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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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white knight Mens sensitivity and kind heart mistaken for weakness
  • replies: 0

I've worked with men all my life mainly in the security, defence and investigation fields, areas of employment that you rely on your colleague for back up. You get to know them over a long period of time...sort of. I've imagined my most robust and me... View more

I've worked with men all my life mainly in the security, defence and investigation fields, areas of employment that you rely on your colleague for back up. You get to know them over a long period of time...sort of. I've imagined my most robust and mean looking work partner as never crying, never buckling under the pressure of the harshest trauma yet have walked in on such a person sobbing at his desk. I've had the best father anyone could ask for and never saw him cry....until my older 26yo brother took his own life and watched my dad crumble. Three months later when he had an off day my mother exploded and yelled "mothers grieve more than fathers I've been crying for 3 months far more than you have". My dad walked from the family home for 3 hours and I believe I was lucky to see him return. And this is the most non understandable facts about men- we are difficult to understand even if we are of the same sex. I cant relate to women being so close to each other, sharing their secrets and bonding. On the same token some men you wouldn't want to be close to. Ruthless is the word. As a man I have always found it difficult to determine such ruthlessness...whether sensitiveness and kindness is indeed present at all? I use the "be kind to them until proven that I'm wasting my time" theory. It becomes a two lions in a cage conflict situation. Why do some men possess such staunch barriers that appears threatening? I know why, they are afraid and have learned as young men to be prepared for being hurt, dominated or even physically defeated. For men some have found that being ultra ready for a threat they can respond in a cool, calculated and convincing method that they can and will defend themselves from any criticism. I've joked with men and they've taken it totally as a threat, told them it was a joke and still they threaten and again threaten. For example: I met up with friends once when I was 30 odd. A mate brought along a sheep farmer and introduced him so I eagerly wanted to make him feel welcome. "I owned a shoop once" I said. "What's a shoop" he asked. "One sheep" I replied. Three of the six men got the joke, he stared at me and said angrily "are you making fun of my job". "it was a joke mate" I said. But what was typical of a man that commits himself to aggression, he said "that's ok but if it wasn't you'd be facing the wrong end of me mate".... and on it went. Men deserve the benefit of the doubt to their inner character. TonyWK

JoshuaCalledMe Struggling With Rejection
  • replies: 3

Not sure if this is the right forum or if I'm even in the right place but hey-ho. I started typing the whole sorry tale but ran out of words Basically late last year my best friend and key emotional support stated she would be moving away to start a ... View more

Not sure if this is the right forum or if I'm even in the right place but hey-ho. I started typing the whole sorry tale but ran out of words Basically late last year my best friend and key emotional support stated she would be moving away to start a relationship which I was deeply saddened by. Since then she has progressively distanced herself from me and now simply ignores me. I do not know why. Christmas I had what my doctor now thinks was a breakdown and when I broke and tried to talk to my wife in late January (I couldn't keep it in any longer) by her own admission she didn't know what to do beyond saying she hoped it gave me closure to talk to her. It didn't but I think she knew it. Late February she asked for a divorce, stated what the settlement would be, how much rentals were in the area and asked me to be gone in a month. We've been married for 10 years and this came out of the blue for me, but I think these things always do to one party or the other. She granted me one session of couples counselling before she wanted mediation and then wanted to skip mediation and for me to just move out. On the advice of a couple of friends, I fought that and was right to do so. Nonetheless she is buying me out of the house and that's not too far from being done and dusted so now I'm just very lost and very adrift and very emotional. Money wise I'll be ok for a couple of years which is entirely new for me, but I have a part time job, an unfinished counselling degree I neither feel equipped or inclined to finish, my best friend gone, my wife going, my family on the other side of the world (I'm from the UK - now an Aussie citizen) and no idea what the hell to do. I literally built my life around my wife and her family and now with one notable exception, every single one of them has gone. These are people I embraced and helped and ate with and holidayed with even. For the last decade they've been my family and in the space of a couple of months, they've gone. I'm 50 next year, had my 49th in April while being divorced and have no idea what to do. I am as lost now at 49 as I was at 15 when my careers officer asked me what i wanted to do with my life. I'm struggling. I'm on a mental health plan but it's not helping. I'm on meication to sleep but I drive for a living so have to be careful. Sometimes I just collapse into tears. I feel so alone, so unwanted and so rejected. I just don't know what to do. Tonight, looking at rentals, I broke, so here I am. Thoughts?

