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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Emptyspaces Stressed out from family issues and feel like my low self esteem/insecurity could wreck my relationship
  • replies: 2

I've always struggled with low self esteem/self worth, but last year i had significant struggles due to uni stress and a really toxic work environment where my new boss corroded my confidence and every shift made me anxious. It was an extremely stres... View more

I've always struggled with low self esteem/self worth, but last year i had significant struggles due to uni stress and a really toxic work environment where my new boss corroded my confidence and every shift made me anxious. It was an extremely stressful year and i spent many times having meltdowns to my boyfriend and feeling unmotivated, anxious and unconfident. Since then i've been seeing a counsellor to try and rebuild my confidence... and it had been going well for a few months now. I've now reverted back to feeling insecure and unsure of myself, in uni and with my boyfriend. I know it's probably due to my deep worry and stress for my mum, whose life seems to be spiralling out of control and i really fear for her, and also the fact that my boyfriend is working away a lot lately when i really need support. I've tried speaking to my friends for support but i dont want to constantly talk about myself. i feel so helpless and its been making me extra sensitive to my boyfriend. I dont want to constantly burden my friends and boyfriend with my family problems but they're really taking a toll on me. I haven't been getting as much communication/contact as i'd like from my bf, and i know he's busy but it just hurts not being able to talk much because hes tired or hanging out with his work mates. I dont know how to get over my insecurities about him not wanting me when he's away and i've tried so hard to reason with myself that he works all day and needs to look after himself too, but its so hard when im on uni break and havent got enough activities to consume me and take my mind of everything. We talk via text when he's away and there have been times where i know my insecurities are coming through my msgs but i just can't seem to hold back, and then he becomes frustrated because hes working hard and annoyed that i dont understand. Does anyone have any advice? I can't get into a counselling session anytime soon, and i can just feel myself wanting to withdraw from my relationship to give him 'space' because i feel like i'm being too needy, but i know that will frustrate him. I know websites say to 'love yourself and that'll improve your self esteem and relationships' but i feel like i can't. any positive self talk i try and use feels fake and i dont feel better. I dont know how to feel more worth it and its making me upset typing it but i'm just so disappointed in myself because i really did feel like i was getting better and now im back where i started

Jinxy2259 Marriage breakdown
  • replies: 6

For many many years I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband. Tomorrow he is moving out. We have 3 children, 7 and under. I often thought about this day and how I thought i would feel free, but I’m scared and sad and hurt. My babi... View more

For many many years I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband. Tomorrow he is moving out. We have 3 children, 7 and under. I often thought about this day and how I thought i would feel free, but I’m scared and sad and hurt. My babies are suffering and I don’t know how to be the best parent for them. I have been strong for weeks knowing this was coming but tonight I am struggling and the tears are flowing. my husband doesn’t love me and i don’t have those feeling for him anymore, he has put me through hell - so why am I feeling this way?

Stasia71 Want to separate from a narcissistic husband.
  • replies: 22

I’ve been married for 26 years and have 3 children. The youngest is almost 18. My husband and I basically got married because I got pregnant when I was 21. There has been multiple cheating and emotional abuse by my husband early in our marriage and h... View more

I’ve been married for 26 years and have 3 children. The youngest is almost 18. My husband and I basically got married because I got pregnant when I was 21. There has been multiple cheating and emotional abuse by my husband early in our marriage and he has a strained relationship with with our children. I definitely dont love him anymore, and I’ve tried many times to talk to my husband about our issues, and about the relationship or lack there of with his children, he either makes me feel like I’m crazy, and there’s nothing wrong, or telling me that it’s not his fault it’s the kids fault......he refuses to take any responsibility for anything. That’s when I realised that I’m dealing with a narcissist. It fit him to a t. Everything is an effort for him, he will not do things for the kids with a willing heart, he makes them feel like it’s an inconvenience for him. He’s very selfish. I have had enough and I want to leave. I have been listening to an audiobook called “Will I Ever be Free of You?” Which has been so helpful. It’s helped me to understand narcissistic behaviour, and makes me realise I can find the strength within myself to leave this marriage. I’m not afraid of being alone, I know financially it will be a struggle but I think being free of this person will be worth it. I am not looking for another relationship, I look forward to my independence and freedom! I am a little afraid however for when the time comes to actually say the words “I want a separation/divorce” I’m afraid of his reaction, I’m afraid that he’ll get furious and try to make me feel like a wicked person or try to convince me to stay, that he’ll change or that I’m over reacting. I haven’t been to any therapy or counselling, but I think I may need to (although finances are tight) so I can find the strength to deal with this once and for all, so that I can live the rest of my life, happy. That’s all I want, to be happy. I would love to hear from anybody who has had similar experiences and who have found the strength and courage to get out of a bad relationship and find happiness again.

