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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Rach94xx Relationship - abortion [Trigger warning: abuse]
  • replies: 2

Hello, Im not sure where to start, I had a relationship for 5 years it started off fine he was really sweet and caring however as time went on I would get moments where he became extremely angry and aggressive towards me, mainly verbally. Then after ... View more

Hello, Im not sure where to start, I had a relationship for 5 years it started off fine he was really sweet and caring however as time went on I would get moments where he became extremely angry and aggressive towards me, mainly verbally. Then after the moment he would be sorry and go back to being nice. This continued but I noticed the angry periods would start to last longer and nice periods were once every few months . He would always say he wouldn’t be nice often as so it was a treat when he was. He eventually became physical on three seperate occasions. Anyway after years of this I broke up with him, he sobbed and said he would change and kept contacting me to the point I gave in , we started a sexual relationship again and I wanted to be with him. during this time I received a diagnosis of endometrosis and has to undergo a surgery, I stopped my birth control two weeks before the surgery and stupidly had unprotected sex. I had surgery then found out 4 weeks later I was pregnant, I was happy and he was happy. my ex and I purchased a property together whilst we were in the relationship and he told me to fix the relationship I need to sign over my share of the property for no money even though I contributed half. When I refused he became highly abusive screaming he was going to take me for full custody he has no respect for me, it’s my fault I’m pregnant and insulting me and he wanted nothing to do with it. I was devestated however two weeks later he became supportive again. We went to scans together, gender reveal he bought a teddy for the baby would buy me dinner this lasted two weeks and I was hopefully. Then we had another incident where I tripped and fell walking my dog. he screamed at me that he was taking my dog he is dangerous and if I refused he was done . He screamed at me for 30 minutes that I’m a piece of sh@t selfish and he was done with me, he also physically assaulted me. And has cut me off since then. at this point I became distressed and booked an abortion. After going to the clinic three times and leaving as I part of my didn’t want to do it I finally went through with it, I could feel the kicking as I went under. now I’ve feel really empty, sick and guilty I want to take it back. I feel guilty I’ve hurt my ex by getting this abortion as he was excited it was a boy. I feel like a complete monster and just want to sob.

Jarrodvalley92 How to assist girlfriends mental health and improve relationship with her mum
  • replies: 4

Hi all, I much appreciate anyone who atleast reads or flicks a reply Im having an issue understanding my girlfriends anxiety and negative thoughts and also her relationship with her mum. They are very similar in personality which I find makes them cl... View more

Hi all, I much appreciate anyone who atleast reads or flicks a reply Im having an issue understanding my girlfriends anxiety and negative thoughts and also her relationship with her mum. They are very similar in personality which I find makes them clash at stressful situations. Her mum to be briefly described, I get along with quite well. She has helped us a lot with our house when we renovated and any financial advise we needed as she’s a banker. Very smart and business driven, she comes across as a control freak towards me and my partner when it comes to literally anything we need to do. She never seems to be able to relax around us or simply come visit without talking about jobs we need to do around the house etc. Nearly everything we talk to her about has something to do with money or that we can’t afford this. Which creates many arguements between her and my partner. Having that said that my partner gets often upset with the fact that it is impossible for them to see each other without argueing. We are also 6 weeks pregnant with our first baby and still haven’t told her parents because we’re both afraid for a negative response or that her Mum will not support it and be happy for us. i spoke about this with my partner this evening, I said how I’m so over how her and her mother cannot both chill out, relax and just enjoy life because it’s so short and not worth living like that! Her response was “ I don’t enjoy life, I feel like I’m put on this earth to constantly please my mum.” This obviously breaks my heart to here her say this. Especially being pregnant with our first child which I’m over the moon about. I however am quite a positive person, generally happy and find the light at the end of the tunnel whenever I deal with my own issues. But really am struggling to comprehend her mindset into saying things like that she isn’t happy. I feel like the problem is between both her and her mum. My partner refuses to speak to a professional about this as she feels it won’t help because “they won’t understand, they don’t know us or care” and I know her mum would be offended if I told her that she stresses us out. I just thought I’d give this a go if anyone out there has a similar issue or some general advice from one friend to another. It would mean the world to me Regards, Jarrod

Anon_777 Dealing with loneliness and constantly feeling down
  • replies: 6

This is my first post. I've been feeling really down for a few months ever since my ex of my first and only relationship decided to leave me for someone else. I know I have improved but I now feel like I'm at a standstill in always feeling lonely. I ... View more

This is my first post. I've been feeling really down for a few months ever since my ex of my first and only relationship decided to leave me for someone else. I know I have improved but I now feel like I'm at a standstill in always feeling lonely. I have friends and family, and do make time to see them but at the end of the day I always come home to a place where I live by myself and I just feel constantly lonely. Moving or living with others isn't an option as my lease still has many more months on it. I knew the lack of companionship would be hard to adjust to even though it wasn't a very long relationship but I'm growing tired of having no one to share things with. I've always been on my own and I used to be so good at it but now I hate it. I'm at uni full time too but rarely see social events I'm interested in and so I have no idea how to even make new friends. In the first few weeks after I was dumped I spoke to a counsellor for a one off session and they did give some good advice but I didn't really feel like I got a whole lot from the experience to go back. I just want to be okay with my life but find myself hating where I'm at. Everything feels boring and nothing I do to make the day feel interesting ever feels worth it. I just want to not hate every day that comes and I don't know what to do about it anymore.

