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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Unicorns_Rainbows Narcissist Father and Last Chance to See him
  • replies: 5

So basically my father and i have a rocky relationship. If he wasnt my father i would have nothing to do with him. He is a typical narcissist and gasslighter. Without fail makes me feel like shit about my self and doubt me and my decisions and bluntl... View more

So basically my father and i have a rocky relationship. If he wasnt my father i would have nothing to do with him. He is a typical narcissist and gasslighter. Without fail makes me feel like shit about my self and doubt me and my decisions and bluntly lies and manipulates. Most of my life he has made me feel crap about myself. Ive tried to talk to him but its always my issue and im too sensitive. the last few years i have really really stepped back. However earlier this year he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He has been devious and lied and with held information and played the 'but im so dumb i just dont understand' card when ever ive been upset that he hasnt given my sister and i information thats accurate and current. He lives in WA 5 hours drive south of perth. i live in NSW 2.5 hours drive north of sydney with 2 kids. im debating about going over to see him for one last visit. i already know the trip is going to leave me destroyed emotionally and ripped apart or in an arguement and im worried my kids will see that. the only reason im thinking about going is for my kids. to see their pop one last time. my dad thinks cause he is my father he is entitled for me to financially ruin myself if need be to get there to see him. my job is uncertain at present and I dont even know if ill have the money to get there as it is. But we are nearing the point of no return and I am seriously being eaten about this whole situation. even through this my sister and i have been dealing with comments and remarks that we arent there and my brother is the one looking after him. My brother is the same as him and basically thinks love is doing what ever the other person wants even if it means destroying others or your own life. In my heart i dont think i want to see him. I have let him make me feel like shit and like im not enough for years and even this is another thing he uses to make everyone feel bad for him and again we arent enough as we arent there. I just dont know if its something i will regret. or will my kids hate me for not taking them. This whole things is eating my day and night. Because of my work situation i cant afford to talk to my counsellor. I just dont want to be a grown up and have to make this choice. how do i do it?!

Steve69 A Call for help and advice
  • replies: 2

Can my daughter, aged 12, access free counselling? She lives with her mum and their relationship is strained at the moment.

Can my daughter, aged 12, access free counselling? She lives with her mum and their relationship is strained at the moment.

Elsam Help! Don't know what to do?
  • replies: 15

My husband and I have been together nearly 24 years and married 13 yrs! There are major trust issues as I caught him on 3 internet dating sites looking for a discreet sexual relationship back in 2008. His excuses that it was only a game but he had em... View more

My husband and I have been together nearly 24 years and married 13 yrs! There are major trust issues as I caught him on 3 internet dating sites looking for a discreet sexual relationship back in 2008. His excuses that it was only a game but he had emails and photos of women and had said in emails he was going to meet up with them! He still will not admit to meeting up with women. After that he promised me he could be trusted and that he was honest! Then I caught him going past a brothel saying to his friend how could he go in there with his work shirt on! There have been so many lies that he cannot remember his lies! His job is a major problem as he is out on the road all day and says he will not leave his job! I assume because he wants his freedom to cheat on me!! When he started this job he promised me that he would only be on the road 1 day per week, now he is out and about all day every day! I never know where he is or who he is with? I cannot live with this doubt all the time as it only causes the trust issues all the time and causes huge arguments. I love him and have always made all the effort in our marriage even though he says he loves me, I do not believe him because he doesn't show me he loves me. There is no intimacy or affection! We do not have children! He is a narcissist and seems to be a sociopath! We have no real friends and no social life, he doesn't take me out and expects me to go out on my own all the time. I cannot sit at home 7 days and nights per week! We do not see his family or my family because of him. I tell him to go and see his family so he can't blame me for not seeing them but he makes no effort. I have told him a thousand times I am bored, that there is no spark in our marriage anymore because of him. We have been together so long and I do not want to walk away without trying everything first! Even if if I try to have an honest conversation with him I get nowhere as he just lies and tries to blame me for everything! We have not spoken for 2 weeks and I am not going to give in as when I normally give in and speak to him first he thinks he has put it over me again! I am so sick and tired of him putting his job before our marriage, he leaves home at 6.30 in the morning and comes at 6.00 at night and then still wants to talk to customers on the phone at home! I am ready to go and seek legal advice! He makes no time for us to spend any time together! Would love to hear from anyone in similar situations. Thank you

Toviah Women and societies mass demonization of low confidence men struggling with mental illness and lack of love and affection.
  • replies: 3

