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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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SparklySushi I feel like I’ve had to accept marriage isn’t going to happen
  • replies: 1

I am 26 (27 in 2 months) he is 27. He lives at home still with his parents and I was out of home but decided to move back with my Dad so I could save for a house so basically both me and my partner don't get no real privacy or be treated like adults.... View more

I am 26 (27 in 2 months) he is 27. He lives at home still with his parents and I was out of home but decided to move back with my Dad so I could save for a house so basically both me and my partner don't get no real privacy or be treated like adults. We have always done long distance been together for 2 years this November so we only see each other on the weekends. We had planned on moving forward and myself moving to his city. This was back in November 2018 where I put my transfer form in (I can transfer with my work) and that was unknown how long it would take. My partner has since swapped jobs 3 times and still is job searching and is never happy and now is money struggling and he finally admitted it was to much pressure for him so I took my transfer out and we would wait again. I feel like since this has happened I feel like it wasn't only the transfer form I took away but my chance of marriage and kids...I have this thing even before my partner I wanted to be married before I was 30 otherwise I wouldn't want to at all and I feel like we won't live together til I'm nearly 27.7 years old and he probably won't propose for a few years which means it won't happen and then I'll have to be pushing kids out when I'm in my mid 30's. I see other couples who haven't been together nearly as long as us and already pregnant or engaged and everytime I see this it makes me feel like we won't ever move forward. He keeps promising me it'll all work out but I just don't know my depression is eating me alive because of this and he cracks up when I say if I'm not engaged by this time next year (I'll be 27.5 ) then I won't accept anything later. Has anyone else been similar to me or is it just me? My plans were to start studying nursing when I'm in my 30's not only getting married and having kids. I feel like because I have to wait for him why should I do his timeline and not mine? Help I don't know why I'm stuck on this and constantly thinking about it making myself feel worse. Just to be clear my partner wants to get married and doesn’t see age an issue.

sheree_f i got broken up with, no warning or explanation
  • replies: 2

my boyfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me 2 months ago. we never really fought or had problems other than just basic bickering and then one day he came over and told me that he had been unhappy for 3 months and didn’t know what to do. he sa... View more

my boyfriend of 3 and a half years broke up with me 2 months ago. we never really fought or had problems other than just basic bickering and then one day he came over and told me that he had been unhappy for 3 months and didn’t know what to do. he said he didn’t know what made him unhappy but it wasn’t anything i did (??????) but he just didn’t see us working anymore. i was obviously extremely upset, i loved him so much and always did everything in my power to make him happy and make him feel loved and appreciated he still wants to be friends and obviously i want that too because he was my best friend and i don’t want to lose him and have this stupid hope that we will get back together which is stupid thing to even think because it probably won’t happen but i just cannot stop thinking about him. every day i just wait to see if he will message me and i just want to talk to him and see him and i just don’t understand how someone can talk to you every day and tell you that they love you and then turn around the next day and leave you high and dry and the worst part is that i never wanted to depend on someone to be happy and i didn’t think i did but this has broken me in a way that i didn’t think i could ever feel and i am just constantly sad. i know that there’s so many worse things happening in the world and that so many people have it worse than me but i am literally just so sad all the time and i don’t understand why this has happened to me when all i ddi was love him and care for him and try my hardest for him everyone says it’ll get easier but it hasn’t and it’s been 2 months. i am such a hug believer in everything happens for a reason but i just can’t see the big picture and why i would need to go through this terrible pain to learn some sort of lesson :(((

Clarerosie Lost the love for my husband of 20years
  • replies: 1

My husband and I recently embarked on an open relationship, originally to spice things up, we’ve had a couple of hook ups and it seemed to be working. No jealousy and it was purely a sexual orientation we chose. My dad is now in his final stages of A... View more

My husband and I recently embarked on an open relationship, originally to spice things up, we’ve had a couple of hook ups and it seemed to be working. No jealousy and it was purely a sexual orientation we chose. My dad is now in his final stages of Alzheimer’s and lives in the UK, my depression is unbearable as is my anxiety. This coincides with a sexual partner I had leaving the country - I had no idea i had become as attached to him but now he is away for a few weeks, I miss him so much it’s agonising. My husband doesn’t know I developed these feelings for someone else. i cannot imagine having those physical feelings for my husband .... I love him as a partner and father of our 3 beautiful kids but I’m so conflicted. I can’t eat, I can’t stop thinking about the other person who I don’t want to live without. Ive been denying feelings of loss of attraction to my husband for many years and now feel like it’s undeniable. I just don’t think I have enough love left or it is this just grief and depression talking??? Thank you for listening.