ALu1993 Family Pictures
  • replies: 1

I recently viewed a photo of my mum with her new partner and his parents and while I thought it'd make me happy I felt quite sad about it. When I saw it I thought about our family photos and when the last one was taken with us all together before the... View more

I recently viewed a photo of my mum with her new partner and his parents and while I thought it'd make me happy I felt quite sad about it. When I saw it I thought about our family photos and when the last one was taken with us all together before the family broke down and how at the time we had no idea it'd be the last. I began feeling really sad at the idea that now each member of the family is becoming more and more disconnected with each other. It's no longer photos of us it's photos of my mother with them, my brothers with them my father seemingly pictured no where. Like a branches broken from a tree that have been split and now growing out from another. Probably not the best analogy.. every time I look at a picture of them I wonder if they're thinking the same thing, or feel the way I do. Feeling like we are all trying to continue our lives with another family like an outsider waiting to be let in, when we could all just turn around and look at each other and feel like we belong, together. Will I forever feel this way, knowing that at one point I had a family before. I miss them all, I wonder if they feel this way too. I wonder if we are all hurting the same way, like an outsider, feeling alone. I wonder if my brothers feel like this, I wonder if my mother feels like this I wonder if my father feels like this and if so I wonder why we feel like being apart is better than being together. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

David_A Running a business after a break-up, the loneliest place to be.
  • replies: 4

Hey All, I guess I'll start with what should be a positive thing in life, I run and own a successful company based in Melbourne. The whole time I've been with a partner and never really noticed how much my world would collapse without her in my life.... View more

Hey All, I guess I'll start with what should be a positive thing in life, I run and own a successful company based in Melbourne. The whole time I've been with a partner and never really noticed how much my world would collapse without her in my life. After parting ways a while ago it's been a really lonely ride, I left behind a lot in life to start the company, and never thought I'd miss social interaction with peers as much as I do now. Having no-one to talk too on a daily basis with heartache and pressure combined is a real struggle. I manage to pump myself up enough to get by in meetings, but fall flat soon after. To get to where I am now, I gave up a relatively good day job a professional sporting career and with someone by my side everything seemed to be okay. Suddenly it's all come crashing down and everyday is an absolute struggle, I sleep around 4 hours a night, cannot get to sleep before 3am and really find it hard to get through every day. I ended the relationship and completely understand she wasn't right for me in the end but I can't shake this funk I'm in. Between the pressure of supporting myself and staff and realising I'm completely alone is absolutely the most painful thing I've ever been through. Eating is a struggle, sleeping is difficult and I'm finding it increasingly hard to get through daily life. I don't want a substitute for a partner, but someone to talk too who's struggling, who understands or just someone in life who can be a good support through this time. During my busy period the last 2 years I've lost touch with old friends, I don't have family support and I'm not sure what else to say. Just writing this is a much needed distraction and I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this, reply and thank you in advance.

Beck07 Help! Cheated on by my husband
  • replies: 7

I found out my husband of 3.5 years (been together for 10 years prior and have 3 children together) cheated on me a year and a half later after it had happened. I received a msg from the girl my husband had cheated on me with 4 days after giving birt... View more

I found out my husband of 3.5 years (been together for 10 years prior and have 3 children together) cheated on me a year and a half later after it had happened. I received a msg from the girl my husband had cheated on me with 4 days after giving birth to my daughter. I was devastated! Trying to deal with the birth of my daughter plus hearing about my husbands unfaithful ways. He said he did it because he was hanging around his mates who have been unfaithful with there partners and it starting rubbing off on him. It’s totally out of character for him to do this to me. The relations with the other girl was not an emotional relationship it was more of a physical relationship. He had no feelings for her. I asked him why he didn’t tell me about it when it had happened in which he replied he was scared to tell me as he feared I would leave. I feel his genuinely remorseful, genuinely sorry and genuinely hurt that he has hurt me so badly. He doesn’t want our marriage to end and me to take our kids an leave. But at the same time I just can’t get passed the fact that he has cheated on me and has broken everything we have built including my heart. Looking for any advice as I’m torn. I don’t know what to do?!?

