Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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skyblue85 is it time to let go?
  • replies: 13

ive been married for 3 wonderful years.my husband is a very lovely man but when he is with his friends atleast once a week,they will smoke weed,and at first its ok with me but then at the back of my mind,it can change him over time. And once he told ... View more

ive been married for 3 wonderful years.my husband is a very lovely man but when he is with his friends atleast once a week,they will smoke weed,and at first its ok with me but then at the back of my mind,it can change him over time. And once he told me,that I cannot ask him to quit because he wouldnt.his friends are his other family here in aus aside from me,so he told me not to take it away from him,but ofcourse i wouldnt.but for me,they can smoke cigarette or drink but no weeds,but he cannot do it for me..i dont no if this is normal or am i just controlling and selfish as what he says..i just want the “old him” the man i married 3 yrs ago..now we had a fight because of same reason,and he chose to smoke weed in 3 consecutive nights leaving me home alone and choosing to be with his friends smoking pot because he once told me,if im trying to stop him,he will do it more often.i just want us to spend time with each other and this affects our relationship as a couple..i dont want to have a weed addict husband please help.

Man with no name Husband, wife and money
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I don't have anyone to ask advice from so here I am. We have savings in the tens of thousands, two good cars, no debt other than home loan, my wife earns more than me. I am keen to buy either an old car or motorbike for around $10k. My wife f... View more

Hi all, I don't have anyone to ask advice from so here I am. We have savings in the tens of thousands, two good cars, no debt other than home loan, my wife earns more than me. I am keen to buy either an old car or motorbike for around $10k. My wife flatly says that I can't. She is more concerned about the ongoing costs than the purchase price. I have clinical depression, I can't just move past it, it eats me up. Why can she be the decider in the decision? Should it not bother me? Am i being childish for not just accepting a 'no'? Thanks,

manoody92 Relationship issues.
  • replies: 2

Hi again, hope you’re all well. I’m having husband issues again. Things were going really well there for a while, but now I feel like things are starting to fall back to as they were. I still feel like I’m on eggshells all day everyday trying to look... View more

Hi again, hope you’re all well. I’m having husband issues again. Things were going really well there for a while, but now I feel like things are starting to fall back to as they were. I still feel like I’m on eggshells all day everyday trying to look after my daughter and maintain the house but I never feel good enough and like my husband looks down on me. I try my best, but I’m still not coping mentally. I voiced my concerns to my husband last night, telling him how stressed I am. Trying to deal with our daughter refusing to eat at meal times and not wanting to cooperate at bed time. Tonight she started acting up again, and my husband just went to bed with no offer of help and left the kitchen mess for me to clean. When I confronted him about it, he just said that he has to work tomorrow...(like I don’t do anything). My daughter loves her daddy, but I’m starting to wonder if I should be putting up with this anymore...any advice? Similar stories?

Tj_tj What to do..
  • replies: 4

Hey all, appreciate the site and forum, sometimes it’s a lonely place out there despite being completely surrounded by amazing people, have been with my partner for over 10 years, we are amazing together, have an incredible life, in the last 12 month... View more

Hey all, appreciate the site and forum, sometimes it’s a lonely place out there despite being completely surrounded by amazing people, have been with my partner for over 10 years, we are amazing together, have an incredible life, in the last 12 months, she’s had an affair, I’ve found out / caught her on so many occasions, each time it’ ends in tears, apologies and we work on it over and over, it’s reallly taken a toll on me, self confidence, trust, general heatlh, But I just can’t seem to end it, I don’t know if that’s considered weak, or love, or what! When is enough enough?

ashley5 After the affair
  • replies: 2

Hi So a year ago my husband had a emotional affair, I knew he was texting a woman & had ask him to stop & he said he did but it turns out this was not the case. I confronted him & he broke up with me & we separated for 6 months, went to consulting be... View more

