Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Bonnie____ Struggling to make friends
  • replies: 3

I absolutely love my job! I’m a female tradie and I learn so much and really do love the work... however being different to all the men at work and at trade school definitely takes its toll. It’s hard to meet people. I’ve had to move to a different t... View more

I absolutely love my job! I’m a female tradie and I learn so much and really do love the work... however being different to all the men at work and at trade school definitely takes its toll. It’s hard to meet people. I’ve had to move to a different town, away from my family. And after two years of not making any friends I’m feeling isolated. It’s not easy to go out and socialise with new people, because I have nobody to go with. I’m in a rural town, so there’s no social clubs or events. I joined a women’s hockey club, but I am much to young so I haven’t been able to make many connections - so I went where I thought young people would be - at a dance school after work... but I was too young to dance with the women (I’m 20 btw) so they put me with the under 16s and I’m not down with the gossip at school so it makes me feel like I can’t be with them either. i work with men around the age of 40, which is awesome because I’m surrounded by so much experience and knowledge... but outside work they are busy with their family and friends... and don’t need to have a young girl from work to hang out with. trade school isn’t the same for a girl as it is for the boys. I am either totally ignored, or I am hit on (until they realise I don’t want it and they too begin to ignore me). Both types of interactions make me feel like I’m different to the rest of the class. our local headspace seems to focus on LGBT kids which is really cool but I don’t belong there... and I’m not sure if I am considered a kid. i want a friend my age. I’m a young mature adult, but not mature enough to belong to adults. ive tried social media but all I can find is boys looking for nudes or a relationship.... I just want a friend and to stop this ever building feeling that I am all alone in the world and that there’s no hope of me finding my place. so until then, it’s another day of getting up to attend work before coming home like every other day to a empty house and nobody to talk to.

Cardi Help- Not feeling supported by my partner
  • replies: 4

Hello everyone, This is my first ever post, so I am a little nervous. I am a first time mum and it happens to be my birthday today. However, I feel so unhappy and nothing seems to cheer me up. I have been feeling this way for a few months now. I rece... View more

Hello everyone, This is my first ever post, so I am a little nervous. I am a first time mum and it happens to be my birthday today. However, I feel so unhappy and nothing seems to cheer me up. I have been feeling this way for a few months now. I received many birthday messages from friends and family, and waited all day for my partner to send me a text or call. I finally received a call from him in the evening and he sang happy birthday, then he asked me to send him some money as he spent all his money last week. Also, he mentioned going to the pub tonight so he may need money for beers. I felt even more upset. My partner is working away up north in the mines until December, so it is just me at home with the baby. I am on maternity leave at the moment, and a stay at home mum. Money is very scarce and I am the sole provider for my baby. This evening, my parents and sister had arranged to pick up my son and I for dinner, since I do not have a car. However, I felt a huge wave of anxiety and pleaded with them not to, since I am embarrassed to go out in public after putting on 40kgs during my pregnancy. My mother also reminds me of how big I have become, and says I have no excuse. My family came over to my house for dinner instead. After they had left, I was still sad and I sat on the couch in tears while rocking my baby to sleep. All day I spent my birthday at home alone with my baby, cleaning the house and crying. Last year my birthday was the same. I was sad and cried all day. I dread my birthday every year. I feel so unloved, alone and unappreciated. My partner never makes the effort to show me how much he cares, especially on my birthday. This year, he went with his kids (previous relationship) to buy a present for his ex for her birthday, and also did the same for Mother's Day in the previous year. This year was my first Mother's Day, he yelled at me as I left for church in the morning and did not wish me a happy Mother's Day nor do anything. The previous year on my birthday, he asked me to order some clothes for his daughter using my credit card and then he went out with his kids after I gave him money. I went to my parents place and then I came home and went straight to bed crying myself to sleep. We have been together for 3 years, but I feel like I am unimportant to him. It's not just on my birthdays, but many other days especially days when I needed him the most. Sorry, I need to get this off my chest. Thanks for listening

BluBear Ended long-term relationship
  • replies: 7

About a month ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I've been feeling emotionally unstable ever since. After the first few days I thought I was feeling good, but lately I've been really depre... View more