I'm an incel (havent been with a girl for idk how long) who is normal looking but has social anxiety, was bullied in school, severe depression and anxiety since I can remember, no friends. Father is verbally abusive etc. Have been on antidepressants ... View more

I'm an incel (havent been with a girl for idk how long) who is normal looking but has social anxiety, was bullied in school, severe depression and anxiety since I can remember, no friends. Father is verbally abusive etc. Have been on antidepressants for years and seen multiple psychologists. These wounds cut deep . People like me generally are in too much internal pain and angusih to find a female partner from the rudimentary "self improvement" advice like "read more books" and "pump some iron at a gym". The reality is guys will be passed over in the dating hierarchy by women because happy, assertive, successful men are universally desired and it's an extremely brutal, unforgiving game. But lately in society and the media there's been the mass demonisation of an entire group of men (low confidence men) who desperately need help and sympathy. Why? What have we done to deserve this?

Cleodams Feeling trapped in my in-laws home
  • replies: 1

To make a long story short, my partner and I had financial issues as he is a student, and his parents offered for us to move in. Things have escalated and I feel alienated and unwanted in the house. I get glared at whenever I leave our room, everythi... View more

To make a long story short, my partner and I had financial issues as he is a student, and his parents offered for us to move in. Things have escalated and I feel alienated and unwanted in the house. I get glared at whenever I leave our room, everything I do they tell me I'm wrong. I can't even make a sandwich without having his parents stand over me and criticising me. I was called a 'selfish child' over leaving a coffee cup by the sink. I've expressed to my partner how I feel many times, but he won't talk to his parents as he doesn't want to start a fight. I've told him I'm not comfortable and I want to move out, but he tells me we're broke, so I have to deal with it. He tells me "we need to be a team" but I feel like he's playing against me too... I don't get through the day without crying and feeling hopeless. My partner keeps trying to convince me I'm overreacting. But I feel like I'm within my rights to be treated respectfully as a paying tennant. Advice is welcome, but I mostly just want to rant, as I feel alone.

Tails91 How do I tell my husband
  • replies: 1

I’m at a loss on how to tell my husband that my not sexually attracted to him anymore I’ve always preferred women and the erge is getting worst to the point we’re barely intimate anymore cause I just don’t enjoy it I want to break it off and find my ... View more

I’m at a loss on how to tell my husband that my not sexually attracted to him anymore I’ve always preferred women and the erge is getting worst to the point we’re barely intimate anymore cause I just don’t enjoy it I want to break it off and find my lady but I feel bad I love him but not in love with him please helpppp

LoveSeeker In love with separated man
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I could really use some advice. I have been in a relationship with a separated man for the last six months, and have had a strong connection with him for about eight. He is very kind and sweet, and I am very clear on the fact that I love him.... View more

Hi All, I could really use some advice. I have been in a relationship with a separated man for the last six months, and have had a strong connection with him for about eight. He is very kind and sweet, and I am very clear on the fact that I love him. Although we don't speak about that because he says he needs to close off his old life first. He separated at the end of last year, not because of me but I guess I gave him the strength to take the last leap. We had nothing before, but the connection that showed us we want to be together. Time together is absolutely amazing and beautiful. But everything around his separation makes it really hard. Plans have not gone as we hoped, he is running out of money and most of all, out of mental energy. He now lives day by day and cannot make many decisions. I think it is some sort of decision fatigue because he had to run the show for both of them. He just wants to rest and wait until he can tackle the next problems. But until then, I have to be a secret because his wife would go crazy and make life and property separation hard. I feel totally out of control and out of balance. I love him and want to be with him but how can I cope if he does not even know when he will have enough energy for the next steps again. Or to even decide what the next step would be? He knows he's hurting me which adds to his stress. I try to be brave but I am losing the ability to. I don't want to have a break from him because I do not want to lose him and us. But I feel unhappy with the situation, even if the time with him without all the terrible things around us is absolute bliss. I wish I could get him to simply come clean on us. All I want is to no longer be a secret, everything else I can wait for. I told him that and he says he knows but then no action or suggestion follows. We talk very openly but at the moment, every time I bring up these profound topics, it hurts him and he gets all shut down and sad. I feel terrible for doing that but I also think I have a right to speak up. And he says not to feel bad because he understands. But he still doesn't do anything because he isn't mentally capable. What do I do? I would give everything to find a solution but feel I am at his mercy. And whilst he does not do any of this maliciously, it is still very painful. I always thought that love conquers all but I'm running out of strength fast. I did not have a good year last year, I cannot go through so much again. What can I do to win this for us?

