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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Brenton5K Alone again- not feeling good
  • replies: 13

This is my first time at the site and my first post. Before writing, I read through several topics and threads that seemed to match how I am feeling and it left me thinking that there are people dealing with issues that seem way more difficult than a... View more

This is my first time at the site and my first post. Before writing, I read through several topics and threads that seemed to match how I am feeling and it left me thinking that there are people dealing with issues that seem way more difficult than anything I have experienced and that I should count myself lucky with my lot in life - and I guess that is true. But I can't get passed how I am feeling at the moment. I have never married, had kids and our family was never close. For the most part of my life I have lived alone but enjoyed a good social life but as I got older this slowly faded away. Over the last 2 years I rented out my spare room to someone who I got on really well with but today he told me that he is moving out and I will be on my own again and it has left me feeling so low. I am near retirement age and I am thinking that all I have to look forward to is a lonely life when all I really want is someone be around. The more I write, the more I think I should just pull myself together and get on with things - which is what I have done in the past, but this time it feels so much worse and I don't know why. I guess I am not as good at rolling with the bumps and hurdles as I used to be. There is a lot more I could write but I think thats enough.

Sunshine_11 Can't deal with stress of two young children
  • replies: 5

Hi, I have a good husband and two young children, 7 and almost 5. I also work 4 days a week in a demanding job where there are no low periods, it's constantly demanding. My daughter who is 7 is also very emotional, and drains me a lot. By themselves ... View more

Hi, I have a good husband and two young children, 7 and almost 5. I also work 4 days a week in a demanding job where there are no low periods, it's constantly demanding. My daughter who is 7 is also very emotional, and drains me a lot. By themselves they are good kids but together they are a force to reckon with and require an iron will to stay calm. Both my husband and I are having a lot of trouble with them. They are very noisy and often it's very hard to get them to do anything. By themselves, fine, together, awful. Dinner times are stressful, bed time is stressful and by the time they go to bed its 9:30 and we are exhausted. We often struggle the most when trying to leave the house on time and it's stressful trying to get dressed, while she is upset that she is going to be left alone at dance practice, even though I told her, I will sit there and wait for her to finish. Then my son comes in and does something annoying and I start yelling and crying and cannot control my outburst. I got into a crying fit, which only got under control when my husband took her away to dance practice and agreed to sit and wait for her. So I feel at the end of my tether mainly because being a logical person, cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel. These kids have sucked out of me what ever patience and self control I have. I work very hard to be patient, but I feel like they are ruinning our lives. We have no problems except for them and they are making our lives a living hell, for basically no purpose. I don't know what to do. I do sometimes send them to my parents etc, but only for short periods as they also can't deal with how naughty they are. So basically my battery has run flat. I am trying to be positive but I need them to change. How long can I keep going and how long until I breakdown completely? When I have my crying attacks, I can pull myself together after my husband takes them out of the house etc. So I don't know what help is available to us. It's not like you can send kids to a training facility where they improve in a few days. They don't have self awareness as much as we do. Is this a parenting normal? I am generally a calm and collected person, so me coming to this point took years But where do I go from here? Do I check myself into a hotel each weekend and let my husband deal with them? That's not a solution. If I started having crying outbursts where it's loud crying where I can't stop, is that something to stop and take notice of? Thanks

Br1sbaneg1rl Any experience with a narcissistic partner?
  • replies: 4

Hi, I feel like I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic and have been going through the cycle time and time again for 2 years now. I’ve spent so much time trying to understand why he treats me like I’m nothing and ignores me as though I don’t... View more

