Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Bubbles78 Not Sure What to Do
  • replies: 5

My husband and I are not 40 and he is an alcoholic and has been dry for 7 years. This year has been incredibly hard, starting one week into the year with his Mum’s passing. Many other deaths have happened and we have had major family issues, particul... View more

My husband and I are not 40 and he is an alcoholic and has been dry for 7 years. This year has been incredibly hard, starting one week into the year with his Mum’s passing. Many other deaths have happened and we have had major family issues, particularly with our oldest daughter. He is heavily depressed but believes he is only stressed. He also gets controlling when he feels insecure so I don’t do much or see too many people. He now says that e is entitled to have some beers after work which actually scares my two daughters as well as myself. In the past there was quite severe domestic violence with alcohol usage and given his current state of mind we are very concerned for our safety. I feel bad and mean but I believe that our safety should come first. I am happy to go out for the night or for him to go out and drink but he refuses to have friends outside of work and only wants to drink at home. This is causing MAJOR conflict and is turning to his brother and sister for support, who also happen to alcoholics. What would you do in my shoes? Thanks in advance

tombraider88 Cinderella complex
  • replies: 2

I have a 25 year old daughter with a one year old, living in a blended family with her partner and his six year old daughter who they have 50% custody. Since my daughter gave birth to her baby, she has taken issue with her step daughter, does not all... View more

I have a 25 year old daughter with a one year old, living in a blended family with her partner and his six year old daughter who they have 50% custody. Since my daughter gave birth to her baby, she has taken issue with her step daughter, does not allow the children to have any contact with each other or any relationship of any kind, including traveling in separate cars so the kids aren't sat in the back seat together, creating a gated room at the front of the house for just her and the baby. we all treat the step daughter like she is our own, the same way we treat my grandson. I have consistently been outspoken about her treatment of her step daughter, however because she provides the bare basics of care being clothing, feeding she does not recognize the emotional abuse she is inflicting. By speaking out, we are threatened with losing my grandson and there have been periods of time where i have not seen him because I refuse to stay silent. christmas day was breaking point for the family, she treated her stepdaughter like she wasn't welcome there, would remove the baby from her presence if he tried to go near her, yelled at her whenever the baby wanted to touch her because she should know the rules. We were threatened with being kicked out of her house for trying to involve the kids together. her partner is passive in all of this, loves and cares for his daughter but allows this behaviour to occur. My daughter make up lies about her stepdaughter citing she is mentally unstable and suicidal, and a risk to the baby. The problem is that the child's biological mother is not amazing either, so we all step in to try and provide all the love and care we can to this little girl, but then are abused for over compensating for her lack of maternal instinct towards her. i have considered approaching my daughters doctor because I believe she is mentally unwell or talking to child protection, but all of these options pose a risk in terms of access to the kids. We've told her partner that wecannot tolerate this behaviour any longer and that he needs to do something about it. We are their only support network because if you don't agree with my daughter, she cuts you off. in addition to all of this my daughter is pregnant again and due in May. She is so obsessed with the baby, she currently has, I'm fearful for what will happen when this new baby comes along. just wondering if anyone has had any experience with this, I'm heartbroken and losing sleep over this situation.

Lydaxter Not feeling Xmas joy
  • replies: 2

It's been like this for a while but being Xmas just amplifies it, there's no stress but also no thrill no excitement. My youngest just turned 14 Santa doesn't stop by anymore, not for a long time. I spent this day like any other with the added bonus ... View more

It's been like this for a while but being Xmas just amplifies it, there's no stress but also no thrill no excitement. My youngest just turned 14 Santa doesn't stop by anymore, not for a long time. I spent this day like any other with the added bonus of trying (and failing my family) I was so intent to distract hubby from arguing with the newest moody teenager son we have that I ended up just making everything worse. My medication does little more than keep the wolves at bay but depression is always in ear shot. I feel like I was supposed to be the one that made the majic of Xmas happen but I couldn't even get them to the dinner table to break bread. I hate this time of year all the expectations engrained like worn out carpet. Sometimes I feel like they'd all be better off without me and that all l do is spread poison and not love. I feel like, as a Mother and Wife such a monumental failure that I can't even do Xmas right.

