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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Slippers Trying my best.
  • replies: 3

I bought an expensive present for my Mum and the family has shared the cost so the one present is from everyone. I told my immediate family by text message what I had done and as far as I was concerned everyone was happy and that was that. I also org... View more

I bought an expensive present for my Mum and the family has shared the cost so the one present is from everyone. I told my immediate family by text message what I had done and as far as I was concerned everyone was happy and that was that. I also organised lunch for the whole family in a restaurant east enough for everyone to get to. I got a message from a family member asking what was going on, what are the details of the party. I was surprised since I had already given them out to everyone. The family member responded that I didn’t care for them; I tried to tell that I loved them but I felt telling them by text message was so impersonal. This tangent surprised me; I thought we were talking about the family get together and gift. The family member and I have had a rocky relationship. I have made mistakes in the past but I had tried to make good. I feel that deep down they are holding onto the anger from what I did before and there is nothing I can say or do to fix it. I was told that other family members meet up regularly and I was asked why I didn’t do this. I was going to respond by saying that “any relationship is a two way street” but this I feel would’ve have put gasoline on the bon fire And it may seem impersonal that I speak about the person as a 3rd party, this is a survival mechanism in case they read this message on the forums. I feel like I am putting this on this forums to gauge responses and was there anything more I could do or could've done things better. I am trying to look after my mental health as well Slippers

Guest_598 Closure through meeting with ex?
  • replies: 12

Hi there, my partner, who separated from his wife ten months ago, is still carrying around a lot of anger and resentment for his wife. To move past this and progress through the grief, he has decided that he needs to meet and talk with her. She lives... View more

Hi there, my partner, who separated from his wife ten months ago, is still carrying around a lot of anger and resentment for his wife. To move past this and progress through the grief, he has decided that he needs to meet and talk with her. She lives in a different state but is going to come to meet with him for two days this weekend. He has been very open and honest about it with me. He said, he is uncomfortable and worried because he is concerned that he will get angry and flip out (which would not help working through the anger effectively) and he wants to set boundaries. I think it sounds good and healthy, although there is a bit of fear that he may become nostalgic or she may try to remind them of all the great things only. He said that the last time he met her, he did not feel any longing and did not feel attracted to her either. I hope it stays that way, we are very good with each other. We constantly laugh and I know he cares about me. So I am hoping that he will progress as he is planning but I am worried about whether two days is a bit long. Usually, you would meet up with someone, chat and part ways. But she will be there for two ways, what if it turns badly? Wouldn't that be counterproductive? Or what if she gives him a feeling of normality because she visits him in their marital home. I am scared that he may get more confused or that he may become too nostalgic and give in to a ghost of a relationship that does not really exist anymore. Do you have any experience of spending that long together to find closure or at least the ability to move on and clear the air? I don't know what to expect after those two days. We will meet and talk but I am scared about the outcome. The signs look like he doesn't see going back as an option but I also don't want him to get stuck even more than he already says he is.

Troubled63 Should I run away?
  • replies: 2

I am very paranoid that They are going to find my post, so I will just refer to them as They. Ive always had trouble with Them, and now I am at my limit. At the beginning of the year I would say that I would never commit suicide, but I am seriously s... View more

I am very paranoid that They are going to find my post, so I will just refer to them as They. Ive always had trouble with Them, and now I am at my limit. At the beginning of the year I would say that I would never commit suicide, but I am seriously starting to doubt myself here. I had a short bout of depression (or something similar) recently and now I can understand why people would take their own lives, which is very disturbing. Originally, I intended to stay until I was old enough to leave, but how would I know what I would do before then? I know that I should ask for help or something, but I would end up disgracing myself, which isn't the problem here, but They is only one person. Everyone else involved has nothing against me. I would never be able to live with myself if I tear them apart, because really they're alright without me. I am the only problem. I might have some problems running away, as I have no friends or other family. I am young, but I am sure that i can still exit the country(that is, go to a place where I will not stand out). I can simply wait until I can work, and go from there. I am intelligent and resourceful, and They would not look for me. Please, I don't want to make a mistake so help me out here.

