Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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RoseToez Controlling mother
  • replies: 2

So recently I got into relationship, and his been living with us for 3 months now. Well every time I spend time out at my mum's place she bags him out to me and I come home in a negative mood and have a fight with him. Then we won't get along very we... View more

So recently I got into relationship, and his been living with us for 3 months now. Well every time I spend time out at my mum's place she bags him out to me and I come home in a negative mood and have a fight with him. Then we won't get along very well for the next two days until one of us breaks the ice. Well in my past relationships it's been the same. The relationship with my kids father was worse, we were together for 5 years and all my mum had to say about him and his family were negative. And previous relationships were the same.. the longer I was with someone the worse it would get. The thing is that she's my only friend that I visit and open up to.. we'll have a couple of drinks together then I do find myself opening up about everything. I'd like to be able to avoid these conversations where she mentions these things about my partner that makes me feel like crap, but before i realise shes done it im feeling like crap wanting to go home. I'm starting to get really frustrated at myself that she's always had it over me like this. I honestly don't know how to go about this apart from me not visiting her or spending time with her. But then I get cabin fever because I'm stuck at home all the time with the kids. If I start having a go at her about it she just gives me a strange look. I guess I'm just looking for some advice on how to explain it to her so it sinks in without coming across aggressive

T1000-2019 Parent who gaslights makes it hard to stay in touch
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m a 36yo man. I had to turn to my parents for help in the last couple of years for some help with unexplained medical symptoms. I was having neurological issues, think a virus got into my CNS, and it was affecting my ability to work and giving ... View more

Hi, I’m a 36yo man. I had to turn to my parents for help in the last couple of years for some help with unexplained medical symptoms. I was having neurological issues, think a virus got into my CNS, and it was affecting my ability to work and giving me heavy fatigue. I am left with chronic nerve pain that comes and goes, and fatigue, but it’s not as bad now as the more severe symptoms that were going on when it first hit me. I encountered a lot of suspicion and doubt when I sought help from doctors, I was accused of being a drug user/drug seeker and that it was just anxiety. When I asked my parent for help navigating the medical profession, they insisted I go back and see a neurologist who had treated me like an idiot, and I assented to this and the parent accompanied me and the neuro then treated us both like iditots. That encounteer was a while ago now. Anyway I have also ended up with depression and anxiety from the chronic nerve pain/fatigue, it’s slowly worn me down over the last two years. I was still talking to my parents about it, trying to help them understand how desperate my situation has felt at times and how that doctor did more harm than good and how when my parent insisted I go back to the doctor that was more unnecessary punishment at a time when I could have really used some trust and help. Anyway my parent then flat out denied insisting that I go back to the unhelpful neuro. I think they deny the truth because it also hurt them to get insulted by the doctor, so they prefer to pretend it didn’t happen. So it’s like a self preservation tactic on their part. It’s just tricky for me because the gaslighting/denial of reality has put distance in between us at the time when I was still hoping to get some help and understanding. I’m also concerned that my family hasn’t rallied around me when I asked for help. Like when dad got cancer we all turned up at hospital and supported, when mum had operations we all turn up and support. Hospital visits plus home visits to make sure there’s support. But no family have attended my specialist visits with me. Or turned up at my place to check that I’m ok, make sure I’m good. I guess it’s tricky to some extent, because I don’t have a diagnosis. Also at times my family have expressed doubt along the the same lines as doctors. Feels like such a blow. Definitely part of my depression now is like just the fact that I’ve asked for help and it hasn’t been there. I think about that a lot.

CesiNestPasUnePipe My friend doesn't like to be around me when I'm in a low mood
  • replies: 2

Hi, I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for about two years now and my best friend was the first one I told and the only one who knew what I was going through for six months. As time went on I became more confident with talking about my men... View more

Hi, I've been dealing with anxiety and depression for about two years now and my best friend was the first one I told and the only one who knew what I was going through for six months. As time went on I became more confident with talking about my mental health with both professionals and other friends and families but it always seemed like this one friend was there for me because she had seen me deal with so much. However, she started to become distant and when she noticed I wasn't having a good day she would avoid me rather than speak to me. A lot of my fears surround the fact that I am alone and I start overthinking things so when she avoids me it feels like I've done something wrong. We have been avoiding the topic of my mental health for a few months now, and our relationship has been somewhat strained. We used to be so close, we used to see each other every day and talk all the time on the phone, but it's like she doesn't want to see me at all. Recently I feel like my mental health has been declining and I've been having more bad days than normal. She has noticed this and messaged a few times to ask if I'm okay to which I usually respond with "not really" but don't elaborate and she doesn't ask. However last night she pushed with more questions which meant I was talking to her more and forgetting to keep my guard up and I stopped filtering my words, telling her everything I had been dealing with recently and apologising for not being there for her. She got upset with me and said she can't handle it when I constantly apologise for everything and this is why she tends to avoid me at this time. But when I'm apologising, it's just how I speak and feel when I'm in a low mood. I am aware of it and try to stop it, but it's not really something conscious. I told her this and she doesn't seem to understand. Now I'm frustrated because it feels like she only wants to be friends with me at certain times and can't accept this other part of me that I am sick of pretending doesn't exist. I don't think I can just hide this part of me and pretend everything is okay just to be friends with her, but I really don't want to lose her, she's been my best friend for years now. CeciNestPasUnePipe