BeeMac83 I'm a crap parent
  • replies: 6

I'm a bad parent. I try hard to be good and feel I try as much as I can but I feel so under-appreciated and that I'm falling short.I recently fell very short.I have depression and anxiety. I have had these for just over 20 years. I feel poorly about ... View more

I'm a bad parent. I try hard to be good and feel I try as much as I can but I feel so under-appreciated and that I'm falling short.I recently fell very short.I have depression and anxiety. I have had these for just over 20 years. I feel poorly about myself, useless, and I fuss about keeping things clean because I have a fear of people thinking I am unclean, among other things. Keeping the house clean is important to me as is looking after possessions because my husband and I work hard at our jobs to be able to afford things for our kids so I want them respected. When I ask my two kids to help out or do chores I get met with complaints and resistance. I keep asking for the same things to be done and I get ignored. I asked politely and calmly and only when I raise my voice do they act. Tonight I was getting cross about some sticky drink that was taken onto carpet and spilt on the floor and the wall and they were laughing and saying they didn't know who it could be. It most likely happened one or two days ago and they would not take me seriously and kept laughing, with the conversation getting to the point that they expected I would clean it up because they didn't know who did it, even though it was clear it would have been one of either of them. I rang my husband, who was away, so that he could talk to the boys because I was getting cross and needed to step away. He was no help and seemed to be listening more to the boys' side of things of them not knowing how the sticky drink and mess appeared on the wall and carpet. My kids were still laughing and I was getting more cross because of this and not feeling supported. I ended the phone conversation and told my kids to brush their teeth, but one-at-a-time because otherwise they are silly and make a mess, or get into a fight, in the bathroom. I told my first kid to go and brush his teeth and get to bed and as he came to walk past me he rolled his eyes and said, 'Fine'. This was the last straw and I put my hands on his head and told him not to roll his eyes because it was disrespectful. I then pushed him to get moving down the hallway. I didn't push him hard or hit him but I did push him and it was wrong. And I swore. I feel like absolute crap. I don't know how to be a parent. I'm a crap parent and I want to leave. I am so mad and ashamed that I pushed my son. I'm a hypocrite and I want to get in the car and go away. I don't know if my kid will forgive me. I can't forgive myself. I feel like a piece of crap.

Chantel40newlyseparated Just separated wanted it but now he left instead
  • replies: 3

Hi there, After being together and married for 24 months I moved into our granny flat as I felt unloved in our marriage but stayed for kids. My husband is not a bad person and I still loved him just not inlove anymore. After moving he tried really ha... View more

Hi there, After being together and married for 24 months I moved into our granny flat as I felt unloved in our marriage but stayed for kids. My husband is not a bad person and I still loved him just not inlove anymore. After moving he tried really hard to change my mind but I felt numb to his efforts. He stopped trying after a few weeks and we continued living this way for 8 months. A few weeks ago he said he couldn't do this anymore and moved out to gain space from me although he said it was only for few weeks. Idk what his intentions are after that time frame. I felt so broken when he did and I asked for him to reconsider but he said he can't although he is extremely upset and on a emotional roller-coaster himself. He is emotionally exhausted he says. I know that once his mind is made up there's no going back. He now ignores my texts most of the time even if they are about the kids. I have said some horrible things to him out of emotion and apologise. Now I am trying not to do that and hide bitterness but he chooses what to respond too. I now am so miserable, constantly crying and on a emotional roller-coaster. I also feel lonely and regret my initial choice to move into granny flat. Idk if these feelings are genuine for the separation as initially I thought I was finished. I'm so broken and miss him so much. Please help if you can. Thank you

Zahvia Not dealing with my breakup
  • replies: 2

My girlfriend broke up with me a while ago and she always said that she loved me but needed to work on herself before a relationship but started being really cold towards me and everything. She kept saying that she felt like she was leading me on and... View more

My girlfriend broke up with me a while ago and she always said that she loved me but needed to work on herself before a relationship but started being really cold towards me and everything. She kept saying that she felt like she was leading me on and it was making her anxious because she felt like she should get back together with me. Tonight she told me that she never wants to be back together with me and I dont know what to do. Ive been doing everything to try and make her happy and comfortable and I really thought we were getting somewhere but just like our breakup this came really suddenly and I dont know if she is doing it to try and ease her anxiety about speaking about it so its just over or if she truly doesnt love me. We live together and it hurts so bad looking at her because i still love her so much and it breaks my heart knowing she doesnt love me anymore and I really dont know how to deal with it

Charlie29 My bf chose to work away for 3 months and I’m struggling / think i’m losing him
  • replies: 1

My partner always wanted to work at the snow since he was a little boy. I decided to be a supportive gf and help him with his resume (even though i didn’t want him to leave) and he got the job to be a snowboard instructor for 3 months... I’m struggli... View more

My partner always wanted to work at the snow since he was a little boy. I decided to be a supportive gf and help him with his resume (even though i didn’t want him to leave) and he got the job to be a snowboard instructor for 3 months... I’m struggling as he is calling less, and has barely talked about all the friends he has made. I questioned him about why he doesn’t talk about his friends and he snapped at me and made me sound annoying or intrusive. This is hard for me as I was cheated on twice in the past, and I don’t want to assume he is doing things behind my back..but I feel he has friends that are girls and he doesn’t want to tell me because he thinks I’ll get paranoid.. but it’s difficult when he is not being transparent. I’d rather him just tell me the truth. It’s hard as sometimes he parties and gets drunk, and I don’t really like that. He is less romantic on the phone and he said a while ago it was because he didn’t want to get too mushy or he would just get sad, but it doesn’t make me feel good, as he chose to work away. Is it bad for me to be angry he isn’t making more of an effort? Im starting to worry that he is questioning our relationship, or upset I am expecting more of him.. and we are about to have our 12 month anniversary.. please let me know your thoughts.

