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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Luambery Losing a family member to a narcissistic partner
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am posting as a concerned sister. My brother has been with his girlfriend for nearly three years. My brother was a very affable and social guy. Had the thousands of friends on social media, always came to family events with a smile, dr... View more

Hi everyone, I am posting as a concerned sister. My brother has been with his girlfriend for nearly three years. My brother was a very affable and social guy. Had the thousands of friends on social media, always came to family events with a smile, dropped in to see me and my children at least once every two days, went past Mum and Dads nearly daily for a run with Dad and to raid Mum's pantry. When he started dating his now fiance, we all welcomed her warmly. We loved her independence and confidence in her seemingly responsible life. We thought it would be a good influence on our show pony. However as time went on, little things happened like my brother forgetting a birthday, my brother not attending dinners because her brothers or family were having something, my brother not attending family business meetings (he has asked previously to be in our family business). He then moved out with her, fairly normal for their age but concerning as the control of his time began to tighten. His job was changed, his sports stopped, his involvement with the family business cut off. There were attempts of sabotage where she would tell him in front of my parents not to sign director documents until she had gone over them fully. Then, she got pregnant. My little family was cut off. I wasn't allowed to celebrate the birth of my niece and my mother and sister had to 'book an appointment' to visit. After seven weeks, my mother was told off for sharing photos of her granddaughter. 1 month after that she wasn't allowed to have any photos at all of the baby. The child turns one next week. My brother has completely cut himself off from my parents, he has blocked us all on his phone and he has deleted his social media. He doesn't catch up with friends or return grandparents phone calls. He lies as to why he is 'busy' to cover a lot up. He has threatened a restraining order on our mother if she tries to ever contact him. My parents are devastated, my father cant see past that this is mental abuse rather than bad behaviour. I am deeply concerned for my brother and for my niece and what they are subjected to. Through mutual friends, I met her exboyfriend. He got out, he said. He didn't see his family for 4 years and the reason they broke up, was because he wouldn't have a baby with her. What can I do or offer or anything to make this situation shift? I'm not a do nothing person, I can't close the door on him... Thank you for listening L

prickly cactus I need some advice on my relationship
  • replies: 3

Me and my boyfriend have been being together for almost 3 years. Things were ok for the first year and a half of our relationship but argument started especially from last year. Most of them are because of his negativity towards his job and life in g... View more

Me and my boyfriend have been being together for almost 3 years. Things were ok for the first year and a half of our relationship but argument started especially from last year. Most of them are because of his negativity towards his job and life in general (things like politician's attitude can piss him off). That makes him a constant low energy level and he fails to commit things that he promised to do with me. There are several nearly-breakup moments over our relationship mostly because of our argument about his attitude. However he regretted saying breaking up afterwards but I was heartbroken every time he did that. Last year on my birthday, we were watching tv and chilling in the house and the atmosphere were fine but later we separated for a while and he ended up with a reluctant attitude when visiting me at night. He said " I wouldn't be here if today it's not your birthday". Even the next day he apologised, it hurt me so much. I tried to communicate to sort what he need and how he is feeling and we did ok for the next 2 months. However his strange attitude has started again lately. I invited him to our family dinner as me and my family are living in different country currently and I think it is a great chance to introduce him to my family and build the bond. He agreed to attend the day before when I asked him and on the day he said he felt shit from work and with low self-confidence and anxiety that makes him unwilling to socialise. He confessed the fact that he has been pretending to be kind to me. I was so upset with what he said cause he has been using an excuse of "not feeling great" to refuse to do what he has promised. We have just agreed to have another break on our relationship but I am not really sure if that will work if his attitude going around in-circle. There are small difficult moments that I don't mention there. I still love my boyfriend so I dont want to give up so easily but I am also heartbroken at the same times. His mood changes so often that makes me feel so insecure about the relationship. I doubt he has any mental issue as there's a depression issue in his family history (his dad and brother suffered from depression before).

cmargaret I don't know how to help my partner
  • replies: 6

Hi all, I have been noticing many changes in my partner for a while now and no matter how hard I try he keeps getting worse. He talks about struggling to see his worth and has admitted to me that he feels like passing on whenever a problem arises. I ... View more