AnnabellaRaine Is there an adult protective services or other place I can get help?
  • replies: 1

Is there somewhere I can get help for someone who is mentally very unwell with PTSD, depression anxiety etc, has physical disabilities and is in a wheelchair a lot. The problem is that her husband is her carer and she is now living in filth. the carp... View more

Is there somewhere I can get help for someone who is mentally very unwell with PTSD, depression anxiety etc, has physical disabilities and is in a wheelchair a lot. The problem is that her husband is her carer and she is now living in filth. the carpet is filthy, cat letter box only emptied once a week or two, kitchen only ever cleaned when zero dishes left and he gets sick of having to wash something just to use it. He only washes his uniform for work. Her clothes are covered in animal hair and dirty. She is always light headed and I am sure it is from lack of nutrition as she often lives off toast or cereal as it’s easy for him to get and cereal is something she able to get herself if there is a bowl, spoon and milk. Is there a way to get help for her as she has zero family or friends, so it’s not like anyone ever goes to her house, so they don’t know she is living like this.

lostgirlwa96 Cheating partner...but its so complex and much more complicated. help!
  • replies: 2

Me and my partner have been together for 7 months now & we have a very loving, trusting relationship. He knows everything about me, my unfaithfulness in previous relationships, my ex struggle with depression, anxiety and suicide. My partner has alway... View more

Me and my partner have been together for 7 months now & we have a very loving, trusting relationship. He knows everything about me, my unfaithfulness in previous relationships, my ex struggle with depression, anxiety and suicide. My partner has always been very closed off about his past. I know his ex cheated on him a few times but he doesn't really open up. 2 weekends ago we went overseas together for our first holiday. I could never fault my boyfriend, he is so loving, caring and everything i could ever wish for. This holiday was perfect. One evening me & him got into a little tiff after drinking & when he passed out i decided to go through his phone. What i found then changed everything. There was an app called 'kik' open, there was some messages between him & another guy of which he had messaged this guy saying 'my gf is mad at me & i dont know why?', of course i investigated more. When i scrolled through the messages i saw photos of me being sent to this guy & this guy sending videos back. These photos i was unaware were being taken & even had been taken earlier that day. My partner was telling this guy to think things about me & asking this random man what he should do sexually to me. He was also talking to this girl, she was sending photos/videos to my partner & he was sending videos of himself to her. I was so in shock at it all i woke him up & threw his phone against the wall screaming at him. its all a bit of a blur what happened but obviously i was distraught, i was trying to leave the hotel room but he was standing in the door. i felt violated, prostitued, cheated, lied too. Next my boyfriend went into the hotel bathroom (we were in bali still, it was about 1am in the hotel room) and had a full flown anxiety attack. i had never seen him like this. I stopped yelling & screaming and just tried to talk to him about why he would do this too me. He explained to me that it was a self sabotage thing. It stemed from ex relationships and 2 unfaithful ex girlfiends & he just assumed i would do the same. He wanted guys to want me so he would feel lucky to have me but he also wanted girls to say he was worth something. His reasons were very confusing and still to this day im lost as to why he would do this too me. Ive decided to be there for him to battle whatever is happening and he is currently seeing a psych to sort this out but this is still hard on me. How do i get through this to support him?

Katho17 Pregnant with 2nd child and husband cheated
  • replies: 1

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant with our second child and have just discovered that my husband has been having an online affair. It wasn’t emotional but more sexual in nature. I was lucky enough that this woman found out he is married and with anoth... View more

I am currently 12 weeks pregnant with our second child and have just discovered that my husband has been having an online affair. It wasn’t emotional but more sexual in nature. I was lucky enough that this woman found out he is married and with another baby on the way and contacted me. My husband denied it but later admitted to it and says he will change. I never thought in a million years this would happen to us as the same thing happened between his mother and father which destroyed him. I am really stuck on what to do. I love him but I feel like the trust is gone and perhaps this wasn’t the first time this has happened. Please I need help and advice!

Wallcat Depression Affecting Relationship
  • replies: 14

My partner has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since before we starting dating 5 years ago. It can be difficult on occasions for me to know the right things to do to support her, especially if I feel upset as well. Sometimes we argue, and ... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since before we starting dating 5 years ago. It can be difficult on occasions for me to know the right things to do to support her, especially if I feel upset as well. Sometimes we argue, and she has often described me as being selfish and uncaring - but after a particularly bad fight recently we both came to the conclusion that my own mental health may have been suffering as a result of trying to regularly support her at my own expense. Is this common? Though I'm sure I'm not alone, It's not easy to find resources for how depression affects partners. It's also difficult because I want to look after myself, but I don't know how to support my partner at the same time.

