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I feel like his not as affectionate as he use to be. We use to always hold hands and cuddle I have brought this up and he said it's too hard now with the kids. I understand it's part of his job to work away from home but last time suggested we go too as he was only going for 3 days but he kind of shut me down and said it will be better if he goes alone and stays with the other guys to keep the accommodation cost down. I feel like he likes to go away because he can go to the pub with the guys he works with and live the single life he usually rings us when he gets back to his room whenever they close the pub yet when his home his always in bed by 7:30pm and always says his tired and has to get up for work were I can sleep till whenever I want as I'm on maternity leave. Which anyone with small kids know this is unlikely to get a sleep in. I get really jealous when he goes away 1 because I'm worried what his getting up too and 2 I think it get a bit jealous that he gets a break. I'm aware my jealousy has caused a lot of the issues. Which I have probably brought on myself I have searched his phone before and found he looks at a lot of porn like it's a couple of times a day and he is on private pages on Facebook and I found a message he sent to a woman who put a message with a photo of herself on one of these pages on Facebook asking the group how far have you travelled for sex and he wrote that he would travel across australia for her. This to me was a form of cheating but he said it was just a jokemail and would never cheat on me because he would want me to do the same to him. I've also found messages from his work friends where there talking about me and he has called me an offensive name when I questioned this his response was I was reading it wrong. I feel so disrespected and can't get over these two incidents he has apologised but I don't understand how he could do it in the first place. Last night we had a fight over money as he always says things like I pay the bills and my money I told him it should be our money and I pay things too as with my leave pay I paid our bills until I go back to work plus I buy the groceries he pays the mortgage but it seems to be always his money we have separate accounts when I suggested we get a joint account he said no if you want money just ask me and I will transfer some into your account or get you a card for my account. I love him with all my heart but feel like I'm losing him he tells me i never say sorry andidn't I'm stubborn.
3 Replies 3

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi 78lost,

My heart goes out to you. There’s so much that you’re going through. You sound hurt and I imagine you would feel a sense of betrayal as well. I hope it’s okay for me to say that he sounds very dismissive of your feelings...I feel that would really sting.

I don’t have children personally, but I understand raising children is no easy feat. No matter how much you love them, it still isn’t easy.

I feel your significant other doesn’t quite seem to grasp that, especially considering how he seems to think you can just “sleep in.” Very unrealistic with a newborn...I feel he doesn’t seem to understand or truly appreciate what you are doing for the family....

Discovering the FB messages must have been very painful. I imagine you would have felt betrayed, and as you said, disrespected...

About finances, I understand different couples may have slightly different arrangements. But in my personal opinion, if the couple shares or co-owns a living space, children and/or daily living expenses then I feel there should be more of a “partnership of funds”, so to speak.

It sounds like he wants to call the shots when it comes to money, rather than being in a partnership/a team when it comes to managing finances. I think it can also be a little embarrassing to have to constantly ask for funds to be transferred, etc. I feel that must be so stressful....

Although, I personally think the overarching issue (maybe?) is perhaps a lack of respect for you. I think perhaps that is what it all boils down to...what do you think?

Sorry, I feel as though I’m being pretty unhelpful in terms of more practical suggestions. Most of all, I just want to say I’m listening and that I feel for you. There’s no pressure or rush to write again, but if you want to vent, chat, etc, please feel free to write away...this is a safe space 🙂

Kindness and care,


Hi Pepper,

I just want to say thank you for your reply it has really help me. And its nice that someone wants to listen I was starting to think i was just complaining and have no one to turn to i dont want to bring these situations up with family or friends as i wanted an unbiased opinion. Thank you once again.

Hi 78lost,

It’s great to hear back from you 🙂 You’re most welcome and I’m glad that I helped you feel a little less alone.

You’re always welcome to vent, chat, etc here. I understand bottling feelings is painful. There’s no pressure if course, but please don’t hesitate if you need to emotionally unload. We are here for you.

Kind and caring thoughts,