Hi all, I have been noticing many changes in my partner for a while now and no matter how hard I try he keeps getting worse. He talks about struggling to see his worth and has admitted to me that he feels like passing on whenever a problem arises. I have tried suggesting strategies I have used in the past for similar feelings but he only gets mad and says nasty things towards me whenever I bring it up and refuses to acknowledge any problems. He has started becoming insecure about his job, family and our relationship. He is always angry coming home from work because his bosses have made snide remarks about him and I know he holds onto it for weeks, making him feel useless. His father has a problem with drugs and I have witnessed how this effects his communication and temper with his wife and my partner, calling them horrible names and yelling degrading things about them. He told me that it has always been like that. As a child his parents favoured his younger brother and wouldn't let him do any after school activities with friends because all their money, time and attention was spent on his brother. To this day he doesn't say anything at social events and he cannot hold a conversation, even being on his phone for the whole time we visit his grandparents. I have caught him going through my phone messages and he gets mad at me when he sees that another man has liked one of my photos on social media, I have to constantly reassure him of my love. I am studying engineering so most of my uni friends are male and this really bothers him, he cannot stand the fact that I am in required group chats with boys for my projects where we only discuss our course, but if I try to talk to him about the intimate messages he has sent to other girls during our relationship he tells me I'm being crazy. He expects me to sit around while he works on his car for hours and gets angry and ignores me when I say that I can't make it. Whenever I bring up things I would like to discuss about our relationship he gets so defensive and victimises himself and blames me for his unhappiness. He constantly dwells on the fact that I have had a boyfriend before him and has told me that he will never be able to get over it. He only ever uses his childhood as an explanation for his insecure behaviour and I don't think he has ever grown into someone seperate from those experiences. I know he is an amazing person and I absolutely love him, but I am scared of loosing myself again. How can I help?

Guest_3256 Why do some Partner's throw away a broken Partner for someone in better condition?
  • replies: 9

Hi all. I have recently joined the forum and really enjoy reading some of the threads which tend to be quite interesting, especially seeing what others are experiencing in their lives and through others viewpoints. I have noticed that there seems to ... View more

Hi all. I have recently joined the forum and really enjoy reading some of the threads which tend to be quite interesting, especially seeing what others are experiencing in their lives and through others viewpoints. I have noticed that there seems to be a trend in the replies of others when it comes to relationships issues. Obviously depending on ones relationship circumstances, I'd like to get peoples opinions on why so many partners are able to through in the towel and look for alternative options, rather than working with their partners to build a better relationship. Why do some partner's throw away a broken partner for someone in better condition? Best wishes, Jsua.

Cookie39 Alcoholic husband
  • replies: 3

I'm feeling completely lost in my relationship at the moment. My husband has been drinking alot and spends alot of money on his habit. He often gets wasted and drinks until all hours of the morning which has recently gotten him into trouble. We have ... View more

I'm feeling completely lost in my relationship at the moment. My husband has been drinking alot and spends alot of money on his habit. He often gets wasted and drinks until all hours of the morning which has recently gotten him into trouble. We have two young children at home and I feel like all of the household duties fall onto me and I get very little help from him. I have spoken to him dozens of times about how this is affecting us yet he just continues to do it. I feel like it is selfish behaviour on his part with all the money being spent and the lack of time he spends with our family. I have been empathetic, tried to ask what is going on, told him I support him etc yet there is just no sign of changing. I feel anxious, sad, stressed and tired. I dont know where to go from here.

Larlar ALL ABOUT THE MATES ! They are his priority.
  • replies: 10

So I have been in a long term relationship with my partner . We have 3 kids and are both in our mid 20s . When we had our first bubs we were very young and my partner would constantly go out . Spend all the money and do whatever he wanted . I use to ... View more

So I have been in a long term relationship with my partner . We have 3 kids and are both in our mid 20s . When we had our first bubs we were very young and my partner would constantly go out . Spend all the money and do whatever he wanted . I use to tell myself it's because he was 18/19 andhewould get passed it but he has not . He still is constantly with his friends and leaves me and the kids to our own plans etc. I have had the discussion with him that it would be nice if he spent more time with us but am always greeted with the same agitated responses and excuses as to why he can't or doesn't want to . I'm confused because I can't understand why he wouldn't want to spend time with me or the kids and also as to why his mates are so appealing ? Side note he genuinely doesn't think that he doing anything wrong and asks why I care so much . He never comes to my family events and I go to all of his and he always says we come first but we never actually do. Will he ever grow up or see that he is not spending enough time with his children ? I'm so over him being out every day and me doing all the caring and house work and kids stuff. I work part-time too and he hardly even watches them when I work ....

