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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Cleodams Feeling trapped in my in-laws home
  • replies: 1

To make a long story short, my partner and I had financial issues as he is a student, and his parents offered for us to move in. Things have escalated and I feel alienated and unwanted in the house. I get glared at whenever I leave our room, everythi... View more

To make a long story short, my partner and I had financial issues as he is a student, and his parents offered for us to move in. Things have escalated and I feel alienated and unwanted in the house. I get glared at whenever I leave our room, everything I do they tell me I'm wrong. I can't even make a sandwich without having his parents stand over me and criticising me. I was called a 'selfish child' over leaving a coffee cup by the sink. I've expressed to my partner how I feel many times, but he won't talk to his parents as he doesn't want to start a fight. I've told him I'm not comfortable and I want to move out, but he tells me we're broke, so I have to deal with it. He tells me "we need to be a team" but I feel like he's playing against me too... I don't get through the day without crying and feeling hopeless. My partner keeps trying to convince me I'm overreacting. But I feel like I'm within my rights to be treated respectfully as a paying tennant. Advice is welcome, but I mostly just want to rant, as I feel alone.

Tails91 How do I tell my husband
  • replies: 1

I’m at a loss on how to tell my husband that my not sexually attracted to him anymore I’ve always preferred women and the erge is getting worst to the point we’re barely intimate anymore cause I just don’t enjoy it I want to break it off and find my ... View more

I’m at a loss on how to tell my husband that my not sexually attracted to him anymore I’ve always preferred women and the erge is getting worst to the point we’re barely intimate anymore cause I just don’t enjoy it I want to break it off and find my lady but I feel bad I love him but not in love with him please helpppp

LoveSeeker In love with separated man
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I could really use some advice. I have been in a relationship with a separated man for the last six months, and have had a strong connection with him for about eight. He is very kind and sweet, and I am very clear on the fact that I love him.... View more

Hi All, I could really use some advice. I have been in a relationship with a separated man for the last six months, and have had a strong connection with him for about eight. He is very kind and sweet, and I am very clear on the fact that I love him. Although we don't speak about that because he says he needs to close off his old life first. He separated at the end of last year, not because of me but I guess I gave him the strength to take the last leap. We had nothing before, but the connection that showed us we want to be together. Time together is absolutely amazing and beautiful. But everything around his separation makes it really hard. Plans have not gone as we hoped, he is running out of money and most of all, out of mental energy. He now lives day by day and cannot make many decisions. I think it is some sort of decision fatigue because he had to run the show for both of them. He just wants to rest and wait until he can tackle the next problems. But until then, I have to be a secret because his wife would go crazy and make life and property separation hard. I feel totally out of control and out of balance. I love him and want to be with him but how can I cope if he does not even know when he will have enough energy for the next steps again. Or to even decide what the next step would be? He knows he's hurting me which adds to his stress. I try to be brave but I am losing the ability to. I don't want to have a break from him because I do not want to lose him and us. But I feel unhappy with the situation, even if the time with him without all the terrible things around us is absolute bliss. I wish I could get him to simply come clean on us. All I want is to no longer be a secret, everything else I can wait for. I told him that and he says he knows but then no action or suggestion follows. We talk very openly but at the moment, every time I bring up these profound topics, it hurts him and he gets all shut down and sad. I feel terrible for doing that but I also think I have a right to speak up. And he says not to feel bad because he understands. But he still doesn't do anything because he isn't mentally capable. What do I do? I would give everything to find a solution but feel I am at his mercy. And whilst he does not do any of this maliciously, it is still very painful. I always thought that love conquers all but I'm running out of strength fast. I did not have a good year last year, I cannot go through so much again. What can I do to win this for us?

MrsConfused Husband porn addiction
  • replies: 22

I posted this to a reply earlier today but it was suggested I start a new thread, so here it is... Hi, I understand this was posted last year, but I have also recently discovered my husbands porn addiction. I am hurt, lost and not sure where to go to... View more

I posted this to a reply earlier today but it was suggested I start a new thread, so here it is... Hi, I understand this was posted last year, but I have also recently discovered my husbands porn addiction. I am hurt, lost and not sure where to go to next. I am shattered that someone I have been with 17 years (married 10) could have been so dishonest with me all these years. The fact that he has lead a secret life throughout our whole relationship just distresses me. I now also hate myself for consistently spying on him and snooping through his phone. I have searched his laptop and even the tablet. I even put parent control blocks on our wifi! I just don't trust him! And i hate myself for that. Last time we "discussed" this habit he broke down in tears and told me he has been watching porn at a very young age. He was at a friends place and the older brothers had it on. He has been watching or viewing porn ever since. It is the lies that hurt the most though. I am not a fan or porn as it is so degrading towards women in general and unrealistic, but the lies hurt. I found magazines but in the early days and he said he did look but would stop. And I believed him but now i think about it there has been many times throughout our relationship where the signs where there, but i would believe what he would tell me...i trusted him...but since finding hard evidence i can no longer trust him. I want to and I don't want to leave him. Knowing that this has been apart of his life from such a young age i honestly believe that he has a solid addiction. I want to help him, but am i just being naive? If a friend was in my position, i would probably tell them to leave as there is no respect. So why don't I want to leave?

