Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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forteloud Trouble talking to others
  • replies: 6

I've had trouble speaking for a long time. I can't keep a conversation going to save my life, i'm so disinterested in what everyone is saying to me, and i'm disinterested in what i'm saying a lot of the time. I do feel like speaking whenever its comp... View more

I've had trouble speaking for a long time. I can't keep a conversation going to save my life, i'm so disinterested in what everyone is saying to me, and i'm disinterested in what i'm saying a lot of the time. I do feel like speaking whenever its complaining or speaking about my mental barriers, but of course i don't want to burden people with that, so I refrain from speaking about myself too much. I speak about myself too much. Even attempting to have a conversation with myself right now, i can not think of anything to say. I am blank, completely and utterly blank. I never meet up with friends one on one, I have tried time after time because I'm always pushing myself out of my comfort zone in order to get better with practise. But I haven't gotten better, if anything i've gotten worse. I tried again yesterday, I met up with a friend of 8 years, probably my closest friend (not saying much for me because i dont really have anyone close) and I could hardly speak. I didn't feel nervous as such, i didn't feel in a bad mood. I just had absolutely nothing to say except echoing him and sprinkling in some weak attempts at observation or comedy that was essentially just complaining and negativity (which is almost all i ever say) I've been so determined to get better at this, for years. I've stayed at my job because i have good friends there that i can learn from socially. Every day I think of new ways i can approach socialising, every day i try something else, and every day i fail. There are bigger problems in the world I know, but the inability for me to have a conversation with another person is so frustrating because I am completely alone. I will say, that I have had conversations in my life, very few though, and it has felt incredible to be able to discuss a topic with someone, not unloading my thoughts or them unloading theirs, but a real back and forth conversation. I do also have days where I am funny, chattier and easier to talk to, but far and few between. I see people do this at ease with one another and i feel so isolated not being able to participate, I've practised and practised, studied people and my behaviour for years and I feel like i'm further than ever from being at that point. I appreciate any feedback, thank you guys!

Sazgeering I don't like who I am...
  • replies: 4

So, I often come back to this same feeling of not liking who I am. I know I'm a very serious person, and can be pretty pessimistic. I get very passionate about topics and it's often perceived as aggressive, negative or me just having a rant - rather ... View more

So, I often come back to this same feeling of not liking who I am. I know I'm a very serious person, and can be pretty pessimistic. I get very passionate about topics and it's often perceived as aggressive, negative or me just having a rant - rather than me just expressing how much I feel about that topic. I hate small talk and am not naturally witty or funny, so socially I find myself feeling very awkward and uncomfortable. I have been with my husband for 17 years and I just don't really know why he is with me. It's not like I'm a really fun person to be around and it doesn't help that I don't have much of a sex drive. I often have issues with my appearance and body and this affects my confidence, I just don't think I have anything else to compensate for my multiple downfalls. I have a small group of close friends, but I honestly don't know why they're even still friends with me...I don't know what I bring to the table. I'm quick to get angry and frustrated and even though I've tried to change this, in the moment it just doesn't happen. I know I can be really bitchy and horrible and I know this has grated on my husband and that makes me so upset. He said today that the reason he stutters is because he always has to double check what he says as I can't take anything as a joke. This really hurt me to hear as I'd never want to make anyone feel like that. I know he said it as a bit of a throw away comment, but I know there would have been truth in it, or else he wouldn't have said it. At the age of 33 I'm lost as to whether I'm just a boring, serious, angry and horrible person and even though I really want to not be this person I just don't know what to do to change.

YellowPoppy Projecting my concerns and fears on to boyfriend
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I've been posting mainly in the anxiety forum so you may know me from there. I'm really struggling with my anxiety and I'm concerned about my relationship with my partner. As I know he is not able to help me as much as we'd both like and... View more

Hi everyone, I've been posting mainly in the anxiety forum so you may know me from there. I'm really struggling with my anxiety and I'm concerned about my relationship with my partner. As I know he is not able to help me as much as we'd both like and right now my mum is my main support. Logically I know I'm projecting my concerns and fears about our relationship into him but I get really freaked that he's going to become resentful or angry with me. Both he and my mum keep telling me that he will get support when he needs it. But I get so concerned and I think when m I get anxious about it and project onto to him it makes our relationship more difficult. Is anyone able to give me any advice or suggestions onto how to ease the situation for both of us. Thanks for reading, YP

