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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Femto Moving on from a messy situation
  • replies: 3

It’s been two months since breaking up with her and I’m struggling to move on, I don’t like to admit it but I still want to be with her. We had been together for over three years. I think about her daily. What is she doing right now? Has she moved on... View more

It’s been two months since breaking up with her and I’m struggling to move on, I don’t like to admit it but I still want to be with her. We had been together for over three years. I think about her daily. What is she doing right now? Has she moved on from me? Is she dating? How is she feeling? Does she think about me? 5-6 months ago we broke up for a couple of weeks and got back together for a couple weeks, then went on a break for a couple months and then got back together for a couple weeks and then broke up. During the break she was sexually intimate with another person, which to me felt like she cheated on me. We never really spoke about what the break entailed, I just thought it was a given that when you go on a break that you refrain from doing that stuff until you've come to a decision. It hurt me a lot. The most recent time we broke up was mainly because she said that she was really weak minded and didn’t want to hurt me, though at that moment of time she wanted to be in a relationship, so it was hard for both of us. Clearness is something I needed from a relationship, and I don’t regret that we broke up. I said mainly but there is also the fact that she may still of had feelings for another person. That was the factor that initiated the first break up we had from several months back. She hadn’t talked to him for a couple of months so I think she was uncertain what she felt for him? ( btw this is a different person of who she was intimate during the break. Often I try to remind myself of why we broke up in the first place. But there’s a problem with this strategy, because it makes me also think “what if.” What if she no longer has feelings for that person? What if she can see things clearer now and wants to be in a relationship with me again? I used to create discussions inside me head where I would reject her after asking to be in a relationship again due to feeling bitter and not in control. I’m going to a psychologist. I’m also going for anxiety and self esteem related issues, which is what we’ve mostly been discussing of late during our sessions. I think maybe part of the reason why I have this compulsion when it comes to my ex is that my current life is kinda empty. I don’t have a job, I currently volunteer at an op shop in town two days a week. As of now I don’t really find much meaning in everyday life. I know in the moments when I do find meaning my mind feels a lot more free and doesn’t get these obtrusive thoughts about my ex.

alfa_star Guy seems like model citizen but clearly has avoidant attachment issues towards women - how to approach/help him?
  • replies: 19

Hi all, met him through work, polite, confident, bit shy, great listener, genuinely wanting his clients to get value from his service (job is professional), several signs of suppressing neg. emotions. We kinda connected. Asked him to catch up for 'st... View more

Hi all, met him through work, polite, confident, bit shy, great listener, genuinely wanting his clients to get value from his service (job is professional), several signs of suppressing neg. emotions. We kinda connected. Asked him to catch up for 'strictly business' dinner, he misunderstood and took as date. He was very different, over-confident, well-rehearsed list of 'screening' questions about my dating preferences, humble-bragging, fishing for compliments, careful to not reveal too much. Clear signs of hidden low self-worth I think. He mentioned only toxic on/off 2 relationships of 1.5-2 yrs each, blamed women for being too controlling. At least one of those ended many years ago so seems strange he mentioned it. I also think they were engaged but never married. Possible traumatic heartbreak? Travels nationally/overseas for work most days each week. Very unsettled, lifestyle seems like endless escape. Has almost no online presence (i.e. social media), we don't have shared contacts, I can't verify his statements. I decided to assume he's a typical 'player' with women in every town - I put my walls up. Since found out that some of the info I didn't believe is actually true. Attractive, nearly 50, lives alone, never married, no kids. Huge family in US he seems close to, his siblings married for 20-30 yrs with mostly adult kids. Christian schooling, family living those values still. Older siblings and parents all high achieving in work/school, he perhaps struggled bit more, it's possible he felt/was made to feel like he wasn't measuring up to expectations. Siblings probably not still living at home when he was in high school. Yearbooks reveal he wasn't in in-crowd but very involved in extra-curricular activities: various team sports, 2 Christian community service clubs, new student peer counselor, marching band, chess & language clubs etc. Then BA and MA, good unis, financially well off, still plays sports competitively, surf lifesaver, donates to friends' fundraisers, job is broadly about helping people be/do better in life/work. Clearly cares about people around. Nothing in this screams asshole/bad person - except how he relates to women is in complete contrast! No obvious trauma except maybe the failed engagement or missing out on girls who favored the 'bad boys', or too many girls? Please give me explanations for this discrepancy? How do I get him to trust me and open up? We are not dating. I'd be happy to be just friends until he sorts himself out.

Larlar Struggling with relationship
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together 10 years and have 3 kids . My partner decided he needed a break and left 6 weeks ago. He has never been good at contributing any money to the family and does not spend alot of time with me and the kids either .He s... View more

My partner and I have been together 10 years and have 3 kids . My partner decided he needed a break and left 6 weeks ago. He has never been good at contributing any money to the family and does not spend alot of time with me and the kids either .He says he wants to work things out but still constantly choses his mates over us and spends all his money on whatever he wants ( hasn't given anything towards the kids the whole break). I'm finding it very difficult to overcome feelings of disappointment. he won't even consider that he spends too much time out of the house ( 4 sometimes 5 nights out ) . I feel like he thinks we should just slide into his life when it suits him and it's hurtful. I also feel like the suddern need for a break was as a result of me trying to sit and have an adult conversation about needing to stop spending so much money and starting to spend more time as a family.