About a month ago, I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I've been feeling emotionally unstable ever since. After the first few days I thought I was feeling good, but lately I've been really depressed and feeling like I'm lost. For a long time I'd been feeling that we were only together because it had been so long and was more convenient for us to stay together. I never raised this with her because I knew it would really upset her. Also, often when I spoke about how I was feeling, she said that it was silly to feel that way or to think that, so I stopped saying how I felt if I knew her feelings didn't align. At one point, when I imagined my future, I no longer saw us together but me by myself. There's a drram company I've always wanted to work for in another country, but she didn't like the idea of living there and often said she didn't understand having a "dream company". Finally, I also felt that I had lost part of myself in her. That before we got together, I was a certain person and now that person didn't exist but was just a part of someone else, like my personality was based around being with her. About two months ago, I was coming out of a bit of a depressive phase and I met a girl through work. We worked together for 3 weeks before she returned home to her country, but we got along really well and I felt something for her. I asked myself why I would feel something for someone else and what that meant about how I felt for my partner, and decided that if it had reached this point, then I would finally say something about how I was feeling, and I ended it. My partner asked me if I would be willing to see a counsellor with her to work through this, which I refused. She then said that she felt that I was feeling these things because of my recent depression. We have since moved apart and don't speak. It's been a little over a month, and I am feeling that I just threw away 5 years of our lives. I'm appalled at myself for not giving it a chance in counselling, like I gave up. I've been remembering all of the little things about being with her which just makes me feel worse. I don't think I want to get back together, but I just feel so lonely and lost. I also feel like I deserve to feel this way for breaking her heart, or that I'm not allowed to be so upset about it because I was the one who ended it. I just wanted to get my feelings out somehow. Thanks for reading.

Kakapo What kind of mental health issue is this?
  • replies: 6

My 24 year old boyfriend told me for the last two months he has been feeling lost and confused about his life. It apparently wasn't because of me, and if I wasn't in his life he'd still feel like this. But it's causing him to shut off from me, no int... View more

My 24 year old boyfriend told me for the last two months he has been feeling lost and confused about his life. It apparently wasn't because of me, and if I wasn't in his life he'd still feel like this. But it's causing him to shut off from me, no intimacy and his personality is somber and serious most of the time now. He says he can't feel love (not just for me). When our lease is up he said he may want to go and live somewhere else to figure himself out as he doesn't think he's relationship material. For now he is trying to make things work (we've been together 2 years), going to see a psychologist soon. When we play games with friends online I can see his old personality come back. He has grown up with a very difficult and controlling mother who had huge expectations of him. The psychologist he was seeing was shocked to hear about how she behaved (how seriously bad it was). He also had a very manipulative first girlfriend at 18 which made him feel like he had to guard himself. When I met him he was the most passionate person, he connected with me on a deep level and supported me to the point I made great changes in my life. I moved to Australia from NZ for him. He had plans about returning to uni, but isn't sure anymore. He thinks he will be too financially strapped while renting with me to do it. He wanted to get back into a sport, but again finances concern him. He currently works full time + a part time job on the weekend. He had also been having issues at work (bullying) which stressed him out. I desperately want to know what is going on. Why this just flicked in him? This has happened to a lesser degree before I met him also. He says I wasn't the cause but he wants to move out to relieve pressure, so he can focus on himself. Is it that I'm too close to him and all of a sudden he's feeling suffocated? I'm going to start seeing a psych myself to try and get through this. He will still support me if we separate (worst case scenario), so he is still caring. Any insights or experiences with anything like this? He's scared and confused, and so am I. I did everything the last 2 years to get here to be with him. I love him so much and it hurts me so badly seeing him change like this.

doed03 Jealousy + No sense of belonging
  • replies: 1

I'm currently in a relationship with my partner for a year and a half. During that time we've experienced our ups and our down, like any normal couple. But I feel as if I'm the reason for the many down's we've experienced. I feel as if I'm not good e... View more

I'm currently in a relationship with my partner for a year and a half. During that time we've experienced our ups and our down, like any normal couple. But I feel as if I'm the reason for the many down's we've experienced. I feel as if I'm not good enough then I start comparing myself to my partner, feed myself with negativity and just make myself feel worse. And that then leads to me getting angry at my partner when they didn't do anything wrong and bad vibes come about between us. I tend to get jealous cause of my partner as well. She has a big support network and a huge family whilst I only have family of 4 and not much support at all. I don't feel as if I have a sense of belonging within her family. Everyone's so close with each other and has known each other for 9+ years and here I am, an outsider! I also struggle from social anxiety, and that tends to make me a bit awkward and shy and i don't know how to make conversation. I try so hard to talk and build some kind of bond between her family but I just can't. I feel so hopeless to the point where I cry often thinking what's wrong with me and why I can't just be inclusive within the family. I don't know what to do.