Phoenix29 Tips on how to fight keep a low profile on the internet
  • replies: 2

Hi I’m fairly new to this forum and I’ve found that this forum not only is helpful to me but I feel like I can help others too. Ever since I have cut ties with my abusive and narcissistic family I have had to keep a low profile on the internet. I kne... View more

Hi I’m fairly new to this forum and I’ve found that this forum not only is helpful to me but I feel like I can help others too. Ever since I have cut ties with my abusive and narcissistic family I have had to keep a low profile on the internet. I knew that both my parents stalk me on Facebook and check up on me especially when I have gone no contact with them so I had to shut down my Facebook page. My mother is notorious at this, she tries to stalk me on every social media she can think of. So when it comes to Instagram I don’t post too much personal photos of my partner and my cat and I but I post a few to a private account they cannot see. Anyways since I’ve shut down my Facebook page, I have discovered that my cousin has only kept in contact with me to spy on me on behalf of my uncle and possibly grandmother so I barely post messenger stories now. Then the other day I found out my father has multiple Instagram accounts so I blocked all those. When I find out these things I feel a tendency to post less on social media but I can’t post nothing because I have businesses on social media that rely on instragram to keep going. I’ve gone to high lengths to keep my life private from my family, so does anyone have any tips on how I can make myself relatively invisible to my toxic family on the internet?

Steves_1987 My wife said she wanted to leave me
  • replies: 7

Hi all I’ll be as explanatory as possible with this. So in November last year my wife said she wanted to leave me. I’ve dealt with mental health issues for most of my life I take medication for it. I have anxiety and ocd which makes it difficult as w... View more

Hi all I’ll be as explanatory as possible with this. So in November last year my wife said she wanted to leave me. I’ve dealt with mental health issues for most of my life I take medication for it. I have anxiety and ocd which makes it difficult as well. But in November last year things came to a halt. I’ve had issues with spending money and it put us under some stress my ocd had also been the cause of some issues as well. Because I buy a lot of music I was leaving my packages all over the house not putting them away was raking up the lounge room wouldn’t let my wife anywhere in the house near the stuff because I was afraid it would get damaged. She asked me to go get help I agreed to and got an increase on my medication together we worked through my ocd stuff I would say it has improved markedly over the last few months. We went away on a holiday which we needed and the year started ok but the last 3 months I’ve been dealing with chronic pain and have recently had to go back on strong pain medication. I’m on blood pressure medication as well due to other health issues and most recently my wife just told me she wanted to leave me again I thought things were going along great. Last week I had snapped at her and I think it bought up emotions regarding how I sometimes speak to her i don’t intentionally talk to her bad I just don’t think sometimes but recently I think without me realising it has gotten bad. I think I’m not coping emotionally with the pain I go through each day with my back in trying to work and get through the day I feel like I’ve run a marathon. I know my wife is worried and concerned she’s scared I may not be able to work our finances are a mess and if I need another operation there is anxiety surrounding all of this. I understand that we both really wanted to be parents but we had to put this on the back burner as the issues with my back and her fertility. We went away to Sydney in the past few days for a break but it didn’t turn out as expected we came home and had another fight and she said she was done couldn’t do it I got angry and punched the wall. I also lashed out at her and pushed her on the lounge twice we wrestled I didn’t hit or punch her but I’m still disgusted at myself. I rang up to organise some marriage counselling she seems like she wants to go. We are on talking terms aren’t sleeping in the same room today she did say we will fix this. If she needed time to heal. I’m not sure what else to do really

Helsbels Troubling relationship with Mother-in-law!
  • replies: 13

Hello, I am in desperate need of advice. My MIL is offended by everything we say and do and makes her upset known by sulking and other unpleasant behaviours - irrespective of the occasion. Her behaviour has destroyed so many special occasions (Xmas, ... View more