Jazzyt I’m an adult, so why are you still treating me like a child?
  • replies: 2

When is enough enough. I’m a 26 year old female. My father still controls what I’m doing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it, and there is a long list of narcissistic traits. I’ve realised I’ve dealt with it my whole life, so I’ve always just... View more

When is enough enough. I’m a 26 year old female. My father still controls what I’m doing. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it, and there is a long list of narcissistic traits. I’ve realised I’ve dealt with it my whole life, so I’ve always just dealt with it. But now it’s different because it’s starting to affect my relationship with my fiancé. My father gaslights, will not engage in a conversation with me if he doesn’t like what I’m saying. I’m not allowed to stay over at my fiancé’s house (we aren’t financially ready to move out). If I go out more nights in a week than I’m home he gives me the cold shoulder, knowing I’ll feel guilty for it. But I don’t think I should. When I’m feeling alone and then try to speak to my mum or sisters about it, it’s like everyone just wants to please him. I can’t really speak to my mum cause she just shuts me down but always has time for my sisters. They have bestowed an abundance of responsibility on me on top of my uni work & full time job. If I don’t do what they want I’m called ungrateful and told I’m asking for too much. I’m so scared to stand up to him because I still don’t want to displease him what do I do? How can I be free?

Parto Marriage over
  • replies: 2

Hi my wife has ended our marriage after 23 years. I’ve been with her for 30. She said she couldnt handle my depression and mood swings anymore. She chose to cheat on me with someone else to end it. All I want is to make things right but I’m accept th... View more

Hi my wife has ended our marriage after 23 years. I’ve been with her for 30. She said she couldnt handle my depression and mood swings anymore. She chose to cheat on me with someone else to end it. All I want is to make things right but I’m accept the marriage is over. so why am I having separation anxiety over her. She doesn’t want me to text her or ring her. Only to talk to kids. I don’t even know my banking details as she did the banking etc. please help me

Pregnantandterrified What happened to my family?
  • replies: 2

Since battling a mystery disease, I’ve felt more and more isolated from my immediate family. I’ve got nowhere with the supposed “wonders of modern medicine” and so, whilst waiting for a specialist appointment I had researched, I’ve joined support gro... View more

Since battling a mystery disease, I’ve felt more and more isolated from my immediate family. I’ve got nowhere with the supposed “wonders of modern medicine” and so, whilst waiting for a specialist appointment I had researched, I’ve joined support groups, I’ve taken herbs and seen natural practitioners.... all with the goal of kicking this illness, breaking the code and getting back to me again. Who ever “me” is now. The problem is, my husband has not supported me in anyway through this journey. I’ve been told to snap out of it, I’ve been told my issue is a mental one. He’s even said that as far as he’s concerned there is nothing wrong with me, and I just don’t want to be better. I was heartbroken and distraught that someone could say that to me, with all I’m doing to try and heal! See, the problem is that I do t look unwell. I have a multitude of serious neurological symptoms, some that you can see, others you can’t and they come and go. I have never suffered with mental illness. Even now, I am clear and rational in my decisions and my expectations of managing this. I’m not expecting a silver bullet, just hoping for some quality of life.... and hopefully a few more years worth of life. I feel defeated. I’m exhausted. I’m even a little depressed. Because the reality of this illness is endless pain, suffering and hopelessness. If I even mention my illness, or that I wasn’t well enough to do something my husband makes it into an argument. Telling me I’m unhinged. Telling me the only thing that is preventing me, is me. That’s the hardest part. He thinks I’m being like this on purpose. What do I do? I have my first neurologist appointment on Monday. I’m hopeful that I will get a diagnosis and hopefully treatment for my quality of life. But I’m also terrified. I have a three year old son.... how does one prepare for bad news? How do I cope if this is an end game for me? so far I’ve heard everything from MS, the brain tumour to autoimmune disease to functional neurological disease. I’m overwhelmed because I don’t want any of these! I just want to go back to happy. Back to the way my family use to be. Back to myself. I feel like this will be the end of my marriage, if not the end of my life. I just don’t know what to do.

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