manoody92 Marriage issues.
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone, I posted a while ago with some issues I was having. My husband and I have been going to counselling, although I don’t feel like he really likes it. He just sort of sits there and agrees with everything the counsellor says...when I know h... View more

Hi everyone, I posted a while ago with some issues I was having. My husband and I have been going to counselling, although I don’t feel like he really likes it. He just sort of sits there and agrees with everything the counsellor says...when I know he thinks otherwise. When we got home from a session last week we had an argument and I recorded part of it. I plan on showing the counsellor next time we go so she knows what he really speaks to me like. I’m just so lost and unhappy at the moment, I don’t know what to do. Our relationship started and progressed very quickly, and I feel like that’s contributed to a lot of what’s happening. But the way he treats me is just so condescending and disrespectful I’m starting to resent him. I feel like if we didn’t have our daughter I would’ve left by now... any advice?

Tortellini Lost
  • replies: 1

My partner and I have ben together for almost 6 years. I'm 24 now, so we did a lot of growing together. It wasn't always perfect (I'm not that idealistic), but we're both very kind, empathetic people and we're not fighters so nothing ever went too wr... View more

My partner and I have ben together for almost 6 years. I'm 24 now, so we did a lot of growing together. It wasn't always perfect (I'm not that idealistic), but we're both very kind, empathetic people and we're not fighters so nothing ever went too wrong. Since we did so much of our growing up together, we developed into very similar people. We're not the same person by any means, but we have much the same morals and temperaments. He made me a better person and I made him a better person. I never wasted a day because he wanted me try things like surfing and diving. He didn't waste his potential because he followed me to bigger and better things. Recently, I had a bit of a panic because I wasn't sure we wanted the same things. I felt all this pressure about marriage and babies from other people (not him), but then after talking to him about it and thinking about it - I felt safe and so hopeful for a future that I hadn't ever really thought much about. I was always one of those independent girls who didn't define myself by my relationship, but I realised that I didn't need to be independent all the time. Then yesterday we broke up. We studied very different things, you see. Not every job can take you anywhere. I thought we could do a long-distance relationship for awhile (like we did so many years ago) until I had enough credentials to work in more flexible locations. But we both knew that it was a long shot that I'd ever be able to move closer to him, or closer to somewhere that he could also find work. So yesterday he told me he couldn't do it. He told me that after living with each other for the past 2 years (the best time of our lives for both of us), he couldn't put us through the misery of trying to be happy together while apart indefinitely. And the worst part is that it makes sense. I couldn't argue with him, because what on Earth am I supposed to do? I can't exactly choose to go a lifetime without working. We've talked on the phone twice since it happened (long conversations) and we've been texting non-stop. We're essentially leaning on each other to get through this. He's always been better at making friends than me, and I'm not good at talking to just anyone. He's my best friend. So here I am, in a new city where I know no one, having just broken up with the person I love most in the world and lost a future I only recently realised I wanted. I'm so lost. And alone. And I don't know what to do.

Lindsey30 Single at 31....
  • replies: 12

My boyfriend walked out 4 weeks ago, we had been going through a rough time and not really speaking and i came home from work and he had gone. Since then there has been harsh words from both sides and apparently he has moved on (in the bedroom lets s... View more

My boyfriend walked out 4 weeks ago, we had been going through a rough time and not really speaking and i came home from work and he had gone. Since then there has been harsh words from both sides and apparently he has moved on (in the bedroom lets say) I'm totally heart broken we were together 3 and a half years and now i feel totally worthless and a failure. I wasn't born in Australia so have hardly any friends and my family is across the world. Everywhere i look i see happy couples, engagements on facebook and people having kids. That's all i ever wanted and now i feel that the chances of that have gone. I have even taken blood tests to check my fertility as i'm scared to death of not having any children. I just feel absolutely no joy in ANYTHING i do. I'm trying to force myself to go do things but i just cant find any happiness in it. Even walked down to the beach on Saturday and cried the whole way along it as it reminded me of my ex. When will these horrible times pass because it sucks? I HATE life and see no point anymore really.