Needhelp2018 Boyfriend left me after 6 years because I couldn’t get my bipolar II under control
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting in the forums so please excuse me if I don’t write the right thing. After 6 years, my boyfriend has broken up with me. This is a result of me treating him very badly over the years because I didn’t take my d... View more

Hi everyone, This is my first time posting in the forums so please excuse me if I don’t write the right thing. After 6 years, my boyfriend has broken up with me. This is a result of me treating him very badly over the years because I didn’t take my diagnosis of bipolar II disorder from 7 years ago seriously. I have had a number of hypomanic episodes over the years which have led to some very deep lows and he has taken the brunt of all of the side effects of these - me being irrational, irritable, paranoid, needy, manic (in the form of working 16 hour days, ferociously pursuing a career with no plan, spending money I don’t have, etc), and at times have been emotional abusive and very hurtful to him. I’m not surprised after all this time he has finally decided he needs to put himself first and think about his own happiness and protecting himself the only way he can - by not being with me. He says he still loves me and a part of him always will but that he can’t be with me anymore. I have officially hit rock bottom. I can’t breathe at the thought of not having him in my life and want to prove to him I am now serious and am going to make permanent changes to my life to get on top of my condition, not for him but for me because it’s not just my relationship with him that’s affected. Whilst I am doing this, I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t want to ask him to stay with me but I can’t bear the thought of him moving on and finding someone else. Has anyone else been in this position? Should I let him go and focus on myself for now and prove to him I can do this once and for all and hope he doesn’t find someone in the meantime? Any advice greatly appreciated, X

KDAWGS The aftermath
  • replies: 6

My son who suffers from anxiety gave his grandmother a spray tonight. He said when did some very bad things. His sister doesn't get it nor will my mum. They're angry by the way he treats me when he has an "attack" but I focus on getting him thru it n... View more

My son who suffers from anxiety gave his grandmother a spray tonight. He said when did some very bad things. His sister doesn't get it nor will my mum. They're angry by the way he treats me when he has an "attack" but I focus on getting him thru it not what he says. He lost the plot cause he lost his wallet with savings for an up coming holiday & everything else... he also had his car written off in the hail storm on Thursday. How do I stop conflict whole my parents are here & keep my boy safe...

Lost27 Girl kissing my boyfriend?
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My bf went to a family Christmas party (I couldn't make it because was in the USA for school) and he posted a pic of him and this girl who isn't family with her kissing him on the cheek. He doesn't see this was bad. Am I wrong for getting upset and f... View more

My bf went to a family Christmas party (I couldn't make it because was in the USA for school) and he posted a pic of him and this girl who isn't family with her kissing him on the cheek. He doesn't see this was bad. Am I wrong for getting upset and feeling hurt.

IsaJett The ex family in law ..doing my head in
  • replies: 3

So I have split from the ex ..about 3 years now .. i just really hate dealing with them ...I can only deal with the ex alone ,.cos he is the father ..and I keep things civilised and amicable .i treat him like a friend ,.and it works fine ,.i have no ... View more

So I have split from the ex ..about 3 years now .. i just really hate dealing with them ...I can only deal with the ex alone ,.cos he is the father ..and I keep things civilised and amicable .i treat him like a friend ,.and it works fine ,.i have no qualms with that , but he travels really often and I need to enlist his family ...but my goodness ..dealing with them is just a bloody pain ..they always so sad and negative and say they all getting old ..Blah blah blah ..really it goes on ,,and I’m like ,..look who the hell on earth isn’t getting old ? do we have to gloat over and over it ...Its hard enough getting myself in check ...but when I have to listen to them blab ,.i really feel my ears would bleed ,..they all so negative ..and I got zero tolerance for it ,..pfffft ...just really need to get that out , even whilst I was in marriage ..they were also negative all the, time ...I guess they never change ..it’s so crazy . I feel like after talking to them I need like twin days to recover from the negative energy ...it’s like a battery zap ...a complete drainage of my energy ..it’s like they suck the life out of me ...hahahaha so then I blame the ex..for being overseas all the, time..it really taxing ..ok thanks for listening guys ,

Mia37 I don't know what to do
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My husband from oversea came to live with me. My family don't want me to be with him so initially when he came over we live in a different state. I was unhappy because of my family pressure and I didnt like the state where we were living. I felt lone... View more

My husband from oversea came to live with me. My family don't want me to be with him so initially when he came over we live in a different state. I was unhappy because of my family pressure and I didnt like the state where we were living. I felt loney without my family and not many friends. I use to fight with him a lot. I didnt felt like I wanted to be with him there at times. So I moved back to live with my family, I didnt think about how I would lose him. He gave me a chance to be back with him recently. But I may have to move away from my family and hometown again. I like where I am living right now but I also want him. He said he don't think he can move to my hometown. I don't know what to do. I feel so unhappy I can't have him and my family same time.