Hi, I feel like I’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic and have been going through the cycle time and time again for 2 years now. I’ve spent so much time trying to understand why he treats me like I’m nothing and ignores me as though I don’t exist sometimes. He has broken up with me numerous times and I would eventually accept it after a couple of days and every time he would do what he could to reel me back in. If I blocked his number from my mobile, he’d call my home phone and when I changed the number the emails would start. He broke up with me yet he would chase me and then it would be great some days but when it was bad, he made me feel as though I was worthless and it would be a cycle of this and it has been for 2 years. I make excuses for him, even to myself. From what I’ve read it sounds like he is a narcissistic and when I finally opened up to a couple of close friends, they suggested I speak to a councillor. I just don’t know what to do, I’m so frantic and he makes me question myself and doubt myself. If I go to see someone and they confirm that the behaviour sounds narcissistic, is that even going to help me in anyway? I’ve never known anyone to discard someone as though they’re garbage, why would I want to be with someone like that anyway. I think to myself, what’s wrong with me that I put up with this?! I apologise, my post is all over the place.

SeasonsoftheYear Had an argument
  • replies: 1

Normally I keep this to my thoughts, but I'm at the point I need to get this off my chest somewhere. I had an argument with my Mum recently which is something I generally avoid most of the time because no one likes conflict. This time however, it hap... View more

Normally I keep this to my thoughts, but I'm at the point I need to get this off my chest somewhere. I had an argument with my Mum recently which is something I generally avoid most of the time because no one likes conflict. This time however, it happened and I'm here. I won't say what it was over because it was small, I was provoked and snapped at her. I said something incorrect and she called me stupid for it and I replied in a tone I can't remember; but it wasn't loud. She said the usual "don't snap at me", "you kids are acting against me" to which I said "that isn't true" consecutively and she just walked away. She also said "you think you’re better than me" which is something I would never think about anyone in a million years. Yes, I felt bad and yes, I overreacted by snapping over something so small, but here's the thing, she doesn't care about how she talks to me or anyone in my family; it's the 'say it like it is' personality which is a realist way of doing things, but it's something I disagree with. She also claimed that her reason for not caring how she spoke was because of where she is in her life; this is a lie, she has acted like this ever since I have known her. She's called me stupid and other worse names in the past and I wouldn't dare reply because of what was mentioned above or risk a far worse argument occurring (it's happened before). I have learnt not to reply and to just take it; why though? I got bullied a lot at school and my mum was the one who taught me to stand up for myself, but I never took it on board because I was always worried, I would be acting just like the bullies. Also, I can't call mum out on anything. One reason being that in general I would never say rude things to or about my parents, that's a matter of principle to me, but my mum does it whenever someone in my family makes a mistake. Here are some things I have learnt over my experiences when getting lectured to and trying to argue my side to my mother. She can resort to name calling over a small thing, but if I replied calmly or called her out, she cannot take it nor apologise for name calling. She would think that the world is against her after an argument with one of us occurs, which is a complete exaggeration. I am not saying my mum is a bully or claiming abuse; I love my mother deeply and am grateful for everything she has done for me. I don't like conflict or arguments. I'm just looking for a place to post my thoughts and see what anyone else thinks.

Justo1991 Helping a friend
  • replies: 3

Hi. A friend of mine is not doing well and I can't seem to help. I'm fairly sure she has depression. She often talks about how she can't get over her ex, she doesn't know what career she wants, shes not confident in herself. Last two times I messaged... View more

Hi. A friend of mine is not doing well and I can't seem to help. I'm fairly sure she has depression. She often talks about how she can't get over her ex, she doesn't know what career she wants, shes not confident in herself. Last two times I messaged her she said she isnt doing well and just wants to be left alone. I don't think this is good, I don't believe she would try anyth but I think she needs to talk to me or better yet, a professional. I have mentioned a few times that I'm here for her and to call me anytime. We both volunteer in the same emergency services unit. Should I wait till shes ready or suggest we catchup and have a chat?