Hi So a year ago my husband had a emotional affair, I knew he was texting a woman & had ask him to stop & he said he did but it turns out this was not the case. I confronted him & he broke up with me & we separated for 6 months, went to consulting before deciding to make ago of it again. I have anxiety which on top of this means my brain has over analyze the hell out of the situation but my biggest issue right now is it’s a year on & I feel so insecure in our marriage like I can’t relax Incase i get crushed again. I feel like I’m losing my mind & im scared I’ll always feel this way. But I really want to make our marriage work. Will it ever get easier? My husband knows I feel this way & he’s starting to feel like I’ll never move pass this.

cantcope had a affair
  • replies: 20

hi, I have been married for 22 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, 22 and 17,. when I met my wife she was only 19, I was 26,. marriage has been good but over the last 7 or 8 years things have gotten stale, while I still have great affection for her I have found m... View more

hi, I have been married for 22 yrs, 2 wonderful kids, 22 and 17,. when I met my wife she was only 19, I was 26,. marriage has been good but over the last 7 or 8 years things have gotten stale, while I still have great affection for her I have found myself wanting,. I spend most of my time working and at night alone while shes doing her own stuff,, our sex life is non existent,. to the point im not interested anymore..5 yrs ago I meet the most wonderful beautiful women., I fell for right away, after a very short time she called it off as she had a partner,. it hurt me very much , but I got over it .went back to my normall life,. then 2 months ago, after 5 long years with no contact she emailed me again, she had broken up with her partner 6 months before and wanted to see me. I thought about it long and hard but couldn't resist her,. we phone each other several times a day and meet up in the city quite a few times., she was and is still trying to get over her relationship and is always talking about it,i told her I was there for her to vent etc.then she invited me to her apartment, I was nervous and scared but I went,.we sleept together,.then all within 3 days she told me she didn't want to see me anymore as her head isnt in the right space and its bad timing on her part. I have fallen for her and love her but she dosnt want me to contact her,. now I am not in a good place,. I feel very loney, empty feeling, always breaking up crying while trying to hide it from my wife,. im not happy and not in a good head space,. I think a lot why bother going on,. .....lost all interest in life. no appetite, no interest in my home life., I just don't know how long I can take this,. im so sad,. sorry for this and what has happened,. I don't know if I want to be here anymore,.

Sammiipants Tough situation, emotional abuse.. Don't know what to do!
  • replies: 3

Hi All, So for the past almost 12 months I have been with a man who I thought was perfect. We fell for each other quite quickly and soon after, fell pregnant. Throughout pregnancy he was so supportive in regards to anything to do with the baby. A few... View more

Hi All, So for the past almost 12 months I have been with a man who I thought was perfect. We fell for each other quite quickly and soon after, fell pregnant. Throughout pregnancy he was so supportive in regards to anything to do with the baby. A few issues did arise in other areas of our relationship though, such as jealousy, he would get upset if I didn't call him 'babe', accused me of inviting my ex to our home while he was at work, would ignore me for hours or after a small argument would take off and be uncontactable for hours.. It was all so emotionally draining. I never ever did anything wrong by him or to intentionally upset him, unless I needed to address something of course. When we would argue it would turn into a massive game of he said, she said. He would constantly tell me "No, I didn't say that! Of course you don't remember, you always focus on other stuff instead of our relationship" Always made me question my recollection of events and conversations even though I was certain in what I remembered. These situations were few and far between so even though I saw them as red flags, we got through. When it was good, it was great. Towards the end of pregnancy, however, these situations started to occur more frequently. When our son was born he had some feeding complications. Was a very stressful time for us both. When he was 5 weeks old, we had a rough night. This resulted in an argument the following morning where I was called names, he told me he was over my moods, over our relationship and then he threatened to take our son. I called the police to stop him, long story short he has been living with his mother ever since. I have met up with him on average maybe once a week since then so he could see his son, mainly because we have a strict routine with feeding and expressing that I need to be at home for. I have another son from a previous relationship that I would rather was kept out of this negativity and I am on the other side of the country from any family so I have no support. I have appointments and general errands I need to run on a weekly basis. I'm exhausted. He has told me he wants to go to mediation. Legal aid won't get back to me. If I'm busy at a time when he wants to see his son then I'm "not letting him see his son". He told my neighbours I have Post Natal Depression - I don't, I was tested and came back clear! I swear he is trying to break me! I am doing the best job I can for my two children. I don't know what to do.