ConfusedFiance Personal Depression while partner is undiagnosed
  • replies: 4

Hi all, fisrt time posting and hoping to gain some perspective after all the searching I’ve not found a post, article or advice on my situation. Ive been on medication for depression and mild anxiety for a few years, I’ve learnt my triggers. I’m open... View more

Hi all, fisrt time posting and hoping to gain some perspective after all the searching I’ve not found a post, article or advice on my situation. Ive been on medication for depression and mild anxiety for a few years, I’ve learnt my triggers. I’m open a honest with anyone who has questions and very vocal as I have a fantastic support group. My long term partner has had signs of severe depression for years and turns to substances to numb/ deal with the issues. I’ve been supportive 110% trying to get him to seek counseling or medical help for years. Things got worse as we finally lived together and through this lost myself and my anxiety worse then I’ve ever experienced. I would be supportive and loving knowing that he wasn’t okay but may have taken on too much? Only through a massive anxiety attack that sent me back to the doctors to up the dosage on my tablets (spent 3 months of hard work to be stable on a lower dosage) that he went and got help for his addiction and depression. I’m happy that he has help and is receiving counseling and on medication but disappointed and a bit resentful for me to get so sick for him to change. I feel out of love and a bit lost to have been taken advantage of. I can’t seem to find the line between him being sick and his underlying personality? I don’t want him to feel alone in a time of need, but I’m finding it hard to draw a line to do what’s best for me? Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? How can you be a caretaker but need the support back that is never taken into consideration by your other half? Just feeling lost.

Guest_1584 Does anyone have rentals, had any trouble , how did you handle it ?
  • replies: 5

Hi all. l have a little cabin on 1/2 ac l rent out. Nope l'm not rich with a string of properties not by a long shot , struggling in fact. Anyway the last guy , never again. He was good for 15mths then he lost his job smashed his car and rents were a... View more

Hi all. l have a little cabin on 1/2 ac l rent out. Nope l'm not rich with a string of properties not by a long shot , struggling in fact. Anyway the last guy , never again. He was good for 15mths then he lost his job smashed his car and rents were all over the place and got more and more behind. l kicked him out on about 4mths behind. l tried to be patient as he'd always let me know what was going on and he'd been through a helluva time, also divorce and stuff. Buttt, in the end he had to go. Well , he was once of these junk guys , the property wound up covered in machines , 3 cars, car parts , pallets , it was a bloody disgrace . Well over about 2 mths he took about 70% of it , and l didn't tell him this but l was too busy to go work on the place after he effd of anyway so l just kept at him to come get the rest. he did another load and that was the last, about 2mths ago. l think he's done and gone didn't answer my last few messages. Though he's disappeared before. last message l said final notice , if your stuff not gone in 2 wks from now l'm getting rid of what's left no ifs buts. That was 5wks ago. No reply. l started working on the place today and cleaning up his crap. 4 trailer loads to the scrap metal alone and worked like a dog.. He had a 6mtr tent with personal stuff in it , even wedding stuff. kids bikes, generators, ride on mower, old one,brand new car mags and tyres ,tools, lotta stuff and shyt absolutely everywhere. Some probably sellable he owed 2k in rent. Plus 4mths of not being able to re rent. Might sound like a crazy question but do l finally get rid of, throw out and sell of he's stuff. ? l mean wedding stuff, kids bikes, l feel bad about that and he's broke but also all he's machinery , car stuff l could sell. Things also got nasty a few months back and he threatened to send bikie mates round to my house lf l touched he's stuff, .we ended up patching that up and l went on with pushing him to get his crap of the place. so much for feeling sorry for him. Our property's a junk yard, owes all this rent l'll never see, wasted 4mths where we couldn't re rent. rx