Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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TP123 Boyfriend overseas for a month and I'm struggling
  • replies: 3

So my boyfriend has gone overseas for a month to a country that has limited service and he's working there Mon-Fri (early to late) for a project organisation so there's little to no contact for this whole month (he doesn't get back until 22/12). He's... View more

So my boyfriend has gone overseas for a month to a country that has limited service and he's working there Mon-Fri (early to late) for a project organisation so there's little to no contact for this whole month (he doesn't get back until 22/12). He's only been gone for literally two days but I'm already finding it super hard. We usually spend every day together, if not at least 5-6 days together out of 7. We just like spending time together. We've been together for a year and almost 2 months and this is the first time we've been separated for such a long time. He went on a family vacation last Christmas for 10 days but for some reason it didn't really bother me as much as this trip is. I assume maybe it's because we hadn't been together for as long, or because it was a family thing and not just him going by himself like this trip. I know this is going to sound bad, but I've been worried ever since he announced he was going on this project because there were so many girls in the group he was going with. I know, I shouldn't be dwelling over something so petty. But my brain keeps screaming at me "He's not going to see you for a month, he's going to forget you", "He's going to be surrounded by pretty girls who he's going to fall for", "He's going to need some sort of sexual release, and all those girls around that he's sharing housing with...". I just can't stop thinking these things and I really hate myself for it. I trust him and I trust that he loves me, but for some god awful reason I cannot shake these thoughts. They're making me so anxious that sometimes I just sit and cry and wish he never went (which is selfish and I don't like thinking like that). Not only all of these thoughts, but I keep thinking that he's not going to love me when he gets back. I keep thinking he wont miss me and when he gets back he'll be distant and not want to see me as much and maybe even break up. I've gone through CBT throughout this year for my social and generalised anxiety, and I finished around October and I felt so good. I felt so much better and like I could control myself and I was happy. But it seems his trip has set me back a bit and I'm feeling very depressed and anxious and I'm not sure how I'm even going to last another 27 days. I don't have a job at the moment and uni has finished for the year, my bike is broken and I don't drive so I feel like I don't have any distractions at all. Sorry for the huge rant, I just want to know if anyone has any advice for me. Thx

Happilyneverafter ghosted
  • replies: 2

Hi there, this is going to be long so please bare with me. My husband and I both suffer from mental health issues. Mine being anxiety and serous abandonment issues. He suffered severe depression, has anger and alcohol problems too. An incident occurr... View more

Hi there, this is going to be long so please bare with me. My husband and I both suffer from mental health issues. Mine being anxiety and serous abandonment issues. He suffered severe depression, has anger and alcohol problems too. An incident occurred a few months ago where he ended up in hospital for a week in a psych ward. Our whole relationship we have had communication problems, mostly on his side as he never opens up until everything hits the fan. He constantly gaslights me to the point where I end up in tears for weeks hating myself for the situations I am faced with. He promised to stop drinking, which he did for a while and then BAM, he started to ignore me completely and would spend the whole night at the pub, driving wherever drunk and turning his phone off. I snapped, I kicked him out and here where it gets horribly messy. I had been trying to contact him for weeks, we have children together. I lost hours at work and a huge chunk of pay because he completely ghosted me and I couldn’t work as I had no one to care for the kids. He wouldn’t answer the phone when his children would call, he wouldn’t reply to my messages, and we had no idea where he was and even if he was alive. Then I get an avo served on me, stating he is afraid of me. I have never been violent towards him, he on the other hand has. I was devastated. We have been together for 20 years and I have always been there for him through drug addiction, bouts of unemployment, the excessive drinking. When things get tough he always leaves us, hence the abandonment issues. He is angry at me for his actions and refuses to acknowledge he’s done anything wrong. I am so heartbroken. My beautiful children are angry, confused, blaming themselves for this situation and I can’t do anything about it. I have noticed he’s been going downhill for months and have desperately tried to get him to open up and talk it out, but nothing. It’s gotten to the point where I’ve been scared to walk into the garage for fear I see him harm himself. He has moved into his parents place who constantly blame me for their sons problems and his mother is so manipulative and enabling he can’t see he’s done anything wrong. They have for years denied he has mental health issues, I am the one who’s mentally unwell in their eyes. I cannot talk to them about my fears for my husband as they hate me. It’s been a month since I saw him and he’s still angry at me and has made no effort to contact his children.