Harpydaze Grandparent alienation heartbreak.
  • replies: 1

Hi . My heart breaks every morning for my dear grandchildren who for several years now have had no choice to be hugged by my unconditional granny love. There is a growing number of grandchildren who are caught in the crossfire of this new permission ... View more

Hi . My heart breaks every morning for my dear grandchildren who for several years now have had no choice to be hugged by my unconditional granny love. There is a growing number of grandchildren who are caught in the crossfire of this new permission and advice to walk away from family members. I understand the need to protect oneself from toxicity. My own mother is a Narcissist and her interference with influencing my daughters mind against me has been the last straw and I have stepped away. I just can't cope with this pain in my heart. I think my daughter doesn't understand that I have severe depression and autoimmune pain and I'm not bunging it on or doing it for attention. Even the government recognises my disabilities and have granted support. I have been in deep therapy for years trying to figure out how I can do better; yet it's never going to be good enough. The expectations of the perfect non toxic mother are high these days. It's like grieving the death of my daughter and my grandchildren yet with the anxiety of wondering when or if they will come back to my life. I know of many other grandparents out there going through this , are there any in this forum?

essbee My mum said something that really hurt my feelings..
  • replies: 2

Essentially, I've been working on my anxiety for the better part of 6 years. The second I would wake up every morning, I would have to run straight to the bathroom to vomit because I was so anxious all the time. I'd cry a lot, felt there were lots of... View more

Essentially, I've been working on my anxiety for the better part of 6 years. The second I would wake up every morning, I would have to run straight to the bathroom to vomit because I was so anxious all the time. I'd cry a lot, felt there were lots of 'easy' things I wasn't able to do, even if I really wanted to, and I lost all motivation to study, work, go out with friends ect. I have no problem admitting that in my late teens and early twenties, my parents really struggled with how to help me, and I definitely stressed them out a lot. However, I haven't had a panic attack now in around three years. I graduated University and have a steady full-time job. I have more friends than ever and I do try really hard to keep up a 'normal' healthy life. So what my Mum said a few weeks ago really hurt me a lot. We had some family friends over and my mum had had more than a few glasses of wine. I was extremely hurt, and also beyond embarrassed when my Mum said in front of everyone that 'if [she] had have known what I would be like with all my anxiety and everything, [she] wouldn't have chosen to have me.' She sort of played it off as a joke but I didn't find it funny. Trying to save my own embarrassment I bit back saying I wouldn't have chosen her as a mother, either, to which she got mad and said 'seriously?!' I just got up from the table and walked away. After trying so hard for so long to reach this point, it was really disappointing to hear something like that. I understand me going through what I've been through was hard for her too, but that one stung.

EvilVsGood Advice for our relationship
  • replies: 1

Hi, 1. Me (husband) and wife together for 15 years. 2 year old and 7 year old.. 2. Had a rough start. Both very stubborn and defensive. Some physical abuse and threats from both sides. outgrew this years ago (before kids) 3. both worked and good inco... View more

Hi, 1. Me (husband) and wife together for 15 years. 2 year old and 7 year old.. 2. Had a rough start. Both very stubborn and defensive. Some physical abuse and threats from both sides. outgrew this years ago (before kids) 3. both worked and good income. Never stressed about cash. 4. In 15 years she had about 4 episodes triggered after an event. Last year we moved from another country, her mom diagnosed with cancer (clear now), sexual abuse at work, lost her job and adjusting to Aus 5. Moved here in June. All was fine until dec. Got a call from Child wellfare. Accused me for abusing her because someone noticed marks on her skin. Was nail marks of our 2 year old. This was so badly handled we both laid a complaint. Senior person phoned us in Jan and apologized. They provided 3 months childcare for the little one. 6. My salary covers our expensis and very little spending. Idea was that she brings in money with photos. Was good for 6 months and then she got too scared to work with kids after child services. 7. She started spending on my credit card putting is very bad in debt. To such a point that food budget is from 1.5k to 1k and our spending is like 200 per month. 8. Her tasks should have been like 1 or 2 shoots a month, look after the household, the 2 year old. Both kids in school now and she doesn't do household work (limited) and no shoots. This additional financial stress made me react in a badly. I was verbally abusive without thinking of it. I told her she was lazy, useless, bad mother coz she doesn't make food for them, digging a whole for us all. I was mad due to the situation and really feel bad that I actually did this. 9. From Jan she got panic attacks. Started taking anti dipressions (made things worse in the past) and now. She is going out of her way to hide things etc. If i ask her for help she doesn't care. I said we should see a counsellor and we make plans with cash like stripping the spending. She will not. wants to force me to get a care plan. This morning I asked if she would mind changing a poo nappy and just refused. Her way or nothing. I'm feeling abused now. All i hear is i don't make enough money etc. She numb toward us and its at such a point that i am too scared to drink coffee she makes. I am scared she will do something to the kids. She almost forgot to pick up the 2 year old because she was in the shop looking for clothes. Suggested she stops meds but no. Suggested she books into a clinic and i get my mom here to help but no