70gsmpaper My two closest friends had an affair with each other, not coping with the change in our relationships
  • replies: 4

I have a small social group, around half a dozen people, but there's two people in that group I've known for over 10 years that I would put in the "close friend" category. We've been to each other's weddings, gone overseas together multiple times, st... View more

I have a small social group, around half a dozen people, but there's two people in that group I've known for over 10 years that I would put in the "close friend" category. We've been to each other's weddings, gone overseas together multiple times, started (and closed) businesses together and been friends for almost all of our mid-20s to mid-30s. They're some of the few people besides family I'd drop everything for if they needed me and would go out of my way to assist with whatever they needed. Yesterday I found out those two friends have been having an affair with each other for the past 2 months that's dissolved one of their marriages. I only found out because one of them mentioned they're looking for a new place to live, so I asked why they're doing that and they explained what's been going on. In the 2 month period we've met in person fortnightly and they never mentioned it to me and I didn't notice any major change in how we all interacted (in hindsight, there were probably subtle signs). It's all come as a massive surprise to me as some other people in our friendship group knew, but not me. I don't feel it was deliberately kept away from me, but rather they simply didn't consider me a close enough friend to share that type of information with. I feel quite hurt about it and also embarrassed I wasn't aware of this major life changing event of the two people I care about most. I thought we had an equal relationship, where I was as open with them as they were with me, but now it looks like I placed a much higher value on that friendship that they did on my friendship. I also feel guilty that whilst they were having difficulty in their relationships, they turned to other people in our friendship group instead of me. I'm not sure how I should feel to be honest. They don't owe me anything, nor is is it mandatory for them to share every aspect of their lives with me, but I still I feel hurt that they didn't - is that an appropriate feeling? Should I be happy that my two favourite people in the world have found something that works for them on a level more than friendship? I also feel like the status of our 3-way relationship has now changed where they have this incredible bond and I'm just an accessory to that. Thinking about meeting up with them in person again makes me feel very awkward as I never thought of them in any kind of romantic relationship, it's almost like imaging your brother and sister making out. Should I even mention any of how I feel with them?

Elsam Help! Opinions please
  • replies: 1

I have recently left my husband of nearly 25 years at the end of August. He forced me to leave by lying to the police and he had me arrested for assault which never happened and they was not allowed to go back home. I left him at the end of August an... View more

I have recently left my husband of nearly 25 years at the end of August. He forced me to leave by lying to the police and he had me arrested for assault which never happened and they was not allowed to go back home. I left him at the end of August and have got my own apartment. We have not spoken a word to or seen each other since the the 25th August. Last night while minding my own business he sent through a love song from a You Tube link, I just ignored the video clip. This morning he sent a text message: Have a nice day Let me know about dinner Love you I thought about replying and waited till late this afternoon and sent a response: Message sent to the wrong woman?? His reply: Can you please pass my messages to her, I’m sure you know her, tell her I love her when you give her my messages. Also, tell her I want to hug her. I would like to see others opinions about this? It is doing my head in and I am feeling devastated. This message I am not sure about, not sure if it was meant for me or if he sent it to me by mistake instead of the other woman??? Why would he say Let me know about dinner if he has never mentioned anything about dinner to me. Have a nice day Let me know about dinner Love you I feel as though his reply he is just trying to cover his tracks??? Why couldn’t he say he loves me or that he misses me or that he wants us to be happy?? Can you please pass my messages to her, I’m sure you know her, tell her I love her when you give her my messages. Also, tell her I want to hug her. It was all her!! It doesn’t make sense! I feel as though he got caught out by sending me the text which was really for the other woman and is just trying to cover his ass!!! Would be interested in any other opinions. Thank you

Eleventwo Family breakdown
  • replies: 8

Almost a month ago I learnt something that completely shattered my family. It was a secret that some had known for many years, some for a couple of years, some for months and others for a couple of weeks. I was the last to know yet the one it affecte... View more

Almost a month ago I learnt something that completely shattered my family. It was a secret that some had known for many years, some for a couple of years, some for months and others for a couple of weeks. I was the last to know yet the one it affected the most. The cause of it was my husbands fault yet I find myself forgiving him and our relationship of 33 years continues. My problem is that I feel so much anger towards my sister and her family because of the way the news was broken to me. It was the day before my birthday, I had travelled across the world for what I thought was a holiday of a lifetime, they chose that time to tell me. They knew I had been planning and booking hotels etc , I feel ridiculed because they all knew the holiday wasn't going to happen. Why do I feel more angry about this than the actual issue? I feel so betrayed by my whole family, my husband included, although I find I can forgive him but no one else. I understand this might be hard to give advice on without explaining the whole issue, but I just want to get rid of this anger, anxiety and sleeplessness, I can't see an end to it.