SisterKiKi I'd really love some help...
  • replies: 4

Hi All.....I've been married to a really good man for 29 yrs & we have three adult children. From very early in our relationship he would give me the silent treatment when upset rather than talk about things. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic fathe... View more

Hi All.....I've been married to a really good man for 29 yrs & we have three adult children. From very early in our relationship he would give me the silent treatment when upset rather than talk about things. I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father & an emotionally absent mother, & 6 siblings. All varying degrees of complicated coming from our parents. I am quite emotional & probably the very opposite to my mum. I miss our three children so much. I didn't drink alcohol really until I was 48 & I had an op plus alot of different stressors, marriage, work, difficult neighbours, my kids grew up etc & I started drinking wine about 5 yrs ago. At first it was a little, I then got quite dependent on it & would get black out drunk. I am drinking less & try not to buy it. I last about 4 days then I buy more. My husband hates it & says he's done.I am so sorry for the grief I've caused because of this. I am off work at the moment which makes it harder. I try not to go out because then I'm tempted to buy a bottle. I suffer quite bad anxiety & depression in vary forms. Always have. I asked my husband to please hang in there & I'll try my hardest not to buy any. I hate that its so readily available. My childhood was so affected by alcohol & now I feel so ashamed that I'm drinking. I've tried so many things. Even a few months in rehab. I feel so lost without being a mum of my littlies. I miss them so much

JigglyPuff04 Going through a break up
  • replies: 6

I got really depressed last year due to family problems. My boyfriend (who is now my ex-boyfriend) has been always there for me. He made me feel better everytime I feel really down. He isnt the perfect boyfriend but he makes me happy. My family disli... View more

I got really depressed last year due to family problems. My boyfriend (who is now my ex-boyfriend) has been always there for me. He made me feel better everytime I feel really down. He isnt the perfect boyfriend but he makes me happy. My family dislikes him because of what he had done on my 21st bday. He was supposed to be there as he promised but he ended up getting drunk w his friends and couldnt go to my dinner party. We sorted out the problem though and we continued our relationship. Two weeks ago, I started my internship to a different town and he had to go for a training in Brissy. He's the kind of person who isnt good w communicating like texts or calls, but he treats me right if we're together. I wanted to talk to him but he said his busy. We ended up not talking for a week. I tried to keep in touch w him but I am pissed off that he ignores my messages and leaves me on seen. Last Tuesday I found out that he talks to his friends but he keeps on ignoring me. So i broke up w him which Im regretting now. However my friends and my cousin think I did the right thing as they believe that eventho he's busy he would find the time to keep in touch w me cos we're partners. I've been really down since we stopped talking. I am a very emotional person and I sometimes say things that arent right out of emotion. I must have hurt him thats why he chose to ignore my messages. Last night we had a talk on messenger. It breaks my heart cos it is really the end of our relationship. I cry everytime Im alone. I miss him. And it's so hard cos he's the only person who can help me get through my breakdowns now he's gone.

Lost27 Smoking
  • replies: 3

When I first first met my bf he never smoked. 2 years later he is now. I want him to quit. Which he said for me he would because I am more important than smoking big in a year and a half once I'm fully back from school from the USA. Is a year and a h... View more

When I first first met my bf he never smoked. 2 years later he is now. I want him to quit. Which he said for me he would because I am more important than smoking big in a year and a half once I'm fully back from school from the USA. Is a year and a half giving him to much time or is that okay for him to stop?

J_123 I want to leave, but I'm unsure and afraid
  • replies: 6

This is a long one, so please bear with me. Ive been with my husband for 7 years but only married for 2 and I'm unhappy. For over a year now I've been struggling with the idea that we've grown apart and I can't see the future anymore, and I don't rea... View more

