Hi 78lost,
My heart goes out to you. There’s so much that you’re going through. You sound hurt and I imagine you would feel a sense of betrayal as well. I hope it’s okay for me to say that he sounds very dismissive of your feelings...I feel that would really sting.
I don’t have children personally, but I understand raising children is no easy feat. No matter how much you love them, it still isn’t easy.
I feel your significant other doesn’t quite seem to grasp that, especially considering how he seems to think you can just “sleep in.” Very unrealistic with a newborn...I feel he doesn’t seem to understand or truly appreciate what you are doing for the family....
Discovering the FB messages must have been very painful. I imagine you would have felt betrayed, and as you said, disrespected...
About finances, I understand different couples may have slightly different arrangements. But in my personal opinion, if the couple shares or co-owns a living space, children and/or daily living expenses then I feel there should be more of a “partnership of funds”, so to speak.
It sounds like he wants to call the shots when it comes to money, rather than being in a partnership/a team when it comes to managing finances. I think it can also be a little embarrassing to have to constantly ask for funds to be transferred, etc. I feel that must be so stressful....
Although, I personally think the overarching issue (maybe?) is perhaps a lack of respect for you. I think perhaps that is what it all boils down to...what do you think?
Sorry, I feel as though I’m being pretty unhelpful in terms of more practical suggestions. Most of all, I just want to say I’m listening and that I feel for you. There’s no pressure or rush to write again, but if you want to vent, chat, etc, please feel free to write away...this is a safe space 🙂
Kindness and care,
Pepper