BasilThree Alone & Lonely
  • replies: 8

I had a bit of a scroll on here, looking for a thread where people may feel how I’m feeling, but didn’t come across one that really fits how I’m feeling. I feel for all the people who are in difficult marriages, relationships, situations etc. My issu... View more

I had a bit of a scroll on here, looking for a thread where people may feel how I’m feeling, but didn’t come across one that really fits how I’m feeling. I feel for all the people who are in difficult marriages, relationships, situations etc. My issue is a bit the opposite....never ending singledom. I’ve been single for 2 years, and have been in short relationships all my life. Little stints or maybe 10 months in a relationship, then a big gap etc. I didn’t like who I was in my last relationship (codependent) & am glad I have evolved from that now. But now, well I’m 32, and I don’t think I will ever have a relationship. A FULL relationship, where I’m challenged and feel joyful & and we both feel enthused about each other. Do these relationships even exist? I moved to a small city where people marry young, have children & don’t really look much outside their comfort circle. I’ve not found many people at all that I can connect with on a deeper level. I have friends, and since my last relationship, make a big effort to get involved socially, join groups and keep busy. But I can’t shake the feeling of not belonging, and of feeling that the people I do know, don’t actually know me at all. And also, feeling like actually, most of the people that I do see in relationships look bored out of their mind, or deeply unsatisfied. I look for miserable people, to make myself miserable too lol. For the first time ever, I am also feeling the maternal urges. To have children & to have family. And not having that is becoming a bit like an open wound. I’m not sure how to deal with that, because I don’t want to get bitter, and I don’t want to feel sad over it. I have a friend in her 40s who is so sad over the fact she has no children, and I don’t want to feel like that. What’s the best way to tackle that one?? Ive done heaps of travel, had some great jobs, done some things I’m very proud of. But doing it all solo is starting to have an effect on me, and it feeds into me feeling sorry for myself, and feeling really helpless (and hopeless...and anxious) about my future. Also, being single means I have to do everything myself, which I’m so tired of doing! Food shopping, house cleaning, dog walking, lawn mowing, socialising. I am in a constant state of making myself do stuff, because I’m the only one that can do it. Thankssssss

tobeme Torn
  • replies: 3

Hi, Long story! I have been with my husband since I was 15 (so over 18 years) and married for almost 11years. In the early days (dating) we had major issues as he is 6.5yrs older than me, so we had break ups/ reconciliations etc until I was about 17.... View more

Hi, Long story! I have been with my husband since I was 15 (so over 18 years) and married for almost 11years. In the early days (dating) we had major issues as he is 6.5yrs older than me, so we had break ups/ reconciliations etc until I was about 17. I was too young and so was he to be with someone so young! I had eating disorders and so was clingy and totally obsessed with this man. 6 months before our wedding I found out he had cheated on me a few weeks earlier with a girl I knew at a party we were both at. I was devastated but still desperate to marry him and have children. Only a few of his friends new. None of mine did nor did family. We went to counselling and got married. Our first child was conceived after a year of IVF with 5 cycles and 2 miscarraiges. After our first miscarriage he took me home and left me on the lounge to go watch a sports event. I cried for weeks by myself. Our son was born, had open heart surgery at 6 months (he is 100% healthy now!) and we moved in with my parents to build our house in our dream suburb. 12months later we move into our new home and I find out I'm pregnant with our daughter. I was estatic! The look on his face when I told him was blank. He was distant the whole pregnancy - emotionally. Even in the labour ward he was playing games on his phone or texting. During the first 6 months of her life he was just not there. She didn't sleep, my son didn't sleep and I was barely coping. One day I found messages on FB between him and another woman. From what I read I had believed it was physical but he swears it was only emotional. Again we went to counselling. I loved him, I was too scared to leave. My feelings towards him started to change a soon after. I still loved him, but not like I had. I was resenting him. I wanted another baby, but he said he wouldn't cope... and I agreed. But my feelings wouldn't go away. I didn't trust him either - ever. My feelings for another child peaked a year ago. We went to counselling again. He said he didn't want one but eventually said we could try if it was what I wanted. We gave ourselves 6 months and it didn't work. I was devastated.