Lani86 Do depressed ex BFs ever come back?
  • replies: 1

Me and my BF had been together for a really long time, and we had a strong solid relationship. He told me had lost all feelings for all things but wanted to get back to the way things had been. He said he had changed and didn't know if he could chang... View more

Me and my BF had been together for a really long time, and we had a strong solid relationship. He told me had lost all feelings for all things but wanted to get back to the way things had been. He said he had changed and didn't know if he could change back. Just two weeks before he wrote me a really meaningful card for out anniversary, but just 4 days after breaking up with me hooked up with a much younger girl from work and app started a relationship and moved on with her (within 4 days) He says things like he is with her because it's easy to stay in one place, and the relationship has moved faster than he wanted but he had no choice. But then he books and expensive holiday with her. He has made some real big life choices, a big meat and cheese lover has become vegan, someone so money conscious has spent almost half his credit card limit, someone so shy and private announcing his business on social media. He is not seeking help since he left. Is there any coming back from this for us???

Mitch_D Struggling with recent separation
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have had a separation quite a few months ago and I am still not feeling very good about it and I feel as though it is getting worse. It was a big separation carried out over a long period and my partner was unfaithful. We tried to get passed it... View more

Hi, I have had a separation quite a few months ago and I am still not feeling very good about it and I feel as though it is getting worse. It was a big separation carried out over a long period and my partner was unfaithful. We tried to get passed it but couldn’t. We were engaged, bout a house 18months before the break and a dog so I was fully committed. We were also moving interstate at the start of next year which she is now doing and she also bought me out from the house and has the dog and I feel quite isolated and empty. I thought it would pass and since the break up we had been communicating a bit and got together a few times and I felt comfortable with her again and had strong feelings. Now I feel quite angry when I think about her and things that had happened and I am sad and unsure what to do. I am not happy with my job and the move interstate was going to be a bit of a fresh start. Now I feel as though I want to move away as there are a lot of triggers around. I have felt like this before and it has passed but this time it is hanging around and getting worse and I am having a lot of trouble to feel any desires in my life and it is a bit scary for my future. I am hoping to get a bit of advice on things that can help.

Gracie_1234 Feeling guilty and scared about breaking up with my partner
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m new to this and decided to come here for a bit of advice as I am feeling a little lost. I’m currently in a relationship with my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for nearly 2 and a half years. At first our relationship was wonderful, however, ove... View more

Hi, I’m new to this and decided to come here for a bit of advice as I am feeling a little lost. I’m currently in a relationship with my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for nearly 2 and a half years. At first our relationship was wonderful, however, over the past about 8 months or so, several cracks in the relationship have begun appearing. We argue a lot, so much that I feel as if it is starting to exhaust me. I just don’t really think that we “get” each other as much as we originally did. A few times over the past 8 months, during arguments, I’ve tried to end things with him. However, he always talks me out of it and I agree to stay. In the past, he has told me that “he doesn’t know what he’d be capable of”if I left. He has also said that’s “he doesn’t know how he would react”. I worry about that he is implying something horrible and therefore find it incredibly difficult to leave him. Even if he doesn’t do anything to himself if I left, I know that it will completely crush him. I genuinely really care about him, and can’t find it in my heart to really hurt someone for my self benefit. It feels selfish. I am also struggling with the idea of not being with him. We share friends, his family loves me, everyone thinks we’re going to end up getting married. Breaking up with him would be such a huge shock for everyone and my life would change drastically. I’m finding it hard to work out whether or not leaving him is the right thing for me to do because of all this. I guess I just don’t know whether I should stay or not, this is my first relationship, so I don’t really know what it is meant to feel like long term. To add in another complication, a little while ago I met someone through mutual friends who I really clicked with. I feel so guilty about this, but I can’t help my feelings and I really like this person. I don’t know if this is just a “crush”/normal to have in long term relationships, or if this is a sign of something more. The bottom line is that I feel more excited seeing this new person, than I do with my boyfriend. I feel incredibly trapped and I’m not too sure how to handle this situation. I am currently seeing a Psychologist due to anxiety issues, however, I haven’t bought this up yet as I am finding this incredibly hard to talk about. I almost don’t want to admit it to myself. This is the first time I have talked about it. Thankyou so much for reading this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Guest120 In a serious relationship and have kids with someone who has BPD and refuses to treat it
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post so please bear with me! I'm 23 years old, I have 3 sons aged: 4 an a half, 2 an a half and a 1 year old. My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years, he is 26 years old. the reason why I'm posting... View more