MrsConfused Husband porn addiction
  • replies: 22

I posted this to a reply earlier today but it was suggested I start a new thread, so here it is... Hi, I understand this was posted last year, but I have also recently discovered my husbands porn addiction. I am hurt, lost and not sure where to go to... View more

I posted this to a reply earlier today but it was suggested I start a new thread, so here it is... Hi, I understand this was posted last year, but I have also recently discovered my husbands porn addiction. I am hurt, lost and not sure where to go to next. I am shattered that someone I have been with 17 years (married 10) could have been so dishonest with me all these years. The fact that he has lead a secret life throughout our whole relationship just distresses me. I now also hate myself for consistently spying on him and snooping through his phone. I have searched his laptop and even the tablet. I even put parent control blocks on our wifi! I just don't trust him! And i hate myself for that. Last time we "discussed" this habit he broke down in tears and told me he has been watching porn at a very young age. He was at a friends place and the older brothers had it on. He has been watching or viewing porn ever since. It is the lies that hurt the most though. I am not a fan or porn as it is so degrading towards women in general and unrealistic, but the lies hurt. I found magazines but in the early days and he said he did look but would stop. And I believed him but now i think about it there has been many times throughout our relationship where the signs where there, but i would believe what he would tell me...i trusted him...but since finding hard evidence i can no longer trust him. I want to and I don't want to leave him. Knowing that this has been apart of his life from such a young age i honestly believe that he has a solid addiction. I want to help him, but am i just being naive? If a friend was in my position, i would probably tell them to leave as there is no respect. So why don't I want to leave?

Harpydaze Grandparent alienation heartbreak.
  • replies: 1

Hi . My heart breaks every morning for my dear grandchildren who for several years now have had no choice to be hugged by my unconditional granny love. There is a growing number of grandchildren who are caught in the crossfire of this new permission ... View more

Hi . My heart breaks every morning for my dear grandchildren who for several years now have had no choice to be hugged by my unconditional granny love. There is a growing number of grandchildren who are caught in the crossfire of this new permission and advice to walk away from family members. I understand the need to protect oneself from toxicity. My own mother is a Narcissist and her interference with influencing my daughters mind against me has been the last straw and I have stepped away. I just can't cope with this pain in my heart. I think my daughter doesn't understand that I have severe depression and autoimmune pain and I'm not bunging it on or doing it for attention. Even the government recognises my disabilities and have granted support. I have been in deep therapy for years trying to figure out how I can do better; yet it's never going to be good enough. The expectations of the perfect non toxic mother are high these days. It's like grieving the death of my daughter and my grandchildren yet with the anxiety of wondering when or if they will come back to my life. I know of many other grandparents out there going through this , are there any in this forum?

essbee My mum said something that really hurt my feelings..
  • replies: 2

Essentially, I've been working on my anxiety for the better part of 6 years. The second I would wake up every morning, I would have to run straight to the bathroom to vomit because I was so anxious all the time. I'd cry a lot, felt there were lots of... View more

Essentially, I've been working on my anxiety for the better part of 6 years. The second I would wake up every morning, I would have to run straight to the bathroom to vomit because I was so anxious all the time. I'd cry a lot, felt there were lots of 'easy' things I wasn't able to do, even if I really wanted to, and I lost all motivation to study, work, go out with friends ect. I have no problem admitting that in my late teens and early twenties, my parents really struggled with how to help me, and I definitely stressed them out a lot. However, I haven't had a panic attack now in around three years. I graduated University and have a steady full-time job. I have more friends than ever and I do try really hard to keep up a 'normal' healthy life. So what my Mum said a few weeks ago really hurt me a lot. We had some family friends over and my mum had had more than a few glasses of wine. I was extremely hurt, and also beyond embarrassed when my Mum said in front of everyone that 'if [she] had have known what I would be like with all my anxiety and everything, [she] wouldn't have chosen to have me.' She sort of played it off as a joke but I didn't find it funny. Trying to save my own embarrassment I bit back saying I wouldn't have chosen her as a mother, either, to which she got mad and said 'seriously?!' I just got up from the table and walked away. After trying so hard for so long to reach this point, it was really disappointing to hear something like that. I understand me going through what I've been through was hard for her too, but that one stung.