confusedandunsure Depressed partner and relationship blues
  • replies: 1

Hi everyone, I was hoping for some objective opinions on my situation. I've been with my partner for a year and a half, and we've been through quite a lot together. I met her not long after her previous relationship of 7 yrs fell apart. I helped her ... View more

Hi everyone, I was hoping for some objective opinions on my situation. I've been with my partner for a year and a half, and we've been through quite a lot together. I met her not long after her previous relationship of 7 yrs fell apart. I helped her through it, sort her finances, provided support and tried to be understanding of the situation. She's helped me with bullying issues at work and I've helped her deal with her depression, seeing her children, a thyroid issue, a severe leg injury, bariatric surgery, employment issues and the list goes on. We've always had a good connection and had fun together, but it all seems to be changing. She started to withdraw and become distant a few months ago. Our sex life dried up, and she became less affectionate and attentive in general. I had a feeling her depression was getting worse again, and tried to be understanding and be there for her. She acknowledged openly a few months ago she felt like her depression was no longer being managed by her medication (she had a marina put in, and the extra hormones seem to have caused a lot of issues). But this was after months of her talking to other people and not me, and pretending nothing was wrong. It wasn't until we had a serious argument that she acknowledged there was a problem. Since then it feels like she is constantly picking fights with me. She's told me she doesn't feel like we have a deep connection, and that I am a closed off person. She doesn't understand how much this hurt me, no matter how much we talk about it. I've told her this isn't how I feel, but she can't explain why she feels I am closed off other than saying she thinks I have walls up. She's said she wants me to lean on her more and i've said honestly that I don't want to burden her with my issues if she already isn't coping. She says she doesn't want to lose me, and then says it would be better if she just left as this has all happened before. We've talked and agreed on a way forward. I've been working on discussing things with her more often, leaning on her a bit more, and trying to help her understand how i'm feeling. She doesn't seem to trust I am making an effort, and keeps accusing me of being emotionally closed off. The only time she seems to get it is when I have a breakdown. We've now had 4 serious arguments in the space of 2 weeks and I honestly don't know what to do. We don't seem to be able to communicate or understand each other anymore. Is there something I don't understand?

GoodEnough Living a great life.
  • replies: 5

So, after years of coping with variable mental health, im finally posting here. I feel guilty for only coming here when I need help when I see so many others who need more help than me. I am a 50yo male, married with 2 teenage girls. Its curious how ... View more

So, after years of coping with variable mental health, im finally posting here. I feel guilty for only coming here when I need help when I see so many others who need more help than me. I am a 50yo male, married with 2 teenage girls. Its curious how you can keep everything together until you cant. I am currently experiencing a very low period in my life. I had a significant failure at work and feel embarrassed and humiliated by it – my ego is shattered. On topic of that, I feel like my marriage is in tatters – ive all but given up on it. My teenagers are both wonderful and awful at the same time. I cant remember a time when anyone significant in my life told me how much they appreciated me. I feel like most people in my life just suffer me. If I disappeared theyd go on just fine. I feel this sense of irrelevance so strongly that I just want o be by myself. I cant imagine anyone could love me or really want me in their lives because I just don’t bring anything of value to their lives. Im told im lazy, a whinger, an arsehole, useless, a screw up, I disappoint people, selfish. I don’t care anymore. If that’s how they feel, then get ill get out of your life. I want to live MY life. I wont hurt anybody but if im bringing you such discomfort, ill leave. I love my job but im being expected to provide more than I think im capable of. If I speak up and voice my concerns, im shining a light on my limitations and I could lose my job. I have been made redundant before and I tell you the fear that it will happen again never leaves me. I want my job but I need my job – I need to support my family. My wife is constantly angry about everything. I feel like a great source of her frustration. Equally. Her demeanor is pushing me away- I don’t want to deal with her anger anymore. I don’t want to feel that i am such a pain the arse, so I want to leave her. Let her get on with her own life. She’d be better off without me and I without her. Im actually really clear on what I want – I low stress, peaceful, life with no conflict. I would be happy to close myself off from everybody I have upset so they don’t have to put up with me and I don’t have to worry about upsetting them. So, there I am -laid bare. I want to love life but I feel trapped in so many ways. Rgds.

