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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Groucho_Marx Wife and daughter suffering with depression
  • replies: 1

Hi all, This is my first posting. My wife (now 60) has been suffering from depression since here early 20s (when it was diagnosed at least) and in the last six months our only child, a 14 yr old girl, has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, ... View more

Hi all, This is my first posting. My wife (now 60) has been suffering from depression since here early 20s (when it was diagnosed at least) and in the last six months our only child, a 14 yr old girl, has been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, depression and OCD. I'm interested in becoming a volunteer for beyondblue, given my experience. I'm in my 60s, work part-time, so I have time available. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Costa_72 Recently Separated and Broken
  • replies: 4

Hi all, just venting so don't feel you have to reply. My wife of 23yrs asked to seperate in March and I moved out in April. We have had issues but never believed it was at that stage. I have been managing her chronic illness for several years and tri... View more

Hi all, just venting so don't feel you have to reply. My wife of 23yrs asked to seperate in March and I moved out in April. We have had issues but never believed it was at that stage. I have been managing her chronic illness for several years and tried very hard to run the home, finances, etc. whilst still working full time. We are amicable and talking often. I see our sons 21 & 16 any time I want to. We still have a lot of respect and care for each other but not sure if we will find a way back. I love my wife very deeply as I always have. It has hit me extremely hard and in a very dark place at the moment. I am in a state of disbelief and consumed with severe grief and melancholy. I feel I have lost my identity as a husband, friend, lover, care giver, earner, confidante, etc. feels like I don't know who I am anymore. I don't have anything that I look forward to anymore and nothing gives me any joy. It feels like the world has nothing to offer me and I have nothing to offer to the world. It's like I have been dropped back in front of the hospital where I was born 46 years ago to start life again. My feelings of complete displacement makes me feel like I don't belong here anymore. The only thing keeping me going is that I do not want my boys to go through the pain of losing me. I hate feeling like this. Why did this happen? What am I going to do now? But survive I must. I must!!! Thanks for listening.

WeAllNeedHelp Looking for advice
  • replies: 8

Hi all There is someone I have really taken an interest to in my workplace to the point where I'd like to ask him if he'd be happy to come out for a drink. We get along well and he seems a very lovely man. The only way I can contact him is if I see h... View more

Hi all There is someone I have really taken an interest to in my workplace to the point where I'd like to ask him if he'd be happy to come out for a drink. We get along well and he seems a very lovely man. The only way I can contact him is if I see him at work (which I never know when I will see him as It is shift work and we don't work together directly) or through work email (which I have sourced though my email). I am at the point where I feel like a teenage girl and always have him on my mind and think that I can't wait to ask him if it comes up in conversation as I don't know when I would see him again. Is this something you would all suggest be asked in person? Or would there be any harm in sending though an email? Any guidance would be great Anon

Goody658 Wife left for soulmate
  • replies: 7

Two months ago my wife of 10 years started to FB msg her old boyfriend from high school. At first i was a little concerned at the constant msg'ing however she said they were just friends who were catching up. A month later we were on a xmas holiday O... View more

Two months ago my wife of 10 years started to FB msg her old boyfriend from high school. At first i was a little concerned at the constant msg'ing however she said they were just friends who were catching up. A month later we were on a xmas holiday OS with family and she was still talking to him via FB almost on a daily basis. I questioned her on it and she told me that she was committed to me and our marriage, that she loves me and its nothing The holiday was great it was probably one of the best we felt so connected, even though she was still talking to this guy I felt OK as she has other guy friends and its fine. When we got home she wanted to go and meet him to catch up. I said sure no worries. A few days later, she was clingy and mopey I thought it was odd but didn't ask her about it. The next morning as i was going to work she was still in bed with tears in her eyes. I knew something was wrong so i asked her and she burst into tears. These tears were the worst kind of tears, she hugged me so tight it hurt and I’ll never forget the next sentience "babe i messed up". I thought Its OK she probably only slept with him we can get past this. No this was much worse. "I love him, I love him like nothing I have ever felt before I think he is my soulmate, I am so sorry i thought we were just friends". I was numb I was in shock not quite understanding what she was saying. It took us both surprise. The next morning I rolled over looking at my beautiful wife and reality kicked in. I just broke down the pain felt like she was going to die of a terminal disease. The next few days were a mix of denial, grief, acceptance and optimism and back again. We have been talking about our marriage and how this could happen she kept trying to tell me it’s not my fault and she still loves me, but this other guy has this power over her she’s never felt before, “he ticks box’s I didn’t know I needed”. We had some tough times with her suffering from chronic pain, depression, issues with her family and infertility. All these problems bought us closer together. 4 months ago after accepting that kids was not going to happen she said it’s the happiest she has been in years. That a great weight has been lifted. Now she is leaving with her soul mate, it feels that our marriage didn’t even matter I feel discarded, cheated and used. I know she is not coming back but I can’t let her go the pain is immense. I am struggling like never before. Thanks for listening.

