Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

KDAWGS The aftermath
  • replies: 6

My son who suffers from anxiety gave his grandmother a spray tonight. He said when did some very bad things. His sister doesn't get it nor will my mum. They're angry by the way he treats me when he has an "attack" but I focus on getting him thru it n... View more

My son who suffers from anxiety gave his grandmother a spray tonight. He said when did some very bad things. His sister doesn't get it nor will my mum. They're angry by the way he treats me when he has an "attack" but I focus on getting him thru it not what he says. He lost the plot cause he lost his wallet with savings for an up coming holiday & everything else... he also had his car written off in the hail storm on Thursday. How do I stop conflict whole my parents are here & keep my boy safe...

Lost27 Girl kissing my boyfriend?
  • replies: 2

My bf went to a family Christmas party (I couldn't make it because was in the USA for school) and he posted a pic of him and this girl who isn't family with her kissing him on the cheek. He doesn't see this was bad. Am I wrong for getting upset and f... View more

My bf went to a family Christmas party (I couldn't make it because was in the USA for school) and he posted a pic of him and this girl who isn't family with her kissing him on the cheek. He doesn't see this was bad. Am I wrong for getting upset and feeling hurt.

IsaJett The ex family in law ..doing my head in
  • replies: 3

So I have split from the ex ..about 3 years now .. i just really hate dealing with them ...I can only deal with the ex alone ,.cos he is the father ..and I keep things civilised and amicable .i treat him like a friend ,.and it works fine ,.i have no ... View more

So I have split from the ex ..about 3 years now .. i just really hate dealing with them ...I can only deal with the ex alone ,.cos he is the father ..and I keep things civilised and amicable .i treat him like a friend ,.and it works fine ,.i have no qualms with that , but he travels really often and I need to enlist his family ...but my goodness ..dealing with them is just a bloody pain ..they always so sad and negative and say they all getting old ..Blah blah blah ..really it goes on ,,and I’m like ,..look who the hell on earth isn’t getting old ? do we have to gloat over and over it ...Its hard enough getting myself in check ...but when I have to listen to them blab ,.i really feel my ears would bleed ,..they all so negative ..and I got zero tolerance for it ,..pfffft ...just really need to get that out , even whilst I was in marriage ..they were also negative all the, time ...I guess they never change ..it’s so crazy . I feel like after talking to them I need like twin days to recover from the negative energy ...it’s like a battery zap ...a complete drainage of my energy ..it’s like they suck the life out of me ...hahahaha so then I blame the ex..for being overseas all the, time..it really taxing ..ok thanks for listening guys ,

Mia37 I don't know what to do
  • replies: 1

My husband from oversea came to live with me. My family don't want me to be with him so initially when he came over we live in a different state. I was unhappy because of my family pressure and I didnt like the state where we were living. I felt lone... View more

My husband from oversea came to live with me. My family don't want me to be with him so initially when he came over we live in a different state. I was unhappy because of my family pressure and I didnt like the state where we were living. I felt loney without my family and not many friends. I use to fight with him a lot. I didnt felt like I wanted to be with him there at times. So I moved back to live with my family, I didnt think about how I would lose him. He gave me a chance to be back with him recently. But I may have to move away from my family and hometown again. I like where I am living right now but I also want him. He said he don't think he can move to my hometown. I don't know what to do. I feel so unhappy I can't have him and my family same time.

ConfusedFiance Personal Depression while partner is undiagnosed
  • replies: 4

Hi all, fisrt time posting and hoping to gain some perspective after all the searching I’ve not found a post, article or advice on my situation. Ive been on medication for depression and mild anxiety for a few years, I’ve learnt my triggers. I’m open... View more

Hi all, fisrt time posting and hoping to gain some perspective after all the searching I’ve not found a post, article or advice on my situation. Ive been on medication for depression and mild anxiety for a few years, I’ve learnt my triggers. I’m open a honest with anyone who has questions and very vocal as I have a fantastic support group. My long term partner has had signs of severe depression for years and turns to substances to numb/ deal with the issues. I’ve been supportive 110% trying to get him to seek counseling or medical help for years. Things got worse as we finally lived together and through this lost myself and my anxiety worse then I’ve ever experienced. I would be supportive and loving knowing that he wasn’t okay but may have taken on too much? Only through a massive anxiety attack that sent me back to the doctors to up the dosage on my tablets (spent 3 months of hard work to be stable on a lower dosage) that he went and got help for his addiction and depression. I’m happy that he has help and is receiving counseling and on medication but disappointed and a bit resentful for me to get so sick for him to change. I feel out of love and a bit lost to have been taken advantage of. I can’t seem to find the line between him being sick and his underlying personality? I don’t want him to feel alone in a time of need, but I’m finding it hard to draw a line to do what’s best for me? Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation? How can you be a caretaker but need the support back that is never taken into consideration by your other half? Just feeling lost.