Anonymous2109 My partner cheated on a perfect relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, My partner and I have been together for nearly 9 months. A couple of weeks ago my best friend had told me that a mutual friend of ours had been receiving innapropriate messages from my him. I asked to check his phone (he NEVER has had any reserva... View more

Hi, My partner and I have been together for nearly 9 months. A couple of weeks ago my best friend had told me that a mutual friend of ours had been receiving innapropriate messages from my him. I asked to check his phone (he NEVER has had any reservations about me checking his phone and never hides his phone e.g. always has it out at the dinner table when we're together etc) and I didn't see any messages. My best friend then supplied me with the screenshots which basically revealed him begging this girl to come over to his house, and making comments about how comfy his bed is, despite her saying no several times. Now the weirdest part is he's only met this girl once, she's never given him any signs she was even remotely interested (judging by the messages they shared), and he knows for a fact that this girl is a lesbian, in a committed relationship, and both she and her girlfriend run in my social group?!?! Anyways after many tears and fights I decided to stay with him if only he could explain why he did it. He blurted out that it was to seek acceptance from her. Him and I have had a PERFECT relationship and I know he loves me to death considering he gives me ALL his time, energy, affection and love 24 hours of the day, 7 days a week. He treats me like an absolute queen ALL the time. Because of how great he is to me, I make an effort to always tell and show him how much I adore and appreciate him too. He has been an absolute perfect boyfriend to me and never betrayed my trust or even upset me until this point. He's an all round respectful person to everyone he comes across, and everyone in his life (his and my friends and family) think this is completely out of character for him. He is adopted, and has loving adopted parents, however he feels as though they are often unsupportive of his goals in life and this demotivates him, perhaps making him feel unaccepted. Also I notice that he is a chameleon, changing himself to please others. E.g. if he plays his favourite song/wants to go somewhere and someone says they don't like it, he will start bagging out the song/place too. He says he does this because he's afraid to be perceived as difficult or be unliked. He is also incredibly hard on himself when he fails at something, even if its no big deal. He'll call himself degrading names and become defeated. I can see that he wants to change, and is already taking small steps to be more assertive. Does anyone have tips on how I can work on these issues with him?

roadtoselflove86 Daughter of an narcissistic mother
  • replies: 2

I am a 33 year old female who was raised by a narcissistic mother. She was and is a hard woman to please hardly anything I ever did was good enough or to her high standards. Growing up she had high expectations of me which a majority of the time were... View more

I am a 33 year old female who was raised by a narcissistic mother. She was and is a hard woman to please hardly anything I ever did was good enough or to her high standards. Growing up she had high expectations of me which a majority of the time were not healthy. She was not affectionate in showing love. During my teens is when I realised that her love was conditional. My narcissistic mother always jumped at the chance to boast to others taking credit for my successes/achievements in my life. The last past 3 years when I still lived with my narcissistic mother most of time I use to argue with her as she was too controlling and did not respect me, my boundaries or my belongings. It felt suffocating as she would always threaten me verbally or physically (which I stood up for myself). She has made me think and feel guilty as to why she is the way she is. I dreaded going on outings with her as most of the time she would jokingly/intentionally say negative comments about me in front of family, friends even strangers. As of April this year I put my foot down and ‘broke the chains’ and finally decided to move out from staying with her (narcissistic mother) and move back to my Dads. Now that I have set boundaries I try and limit my contact with her. I have come to the realisation that she can not change. I know the daughter, mother relationship we had/have is tumultuous and toxic. I’m slowly regaining my ‘self’ my journey to being healed is an ongoing process that will take time, as I know I will have to learn/relearn healthy habits for the betterment of my mind, body and soul.