Lost_traveler Newby wanting to shake narcissism
  • replies: 1

Gday all, I am mid 40's and have been in a relationship for four years. I have been marked as narcissistic and know that i am now that i have been told and read up on symptoms. I am trying to get away from being narcissistic but i always have a setba... View more

Gday all, I am mid 40's and have been in a relationship for four years. I have been marked as narcissistic and know that i am now that i have been told and read up on symptoms. I am trying to get away from being narcissistic but i always have a setback every couple of weeks that, now after 4 years in my current relationship I am starting to wonder if i can shake the stigma. Growing up I have not known any other way. My mother was a huge influence on me and i chose to surround myself with other narcs in the past 30 year's. From so called friends to bosses. I have little contact with my mother now (my own choice) to try and break the cycle. It has worked a bit but I still and tripping over and my wfe is at wits end... I don't want to loose her but am stuck trying to shake this demon. Are there any others out there that have shaken the narcissism? Thank you for reading.

shinanna Is it normal to experience symptoms of depression in your first relationship?
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I've just entered my first relationship at 20, and I've found myself becoming sadder and sadder, particularly when I'm alone. I'm an adult child of alcoholics, and feel as if i've become increasingly more aware of how that's affected me and... View more

Hi there, I've just entered my first relationship at 20, and I've found myself becoming sadder and sadder, particularly when I'm alone. I'm an adult child of alcoholics, and feel as if i've become increasingly more aware of how that's affected me and my relationships with people... particularly in an intimate relationship such as this. I'm finding it really difficult to adjust to being with someone... to not be so emotionally reactive to everything they do and say, and then become very critical of myself when I show any bit of emotion. I'm finding it so hard to be vulnerable, and then worry i'm becoming a burden on the other person. Due to these realisations, I just feel as if I won't break out of it no matter how hard I try, and that he would be better off if we weren't together I just wondered if perhaps anyone has had any similar experiences, or has any advice or tips for dealing with these feelings? Thank you

Anna1234 Need some advice - friendship problems
  • replies: 2

Hi there, I need some advice about a situation I am in with a friend. We have been close for a few years and have had an intimate relationship at points. He has been emotionally abusive towards me for a while and has realised that. After we had a fal... View more

Hi there, I need some advice about a situation I am in with a friend. We have been close for a few years and have had an intimate relationship at points. He has been emotionally abusive towards me for a while and has realised that. After we had a falling out a few weeks ago, he realised how he had been treating me and began repairing the relationship. We both see therapists individually and are both on antidepressants as we have both suffered from depression (I also have severe anxiety). Both of our therapists have given us different advice and I've found that how we are dealing with things now isn't working as we are very different and deal with things differently. I suggested seeing a therapist together as we both want to work through this and repair our relationship. Does anyone have any other suggestions? Has anyone tried therapy with a friend before?

Cindy91 Upset about sister’s pregnancy announcement
  • replies: 3

Hello all, I am having a tough time as I’m very upset but from the outside it seems inappropriate or weird that I would feel upset during this situation. Last night my sister casually announced in a bar when we arrived for drinks (with my sisters hus... View more