Hi, I'm new here and this is my first post so please bear with me! I'm 23 years old, I have 3 sons aged: 4 an a half, 2 an a half and a 1 year old. My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years, he is 26 years old. the reason why I'm posting and reaching out for help here is because I've noticed a few changes in him recently. He seems so highly strung, always moody, lying more often about things he doesn't need to lie about, pointless things. He has always been like this but it doesn't normally last this long, he never seems happy. All he wants to do right now is purchase a car and that is ALL he is thinking about, he is obsessed with it, even though we already have a car that runs so getting a new car isn't really a priority right now but he WANTS this certain car. He has been smoking A LOT of marijuana lately, he has always been addicted to it because it "helps him" and I've noticed the marijuana does help A LOT with his mood, when he has it he is like a whole different person. But he can no longer go without it, not even a day. If he doesn't have his weed he LOSES it, he says he cant cope without it. He wont sleep, eat, do ANYTHING if he doesnt have weed. He yells, he's snappy, I cant even talk too him when he isn't high. It's like walking on egg shells. I've begged him to go back on his medication(he hasn't been on it since he was a teenager, according to him, I wouldn't know) he REFUSES. I've tried to explain to him that it will help him and it might even help him get off the marijuana or at least cut down but he wont even try. i'd also like to add that I would love for him to get off the weed, I hate it. But it does help with his moods so much that I just let him go. I've suggested rehab but he said no about that also. i don't know what to do anymore, his mood swings scare me. I don't want to leave him because me and the kids are all his got but I don't know what else to do at this point.

NifftyNoff Am I feeling estranged or Immature?
  • replies: 1

My relationship with my Father has been on thin ice for years. Add in the 'evil Step-mother', her words not mine. Being the second child of 4, 2 to my mother and 2 to step-mother, with 13 years between myself and my little sister. My childhood, I did... View more

My relationship with my Father has been on thin ice for years. Add in the 'evil Step-mother', her words not mine. Being the second child of 4, 2 to my mother and 2 to step-mother, with 13 years between myself and my little sister. My childhood, I did not have a true father figure as father left my mother when I was 18 months old, with 2 states between us. Seeing my father with my younger siblings feels like someone is twisting the dagger in my sternum. I have told Father dearest this. He told me he understands. Then the topic of Christmas came up, at first i told a wittle white lie saying I wouldn't be around. As last year I went to Christmas with the family to Stepmother's family. I felt alienated not apart of the family at all. As I saw my younger siblings being spoiled by the family with gifts. So this year I was convinced to go as father's family are visiting, I start by talking presents which chocolate they prefer. When Step-mother imminently says "Adults don't get Presents." Father then parrots her. As I am now the age of 23, with a house of my own, cat and job to pay bills. I understand that "adults don't get present" between Father's siblings and Parents. However, the thought of no presents from Father or grandmother and Pop. Once again makes me feel alienated and not worth their time. When I KNOW my younger siblings will be spoiled sick, like every other Christmas. Is this my abandonment issues or am I being immature?

PsychedelicFur Why do other females treat me poorly?
  • replies: 5

Hello there, I have attempted to browse through the Internet for this question. I’m afraid I did not even receive an example or the answer that I’d hope to look for. perhaps someone here can provide me with an answer? here goes ... Just recently I ha... View more

Hello there, I have attempted to browse through the Internet for this question. I’m afraid I did not even receive an example or the answer that I’d hope to look for. perhaps someone here can provide me with an answer? here goes ... Just recently I have noticed other women, particularly younger females treat me differently to how they treat their friends. I’m a flamboyant person who is perhaps a little unusual with my eccentric and colourful dress sense. They stare without saying anything, they ignore me or even sometimes tease me. there was a girl I use to study with who was nice to every other female student but quite disrespectful to me. She would constantly stare, bully me at times and be quite condescending. Everywhere else I go though people seem to be understanding and lovely about my individuality. They smile and compliment me on my style and clothes. Just a selected few of these females I work and study with who seem to just treat me differently to everyone else. Are they envious of me? Are they intimidated by my individuality? Or are they just being disrespectful for the sake of it? I have been told in the past that people are intimidated by unique individuals who dress, think differently and really express who they are. However I find that hard to believe. For me, all I do is wear what reflects how I feel.. why can’t other people do that? If they hate me for being myself why can’t they just be who they want to be? Forget about societies norm! I would really appreciate an answer. signed, PF.

needtochat How do i deal with this?
  • replies: 2

So just to start off...i have had 2 bad relationships which involved been physically abused, verbally etc. Also cheated on and repeatedly lied too...Well 2.5 years ago i met a great guy who isnt like the others...however in his line of work he is oft... View more

So just to start off...i have had 2 bad relationships which involved been physically abused, verbally etc. Also cheated on and repeatedly lied too...Well 2.5 years ago i met a great guy who isnt like the others...however in his line of work he is often dealing with female customers. I am on bluetooth with him after i finish work as he works long hours and it allows us to chat and stay in contact. Sometimes i here a female call him "darlin" in the context of "thanks darlin" He says it doesnt do anything for him but there isnt much he can do. Also some of them sound too bubbly and almost glad to see him...i trust him but i hate that they do this...it brings back past cheating from others and flirting etc...i have bad dreams, thoughts and pics in my head of flirty behaviour. ..Yes i have spoken to him but i am struggling with it and spend alot of time worrying, crying etc...Any advice would be good at this point as i dont want this to continue...its ruining my life and we are now engaged so i should be enjoying this new chapter...

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