Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Forgotten_who_I_am I am a mum, a girlfriend, a sister and daughter? I forget who I really am?
  • replies: 1

Hi there my name is Mandy, I am a mum of 5 gorgeous kids. Been with my partner for nearly 11 years but am still just a girlfriend or mistress as he is still married to his ex wife. I work 10 night shifts a fortnight. I don't have any friends or time ... View more

Hi there my name is Mandy, I am a mum of 5 gorgeous kids. Been with my partner for nearly 11 years but am still just a girlfriend or mistress as he is still married to his ex wife. I work 10 night shifts a fortnight. I don't have any friends or time to make any. I only have my sisters but they all have there own lives. How can I feel so alone when I have people around me I love? I don't even know what I like to do for myself anymore!!

treeguy Why am I so angry when I'm drunk?
  • replies: 6

This is a brand new thing for me, I'm feeling ashamed. I'm 55, have been a family big drinker most of my life, come from a big drinking family. Most of the time I think I can manage this. In the last few years, every say 6 months, I get drunk to a po... View more

This is a brand new thing for me, I'm feeling ashamed. I'm 55, have been a family big drinker most of my life, come from a big drinking family. Most of the time I think I can manage this. In the last few years, every say 6 months, I get drunk to a point where I cannot remember clearly what has happened, and I launch a tirade of verbal invective upon my wife. No one else cops it, just her. In the last few years there have been times where she has been unfaithful, and I felt we had moved on, but maybe I have not. Anyway, last weekend the same thing happened again, out of the blue, I was going over all the previous grievances, but this time in full earshot of our 13yo daughter. She now thinks of me as an abusive partner (well, I am...). I'm ashamed of what I can be. I'm disappointed I can't pluck the courage to talk about things with my wife unless I'm really drunk. I'm scared I cannot do any better.

Hannah-R Stress and Axiety dealing with my Parents
  • replies: 1

Hi guys, So I'm 20 and still living at home, however recently I've been feeling stressed and anxious at home. I feel like every decision I make my parents (dad in particular) thinks it is the wrong decision and while some of the decisions I make may ... View more

Hi guys, So I'm 20 and still living at home, however recently I've been feeling stressed and anxious at home. I feel like every decision I make my parents (dad in particular) thinks it is the wrong decision and while some of the decisions I make may not be the right decisions, I feel that the reactions I get aren't always the right reactions. Now the latest decision that I don't think was out of line, was to do with Christmas Lunch, so both my boyfriend’s family and my mum's family have decided to do a Christmas lunch, and so I said I would compromise and go to my boyfriend’s families lunch first, for at least an hour then I would attend my mum's side of the family's Christmas event. now I don't think that is that bad or anything, I'm making an effort to see everyone just compromising, however my dad seems to think I am choosing my boyfriend's family over my own and that I will be upsetting everyone. It's getting to the point where the constant 'judgement' of my decisions as an adult are stressing me to the point where I no longer want to go home. I pretty much make excuses to stay at my boyfriend’s house for extended periods of time and don't want to go back home. My boyfriend has said to me that I can stay at his house for as long as I need to help and honestly I’m thinking of saying yes, but I still worry what my parents will think and say. I am always on edge when the next phone call or text comes through telling me I'm disappointing and upsetting them. So if anyone can actually help that would be greatly appreciated

Billie123 Struggling
  • replies: 1

Nearly 2 years ago my husband & I separated. Initiated by me due to ongoing emotional abuse - I felt I had given my all & it was never enough, I was exhausted. As a result my ex de ids to punish me & take our children to another state so I would know... View more

Nearly 2 years ago my husband & I separated. Initiated by me due to ongoing emotional abuse - I felt I had given my all & it was never enough, I was exhausted. As a result my ex de ids to punish me & take our children to another state so I would know what I was “giving up”. The past 2 years have been a roller coaster. I have also spent the last 2 years working on myself with counselling etc. 4 months ago I moved to be closer to my children & I started legal action to try & gain custody - I still live 3 hours from my kids. My ex & I stopped speaking at this point. He also has a new partner - approx 6 month relationship. Recently my ex approached me & asked if we could sort out the custody stuff between us. Lately I’ve been feeling more & more that I hate this situation. I don’t feel like I miss my ex. But I miss my children terribly. I miss being part of a family. I never wanted this life for my kids. I wanted them to grow up with mum & Dad together - not have 2 homes with parents fighting over them. I don’t know what I should do going forward. I don’t want to go back to an emotionally abusive relationship but I’m struggling with the separated life. I thought it was suppose to get easier not harder. I don’t want my kids to have step family - I know I can’t control this if I don’t want to be married to my ex. I want to do what is best for my kids. I have arranged to meet my ex in person to talk over everything including kid stuff. I don’t even know if this can be fixed or do I want it fixed? I’m so confused at this point. I don’t even know if this post makes sense.

