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Feeling trapped in my in-laws home

Community Member

To make a long story short, my partner and I had financial issues as he is a student, and his parents offered for us to move in.

Things have escalated and I feel alienated and unwanted in the house. I get glared at whenever I leave our room, everything I do they tell me I'm wrong. I can't even make a sandwich without having his parents stand over me and criticising me. I was called a 'selfish child' over leaving a coffee cup by the sink.

I've expressed to my partner how I feel many times, but he won't talk to his parents as he doesn't want to start a fight. I've told him I'm not comfortable and I want to move out, but he tells me we're broke, so I have to deal with it. He tells me "we need to be a team" but I feel like he's playing against me too...

I don't get through the day without crying and feeling hopeless. My partner keeps trying to convince me I'm overreacting. But I feel like I'm within my rights to be treated respectfully as a paying tennant.

Advice is welcome, but I mostly just want to rant, as I feel alone.

1 Reply 1

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Cleodams~

Welcome back, I did read your post from a couple of years ago.If I understand correctly at least back then you had depression and were being treated for it. I hope things have improved.

A partner in a realtionship puts the other person before others, it is what is needed to create a feeling of security and being loved. Your partner is not doing that.

Feeling unwelcome in your own home - which it is at the moment, is a constant upset and very hard to live with. To be criticized as if firstly your in-laws had the right to do so and secondly treat you has a child are both unacceptable.

This of course is made worse by the fact your partner seems to be missing the point on purpose, you do not sound like a team, and he obviously does not wish to antagonize his parents.

This of course could be for a couple of reasons, firstly if there is no other way to live together due to finances, or perhaps more likely he is overborne by them, as many are.

I was in a situation where I had to go completely against my parents to marry, and I will admit it is not an easy thing. As it turned out I ended up being a better person for it, stronger and with a better realtionship with my wife - I grew up.

So I can sympathize wiht your partner's position, however it would seem that if things continue as they are the relationship may well end - what do you think?

I guess the options are either he gets his parents to change, or you simply put up with a miserable life, or either one or both of you move out.

None are particularly good alternatives

What are your thoughts ?