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Relationship growing, but having some major concerns...

Community Member

Hey everyone, I’ve been with my BF for around 5 years now and we’ve lived together for roughly 2 years. My BF is here on a bridging visa while we wait for our partner visa application to be processed/granted (which can take a few years).

My BF & I have faced some major family issues over the years. His family is full of drama & they’ve been abusive to both me and my BF to the point where he no longer has a relationship with them (which is easier as they live overseas). My family also didn’t have a relationship with him for a while as they had some concerns about him using me for citizenship or money (as my family is well off). The issues with my family are no longer an issue though as everyone gets along perfectly now. However, as my BF and I get more serious, and look to buy our first property soon, I can’t help but notice some issues.

My BF has a very short fuse. The majority of the time I have an opinion he doesn’t agree with, it leads to him snapping at me instantly, or he’ll just keep pushing his side to try and get me to agree with him. The problem is... he doesn’t think he has a short fuse at all & whenever I tell him the way he handles certain situations is too aggressive or hot-headed, he can be very condescending and says I just need to toughen up or stop acting like a victim, which obviously isn’t something you want your partner saying to you regularly.

Secondly, when my partner and I met and first started dating, he seemed very driven and proactive, which is how I’d describe myself. However, since living together, I’ve noticed we’re two very different people. He is ridiculously lazy and it drives me insane. I literally do absolutely everything around the house, on top of studying and working full time. If I ask him to do something, he may do it, but it’ll be in his own time. For example, if I ask him to do the dishes because I need to cook dinner, he’ll do the dishes 2 hours later which obviously means I end up making dinner two hours later than I planned too which sets me back for the rest of the night. He’s also not as ambitious and driven as he first seemed... which makes me question whether he plans to be lazy forever and leech off me (as he knows I have quite a good job and career progression ahead of me). Im starting to wonder whether he’s going to end up being a hinderance to my future.

I often find myself questioning whether someone else would be a better life partner for me and I don’t know if that’s a good thing at all.

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi L,

Have you 2 ever been to couples counselling or considered going?

I think it’s very unfair that you are doing all the housework. Have you expressed that you expect him to do more? And that you shouldn’t need to ask?

If the communication is there and he’s not trying then I think it’s fair that you are questioning your compatibility.

Try not to beat yourself up over questioning your current relationship. It’s not good or bad, we’re all human and I believe it’s healthy for us to evaluate what’s working in our lives and what’s not. We’re sold this story that when you find “the one” you will never need anything else and it’s not true. If you’re questioning a relationship it doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner or that the relationship is a failure. Relationships are more than love, they are also logistics. As much as we might love someone if the logistics no longer work then change may be good.

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
I also want to add in that change could be a lot of things. It could be breaking up, going separate ways. It could be living separately but remaining partnered. It could be a new way of communicating so you both feel understood and are filling each other’s needs better.