RangerBaker Where to from here
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I am looking for advice and direction me and my husband have been married for 5 years, I truly do love my husband and would do anything for him. My husband has always been my biggest support and continues to do so, I have a huge dilemma that weighs h... View more

I am looking for advice and direction me and my husband have been married for 5 years, I truly do love my husband and would do anything for him. My husband has always been my biggest support and continues to do so, I have a huge dilemma that weighs heavily on my heart. All I have ever wanted for my husband is happiness, the fact is as much as I love my husband and he loves me. He says we are more like a old married couple who are best friends then lovers. Unfortunately due to health issues as well as anxiety, depression, bipolar and ptsd we lost the intimate side of our relationship. I have always found that side of things difficult as I have never had sexual desire and have issues initiating or cluing onto my husband's flirting. I am at the point where I am questioning everything. There are 3 things that my husband is asking me to change, they are simple things to many but I find them difficult 1. To shower daily 2. Change Clothes Daily 3. Have a clean and presentable house. I find all of these things a huge task and despite seeing the Psycologist and psychiatrist for over a year it is still the same. I knowing this is becoming a huge issue in our marriage and my husband has mentioned he can't take much more. I love my husband very deeply, if I didn't the decision would be easy. I feel as though I am holding my husband back. I only want what is best for him, he is the most sweetest and loving man, who is kind and caring. It is because of that and how I feel that I don't want to stand in his way. Due to me having a constant struggle with the issues mentioned above what should I do. I have asked my husband what he wants and he says whatever is best for me is what he wants. The issue is because my husband wants what is best for me I worry that he will make a decision based on what is best for me rather then saying what is best for him or he feel compelled we should stay together. what would you do the

CMH Trouble with Parents and Anxiety
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Hi! 1st time poster. Ive been diagnosed with Anxiety 3 months ago after having a major anxiety attack that caused my brain to just turn off. After seeking proffessional help and counseling i am in a much better place now. One major thing that has con... View more

Hi! 1st time poster. Ive been diagnosed with Anxiety 3 months ago after having a major anxiety attack that caused my brain to just turn off. After seeking proffessional help and counseling i am in a much better place now. One major thing that has contributed to all this is my parents, they have such a negative,hostile relationship that has impacted me alot. Whenever we would be together as a family my father just finds anything to argue about and is negative about everyone and everything. My mum and dad fight alot and are really spiteful to each other infront of others. As a child my parents never showed affection towards one another and never really taught us that it was ok to disagree with things and talk about problems. My family always tries to play happy families. So i have grown up and held onto so many emotions. My father has always put pressure on me and blamed me for my sisters wrongdoings. After discovering why i had this major anxiety attack and started treatment i learned that these behaviours of my parents are not ok and that i don't want this negativity in my life as it is doing me harm. I wrote a letter to my parents to explain what happened and why and how certain things that they do has contributed to my anxiety. I did this in a way that was constructive and explaining that if they dont do these things and try to have a more positive outlook then we can all enjoy nice times together. We havent spoken in almost 3 months and i messaged my mother to explain the purpose of my letter and that it would be nice to have a positve happy relationship in the future. The response i got was that she is really hurt and hopefully time will heal. I feel that she has turned all this around onto her and trying to make me feel guilty about how she is feeling. This makes me really hurt that all of this happened because of the way they are and their constant negativity and unwillingness to talk about issues and instead be nasty and bitter, then expect to play happy families. i told her i am not angry at them for anything just want to make positive relationships for the future. I want to respond to her but how do i do this? I was intendong on saying something along the lines of ...its not nice that you feel hurt. I have had alot to deal with myself including sadness, fear, anxiety and the inability to do things for myself. However i am trying to reconnect so we can have nice times when we do see each other. I do not how to say this. Sorry if this is jumbled.

Dani___ Partner diagnosed with depression and now he’s cheating on me
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My partner has been diagnosed with depression 4 weeks ago. Since then he’s completely shut down on me and won’t see me. Before this he was having problem in the bedroom and when we started discussing it that’s when this all came out about the depress... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with depression 4 weeks ago. Since then he’s completely shut down on me and won’t see me. Before this he was having problem in the bedroom and when we started discussing it that’s when this all came out about the depression, I helped him to get help and have been trying to support him but he’s completely shut down on me saying he’s emotionally exhausted and needs space. The other day I found out he’s cheated on me, and also he’s on tinder and doing god knows what. I’m so heart broken. He said the issues with the bedroom concerned him and he had to see if it could work otherwise he’s not a man. I’m so confused and I don’t understand what is going on. He started meds a few weeks ago and since then it’s like he’s spiraling