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Seriously confused

Community Member

Hi Friends,

This is my 2nd post about a particular issue with a friend of mine. Firstly I'm 38 happily married with one wonderful child, I have a good job and generally speaking am in a good place most of the time, some ups and downs but nothing to serious.

Now the issue I have here is this year I've made a wonderful new friend through work, we've become great friends and share pretty much everything together. She's 10 years younger than me, single and if I'm being brutally honest someone who in a different time I would of pursued a relationship with (that sentence is very hard for to me to write and admit to) Now I have no intention of following up those feelings as it would ruin my lovely family and my friendship with her, neither of which I want.

The other end of this is when she talk about dating. as I said we share a lot and she asks me for advice and what I think about this guy etc etc. Now this has been fine but now it's really eating at me, for one reason I worry she'll find someone and forget about me and our friendship and the other I must admit which is hard I think is jealousy.

I obviously value this friendship very much and want to be able to put the other stuff to one side but I'm struggling at this point in time, I'm putting on a brave face at home and trying all I can to not have this knot in my stomach.

Any advice going forward would be much appreciated.

Thankyou for taking the time to read this and I hope you all have a lovely day.

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome again,

No wonder you feel vulnerable, I can understand.

The first thing to acknowledge is, that you feelings, whatever they are, is quite common and very normal. If those feelings are confined, there isnt a problem. The trouble is, can you trust yourself?

I've seen this similar situation years ago in places of employment whereby all seems under control. ..until a xmas breakup party, drinks after work or both persons go on an assignment together. Temptation. ...Many professionals come across this.

IMO it is perfectly reasonable to cut off your feelings by distancing yourself. How you go about that is for you to decide, department transfer, introducing boundaries and limits.

You are aware of the loss you'll experience if this situation gets out of hand. I've been a part time dad and my full time fatherhood was one of my greatest losses, for me and my kids (divorce for different reasons).

I'm sure you know all this but it's good to hear it from someone else.

Repost anytime


Cheers Tony,

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I know that for me the temptation isn’t there, doing anything to jeopardise my family unit is a no go for me. I understand that these are only words but I’m very confident in that area going forward.

I also don’t want to lose her as a friend which could be me hanging onto something that is causing these issues but it’s baby steps at the moment!

I’m trying to distance myself in terms of contact but to be honest it’s not easy, we talk almost daily and it’s not me making the contact so I feel obliged to talk. (Sounds like an excuse)

today was a bad day in general so all these feelings were magnified. I’m hopeful tomorrow is a fresh start and I can begin to focus on my family, myself and like everyone having good friends in my life.

Thanks mate.