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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Billyc Taking illicit substances and falling into an altered state of mind while married and in a loving relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, here goes. I’ve separated from my wife 3 years ago, due to ongoing issues I had with drug addiction. Mostly Ice. It lasted for about 2 years, I made several attempts to get clean but somehow found a way back. we had a good home and were very much... View more

Hi, here goes. I’ve separated from my wife 3 years ago, due to ongoing issues I had with drug addiction. Mostly Ice. It lasted for about 2 years, I made several attempts to get clean but somehow found a way back. we had a good home and were very much in love. the shame was unbearable at the time. and to make it worse, I went to defensive mode, I couldn’t handle the anger that came from her, and started being very responsive toward her confrontation of the situation. its now been 3 years clean! But... Ive lost the house and spent Lot of money on lawyers with a financial separation. Lost my car and job. Also lost all our mutual friends who at one point were my best friends. I’ve actually spent the past two years taking it out on them as I felt they facilitated an expensive and long drawn out separation. I still feel immense guilt and shame and it Consumes my mind everyday. I recently tried to return to work and got a good job, and apparently impressed, but every day I would show up with crippling anxiety, I found it very hard turn my head when someone approached me, I would feel like I was shaking and they could see it. one day one of the directors asked me to join him and get a coffee, walking back my hand holding the coffee would tremble and I’d spill it, we stopped three times to clean up the spill. I told him the cup was too hot... I would hide out in the toilet for 10 mins to catch my breath. And stop trembling, after a while I just stopped showing up. So they’ve given me time out.. which means I’ve lost my contract, they did say they liked having me and wished I could continue with them. So theirs prospect of more work with them. My main issues though are centralised around the devastation of my separation, and my petulant behaivior toward one and all thereafter. I am now alone and with friends. I feel like this is what I deserve. I’m 41 now and am starting all over again in all facets of my life, I’m territiary educated so it’s not a complete disaster! Albeit the crippling patterns of anxiety and complete lack of sleep each and every night. Thanks

Dadwith2toddlers My relationship is in ruins with my partner and 2 toddlers
  • replies: 3

It's been an extremely tough week. Last Monday I was asked to leave my home by Child Protective Services over a report that was made. I had said a terrible thing to my 3 year old daughter and it upset my partner. She talked about what was said to her... View more

It's been an extremely tough week. Last Monday I was asked to leave my home by Child Protective Services over a report that was made. I had said a terrible thing to my 3 year old daughter and it upset my partner. She talked about what was said to her counsellor and the counsellor thought what said was concerning enough to contact CPS. I have really struggled as a dad for a couple of years now. I've found myself getting angry at my kids for the stupidest reasons. E.g. spilling food on the floor, not listening to me when I tell them to stop. It's gotten to the point where I raise my voice to my kids in anger. It's pretty much borderline verbal abuse as I've been told by my partner. I'm not allowed back home now to see my family which is the toughest thing because I miss them like crazy. I'm missing out on their lives for the next month/s until I have made an effort to seek help and when I have been making progress, only then will I be able to return home. I don't physically abuse my children as that not in my nature, but I do feel my verbal communication on occasion has been a bit harsh. I will do whatever it takes to be allowed back home because at this point in time. I'm not allowed to visit them without supervision. I just want to be back home with my family but I have to look after myself and learn to be a better father figure.

Justbecauseme Understanding Break in Relationship
  • replies: 1

I need some support/advise on my situation. My bf and I have been in a very happy relationship for 6months. Not one issue, problem fight etc. He has always told me i am the one, and that he wishes he met me years ago. WE have such a connection it isn... View more

I need some support/advise on my situation. My bf and I have been in a very happy relationship for 6months. Not one issue, problem fight etc. He has always told me i am the one, and that he wishes he met me years ago. WE have such a connection it isn't funny and the love is so real. We both havnt' had this feeling for other partners in the past. We both have suffered badly with depression and anxiety, however worked through it in our past to keep it at bay and under control. From day 1 he has told me about an anger issue he has (non violent towards people) just has anger outburst and breaks things. (his sons confirmed this). He has never shown this side to me and said i don't want to see it as i'll freak out and run. So out of the blue the other night, he told me he needs to go and get it fixed, but he can't do it when in the relationship with me. He said the only way to protect me from it is to ask me to step aside, give him the time to go get help. He has told me he is 90% sure he'll be back and let him do what he has to for the sake of us. I'm so confused. I so understand his position. He told me he has not dealt with it in the past relationships, and one ended up with police getting called. He said he doesn't want to go down that path, an he wishes he dealt with it before meeting me. He has said the only way he can protect me from this, is to have the break. I have told him i'm not going anywhere and i am here to support him. He has asked for the space and has told me recently that just by me giving him the space, no contact etc, has really helped him. I am devastated and it has triggered my anxiety and depression. I am seeking counselling and am going to my doctors today to get some medication again as my anxiety is very high. I just don't know how to deal with this situation. Our relationship and bond is so strong. I'm willing to wait, but its hard not talking to him daily. His job has triggered his anger/depression/anxiety, and he has to get help if he wants to ever keep a job down. He is a very honest genuine man, and does what he says he will do, But how do i help myself in the mean time? I didn't expect my depression and anxiety to be triggered. I'm excising, seeing a Councillor, and now going to go back on my meds. I think it will all work out, but it's so hard when i want to support him but can't be there physically to help him. Has anyone been in this situation??