Sarahleas My marriage is falling apart
  • replies: 5

I'm 39 husband 45. We both love each other so much but our sex life is ruining our relationship. He lost his confidence in a busy stressful part of our life. Trying to get it back and he wants to have other sexual partners involved in our sex life an... View more

I'm 39 husband 45. We both love each other so much but our sex life is ruining our relationship. He lost his confidence in a busy stressful part of our life. Trying to get it back and he wants to have other sexual partners involved in our sex life and as much as I like to do that he wants it more often than me and thinks it will help him have more confidence sexually and in everyday life. He has a few mental health issues and other medical conditions. We have 6 kids and run a seven day a week business with a farm and mechanical business also. The stress is real and as much as we try everything seems to be getting on top of us. I feel there is way to much to do and I get overwhelmed daily as I'm guessing he does too. He wants to use sex as a distress while I find sex is the last thing on my mind after everyday shit going on. As much as I love and desire my husband I'm struggling to see where he is coming from and vise versa. Any advise?

Patches89 i cheated on my husband and the guilt is not letting me live
  • replies: 6

With my partner's and his family pressure, we came to Australia as a student 4 years ago. Being betrayed by some close people(his side) we were somehow managing our life. I used to work part time and go to Uni while my partner worked two jobs to supp... View more

With my partner's and his family pressure, we came to Australia as a student 4 years ago. Being betrayed by some close people(his side) we were somehow managing our life. I used to work part time and go to Uni while my partner worked two jobs to support his family back home. We barely used to see each other. We were struggling but at the same time were excited to begin our new journey together. After few years i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My partner supported me a lot during that time. My partner lost his job 2 months before our wedding. Everything had been planned. So we burrowed money from our friends for the wedding thinking we would pay them back after he gets another job. Two months had passed after the wedding and still no job. My depression got extreme. There wasn't a single night when i didn't cry myself to sleep. I started thinking about other men. i started talking to a guy from my high school who was also going through depression. we shared everything. With him i felt heard. And then i cheated on my husband with him after 2 months of our wedding. I had to tell my husband and he was devastated. We went several counselling but then i decided i didn't want to try anymore. I realised i had never been happy in this relationship. I was saying okay to things that i was not okay with. My husband is a nice guy. But i don't love him. I want to move on and i want him to move on too. I'm ready to start new but i feel like m stuck. We still live together for some personal reason but everything i do for him, it feels like m doing it out of guilt. The unanswered question, "what went wrong?" is not letting both of us to move on. I started my therapy again and i was told that m suffering from persistent depressive disorder. Now i want to start a new life with this new guy. But i feel like m stuck. I have tried sharing my story to my close friends but i feel judged. I blame myself for everything.

Kayaking I'm at wits end with his family.
  • replies: 2

It has been a while since posting but I'm feeling pretty angry and have no-one to vent to. Some years have passed and I still get the same awful feeling from my now fiance's parents and brother/partner. The mother has managed to say a few more hurtfu... View more

It has been a while since posting but I'm feeling pretty angry and have no-one to vent to. Some years have passed and I still get the same awful feeling from my now fiance's parents and brother/partner. The mother has managed to say a few more hurtful things plus exclude me. She now has become great friends with my fiance's brothers fiance, because they are soooo fricken amazing. Ugh. Yet they helped them get their house by becoming guarantor for them because the fiance couldn't put her name down because I suspect she was studying at uni and didn't really work full-time. Although, no-one knows it. Anyway, I've tried to be nice and include them into our wedding plans and my birthday went by with none of them even saying a happy birthday, then her birthday just went by and they went out with my fiance's parents for her birthday. We didn't get invited, so I want to exclude them from the wedding plans and not associate with them anymore. I know it sounds harsh, and I've tried to talk to my fiance and he just shuts down and gives me nothing. He thinks nothing of it, yet at his birthday, his mother and his brother's fiance sat together and were best friend like, and I barely got a hello. I'm soooo livid. I'm sick of his family. I hate his mum and his self absorbed pretentious brother and fiance. I can't trust anyone with anything. I still get no support from my fiance and I'm sick of it all. I can't deal with this anymore.