This is a long one, so please bear with me. Ive been with my husband for 7 years but only married for 2 and I'm unhappy. For over a year now I've been struggling with the idea that we've grown apart and I can't see the future anymore, and I don't really to. He held me back a lot from the things I wanted to do and triggered my anxiety often so I'd end up blaming myself for him not wanting to hang out and do things I wanted to do. He never wanted to do anything with me and I assumed it was my fault. At the start of this year I put up my walls because I assumed he didn't love me and started protecting myself, this unfortunately lead me to start to have feelings for one of my good friends. This has driven me even further away from my husband and has made me realise that I should not have married him, I should've broken up with him years ago, but I think I was codependant and afraid of being alone. I kept hoping and thinking "things will be better after we get married" but I was wrong. He isn't a bad person, but I feel like we have little in common and I find it very hard to talk to him. We will have stretches of silence that will last hours where I'll be throwing around for something to say and then will get 3 words in reply. Our interests and passions are no longer the same and I am terrified I'll fall pregnant because then I'll be stuck (we haven't been intimate in nearly 2 months anyway). If I weren't married, I'd break up with him. But divorce is such a big, scary thing and I do care for him, I just don't love him anymore. I know some people live through marriages like this, it's not like he's horrible to me, I'm just not happy. I'm scared I'm throwing away something so many people want because I'm unsettled, but that's the thing, I now realised I settled for this marriage, it was never truly right. We've always had big differences and I changed myself for him. I've tried googling this and lots of people have this problem 20+ years in and there are help articles about "challenge yourself to fall in love again". It shouldn't be so hard or a challenge after TWO years should it? I'm terrified of what it'll be like in 5 years. I have always felt like a marriage should be to your best friend, but I've learnt to appreciate my own company because of this marriage as I've never done more stuff alone. Im so scared for him, I'm scared he will fall into a depression and not be able to get out if I leave. I don't want to hurt him, but I know I already am.

skyblue85 is it time to let go?
  • replies: 13

ive been married for 3 wonderful years.my husband is a very lovely man but when he is with his friends atleast once a week,they will smoke weed,and at first its ok with me but then at the back of my mind,it can change him over time. And once he told ... View more

ive been married for 3 wonderful years.my husband is a very lovely man but when he is with his friends atleast once a week,they will smoke weed,and at first its ok with me but then at the back of my mind,it can change him over time. And once he told me,that I cannot ask him to quit because he wouldnt.his friends are his other family here in aus aside from me,so he told me not to take it away from him,but ofcourse i wouldnt.but for me,they can smoke cigarette or drink but no weeds,but he cannot do it for me..i dont no if this is normal or am i just controlling and selfish as what he says..i just want the “old him” the man i married 3 yrs ago..now we had a fight because of same reason,and he chose to smoke weed in 3 consecutive nights leaving me home alone and choosing to be with his friends smoking pot because he once told me,if im trying to stop him,he will do it more often.i just want us to spend time with each other and this affects our relationship as a couple..i dont want to have a weed addict husband please help.

Man with no name Husband, wife and money
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I don't have anyone to ask advice from so here I am. We have savings in the tens of thousands, two good cars, no debt other than home loan, my wife earns more than me. I am keen to buy either an old car or motorbike for around $10k. My wife f... View more

Hi all, I don't have anyone to ask advice from so here I am. We have savings in the tens of thousands, two good cars, no debt other than home loan, my wife earns more than me. I am keen to buy either an old car or motorbike for around $10k. My wife flatly says that I can't. She is more concerned about the ongoing costs than the purchase price. I have clinical depression, I can't just move past it, it eats me up. Why can she be the decider in the decision? Should it not bother me? Am i being childish for not just accepting a 'no'? Thanks,

manoody92 Relationship issues.
  • replies: 2

Hi again, hope you’re all well. I’m having husband issues again. Things were going really well there for a while, but now I feel like things are starting to fall back to as they were. I still feel like I’m on eggshells all day everyday trying to look... View more

Hi again, hope you’re all well. I’m having husband issues again. Things were going really well there for a while, but now I feel like things are starting to fall back to as they were. I still feel like I’m on eggshells all day everyday trying to look after my daughter and maintain the house but I never feel good enough and like my husband looks down on me. I try my best, but I’m still not coping mentally. I voiced my concerns to my husband last night, telling him how stressed I am. Trying to deal with our daughter refusing to eat at meal times and not wanting to cooperate at bed time. Tonight she started acting up again, and my husband just went to bed with no offer of help and left the kitchen mess for me to clean. When I confronted him about it, he just said that he has to work tomorrow...(like I don’t do anything). My daughter loves her daddy, but I’m starting to wonder if I should be putting up with this anymore...any advice? Similar stories?

Tj_tj What to do..
  • replies: 4

Hey all, appreciate the site and forum, sometimes it’s a lonely place out there despite being completely surrounded by amazing people, have been with my partner for over 10 years, we are amazing together, have an incredible life, in the last 12 month... View more

Hey all, appreciate the site and forum, sometimes it’s a lonely place out there despite being completely surrounded by amazing people, have been with my partner for over 10 years, we are amazing together, have an incredible life, in the last 12 months, she’s had an affair, I’ve found out / caught her on so many occasions, each time it’ ends in tears, apologies and we work on it over and over, it’s reallly taken a toll on me, self confidence, trust, general heatlh, But I just can’t seem to end it, I don’t know if that’s considered weak, or love, or what! When is enough enough?