SarahF What do I have to do?
  • replies: 4

I am lost completely, I feel that I am in the middle in between thousands of people shouting for help but no one is listing, I am in year 12, I don't have the sense of purpose I don't know what I want to do, have no friends to talk to (I have been in... View more

I am lost completely, I feel that I am in the middle in between thousands of people shouting for help but no one is listing, I am in year 12, I don't have the sense of purpose I don't know what I want to do, have no friends to talk to (I have been in Australia for 2 years only), my family and I had to leave our home because of the war, my parents are not supportive at all, my dad is expecting me to go into Med and get a high ATAR score, but never supported me, He always put me down "you'll never be successful" "you're so dumb"... I feel useless and I wish if I can die. I used to support a lot of people and I forgot myself All I need is a hug and someone to tell me it is gonna be fine Please someone tell me WHAT TO DO, I want to know my directions where to go and what to do because I love success and being successful, I love people, I love to give. I am sick of watching motivational videos and listing to other inspirational success stories when I want to hear my own.

Hi_bye Worthlessness
  • replies: 1

Not sure what im asking here, just needed to let it out! I have isolated myself in my room for the last 2 days now and I just cant deal. My partner tells me im nothing as i dont have a job (lost it in feb) im nothing without him. I tell him he makes ... View more

Not sure what im asking here, just needed to let it out! I have isolated myself in my room for the last 2 days now and I just cant deal. My partner tells me im nothing as i dont have a job (lost it in feb) im nothing without him. I tell him he makes me feel worthless but he tells me to get over it or says ‘your still going’ He has avoided me for the last two days not a single word said even though I have been crying and being depressed. I feel so much rejection from the one person who is supposed to support me and love me. It makes me feel so unworthy and unwanted and unloved. I have no family or friends so my mind is suffering as i lay in silence. I cant express to my partner how i feel as it gets pushed back in my face time after time (ive tried). How does one get over these feelings? How do i better myself when I hate myself cause im not good enough? Why do the people you love the most hurt you the most? Sorry im just feeling real down and lost.

Across Married but feel alone.
  • replies: 1

Hi I have been married for over 12 years. We have 1 child together. In the last 12 months I feel as though we are drifting apart. We don't really talk much. It feels more like we just live in the same house rather then married. She has also started t... View more

Hi I have been married for over 12 years. We have 1 child together. In the last 12 months I feel as though we are drifting apart. We don't really talk much. It feels more like we just live in the same house rather then married. She has also started travelling a lot for work. I have been feeling rather alone and depressed. We get very little alone time together. Then I started spending time with one of my sons friends parents. I found that I have become very attached very quickly. We have not done anything nor do I know if she feels anything for me but i feel as though I cheating by the way I am feeling. That also scares me. I don't really have many people I can talk to about this.

purplemist Unsupportive In A Time Of Need
  • replies: 1

I broke my femur on Christmas night it just snapped so after major surgery and being told very long recovery period.Approx 2 years He seems to have turned his back and switched off to me and recovery. My daughter has done all the cooking,cleaning,was... View more

I broke my femur on Christmas night it just snapped so after major surgery and being told very long recovery period.Approx 2 years He seems to have turned his back and switched off to me and recovery. My daughter has done all the cooking,cleaning,washing and caring for me.We had to cancel our wedding that was supposed to be on the 6th April.He has other things going on to we run our own business so he is doing by himself but i am trying to help as much as possible from home with that.He got done drink driving and lost his licence almost immediately after i came home from the hospital so he has not been able to help me with getting out the house or much else.Which would make me want to help more and be there more for me at home but he has done the exact opposite.It was also the season where he plays sport, he managed to keep that a major priority going out partying every weekend sometimes not coming home at all or in the early hours of the morning, then sleeping all weekend before back to work , as well as the business but said that because of this he did not have the time for me as he was so time poor doing these things. The fact is he is just very poor at time management and chooses to not make me a priority. Neither of us can move house at the moment so we are stuck in the same house together with my teenage daughter. Everyday i am at home alone while my daughter goes to school and he works very long hours even though half the time it is not necessary, he just prefers to be there than being home with me dealing with my injury and recovery. He is emotionally unavailable on every level and is only concerned with himself and his quality of life and well being and argues with me and makes every conversation about himself. I try to talk to him about how i am feeling but it always turns into an conversation about him and his many feelings and issues.He wants me to support him in every way but will not give an ounce in return and sees no problem with this. My full recovery is 6-18 months away, being able to drive myself is about 3 - 6 months. As i cannot leave until i am able to work and earn an income i need to find ways to deal with the situation emotionally for myself and daughter. I have been doing ok but have started to come unstuck recently.Any ideas of how to stay positive and emotionally stable to help myself and my recovery.