Hello, I am in desperate need of advice. My MIL is offended by everything we say and do and makes her upset known by sulking and other unpleasant behaviours - irrespective of the occasion. Her behaviour has destroyed so many special occasions (Xmas, bdays etc) and the build up to any interaction is anxiety-inducing "What's she going to be like today", "what's going to offend her next" etc. We had such an awful Xmas that we avoided her for a while to calm down and focus on our own lives/little family/marriage. Since Xmas, my marriage has been so strained. MIL's been emotionally manipulating my husband his whole life and he's on meds and having counselling to help him rise above the guilt she makes him feel when she doesn't get her way. I've been doing my best to encourage him to be confident that her behaviour is not his fault, she will find anything to be upset about no matter how hard we try to please her. We finally saw her to talk through things. Disaster! She went immediately to the defence (which is natural) and sprouted insults. I told her I'm not comfortable being myself around her because of how offended she gets. In response, she fair dinkum brought up an occasion where she gifted my husband a t-shirt (for which he thanked her) and then she asked me what I thought, to which I replied, "I'd love him if he was wearing a sack" I was cuddling him and smiling at the time. So much offence was taken, apparently, that the slight was remembered in detail years later. I told her she just proved my point, that I can't be myself and occasions are a stress for us because of how uptight and on our best behaviour we must be lest we offend (We're not like this for anyone else). Meanwhile, she says some of the most offensive things (eg negative comments about my husband's weight) that really irk me, but I choke that down like a big girl because I don't wish to be combative, rude or disrespectful. I'm really starting to get stuck between: a) wanting to handle her the same way I'd handle any old Joe Blo who carried on so childishly - which would not be pretty, I can assure you; & b) forging ahead despite the lack of success we've had recently (and in the past) to attempt a more healthy relationship. What would you do if you wanted a better relationship, but the other person is incapable of rising to the occasion? Or if you had an adult family member carry on like a child at special occasions? My husband and I are on the same page and at the same loss.

spyro123 Single Mother who smokes pot
  • replies: 4

I come here as I do not know what to do wonder if anyone has any advice or anything.... My mother had a stroke few years ago, she can mobilise now though not the way she used to be able to as she can not walk further than say 100 metres without a whe... View more

I come here as I do not know what to do wonder if anyone has any advice or anything.... My mother had a stroke few years ago, she can mobilise now though not the way she used to be able to as she can not walk further than say 100 metres without a wheelchair. Before few years before this accident my parents split, I have 3 siblings and I am the oldest, a lot of things bad happened she has been through A LOT I will not mention it all to keep this confidential but most of it is not her fault. Since the accident things have never been the same...she does not work, she suffered very very badly from depression and this was not her first time having very bad depression, this affected the whole household, breaking up her relationship and my siblings are very different then how they used to be, she now smokes pot everyday, playing video games all day long. I just feel bad for her and I try to help around the house and my siblings but I feel she has lost the motivation to help my siblings with anything and I feel frustrated that she is always smoking pot such as when I bring friends over etc...… does anyone know what I could do or can relate? just need someone to talk to as well, I used to suffer badly from depression to around the time of her accident though consider myself much better today but I still from time to time feel as though there is a lot deep within me that I need to talk about and affects me day to day in life.

Kieffer together for 30+years and he is depressed and has alcohol dependency
  • replies: 2

We met at 18, bought up two great children but now my husband is on medication but drinks every night. I work full time and on my holidays he had several episodes where I came home to slurring words. In one I was accused of having an affair ( faithfu... View more

We met at 18, bought up two great children but now my husband is on medication but drinks every night. I work full time and on my holidays he had several episodes where I came home to slurring words. In one I was accused of having an affair ( faithful for 38 years so far) and he had no recollection of the other "discussions" about my short comings in various aspects of our life. I just seem to irritate him all the time and tonight he went to bed mid conversation about things happening in my work life, without having dinner. He had clearly been drinking and said he didnt want to hear about my problems with mothers at school or about my hobby. Seeing that I only have work and my horses in my life that sounds like he just doesn't care anymore. I am finding this really upsetting and this is a lonely period in my life. My children are gone and I really don't have any close friends anymore to talk to. I'm fine at work when surrounded by lots of lovely people but thoughts of being lonely creep in and go round in my head alot at home. I often cry on holidays now when I used to be the most positive person all the time. I try not to listen to the negative thoughts and mostly succeed but problems with my husband seem to have pushed me over the edge. My husband regularly drinks a whole bottle of red and several stubbies. I just don't like the person he becomes when he does this. I'm not sure if I'm asking you guys to help me or how to help him to stop drinking. He tries for a day or two to cut down but then hes back to it and lying about what he has had. 13 standard drinks a night is fairly common and at about 8 the sarcasm starts then around 12 the disagreeable man appears.Maybe I should see a councilor so I can unburden myself on them. I don't want to unload to people who will just get sick of hearing about it . When I do spend time with my partner and he is sober I still really enjoy his company.