IVGreen My fiancé left me.
  • replies: 1

Hey, I'm new to this forum but I am just seeking advice. I've been with my partner for 2 years and have been engaged for a year. At the start of April this year, we went to Europe on a trip to visit his family and to travel around Europe. A week into... View more

Hey, I'm new to this forum but I am just seeking advice. I've been with my partner for 2 years and have been engaged for a year. At the start of April this year, we went to Europe on a trip to visit his family and to travel around Europe. A week into the trip, he broke up with me. I cried and asked why and he said that he isn't feeling it anymore and doesn't love me anymore. I asked him why he did it in Europe and he explained that he was hopeful that we could make it work but the thoughts of leaving me were always in the back of his head. He sent me back to Australia and now he is telling me to get out of the apartment that we rent together by the time he gets back. He doesn't seem to be backing down. I truly love this man and he has a history of getting 'cold feet' and leaving and coming back. I'm absolutely distraught by this. I need advice, I hear from friends that I should just leave but that's easy to say when they are not as involved as I am. Any advice? I want to respect his wishes but the way he did it, it's just not like him. A mutual friend of ours was confused and baffled by the way he did it. This is not like him at all and he would never hurt anyone. Thank you for your advice in advance.

Bellia Post sex doubts and confusion
  • replies: 2

I initiated a sexual relationship with a long term acquaintance. It was a brave and nerve wracking move as he is very familiar to me in a small town senerio. I am a single mum who has been able to create a loving relationship with a partner for years... View more

I initiated a sexual relationship with a long term acquaintance. It was a brave and nerve wracking move as he is very familiar to me in a small town senerio. I am a single mum who has been able to create a loving relationship with a partner for years, I thought I would just create a physical opportunity as I really miss sex! but, my body backfired. It was an awkward experience and this man has gone from desperately wanting me to being very ‘nice’ without a hint of the sexual urgency he first responded to my text with. My self esteem has plummeted and I was trying to lift it through this experience!! I feel so hopeless as I need a physical relationship and I don’t seem able to get it. As a single mum I feel so alone and unloved.. I feel like I blew it and I feel self conscious and deeply ashamed and embarrassed. Why did my body do this! But more frustrating is the inability to really discuss it with him as I can see he finds my anxiety unnecessaryvto his reality and needs.. I wanted no strings attached sex, now I’m experiencing an isolated frustration and confusion. It’s horrible

mmads1 I want to be better but I don't know how
  • replies: 2

I've been in a relationship for almost three years now and I cant get rid of being insecure, jealous and having no self love. I'm always scared I'm not good enough and that other people with similar interests to my boyfriend will take my place. he's ... View more

I've been in a relationship for almost three years now and I cant get rid of being insecure, jealous and having no self love. I'm always scared I'm not good enough and that other people with similar interests to my boyfriend will take my place. he's really into theatre and all that and I guess thats not really my thing so when other girls are into that who know him I feel threatened. when I get upset about these things I generally become defensive, rude and attacking because I just am so unhappy about myself. I never want to bring him down but when I feel like I have so many flaws I can become angry and upset. I truly do love him and want there to be less conflict. usually its silly arguments but I really don't want my anger and depressive emotions to overcome me again, I need advice on how to contain my anger, ways to handle situations more thoughtfully and to just not always feel jealous of other girls. ah I'm so lost..

Miraclemum Mother in law causing so much anxiety!
  • replies: 9

Hi everyone, I have had a rough couple of years dealing with my mother in law. This is just one of the mean things she’s done to her son and I. Last year my partner & I found out I was pregnant! We were over the moon! Long story short - my partners m... View more