Dazza43 Lost
  • replies: 3

I have been married for 20 years, I have teenage twin boys. I have been suffering from severe depression and anxiety for many years. My past has been all about keeping everyone happy and not looking after myself. I am trying so hard to make my marria... View more

I have been married for 20 years, I have teenage twin boys. I have been suffering from severe depression and anxiety for many years. My past has been all about keeping everyone happy and not looking after myself. I am trying so hard to make my marriage work but I keep letting down my partner. I think about walking away but I am scared of what she will do, I feel I need to find my self and it’s without her. Please help because this situation is making me feel the only way out is the wrong way

MrsBL I'm an adult yet feel like a nobody in my family
  • replies: 2

Long story short- My sister is 3 years older than me and has always been a super star. Grade A student, travelled the world, living the high life. Is on her 2nd marriage (to an engineer on big money) with step-kids, lives in the UK and that's all goo... View more

Long story short- My sister is 3 years older than me and has always been a super star. Grade A student, travelled the world, living the high life. Is on her 2nd marriage (to an engineer on big money) with step-kids, lives in the UK and that's all good. Good on her! I on the other hand left school early, liked to party and enjoyed myself. Had a stable job for years, live comfortably. Married my partner and we have 2 kids, a cute cottage on land, I am a stay at home mum and study full time, my husband is the sole bread winner. We are all good, until we have to see my family. We moved interstate 13 years ago to escape them. We saw them this week and they constantly belittled and berated us. Made us feel like sub standard humans. Photos of my sister and her husband and step kids every where. A few photos of my 2 daughters and photos of me and my husband propped up behind the leg of a desk in the office. Every time we see them they carry on about this person and that who have this house and that car and earn that much money. They then say oh well, not everyone can have the good life. Had enough of being belittled and want to stop all communication with them. Don't want their money and I don't want to feel small and insignificant. I am confident and happy when I don't see them. Only problem is my kids miss out on grandparents. We have people we know here that treat our kids like their own grandchildren and to be honest act more like real grandparents than my parents. My parents throw money at them and that's about it. The pretend grandparents spend time with them, talk to them and play with them . Am I wrong in wanting to cut off my family because they make me feel so bad about myself at the expense of my kids? I know blood is thicker than water, but sometimes family are crappy. A side note- I am more than half way through a uni degree, and not once have my parents asked about it. They are more interested in my sister and her husbands new engineering job- of course the money he will be earning and the things they can do and buy with that. My parents friends had no idea I was even studying (I started in 2016 and finish next year) yet they know about my sister and her husband and all their travel and their financial highs. Hard to feel like a worthy being living in my sisters shadow for 42 years! I am only truly happy when I am not in contact with any of them. I want to cut them all off yet I am also scared of doing it- Why? I really don't know!

JD75 DNA surprise
  • replies: 2

I recently decided to take a DNA test to discover more about my family history. I knew my father had died when I was 5 and was keen to find relatives and learn more about him. My stepfather and I enjoy a great relationship, but I guess there are part... View more

I recently decided to take a DNA test to discover more about my family history. I knew my father had died when I was 5 and was keen to find relatives and learn more about him. My stepfather and I enjoy a great relationship, but I guess there are parts of my personality that I can't account for and thought finding out more about my biological father may help. I became aware quite quickly that my mother didn't approve of me doing a DNA test, stating that they are science fiction, and that I wouldn't get an accurate test because I had had an operation. I found this strange, but thought nothing more of it. Long story short. The results revealed that the person I had been told my entire life was not my father. My biological father is in fact alive, well and a lovely man to boot, albeit 78 years of age now and suffering early onset dementia. Both my Mother, stepfather and certain family members knew the truth already. I had even called my "grandparents" whilst they were still alive and my mother knew about this and encouraged it, all the while knowing it was a lie. I feel totally betrayed, yet willing to forgive, understanding that the past is in fact irrelevant to me now. However, I have started to think of an affair my wife had nearly 10 years ago and have started noticing little lies she has been telling. I feel that the betrayal by my family have altered my trust outside of them, and i have been feeling like everybody has been lying to me about things. I am 44, and my mother admitted, had it not been for the DNA test, she would have never told me the truth. Now I feel if my mother could be so mean, why couldn't everybody else?