Butterfly9 When does it start to feel better?
  • replies: 2

Its been nearly 15mths since my 14 yr relationship ended. My partner came home one day & announced he was moving away & I had to leave. We haven't seen each other since the day I left our home. I've done the rollercoaster of rejection & emotions, sel... View more

Its been nearly 15mths since my 14 yr relationship ended. My partner came home one day & announced he was moving away & I had to leave. We haven't seen each other since the day I left our home. I've done the rollercoaster of rejection & emotions, self loathing, fear & despair. I've tried to distract myself & move on but it hasn't worked. I know I cared & loved him & his child more than it was reciprocated. We communicate every now & then, & he says he still loves me. But I still can't move on. I feel like I lost my best friend & my identity. I am so sad & depressed. I am pathetic & seek even the smallest contact from him to validate my self worth. Its been over a year & I don't know how to move on. I feel like a failure. I take anxiety & ad meds but they only help me to stay barely functioning. I am ashamed of myself with friends & family & rarely interact. I can't seem to move forward. I am lost. I've done counselling with no outcome that helps. I just feel broken, rejected & stuck. The heartache is so real. I am 50 now & feel so unlovable, unattractive & unwanted. I am even ashamed to admit here how I am feeling. But I need help, I need to share, & I need advice. I just don't know how to do it alone, or what I've tried isn't working. I know my relationship wasnt perfect, but it shocked me when & how it ended. One day I had a home, a partner, a child & life. Then within days it was all gone. How have others coped & moved on? I know I will never have any of that back although contact with my ex let's me feel there may be some love & hope still there. I am very hurt & confused. Time keeps moving on but I don't seem able to. Its like me & my life as I knew it died & I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I feel disgrace in front of people who know me because I can't just get on with it like they want or tell me to. I don't know how to unlove my ex & his child I helped raise. And I don't know how to keep that love & be strong or see any worth in myself without them. I would appreciate talking with anyone who has experienced similar & maybe understands. I spend all my time hiding & hoping & feeling foolish & broken. I don't want to feel this way anymore but I struggle to know how to fix things in my heart, head & life. I keep taking my meds & dread each day alone only to hear again that its been over 12 months & what is wrong with me. If you know what I am going through & can help or offer any suggestions I would be very grateful. Thank you

Camellias Absence makes the heart grow fonder?
  • replies: 57

Hoping I can receive some advice, thoughts or positive words. ive been in a relationship for over a year. The person I am seeing often needs time alone, time alone with her children and also time alone with friends. She often tells me she ‘wants to m... View more

Hoping I can receive some advice, thoughts or positive words. ive been in a relationship for over a year. The person I am seeing often needs time alone, time alone with her children and also time alone with friends. She often tells me she ‘wants to miss me’. When i first heard this, it actually hurt. I couldnt understand why she needed so much distance. Why doesnt she want to be with me more, what is wrong with me etc etc. why does not seeng me for days, make everything better for her between us? Im trying to understand why my absence makes her happier. Why does she need to be apart from me to realise how much she loves me. Am I that repulsive...or that difficult to be around, I just wish I understood. This lovely lady does not want to get married, is happy dating and taking each day as it comes. Id marry her in a heartbeat if I could. I want to sleep beside her each night for the rest of my life, she wants to have some nights/mornings alone. And always feel guilty for wanting this. I feel that our future is very much damaged by her past(prev bad marriage) and because of that my opportunities with her are very limited and restricted. i feel so lonely without her, but I do not say anything as I sense its pressure she does not want. I miss her a lot when we are not together. But she doesnt seem to miss me or tell me so. She just is super happy to see me in small dosages. please understand I do not write these words in spite, negativity or anger. I simply long to understand and perhaps many kind folks on here will get it and share with me what I fail to see here. How can she love me, when she barely wants to see me? How can I stay important to her, without placing pressure of calls, texts to her etc? Also struggle with how her phone is virtually her lifeline. Even in the time we are together she is mind deep in messages. I feel very bad when her friends call etc as she doesnt call them back because she is with me, she requires privacy always with her friends. As it pings, makes noises etc she will always say “ its just John “ ((whoever it is at the time) How can I make her feel as though thats Ok and also still feel acknowledged? She often tells me I seem sad when her friends are messaging her or calling her. thank you for listening to me, i truly hope i have made some sense or someone will relate well to help me through this.

Hercs1 Marriage Breakup
  • replies: 4

Going through a really tough time as my marriage has recently broken down. Is there a forum I should be joining that may be useful?

Going through a really tough time as my marriage has recently broken down. Is there a forum I should be joining that may be useful?