Hi everyone, I have had a rough couple of years dealing with my mother in law. This is just one of the mean things she’s done to her son and I. Last year my partner & I found out I was pregnant! We were over the moon! Long story short - my partners mother ruined my pregnancy & made it all about her.. so you can imagine my nerves about giving birth! When I was in labour I told my partner not to tell his parents as I knew they would call every 5 minutes, make it all about them and stress me out at a time that I needed to focus on myself and our baby. We live interstate so I was safe from them visiting! After she was born we enjoyed a couple of hours just the 3 of us before ringing to tell them our news. Basically we told all our immediate family not to spread the word of our baby girl yet because we didn’t want a million phone calls or anyone to post on Facebook as we wanted to enjoy our little bubble for 24 hours. His mum ignored this of course... she told all her friends, his father posted a picture of our baby on Facebook. I was devastated...! This was my number one rule I had stated throughout my entire pregnancy... we confronted them over messages & phone calls saying how upset we were & disappointed in them for making this about them & not listening to us. next thing we know his sister in law is abusing us saying we are selfish people! His mum blows up and tries making excuses for what she’s done but it’s just the icing on the cake for me and what she’s done the last few years. The first few days of my babies life were spent crying over what should have been the best time of my life and how that was taken from me. My partner was getting phone calls saying how I’m tearing his family apart! What have I done??? I’ve just birthed a baby?! I ring his mum 4 days later & tell her how furious I am with how she’s behaved & yet again ruined another one of her sons life milestones. she tells me I am ungreatful & that my daughter didn’t come out a stillbirth like her other sons friends baby did ( she’s got no idea who those poor people are & is using their child to teach me a lesson? ) her behaviour was discusting to say the least. My baby is now a couple of months old & I’m still reliving this horrific event. I get so much anxiety when my partner sends photos of our darling girl & when he speaks on the phone to them. I dread seeing them and watching her hold my baby as she’s caused our family so much pain. I want to cut her from my life. - one anxious mumma.

PurpleRed I'm new here. Really need the help.
  • replies: 1

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible. I have no friends (I don't mind that). My fiance is my best friend and we have a great relationship. My family (or lack thereof) are nasty pieces of work who would rather see me homeless and fail in life t... View more

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible. I have no friends (I don't mind that). My fiance is my best friend and we have a great relationship. My family (or lack thereof) are nasty pieces of work who would rather see me homeless and fail in life than thriving and succeeding. My mother in particular has told me to "lower my standards" in terms of life and career. I don't think my aspirations could get any lower honestly. I haven't had mental health issues for at least 5 years, until about 4 months ago when a call centre job and the nature of the calls really broke me. Since then, I've struggled to keep work as I cannot focus. I have a constant threat of homelessness over my head. I won't have this share house after June 30th, and I mentally cannot handle sharing a house again. I've been applying for new rentals with no luck. I don't have a lot of rental history. It is clean, but without any constant income, they cannot possibly rent to me. I don't blame them. I've been down this road before of homelessness and trying to dig myself out. I had to do sexual favours and work with people who are unsafe to be around just to pay rent years ago. I refuse to do that again. I can't go through this system again. Before any of you make a suggestion: I have utilised all the free sources available to me that I can think of. I used the EAP when employed. I've used all my Medicare ones. I cannot go back on Centrelink, as I've (willingly) quit my other jobs. I don't want to go through the charity system of homelessness again. It's extremely demoralising and heartbreaking. Thanks.

wonderingcat Any advice on managing feelings towards friends?
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I'm having trouble with some interuptive thoughts that i'm seeking ideas to manage. My friend has recently fallen pregnant with her second child. I'm jealous. I've had a few harsh thoughts that 'every-thing is working out for her' and 'she'... View more

Hi there, I'm having trouble with some interuptive thoughts that i'm seeking ideas to manage. My friend has recently fallen pregnant with her second child. I'm jealous. I've had a few harsh thoughts that 'every-thing is working out for her' and 'she's so lucky'. I know things are no where near that simple but i find it hard to challenge my thoughts and it does seem like many things are going well for her. I'm working on directing my life to things that would be good for me - but i don't think i'm that good at it/having much success. That is, while i have a lot of good things going in my life i don't think i can get to where she is - children, partner, financially well off. Any advice on managing feelings towards friends?

lostsoul369 My wife of 8 years cheated on me - what do I do? I feel so lost.
  • replies: 9

Hi all. My wife of 8 years cheated on me in Feb this year with a co-worker while away on a work trip interstate. We have been together for 12 years, have 2 kids (one is hers from a previous relationship and one together) ages 13 and 6. I only found o... View more

Hi all. My wife of 8 years cheated on me in Feb this year with a co-worker while away on a work trip interstate. We have been together for 12 years, have 2 kids (one is hers from a previous relationship and one together) ages 13 and 6. I only found out by chance on reading an email she was going to send to this guy, but didn't and deleted it about another up coming trip in April where she would be in his state for work and that she was hoping to see him again and wondered how they could meet, knowing he couldn't stay as he has a wife. She mentioned that she had flashbacks in the week since they were together about how his hands on her body felt and how the feeling of him inside of her made her smile and that it was unexpected but wanted. I was shattered and confronted her and she denied it at first, but when she realised I had read the email, she admitted it. She is sorry and wants to fix our marriage. The big thing is that in December I had suspicions of her having an affair with a different guy that she works with in the same city we live in, and she said she wouldn't ever do that to me as she has been cheated on and knows how it feels. We have been to a marriage councillor and we are trying to repair it, but I am just so lost and hurt in what she has done. There has been a lot of other things that just don't add up, including an email thread with the guy I was worried about her having an affair with, after he was at our house for 4 hours while I was away. She said nothing happened at all, but I don't know!