Lost1234 New
  • replies: 15

I'm new here but not new to feeling helpless. Where do I start?? I have 2 gorgeous children and a husband that I adore. Sounds perfect right. We are financially stable and both work hard but my husband is mentally abusive and an alcoholic. We met 14 ... View more

I'm new here but not new to feeling helpless. Where do I start?? I have 2 gorgeous children and a husband that I adore. Sounds perfect right. We are financially stable and both work hard but my husband is mentally abusive and an alcoholic. We met 14 years ago and gradually things have progressed to the point where I feel I so helpless. Some days are better than other's but he doesn't go a day without drinking amounts of alcohol that would put most ppl in hospital. As my kids get older I am seriously concerned about the impact it is having on them. Just need to talk I suppose.

Macka90 Anxiety after newborn got sick.
  • replies: 5

Hi my anxiety has strted to play up big time. I gave birth 8 days ago to a healthy baby boy and when he was 5 days old we were back in hospital due to him getting a viral infection, but the hospital treated him for meningitis as is theor policy for b... View more

Hi my anxiety has strted to play up big time. I gave birth 8 days ago to a healthy baby boy and when he was 5 days old we were back in hospital due to him getting a viral infection, but the hospital treated him for meningitis as is theor policy for babies under 3 months of age that present with a fever. Anyway we were in hospital for a few days, they also let us stay an extra night coz of my anxiety, and have just come home and my anxiety has gone through the roof, im scared he is going to get sick again, or that something bad is going to happen. I cant eat, i can barely sleep as im scared he will stop breathing. Can someone please help and tell me it is normal to feel like this or that everything will be ok or it will get better. Also i do suffer from depression but am not back on my meds yet as need to see doctor before restarting. I have also had 2 deaths recently in my family (grandmother & young cousin 34)

Farmer_J Generations Apart
  • replies: 7

Just because you can't see the tears falling, just because my eyes aren't red from crying, just because I seem to be listening and joining in, doesn't mean I am OK. Often as you get older, you are able to put on that brave face, that "I'm coping" per... View more

Just because you can't see the tears falling, just because my eyes aren't red from crying, just because I seem to be listening and joining in, doesn't mean I am OK. Often as you get older, you are able to put on that brave face, that "I'm coping" persona, and pretend that life is great, retirement is fun, the drought is someone else's problem - the next generation can deal with the decision-making and worry. But unfortunately there is another side, another you that only your secret self knows about and dreads when it tugs at your heart and wakes you from sleep, night after night. This is the anxiety side of me, the side that I have learned so well to recognise, to be wary of its influence, manage it and sometimes dodge its dangerous prompting. Sometimes it seeps into my mind like water leaking from a garden pipe...mostly underground and you don't realise until you see the damp patch, slowly spreading. Sometimes it hits me emotionally, prompted by a memory or some pain that I have stored in a mental box, marked "do not open". Sometimes it slams into me with physical force as I fight against the limitations of reaching seventy. But often, it is a combination that can best be described as a broken heart, as I struggle with wanting to be loved, wanting to be included, wanting to feel relevant, wanting to share. Rejection that is unexpected is like the shock of plunging into cold water, and no matter how you try to call on the normal strategies to understand it, sort through the scenarios, drag your thoughts into perspective, it hurts and the hurt turns into self-blaming and that turns into a pointless, anxious search for reasons, which then consumes you with a fear of not being important any more and even a burden. The knock-on effect is compounded by your age, your "alone" status, your slowing fitness levels, some unexpected health issues, and a cursed history of being the "solver", the "fixer" the "rock" for children who have now moved on and left me with a huge hole. The scary thing is, the hole looks like a safe hiding place, where no one can hurt me anymore, and I can curl up and shut out the noise and the light and the world. Normally my farm, the paddocks, my garden, pull me back from the edge of the hole, and with professional help, I get back on track. But of late, a heap of things have triggered really bad anxiety and my son openly rejecting my visit to meet my new grand child in Canada, has broken my heart, and I am struggling.

rg725 Jealousy/Anxiety in Relationship
  • replies: 3

How do I make myself happy again? I am usually a very confident person, I really have nothing major to stress about I have a good job, good upbringing etc and a roof over my head. I also have a loving boyfriend who I love dearly. But lately the past ... View more

