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Relationship anxiety

Community Member
Hi, my partner and I have been together for over a year now. We initially worked together and became friends. Then we started a casual relationship. During this time, he had a hard time accepting us being involved. He didn’t like the idea of us working together and spending so much time together, and had recently ended a 3 year relationship. As a result, he would, every few months, panic and break things off then flirt/kiss someone else. It was usually people we worked with. Every time he would come back begging for forgiveness, and I would. I trusted he was a decent person and worth another chance. Eventually, after one of these occasions, where I decided to end it for good and not forgive, he decided he was ready to commit to a relationship. Since then, everything has been amazing. He is extremely loving and committed. We have been living together for a year, moved interstate together, talk about marriage and how we’ll raise our kids. He constantly tells me he loves me and never wants me to leave him. He says I am his world, and I do believe him. I feel so lucky to be with someone so loving, and I love him immensely in return. But every now and again I have moments of weakness where I doubt everything. I understand it is due to these past indiscretions. And when I think back to those occasions, they don’t really hurt anymore. I recently saw his Instagram feed and it was full of half naked women. I have a hard time opening up, so it took me almost a full day of anxiety and doubt to tell him how I felt. He totally understood and said that he hardly even used Instagram. The next day he unfollowed all of these accounts because he knew it made me uncomfortable. We are both so happy and in such a good place in our relationship, but I know he once messaged these accounts. And their responses were flirtatious and suggesting sex for other favours. I don’t think he has messaged these accounts since we’ve officially been together, but I’m just finding it so hard to forget about. Last night I didn’t sleep, and as a result I had to call in sick to work because I was too exhausted. I do trust him, I just feel like I don’t know how to let these things go. I have read some forums where people experience the same issues with letting go of the past, but I just don’t know how to. He has become such an amazing, committed person since we’ve been together. Both personally and professionally. And I have become so happy since we’ve been together, so I don’t wait to ruin it.
1 Reply 1

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

So from how I read your post, it is more that your memories interfere with your thoughts and you become insecure.

From this males perspective, having sexual thoughts, doesnt result in infidelity. Since he committed to you he has been faithful.

If you are pursuing this relationship permanently, you will need to allow him his "fun" -a little flexibility. After all, if he had zero interest in sex you could well have the opposite problem.

A couple of threads to google might help

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

Beyondblue topic who cries over spilt milk?

Beyondblue topic forgiveness and forgetting- the two f's for love

I hope they help