Michael_W Deceased partner's Mother
  • replies: 4

Hi, My Partner of many years passed away 10 years ago and he made his mother and I promise him that we would both look after each other for the rest of our lives. My partner also told me he would be furious if I did not "move on" after his demise. I ... View more

Hi, My Partner of many years passed away 10 years ago and he made his mother and I promise him that we would both look after each other for the rest of our lives. My partner also told me he would be furious if I did not "move on" after his demise. I have honoured his wish and keep in constant contact with is Mother, escorting her to appointments, shopping, socialising, odd jobs around the house, paying bills etc. I moved out of the home my deceased partner, his Mother and I shared 2 years after his death, as I met some one new and she found it too soon and was quite rude to my new partner. Despite me moving out and still keeping in regular contact, my ex mother in law has decided she doesn't like my new partner and he is no longer welcome in her home. She has become very nasty and has created false rumours in the community, tarnishing my partner and my reputations. She has become two faced towards me and resents me "moving on". She commenced excessively drinking 10 years ago and I think this is now affecting her behaviour and judgement. She has recently alienated me from family gatherings with no explanation. I am "indebted" to her as I have financial interests in the property she currently resides in and I feel she may be using this fact as a tool to "keep me in the picture". I am currently at my wit's end as I feel what ever I do, I am getting no where by keeping in contact. I have loyalty to my new partner of 9 nears. Any comments or feedback would be greatly appreciated.

nic90 Recently cut off from someone I was obsessed with for 4 years, how stalking ruined me
  • replies: 3

Its quite a sad story, I've never been to therapist but I know I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for most of my life. There was a girl from work that I was slowly gaining a strong attraction towards and heard that she was interested in... View more

Its quite a sad story, I've never been to therapist but I know I've been struggling with depression and anxiety for most of my life. There was a girl from work that I was slowly gaining a strong attraction towards and heard that she was interested in me. I never pursued it due me not being in the right headspace feeling down and not confident to approach her. I actually fell for her sister previously and I knew for a fact her sister was flirting and liked me as well but I never went for it until it was too late and she was in love with 2 other guys. It hurt me pretty bad. Similar thing happened with her sister as she was seeing someone else which got me pretty upset and jealous. I never felt confident or sure enough to make a move as I don't want to get hurt seeing I really can't handle it so I'm always so hesistant to make a move. We were slowly bonding more at work but I still didn't pursue anything and she was seeing another guy. This is where it got bad and I started stalking her to see who she was with on social media. Then I told her how I felt about her and I was told she had feelings too and started bonding even more but I still didn't trust her so I kept stalking her on social media. I still never made a move yet. I fell so inlove with the idea of this girl, she was pretty, sweet, easy to talk to and someone I felt like I could be in a relationship with. I'm not sure if it was because I fell for her sister and she was so similar or what. I became so obsessed with this girl and I would get so jealous of her talking to other guys and this happened for 4 years. I felt like she was marriage material and the way she looked at me at times and how she always got excited to see me and knew how strong the feelings were getting for eachother even though we never went on a single date yet. There was something there and I was so attracted to her but for some reason I never went for it. It makes me wonder if she was playing mind games with me. I finally found a new job and she was about to go overseas at the same time and I told her I was gonna miss her and we should catch up when she gets back. She seemed fine until I started messaging her ex's to stop talking to her on fake accounts. She eventually found out it was me and obviously told me to never message her again and blocking me today. I feel like a total weirdo and a loser for being obsessed over someone for 4 years at times I felt inlove with her or the idea of her. What the hell is wrong with me?