How do I make myself happy again? I am usually a very confident person, I really have nothing major to stress about I have a good job, good upbringing etc and a roof over my head. I also have a loving boyfriend who I love dearly. But lately the past few months I have found myself over anxious of things with my partner. A few months ago before my partner and I made it “official” in his words he was caught using tinder and chatting sexually to other women. He was really apologetic, never seen a man cry so much and say he was sorry. We had been together for about 5 months already and we spent every moment together and he said he loved me etc but I couldn’t fathom why he could go looking for others. Anyways I forgave him for that, but I have never forgotten. also when we went out or went to festivals if he would get too drunk I’d find him with other women getting cosy everytime I left him to go with my friends. We now live together and it’s great. I am happy in the aspect and happy when we’re together we laugh and we get along so well and I love him dearly. But I find when we go out now I get this sick feeling like he may get too drunk, and do the same but he says it’s different now we’re in a relationship and we live together. He always says how much he loves me, and wants to marry me one day and he always says I’m the best thing that could have ever happened to him. The other night we went out and same thing happened as the past. He reckons he’s just being friendly and having fun which I respect but there is a line I believe that shouldn’t be crossed. I have expressed to him on a few occasions how I feel but he thinks I am overreacting. These sort of things have cause some jealousy in my relationship and it makes me want to push him away cause I just want to be happy and be loved the same way I love. I find once I’ve talked to him about it and had some alone time I’m good and I get over it but sometimes it pops back into my head at random times and it annoys me. I guess my question is, because I do love him dearly and I do see a future with him how do I overcome the jealous/worry feeling when it comes to him? Because I know this will ruin our relationship and I truely want to trust him because I believe he made mistakes in the past but it is different now but my overthinking mind always brings me back to square one. And I don’t like feeling worthless, or not good enough or worried. It’s stressful and I truely want to be happy and overcome this.

SCowell Failed Marriage
  • replies: 3

I'm hoping there might be some people on here who can help me get through the absolutely overwhelming sense of loss I am feeling at the failure of my marriage. I am alone, mother to a toddler and 5 months pregnant with my second child. I can't eat or... View more

I'm hoping there might be some people on here who can help me get through the absolutely overwhelming sense of loss I am feeling at the failure of my marriage. I am alone, mother to a toddler and 5 months pregnant with my second child. I can't eat or sleep, and am alternating between feeling numb and having full blown panic attacks. I know it will get easier but I'm really struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and my child is the only thing keeping me from giving up altogether. I need some advice on how to cope, I have never felt so absolutely broken. Please help

Chatz The floodgate of resentment
  • replies: 3

My boyfriend and I, both primary Carers of two children, live separately about three streets away. Right now I’m feeling so angry trying to holdback the floodgates of resentment. I know he’s entered into a new level of unstableness and I know it need... View more

My boyfriend and I, both primary Carers of two children, live separately about three streets away. Right now I’m feeling so angry trying to holdback the floodgates of resentment. I know he’s entered into a new level of unstableness and I know it needs intervention but I’m so exhausted at the moment I can’t think right I need to come vent here so I can get some space back in my head. All bought about because he’s made the most progress in a long time, self sabotage will work it’s charm. My partner has an excuse for everything! He needs help constantly! He can’t cope at the slightest thing till there isn’t any option and either his mother, I or someone else sort things. We’ve had ‘the talk’ over and over so to avoid actually doing anything he tells what we need to hear, then without actually doing anything everything is all hopeless again! I know the fog is thick, and the simple act of getting referred to a psych by his GP and actually attending, or doing any other beneficial thing for that matter has miles between them. Forget about makeing the appointment for him as the excuses why he couldn’t attend when organised would come thick and fast, I would be talked over and down. sorry for trying, your right if you did something for yourself we wouldn’t be able to go over the same issue next week. My mistake. We get through quite well usually as I’m down for just chilling and spending our time together on things we like to do. But he can’t come back and do life which means I either have to sort for him or sort the mess and it’s draining me emotionally and financially. He’s always needing something and life is hopeless if he doesn’t get it. I resent the way he can bitch and moan to me about the impending doom and in the next breath speak with a happy voice over the phone to someone . I resent how he sits and waits for answers when he used to be the one with the vision and motivate me. I resent being told I wouldn’t know what it’s like. I resent being made to feel resentment. I’m sure I’ve gone way over my space limit and I’ve only touched the surface but my heart and head ate a little lighter. I really hope not to offend anyone, and sorry if i broke any rules. I couldn’t let those feelings fester, I’m going to have a little cry and get a plan. Don’t do anything silly babe, I got this sorted, I’ll figure something out.