StressedMrs Have I broken my husband?
  • replies: 9

I feel i have broken my husband. In 2016 he found out I was having an online affair. I was talking to another man using fake pictures. I never physically cheated on him not that it makes what I did any less disgusting. We were going good and I slippe... View more

I feel i have broken my husband. In 2016 he found out I was having an online affair. I was talking to another man using fake pictures. I never physically cheated on him not that it makes what I did any less disgusting. We were going good and I slipped and starting talking to the same man again (i also again was pretending to be someone else). He once again found out and since that time he has been depressed, having anxiety attacks, raging out of control and most recently verbally abused his boss. He says he doesnt trust me on the phone (which I can understand) and constantly says he is alone in the world, worthless and not important to anyone. He has been to counsellors along with couple counselling and been medicated but it hasn't stopped his rage outbursts. My greatest fear is that he is only with me for the kids and that he isn't able to move past this and start healing together as a couple.

Needsunshine Supporting SO with mental illness in long distance relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi there! I’ve been on these forums for a while reading and wanted to reach out for thoughts from the community. I’ve been dating my SO for almost 3 years, predominantly doing long distance with only living together for a year. He is currently undert... View more

Hi there! I’ve been on these forums for a while reading and wanted to reach out for thoughts from the community. I’ve been dating my SO for almost 3 years, predominantly doing long distance with only living together for a year. He is currently undertaking studies outside of Aus. Before he moved, I was aware he had anxiety but it wasn’t until the last few months, it became apparent he was also suffering from depression. The year we lived together was relatively relaxed for him and he said that was why he seemed okay. He notes that he is going through an existential crisis - his degree deals with the inevitable destruction of our environments. He really cares and has made it his mission in life to do something purposeful, to make an impact. This makes it difficult with me in the picture as he feels as if he’s just dragging me through his journey, making him feel guilty. We met overseas, and our homes are on two different continents, and he has now moved to a third continent. There are essentially then two things pulling him in different directions (three if you count his family - which do not live in the same country I do either). I love him dearly and I think he does love me too - he however finds himself wrestling with his own thoughts in struggling to find a deep purpose in life but also with the difficulty of us maintaining a relationship while he is so anxious and stressed. He has never been great at communicating and this has made it even harder to connect. I do not feel equipped to support him but I want to do what I can. I’m prepared to move overseas to be with him, maybe to remind him that we do have something good and can bring him some sort of stability. This is however taking a burden on my mental wellbeing as I don’t feel like my needs are being met but I cannot be upset at him for this. Would love some advice, both from people with mental illness and also their SOs and how they manage/support their loved one.

Notanurse Time to leave?
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, I recently gained employment in the career I aimed for. Im happy where I am and just really enjoying it. Im a casual employee, I have a performance review in January to see how im going and to talk about where to go from there, I have th... View more

Hi everyone, I recently gained employment in the career I aimed for. Im happy where I am and just really enjoying it. Im a casual employee, I have a performance review in January to see how im going and to talk about where to go from there, I have the option to move onto part-time or full-time work, something more permanent. Theres also a position through my work that im hoping to gain, itll mean I finish up my 3 month probation and move straight onto the new position which is full time. My issue now is that my mums beginning to pressure me about moving out, which I honestly really want to do. Ive even found the perfect place for my son and I, they've even dropped the price of the rent sine we viewed it on Wednesday, its almost as though its a sign! Im a strong believer in we wont learn anything until we try. I feel that if I don't move out now, itll only make it harder to adjust to moving out later on. I also don't think its fair on my son, we need out own space. I don't even have my own room here with my mum, weve turned the lounge room into a bed room for me while my son has the third bedroom. I feel im ready and financially I should be able to do it, after paying for everything I need to id have between $300 and $800 left over each fortnight, depends on how many shifts I get which has been quite a few, almost full time hours. Im just not sure if I should really take the risk on this or not.. the only thing holding me back is what if something happens financially and I cant pay the rent? Im a huge worrier, I get so anxious about the smallest things in life and this seems to be one of them! I have all the paperwork ready to go for this rental but its just that little voice telling me "what if?". Advise?