crying and talking, he says that he'll stay with me and we can try to work it out but he has no hope of this happening. And I can't help feeling that if I was a stronger person, confident like I was when we first met, that he wouldn't stop loving me. It's all because I can't get out of this hole. And for the last week, I've been crying myself to sleep every night. Everything hurts, I'm angry, I'm devastated, and everything that I've felt since I lost myself is hitting me tenfold. I really just don't know what to do. It hurts him to fake a smile with me but he says he doesn't want to break up. That the love has changed. He no longer loves me like he did when we were first together. But he cares for me so much that he doesn't want to ruin my life. He says he is happy when I am happy... I'm so confused. He cares, but he doesn't love me. He has been trying to break up with me for a year but he doesn't want to break up with me. He keeps saying he is logical, and our relationship just doesn't work. But he tells my that he's holding me back, that he'd regret breaking up with me but he knows it'll be best for me. I love him so much that I'm being selfish and I want him to stay with me even though it hurts him. So do I really love him if I can't let him go when this relationship is hurting him. Or is it blind hope that if I finally find myself, that he'll come back to me and love me like before. But this is also his first long term relationship. Isn't it normal to fall in and out of love? Or am I too afraid to let him go because I have no one else. I've just moved to a different state. I'm a 3 day drive away from all my friends and family. I have a new job that I'm sucking at because I have zero confidence. The only person I have is my boyfriend. And he is everything to me. I love him so dearly. He was the man, I was suppose to spend the rest of my life with. Grrr, what do I do? Am I delusional, pathetic, or too attatched. Or all three. Please help

MP_Lost Struggling with a narcissistic husband
  • replies: 2

Dumb, b, moron, slow, stupid, stop playing the victim, f off, get out of my face, I’ll call your mum, you’re a slow learner, you’ll pay for this, you better apologise. I hear these things on a weekly basis, sometimes numerous times a day. The person ... View more

Dumb, b, moron, slow, stupid, stop playing the victim, f off, get out of my face, I’ll call your mum, you’re a slow learner, you’ll pay for this, you better apologise. I hear these things on a weekly basis, sometimes numerous times a day. The person that says these things is the person that’s meant to love and support me - my husband. The man I have been with for over 11 years. The things he says to me used to hurt and make me cry but for a long time it’s not what he says that makes me cry, it’s why I continue to stay. I’m starting to believe that maybe he’s right and the things he says is right, after all what person would subject them self to this over and over again. I don’t tell people that this goes on. To his friends and family he is wonderful and always there when they need him so how would they believe that he’s the complete opposite with me? I can’t continue to go on like this. I wake up every day wishing that I didn’t but I don’t know what to do to change it. I live in a remote part of the country with all of my family 1000’s of kms away. I have a full time job where I earn decent money but I have no savings because my husband gambles all the money away. We have no kids however I have two large dogs that are my entire world so I can’t just jump on a plane and go home because there’s no way I can leave them behind. I have decided to post to ask if anyone is please able to give me advice, or offer some glimpse of hope. I know that I cannot continue to stay with a gambling, alcoholic, narcissist but I don’t know how to leave.