mazikeen Partner put us in legal and financial risk, what do I do?
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums and looking for some advice. Through a number of bad decisions and new strict laws in place, my husband had his driving license suspended, and more recently, was caught driving while suspended which has led to a c... View more

Hi everyone, I'm new to these forums and looking for some advice. Through a number of bad decisions and new strict laws in place, my husband had his driving license suspended, and more recently, was caught driving while suspended which has led to a court order and our car being impounded. I didn't know about the license suspension for a few months as he never told me. He has put us at financial risk through a series of bad financial decisions related to the suspension and with the potential loss of his job due to the above (I work full time as well). I am trying to forgive him for making these mistakes (we all make mistakes) and I am working with him to secure a lawyer for the court order. However, I am struggling with whether or not the above behaviours indicate that I should move on and leave him to sort out his own problems. I am trying to be supportive but I am so angry and hurt that he's done this, that it feels like he hasn't thought about the consequences or impact of his actions. Today he didn't go into work and stayed in bed watching TV feeling sorry for himself, and took a loss of pay as a result (despite me reminding him that we need the money to cover lawyer fees and fines). While I understand the impact that this has on his mental health and well-being and want to be supportive, I am also growing quite cold towards him. I have made it clear to him that it is not the mistake that matters to me, but his efforts in rectifying it. I don't know how to be supportive of him and take care of myself when I feel like I have to push him to make it right. I have even said to him that if I don't see efforts, I'm not going to stick around any longer and I have tried to set clear expectations as to what making it right looks like for me. He has said to me that what has happened has had a big impact on him, and I'm trying to be understanding and encourage him to seek therapy (which he is refusing) but at the same time, I feel as though he's made a very serious mistake, and he needs to push through his bad feelings and make an effort to fix it. I feel like a villain, and yet also feel like I'm the only one who is trying to ensure we don't lose the house, or any other consequences from his actions. Every time I try and talk to him, his response is 'I know' but he doesn't offer any solutions on what he's going to do to fix this situation (even when I offer ways). What more can I do, or am I handling this wrong? Any help would be really appreciated.

Confused123456789 Seeking Relationship / Breakup Advice
  • replies: 3

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, we were long distance and this became a major issue as he could not commit to anything more consistent for at least the next 2 years. This was the only reason we ended up breaking up, besides this we were good t... View more

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, we were long distance and this became a major issue as he could not commit to anything more consistent for at least the next 2 years. This was the only reason we ended up breaking up, besides this we were good to each other and we got along really well. We have had no contact since breaking up (3 weeks ago) and he immediately deleted me from all social media, which I assume is due to him being hurt. I have had a very quick rollercoaster of emotions... serious depression, sadness, anger and at some stages I even feel like I’ve accepted the breakup, I am aware this sounds like a very quick process over a very short period. I am travelling interstate shortly to where he lives due to an event a friend is holding (seperate friends, he will not be at the event). I would like to make contact with him to see if he would like to catch up while I am there, however I am worried about affecting either of our mental health if this is the wrong decision. I would give him the option of not responding at all if he didn’t think it was appropriate for me to ask and would let him know I would not harbour any ill feelings if he chose not to. Do you think it is a good or bad idea to make contact? Will I set us both back in our healing process or is it a positive move to try and maintain a friendship? I am honestly not sure if he would be happy to hear from me as we didn’t breakup on bad terms or if he would be annoyed at me for making contact and “interfering” in his life (for lack of a better word). I have written a very polite text, giving him multiple options to say “no” or not even reply, however I am unsure if I should send it or not? I am very wary everyone deals / reacts to breakups differently and I would not want to set him or myself back in our healing process or affect either of our mental health. Any advice would be appreciated

Matchy69 feeling helpless
  • replies: 35

I have met a girl who i have fallen madly in love with.She replied to an add of mine.The problem is she is married and in a marriage that she dosnt want to be in and says wants to leave her cheating husband but is to scared to.I cant stop thinking ab... View more

I have met a girl who i have fallen madly in love with.She replied to an add of mine.The problem is she is married and in a marriage that she dosnt want to be in and says wants to leave her cheating husband but is to scared to.I cant stop thinking about this girl and cant do anything i just spend my days and night thinking about her and just crying all the time for her.I dont know what to do.