Ajlm Nothing is working to feel better.
  • replies: 3

I'm in my mid 30s and had 6 year relationship my wife. We have two young daughters together and another two daughters she had previously that i had a great connection with. 3 months ago She broke up with me with a text msg and told me I dont make her... View more

I'm in my mid 30s and had 6 year relationship my wife. We have two young daughters together and another two daughters she had previously that i had a great connection with. 3 months ago She broke up with me with a text msg and told me I dont make her happy anymore and we are better as friends and then told me no more the 2 weeks later that she is seeing another man, she would not tell me his name and then let him stay in the home I helped create and meet my daughters. these things have absolutely gutted me! I feel so empty and lost and really am finding it hard to get anything done. I have a secure place to stay which is amazing but i have an urge to go home but nowhere feels like it, Even the one I helped create anymore. I had to quit my job that I used to enjoy because I was so unstable emotionally, i felt like bursting out in tears sometimes there and was so irritated with everyone, it was driving me crazy. Anybody who talks to me irritates me now and I've always been a really chilled out and calm human. I went thru all the motions and joined the gym and started that, got vitamins but it does not help and just going there is getting harder to talk myself into still doing. Recently my wife has been trying to get back with me and regrets it all that she done but I could never truly be happy with her anymore after she was with another man and treated me terribly, like a stranger the past few months. Her wanting me back somehow has made me feel even worse and I dont know why. I spend any spare time on my mobile now just to keep somewhat focussed because I feel so scattered. I have my daughters a couple times a week and love them dearly and put on a good act of happiness for them but The whole time they are with me I cannot wait until just go to sleep so I can be alone again, that's horrible, these are the girls that filled my soul with so much joy and happiness by now I'm finding it hard to have them for a night or two.

ashe01 I dont know what is the right thing to do
  • replies: 6

my wife of 16 years and myself have reached a crossroad. we've become more of a pair of flatmates. barely talking, and when we do it becomes overly emotional and usually end in a fight of words and blaming. I'm seeing a psychologist. for depression b... View more

my wife of 16 years and myself have reached a crossroad. we've become more of a pair of flatmates. barely talking, and when we do it becomes overly emotional and usually end in a fight of words and blaming. I'm seeing a psychologist. for depression but recently the idea of me moving out was brought up by her. this idea caused me to have a breakdown and ended up crying uncontrollable on the floor last night. i dont want either of us to wake up one day 10 years down the track, and realize that we hate each other I also dont want to leave and end up either of us blaming the other for the collapse of the our marriage we've got two children together a teenage girl and a pre-teen son who is on the austim spectrum. i dont like the idea of leaving leave without me around as much as i am but I dont also dont like the idea of them having to grow up in a "hostile" household. please help

SquidJoy26 To stay or leave?
  • replies: 1

I have been with my boyfriend for 13 years and I have just turned 30. We were very similar when we first met and I was rather passive with some self-esteem issues. These things have improved drastically over the years and I have finally found my plac... View more

I have been with my boyfriend for 13 years and I have just turned 30. We were very similar when we first met and I was rather passive with some self-esteem issues. These things have improved drastically over the years and I have finally found my place. Last year I had a small health scare and there was a chance that I would not be able to have kids, turns out I am fine! But, this made me start to think about if I would want to have kids with him or not and for the last 10 months, I am constantly day-dreaming of a life without him (every day). Now every little thing he says and does annoys me sooooo much. The way he talks and dresses annoys me, he has no desire to improve the house and it annoys me, the things he owns being in my space annoys me. It's like I have suddenly lost all patience and will to compromise in our relationship. I feel like I just want to be on my own, with my own things, and in my own space. I'm not sure if this is normal or if I might be experiencing depression.

kikik Two months post break up and lost
  • replies: 3

Hi, Two months ago I was in a relationship I never thought would end. I was ready to marry him and spend the rest of my life with my best friend. He left because he claims he fell out of love. I want to hate him for it so badly, but I can’t. I have f... View more

Hi, Two months ago I was in a relationship I never thought would end. I was ready to marry him and spend the rest of my life with my best friend. He left because he claims he fell out of love. I want to hate him for it so badly, but I can’t. I have friends and family who support me and I’m so grateful for that, but it’s this constant ache that’s there. He’s gone and he promised he would never leave. Some days I feel so strong and grateful for how much I’m learning about myself through this whole process but other days feel like nothing will ever feel good again. The person you wanted to share your life with is gone and not coming back. How do you lose a best friend and boyfriend in seconds. I’ve been in love before but not like this. This person made everything feel so easy and simple and as cliche as it sounds, it feels like he took part of me with him. Ive tried everything I can to stay positive and keep pushing past the worst of it but the longer it’s been the worse I’m starting to feel. I never thought I would have to feel like this. Not because of him