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I can’t cope with the abuse anymore

Community Member

Hi everyone, I’m new to this and I don’t really feel comfortable talking to friends and family due to feeling ashamed and worthless but I’m in a abuse relationship and don’t know where to turn. The verbal abuse started basically at the start of our relationship but now over the past couple of months it’s turned into physical abuse as well.

The abuse got so bad tonight over me trying to explain to him calmly that I had been feeling upset all day and that he just brushed it off called me a child and said I have to deal with it myself which I then proceeded to say but how come you can’t just be there for me and then he lost it saying I was keeping him from sleeping with my stupid problems and hurled insults and profanities at me and eventually he got physically abusive. This whole time I just let it happen and I apologised and pleaded with him to stop but he just kept telling me how horrible I was and that I was selfish and that no one would want to be in a relationship with me and put up with me.

Im at the point where my self esteem is so low that I have no good things to say about myself, I hate looking at myself in the mirror because all I see is a ugly flawed person. I can’t even talk to him about problems I’m having because he just says that he doesn’t know how to help and that he’s sick of me being depressed and mopey.

He tells me that he will change and he loves me and cares about me and I want to believe him that he will stop the abusive behaviour because I love him and always see the best in him but as soon as I do something small or I don’t act accordingly he treats me like I’m the worst person in the word

I don’t know what to do anymore

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Starfruit, thanks for letting us know and a warm welcome to you.

I am truly so very sorry you have to cope with this abuse, it starts off being emotional and finally ends up being physical and being in love with him maybe your security blanket, and sorry if this upsets you because that's not my intention.

Please go and check out any injuries you may have sustained with your doctor or the hospital and is there someone, a friend or a family member you can go and stay with.

Can I ask if you can ring a couple of places for support, Reachout by online, Lifeline or 1800Respect 1800 737 732, Relationships 1300 364 277 or please copy and paste this in your search bar 'https://www.whiteribbon.org.au › find-help › domestic-violence-hotlines

Please be careful of his promises to never do it again because that's what can happen, he may improve for a week or so then it starts all over again.

If you need to take out an AVO against him then please ask your local police who will also keep an eye out for him.

I could continue but want to post this off as soon as possible.

Please look after yourself.


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Starfruiit, how I wish I was there standing beside you as you look in the mirror. I wish I was there to tell you who I see in the mirror. I imagine saying to you 'I see someone truly uniquely beautiful who has lost the kind of energy it takes to walk away from harm, the kind of energy it takes to feel fully empowered, fully charged up or in (a state of) charge. You can still be truly uniquely beautiful and feel low or flat at the same time. Being low is a state which can leave us feeling powerless at times'.

Sticking with the battery reference, I believe that when we're in a state of depleted energy, it's important we find someone in our life who is positively in charge, to inspire us and help us. It's important to reach out for help and guidance, reach for someone we trust who can show us the potential of our own power. This is the sort of person who charges us up or empowers us through their own energy, not someone who drains us in order to maintain their own sense of power (such as your partner).

You are delicate in so many ways, so many beautiful ways and this makes you far from worthless. When a delicate nature is balanced with strength of mind, the lessons in life become humbling, not something to be ashamed of. Allow humility to be your strength as you reach out to friends and family and never mistake feeling low for being weak. You are stronger than you currently imagine.

The ways can be subtle when it comes to how someone can mentally fracture us. We may not realise this is happening. To face the possibility of physical fracturing must be seen as the wake up call for change. Now is the time for both emotional and physical attention in order to look at the harm that has been done. You are in need of great care and healing. This time presents an opportunity for you to be in charge.

Take care Starfruiit