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always trying to kick my boyfriend out

Community Member
I have a pattern in relationships of always trying to break up with my partner even when I don't really want to. my current boyfriend is patient with me even when I try and kick him out once a week. I think this stems from my fear of abandonment but I don't know how to stop it. I'm always trying to find something he has done wrong. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar and borderline personality disorder.
1 Reply 1

Community Member

Hi Amberrc,

I used to do this a lot with my current partner (and probably with ones before him but I never took too much notice). I have depression and anxiety which seem to take turns in terms of ‘flare ups’.

I can completely relate to ‘trying’ to find something wrong with your partner. My issue was that I used to feel very insecure and I would look for reasons to crack it with my partner even though I knew there was nothing to be concerned or upset about.

I spoke extensively to my psychologist about it and realised that I would first feel depressed or unsettled, and then I would go looking for reasons to justify why I felt this way - leading me to look through phones, Facebook etc and pick fights with my partner. I would then blame my partner for why I felt so crap even though it really had nothing to do with him. I also had the belief that if I found a reason to break up with him first then it protected my feelings in some way.

Talking to a psychologist really helped me, as well as being completely honest with my partner about how I’m feeling and why I think I do certain things. I even told him I went through his phone etc. because I knew it was wrong and I wanted him to know I was trying my best to work on it.

Don’t be afraid to express yourself to your partner and talk through why you feel a certain way, even if it seems completely irrational. It’s great that you’re aware of yourself though, I was in denial for a few months in the beginning. Sorry this is such a long winded response but hopefully you find bits of it helpful!