Herbygal where do I start
  • replies: 13

not sure where to post this thread it's all foreign to me, I've been with my partner for 40 years the last 10 have been unbearable dealing with my husband's depression. I've been verbally abused many many times, physically abused and have had to call... View more

not sure where to post this thread it's all foreign to me, I've been with my partner for 40 years the last 10 have been unbearable dealing with my husband's depression. I've been verbally abused many many times, physically abused and have had to call the police, I know I have been living in hope that some miracle will h a open and he will go back to who he was before all this, I know he loves his family, grandkids and me, he is getting treatment that is not helping, I feel like I am drowning now even though I love him so much, I'm scared of him but I know he is so unwell, I'm lost to know what to do. I'm so exhausted. I'm crying all the time now. i don't know how to start again by myself at my age, it's so messed up.

Bluebell1 Is feeling numb a part of depression?
  • replies: 4

I’ve been recently diagnosed with depression but I think I’ve had it for a few years due to several bad relationships and family circumstances i have been with my current partner for 14months and I just feel numb I don’t have much love towards him at... View more

I’ve been recently diagnosed with depression but I think I’ve had it for a few years due to several bad relationships and family circumstances i have been with my current partner for 14months and I just feel numb I don’t have much love towards him at all I don’t get excited about things or miss him and I get angry easily could this be the depression?

Cbk Want to separate from my husband
  • replies: 4

Hi,I want to separate from my husband. I feel he is floundering and not supporting me or our family but thinks everything is just fine. We are in extreme financial distress- he lost his job in April and he makes little effort to find work other than ... View more

Hi,I want to separate from my husband. I feel he is floundering and not supporting me or our family but thinks everything is just fine. We are in extreme financial distress- he lost his job in April and he makes little effort to find work other than his first choice of jobs. He’s had a few interviews and had no luck. He said he would look at other types of work like cleaning but has done nothing. This has happened before and this is why we have so much debt. All our bills are in my name and it affects my credit rating as we are unable to pay them. He is irresponsible with money. He spent over $1000 this week when I was away for work. He won’t give any explanation for it. He does little to help at home. I work full time yet do all the housework, shopping and cooking and take our child to school Rachel day while he sleeps in. He has had depression and has chronic back pain. We are both recovering alcoholics for many years. I attend 12 step meetings he no longer does and won’t. It’s a shame as he would receive so much support. He won’t communicate like an adult with me. I’ve had enough. I want him to leave but we have no money and he has nowhere to go. What do I do to get him to realise I’m done and I want him to leave? Where could he even go? We have no family where we live and he has no close friends he could stay with.

Mummaofboys Seperated and Lost
  • replies: 4

Hi, my husband and I seperated about 8 months ago, originally just for a break as we were fighting a lot. With have 3 small boys aged between 7 & 2. While he has not been living here with have still been spending lots of time together as a family and... View more

Hi, my husband and I seperated about 8 months ago, originally just for a break as we were fighting a lot. With have 3 small boys aged between 7 & 2. While he has not been living here with have still been spending lots of time together as a family and he comes over most afternoons for a few hours to spend with the kids. We never really discussed what was happening with us as we both just needed the space. But a about a month ago he told me that just wants us to be friends now and he is going to start seeing other people. This has left me completely lost and feeling as though I need to fight to try and get my family back together. I still love him and especially want us to be a family again. I have been quiet emotional and he just tells me to get over it. Some days he will say that he doesn’t want me in his life anymore at all and others he will ring me multiple times to talk about his day and still spends time with us together but only when it suits him. I guess I just don’t know if I should keep holding on and trying to get him back or to let him go. And if I should let him go, how?? Thank you for reading.