Hello all, I am having a tough time as I’m very upset but from the outside it seems inappropriate or weird that I would feel upset during this situation. Last night my sister casually announced in a bar when we arrived for drinks (with my sisters husbands parents, my siblings, and boyfriend) that she was 12 weeks pregnant. To give some context to this, I’ve always had a pretty up and down relationship with my sister but since her wedding in February we have had a consistently poor relationship where we have hardly talked. This is because she has essentially told me that I ruined her wedding as I was “not supportive enough” as her maid of honour. Since then I had apologised and tried to move on but she didn’t accept it saying “just because someone is a blood relative doesn’t mean you have to be friends with them”. I have been extremely hurt by this situation as I truly believed I did everything I could for her wedding and told her this. Anyway, when she announced her pregnancy I could not help but feel shock, as if it were surreal (I didn’t expect it so soon), and almost resentment. I attempted to hide my feelings by going to the bathroom and crying in secret. However when I came out, people were saying “why haven’t you congratulated her”, and it was then that I burst out into tears again. I then explained to my sister and my family why I felt so upset: firstly, because I found out my mum has known for weeks already (I live in the same house as my mum yet didn’t know), but mostly I was hoping that by this point I would be friends with my sister again. I think I was upset that this is such a pivotal moment for sisters and I feel sad that it didn’t play out differently. I feel so embarrassed about this response I had in public and I think from the outside people would think it is selfish and “it’s not about me” etc (my own partner even telling me this). I also feel upset because again my sister and her husband are going to say that I ruined another life moment for them. Which I feel so upset about as it well because I believe I always have good intentions at heart and now I am positioned to be some kind of selfish crazy person. Im still not sure why I had this kind of response, I think I can put it down to grieving moments that I can never get back. And also because I feel that the more serious life gets (ie marriage and having kids) and yet I am still not talking to my sister, the more reality sinks in that I feel like this estrangement might stay forever.

Liv2828 Separation after an affair, how do you get over it?
  • replies: 3

Hello, I have never posted on any kind of forum before but hey extreme circumstances! I found out a month ago my husband of 8 years was having an affair. The affair started when I was 8 months pregnant and lasted for around 10 months. He works away s... View more

Hello, I have never posted on any kind of forum before but hey extreme circumstances! I found out a month ago my husband of 8 years was having an affair. The affair started when I was 8 months pregnant and lasted for around 10 months. He works away so it was very easy for him to get away with. He told me he has been unhappy in our marriage although this was a complete surprise to me. I have been raising our bub on my own with no family support as he works away and we live away from our home town. We are now going through a separation and I will move back home with bub. I just don’t know how to get over this. The level of betrayal is just staggering and I just can’t get my head around what he has done. I moved my entire life for him and have been looking after our home and bub by myself so I just can’t believe he has done this to me. How on earth do you move on and heal from this. I feel so devastated and at times it is so overwhelming I feel like I can’t breathe. Any tips from anyone who has been through similar? Thank you so much

BEV-ANON I just don't know what to do with my partner anymore. It's like I don't know who he is.
  • replies: 17

IMy partner is in a psych facility and came out for the day. I thought we were having an awesome time, he was a bit strange, a bit snappy and rude, but I didn't react to it and just kept being loving and kind. Honestly, that day I never felt more in ... View more

IMy partner is in a psych facility and came out for the day. I thought we were having an awesome time, he was a bit strange, a bit snappy and rude, but I didn't react to it and just kept being loving and kind. Honestly, that day I never felt more in love with him. Later that night he said he didn't want to go back to hospital, but wanted to spend the night we me. I was over joyed ! Again - I was so in love. We've known each other over 10 years, were together in our 20's and got back together about 2 years ago. He's always struggled with mental health after a bad childhood, but the past few months have been something else. Like I said, everything was going well, but out of no where, he got angry. He said I wasn't hearing him, but I reinterated what he said, and later agreed that I did hear him. In between he decided that he couldn't be with me anymore 'for these reasons' ie not listening, but then, like I mentioned, later agreed that I did hear him. His mood is all over the place. He's been depressed for years and is FINALLY getting help, but now, it's as though he blaming me for everything and isn't taking any responsibility or looking at his own actions. We were supposed to have couples counselling the other day, but the hospital cancelled it. the more I think about his behaviour, the more I think he has bipolar or a more 'serious' diagnosis that isn't being treated. I know I'm not perfect, but I also know I couldn't have caused this. He was so painfully irrational, I just wanted to soothe him to tell him that none of it was true. I was still me. I still loved him. And I still do. I'm going to leave him because that's what he's asked for, but I guess, I just don't understand what went wrong. How can he go for being this loving being one minute to something entirely different the next? How can he blame me for this? I'm not even heartbroken at this point, I'm just so confused. I have told myself that I would give him whatever support he needs, which I understand for now is silience. But I am worried about him, and I just want him to get the help he deserves. He's being self destructive, he's pushed everyone out of his life including me. He's become super critical, judgmental and sensitive in the past few months - it's not who he is, so what's happened? I would just love to hear from others. I'm a smart person, loving and kind, I know I couldn't have done anything so horrible, but I was told by someone close to him that I've 'done a lot of damage'. How?