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Seeking advice on how I should handle a rekindled connection with an ex.

Community Member

Hello, and thank you for visiting this post. This is my first time using this message board so I apologise if anything I write breaches the site's terms and conditions.

I've recently started talking with my high-school ex-girlfriend again whom I haven't spoken with in five years after she contacted me over social media. For years she'd suffered with depression and anxiety, and had even physically harmed herself on occasion, so it's been so wonderful to discover just how much she's improved mentally and emotionally. She's so much more confident and secure now, and I am so proud of her and all the progress she's made. We've discussed possibly getting back together, even though we both live in different states now (South Australia and Victoria, respectively). Although we agreed that we'd wait until we reunited in person before we made a decision, we've since come to the agreement that a long-distance would be very difficult for us. We've decided that it's best for us to just be friends. But I'm concerned if even that's possible now.

Because of intensifying physical and emotional symptoms, I've recently been prescribed medication again to cope with the stress and pressure. It's pathetic just how severely this has been affecting me, honestly. I really care about her, and now that she's back in my life I don't want to lose her again, even if we are to just be friends. I want us to be friends. Nothing could give me greater joy than to be someone she can depend upon for trust and support, because that's exactly what she is to me. But I fear it might be too late for that, that we've already become too attached to one another again too quickly. We've both expressed disappointment that we can't be together, so I wonder if it's even right for us to continue to stay in contact. I don't want either of us to be hurt, especially not her. She's already been through enough and she's still struggling even now. I disappointed her once and I don't want a repeat. Is it possible for me to make peace with my affections and accept that we're just to be friends, or should I cease pursuing this before one of is hurt? We've established we don't want to cut each other out of our lives again, but I dread that outcome might come to fruition. Is it better to cut out that which we can't accept or learn to accept it?

Any and all advice, guidance or support is greatly appreciated, and I won't mind elaborating further if there are any questions or concerns.

Thank you.

2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello ExaltedPrinceOfYlisse, I understand how the two of you feel, but can I ask you a couple of questions, have any problems that made you split up been resolved and what would happen if someone else came into the picture.

Rekindling a relationship is always lovely, but as soon as a problem that did happen beforehand occurred then another way to get around this needs to be made.

Long distance relationships can always be difficult because there will be times when you are wondering what the other person is doing.

Hope to hear back from you.


Thank you for your response geoff.

Our relationship five years ago was always complicated on account of her illnesses. We weren't together for very long, and during that time she felt like she was regressing, and she unfortunately experienced another episode and harmed herself again. We broke up shortly after, and she asked that we no longer stay in contact so that she may focus on improving her health. I complied, and we never spoke again until five years later. I've always harboured a lot of regret for what happened between us, and although she insisted that our separation wasn't because of me or anything I did, I've always felt responsible. We've both felt remorseful for how we handled our separation, which is why it's been so good to hear from her again and put this unresolved tension between us to rest and make peace. We're adults now, and although she still suffers with mild depression and anxiety, she's improved tremendously over the years, which is why we discussed possibly getting back together. We were enthusiastic at first, but we've now come to accept that because of the distance and our conflicting schedules it would be very difficult for us, and so we haven't made any commitments.

She's living independently now, has a very big social group and routinely visits nightclubs and bars and is active on Tinder, activities that I don't partake in. She's entitled to her freedom and privacy, and if we are to be platonic friends I must learn to accept that, but right now the thought of her being with another person does make me jealous and uncomfortable, I won't lie. I'm scared I'm becoming possessive of her. I must confess, a lot of the dangerous thoughts and behavioral patterns I adopted after we broke up have resurfaced, only this time I'm able to identify them. I was in a very dark place following our separation that lasted for months, made even worse by the fact that I originally refused to seek professional help, and I really don't want to return there.

The last time we spoke we established that we should just be friends, and that was several days ago. I want to contact her again and see how she's been, I just don't know if I really should. I want us to continue to stay in touch, but I don't want to regress either.

Hopefully this answers your questions. If you have any more I'd gladly elaborate further.

Thank you.