RisingFromMyAshes Struggling Mom| Ignored Spouse | Broken Daughter | Fallen Individual
  • replies: 2

Hi, I resonate with you all, please accept my respect and love , all of you, for standing and battling on.If we are here, this means we are still trying , and that is a symbol of Boldness itself. About me, I always thought I was great at struggling a... View more

Hi, I resonate with you all, please accept my respect and love , all of you, for standing and battling on.If we are here, this means we are still trying , and that is a symbol of Boldness itself. About me, I always thought I was great at struggling and recovering,but today I am feeling the pangs on anxiety. I cannot breathe, I cannot rest, I lost appetite, I am in a state of mind constantly terrified. Reason? Husband want to take our son to his country, to visit his parents, for a week or so. He does not want to take me, because he knows conflicts will arise. He wants to enjoy with his family and he wants his family to enjoy time with our son. My parents have come to visit me here, which is why he has decided to go. He even forgot the dates he planned to go are falling on my birthday . Lol. I will NOT let me child go with his dad alone. HOW DO I STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING? CLOSE TO PASSING OUT. NO JUDGEMENT PLEASE, ANXIETY IS NOT SIMPLE.

Gouldy8 Recent relationship breakdown
  • replies: 1

Hi, this will be my first post, so I’ll tell you a little about my background. I’m 24, ex army, was engaged to my partner if 5.5 years (until 2 weeks ago), dad committed suicide in 2015, have chronic back pain and have been diagnosed with depression ... View more

Hi, this will be my first post, so I’ll tell you a little about my background. I’m 24, ex army, was engaged to my partner if 5.5 years (until 2 weeks ago), dad committed suicide in 2015, have chronic back pain and have been diagnosed with depression 3 years ago. I was getting professional help while I was serving and was using medication. I since medically discharged and my transition from military to civilian life, wasn’t very smooth. I came back to my Mums house and everything had changed (sister had a baby, last time I was living there my dad was too). To make matters worse, I wasn’t seeing a psych, all whilst taking my meds. I had the worse year of my life and I was just spiralling out of control. As a result, my partner got hurt over all the mood swings, anxiety and me isolating myself. I didn’t tell her how bad things really were and she always suggested I get help. 2 weeks ago, she broke it off with me (bearing in mind, we own a house) and I was a mess because I felt like I needed her. I told her exactly how I have been feeling, whereas before I put on a brave face like many of us do. She’s a nurse and took me straight to the hospital... I got admitted overnight which allowed me to get access to a psychiatrist the next day - as a result, new medication, which have helped. This was 6 days ago. In that time, I’m struggling to focus on Uni. I’ve also realised that I shouldn’t need my ex partner to help me through this, apart of that was me not fully accepting and taking responsibility for my illness. This in turn burdened her with it and wore her down. She still loves me. Last time I spoke to her was 6 days ago and we agreed to 2 weeks no contact for; 1. Her to process everything (still in shock about me telling her exactly how I was feeling) and 2. For my medication to take affect and to sort my self out. My question, I love this girl to bits. If i genuinely make an effort for me, to sort myself out, accept and take responsibility for my illness (which is easier now I sought help), is it reasonable for me to ask her to start again and take things slow? I’m not asking her to put the ring on straight away. Or is it too late, has the last 18 months of my depression rubbing off on her taken it’s toll? I don’t ever want to let my mental health hurt her again and I’m determined to never let that happen. Regards,

Sad_Heart Broken trust
  • replies: 7

Hi. My first post. Not sure if right area but I need help. I can't trust my husband anymore. Everytime he is on his phone or the computer I wonder who is he messaging or what is he looking up. I have caught him out messaging other girls and now I hav... View more

Hi. My first post. Not sure if right area but I need help. I can't trust my husband anymore. Everytime he is on his phone or the computer I wonder who is he messaging or what is he looking up. I have caught him out messaging other girls and now I have seen a sight called "My secret fling" on his phone. He told me he "was curious" he now he has told me he got out of that coz it hurt me. He lied. He forgets I have his email login. And I went into it today. He hasn't talked to any of the "girls" yet. Bit how long till he does I have depression and am currrntly being reassessed. All I do is cry now. And I want to run away again. Please no judgement. I just want to talk to someone as I have no one in my life that I can confide in. I dont want to fall down again. I just want to hear a human voice talk to me about this without judgement. I feel so alone as everyone I know has a happy marriage and doesn't understand what its like to have a mental illness and they will pass judgement on me and say its all in your head. Everyday I hide my pain away from my kids and everyone.Every night I cry alone in the shower. Please help me to cope and to stay strong. I can't afford to see a professional if I could I would...