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Son gave me impossible choices

Justme67
Community Member

I had a good relationship with son. Normal ups and downs however always good. I admired the man he became truly felt blessed. Night before Xmas I found out my ex was invited to Christmas lunch. explained I can’t be there to my son, my ex and I maintained a friendship leading up to Christmas I helped him it was also an opportunity for the granddaughter to see him, quality time with her may help. it didn’t. he had taken her to ride her scooter, on the way lends her scooter to another girl so they could go where He was taking my 5 year old granddaughter. Whom he returns home with taking her nowhere and giving her scooter away . She was upset and told me what he done, he then lied infront of her, about what happened inwas furious by what he done.Wrong to be angry ? was I wrong not to be able to enjoy Xmas with him.?Am I wrong to be hurt my son chose him over me.? A man he never has a kind word for. Whom has not been an issue before. I need advice to try move past this. Things can’t be as they were with my son whom normally would understand. I can’t even bring myself to look at him. I have never been hurt like this and don’t know how to deal with it

3 Replies 3

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Justme67,

Disappointments at times like Christmas seem to be magnified in my mind, I don't know if that is similar for you?

There seems to be so many expectations on how we should all get along, how the day should go and how we all need to be the best family ever. Is that all possible in reality?

Are you able to talk to your son about how you are feeling without getting really upset or angry?

Do you see your son very often?

Maybe he had big expectations as well and maybe his day went wrong and he was upset and took it out on you. At times I believe we take out our frustrations on those who are closest to us for some reason.

Maybe in a few days time you may feel a little better. Your relationship with your son may be different from now, hopefully you can still stay in contact with him.

Regards from Dools

MJthrice
Community Member

Hi Justme67

i spent many years in court batting my ex to get access to my kids.

she remarried and had more children. My parents treated them all as grandchildren.

when I remarried my new wife invited my ex, her partner and kids to our family Christmas dinner.

I was not happy - it had cost me a lot of money and emotional effort over the years battling her through the courts.

My wife’s response was simple - Christmas is about your kids not you, they want to spend quality time with both there parents not driving back n forth quickly dashing in and out of everyone’s house. and your parents want to do the same - see all their grandkids . After all it’s not like you have to spend the whole day sitting next to her talking about the good old days.

so there it was ... and there it has been over the past 5 years. Each of my family take turns hosting Xmas and every year they invite my ex and her family.

I still don’t like her, but it’s amicable and everyone gets on ok.

I think the kids really appreciate having one place to gather and celebrate all together.

This is just what works in our family, every situation is different . I hope you can find a way to make things work in your situation.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Justme67

welcome to the forum. Thanks fir sharing your story.

Mrs Dools and MJhrice have given supportivecreplies and explained how Christmas can pose problems and expectations fir blended families.

Your son loves you and you love him and he was trying to have his parents share Christmas with his family. I am sorry you feel so hurt and hope you can explain to your son how you felt.

MJ ,thanks for explaining what works for your family at Christmas and how you needed to make an effort. It is lovely to hear how you can all get together fir one day so your family can enjoy being together,

Quirky