LoveFlowers Verbally abused by transgender relative
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, Just posting on here to gain some help with understanding a situation I have never encountered. At the beginning of this year, my transgender Uncle (born as a woman, now identifies as a male) separated with his partner of 5 months. Since... View more

Hi everyone, Just posting on here to gain some help with understanding a situation I have never encountered. At the beginning of this year, my transgender Uncle (born as a woman, now identifies as a male) separated with his partner of 5 months. Since that time we have not heard anything from him or had an opportunity to catch up with him. 2 weeks ago, my partner and I sent out our wedding invitations. As we are paying per head, we simply cannot afford to give all of our guests a "plus one". Last week, my Uncle contacted me to mention that he had received our wedding invitation and wanted to know if the invite included his partner (which we thought they had broken up). As the invites had already been sent and numbers already determined, I mentioned to my Uncle that we will need to wait for others to respond and if people decline then we are more than happy to invite his partner. My uncle didn't like my response and went on to verbally abuse me by insinuating that I am a homophobic and that I was "de-legitimizing" his relationship. After copping a backlash of horrible text messages, I said to my uncle it would be better to resolve this over the phone rather than texting. Geez, I wish I hadn't bothered. After giving my Uncle the respect to voice his concerns by actively listening until he had finished, he couldn't give me the same respect to hear me out. After copping the abusive text messages the day previous, I was also feeling hurt by the comments he had made towards me. I also wanted the opportunity to voice that I didn't like the way he spoke to me, however he kept interrupting me with defensive comments and not admitting to his own mistakes. It does take two to tango after all. The conversation was not going well and it felt extremely one-sided. My uncle was acting entitled to bring his partner to our wedding, however as we are paying per head the decision is up to myself and my partner. Not him. Which he doesn't seem to understand or have any concern about. After expressing to my Uncle that at the time the invitations were sent out, we had no idea that he had gotten back together with his partner, he also shut that down and called me a liar!!! My uncle then went on to call me a B****, hung up the phone on me and blocked me on all social media. This reaction has come as a complete shock to my partner and I, we really don't understand it. Is there anyone who can shed some light on this situation for us? Thanks in advanced!

Broken4 Broken
  • replies: 3

It’s been 12 months since I discovered my husband of 3 years and partner of 19 years had been having an affair with whom I thought was my best friend for 12 months. i do not know how to handle my feelings , I chose to stay as my husband was very apol... View more

It’s been 12 months since I discovered my husband of 3 years and partner of 19 years had been having an affair with whom I thought was my best friend for 12 months. i do not know how to handle my feelings , I chose to stay as my husband was very apologetic and has tried everything to save our marriage. he has cut all contact with her. we have two children that are not aware of the situation as they are to young to be exposed to this situation. i am tired of people telling me how strong I am as I do not feel strong. i am sorry if my thread doesn’t make sense as this is my first time ever writing this down, but I would like to speak to people that have experienced this terrible thing. some days I am good but other days the thought of what they did to me hurts so bad that I cannot bring myself out of it

amy1987 finiancial woes
  • replies: 3

i’m 32 low income and i have made the mistake of having a credit card debt. yep i know don’t need to tell me twice. but my parents just found out the extent of it. i have nothing to show for it, that’s not the bad part.. the bad part is now my dad wo... View more

i’m 32 low income and i have made the mistake of having a credit card debt. yep i know don’t need to tell me twice. but my parents just found out the extent of it. i have nothing to show for it, that’s not the bad part.. the bad part is now my dad would like to have access to my login bank account details and see my spending. yes i know i have made a mistake in trying to rectify it.. i was going so well mentally and now all of a sudden i can’t sleep, i can’t be bothered to go to work and i have stopped studying.. the moment i feel happy someone comes along and tears it down. and i’m back where i was. how do i make a parent understand that yes i have made incredible shit on my finances.. i was prob depending beyond my means .. just wanted to be like others in my life... i rarely socialise and spend my time at home other then working. i have only slept 2 hours tonight and about to call in sick for the 3rd time this week, i can’t be bothered to drive there serve 300 people and hear there woes. but i’ll prob get up and go and fake it. call the bank and close two accounts. i know i should of been upfront. and now hear i am contemplating maybe everyone would be better off debts suck, going from a high income to a low income sucks.