Guest_1584 Does anyone have rentals, had any trouble , how did you handle it ?
  • replies: 5

Hi all. l have a little cabin on 1/2 ac l rent out. Nope l'm not rich with a string of properties not by a long shot , struggling in fact. Anyway the last guy , never again. He was good for 15mths then he lost his job smashed his car and rents were a... View more

Hi all. l have a little cabin on 1/2 ac l rent out. Nope l'm not rich with a string of properties not by a long shot , struggling in fact. Anyway the last guy , never again. He was good for 15mths then he lost his job smashed his car and rents were all over the place and got more and more behind. l kicked him out on about 4mths behind. l tried to be patient as he'd always let me know what was going on and he'd been through a helluva time, also divorce and stuff. Buttt, in the end he had to go. Well , he was once of these junk guys , the property wound up covered in machines , 3 cars, car parts , pallets , it was a bloody disgrace . Well over about 2 mths he took about 70% of it , and l didn't tell him this but l was too busy to go work on the place after he effd of anyway so l just kept at him to come get the rest. he did another load and that was the last, about 2mths ago. l think he's done and gone didn't answer my last few messages. Though he's disappeared before. last message l said final notice , if your stuff not gone in 2 wks from now l'm getting rid of what's left no ifs buts. That was 5wks ago. No reply. l started working on the place today and cleaning up his crap. 4 trailer loads to the scrap metal alone and worked like a dog.. He had a 6mtr tent with personal stuff in it , even wedding stuff. kids bikes, generators, ride on mower, old one,brand new car mags and tyres ,tools, lotta stuff and shyt absolutely everywhere. Some probably sellable he owed 2k in rent. Plus 4mths of not being able to re rent. Might sound like a crazy question but do l finally get rid of, throw out and sell of he's stuff. ? l mean wedding stuff, kids bikes, l feel bad about that and he's broke but also all he's machinery , car stuff l could sell. Things also got nasty a few months back and he threatened to send bikie mates round to my house lf l touched he's stuff, .we ended up patching that up and l went on with pushing him to get his crap of the place. so much for feeling sorry for him. Our property's a junk yard, owes all this rent l'll never see, wasted 4mths where we couldn't re rent. rx

sunflower89 I took him back - but I can't trust him
  • replies: 12

Me and my boyfriend actually kicked off really well. From the beginning he gave me a feeling of being loved, helped me a lot with me grieving the loss of my mom 2 years ago and I felt very happy in our relationship. Until I went home for 5 weeks (I'm... View more

Me and my boyfriend actually kicked off really well. From the beginning he gave me a feeling of being loved, helped me a lot with me grieving the loss of my mom 2 years ago and I felt very happy in our relationship. Until I went home for 5 weeks (I'm not originally Australian), just to come back to find out he cheated on me. This was after coming back with all my stuff and the intention to stay in Oz with and for him. He first denied it, then came clear when I told him how I know he did it. He claimed that he loves me, he doesn't know why he did it (it was with an old flame) and that he never meant to hurt me. I was shocked, sad, broken. But I love him so much, that I tool him back. We now intend to travel together soon and actually it all seems like our relationship is growing stronger. But I did the mistake of snooping in his phone. And then I saw it: messages to a female friend of his, talking about how he loves me, but he sometimes feels like he can't handle my moods. How he wants to find out when we travel, if he wants to stay with me. And the worst bit: she should come to Asia and they could travel together and see what happens with them. He doesn't know I saw these messages. But I asked him if he is sure about me, he said yes. If there is someone else, and he said no. I even asked about that girl and he said he doesn't feel attracted to her, she is like a little sister to him. He would only love me. He told me how he is anxious about traveling, about me (if I really still like him after what happened), about his life. And I know he has anxiety for a while now and thought maybe thats also why he cheated on me, cause things got more and more serious with us. But bottom line: He pretty much seems to arrange meeting this girl if things with us don't work out. And I know what people will say: get rid of him, he is cheating on you again. But i just don't know what to do. I really do love him and when we are together everything is fine. It just seems to get awkward whenever we are apart (we live 3 hours by bus from each other atm and only see each other once a week) and thats also when he sent these messages to the girl. I dunno if he just plays me, or if he is really just anxious. If he has true feelings for that girl. If he really simply wants to replace me. But how... how can he do that? And how can I handle this situation? I already booked our flights. But I'm so deeply hurt. I don't want out, but feel like I probably have to. But how?

PamelaR Christmas - Tips to reduce stress, anxiety and depression
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone. Stress, anxiety, and depression are common during the festive season. If nothing else, reassure yourself that these feelings are normal. There are many ways to help stress during this period, e.g.: Set your expectations realistically. If... View more

Hi everyone. Stress, anxiety, and depression are common during the festive season. If nothing else, reassure yourself that these feelings are normal. There are many ways to help stress during this period, e.g.: Set your expectations realistically. If certain family members bicker all year long, they will probably do so at Christmas too. Avoid known triggers. For example, if politics is a touchy subject in your family, don't talk about it. If someone brings up the topic, use distraction and quickly move on to something else to talk about. Use relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or focusing on your breath to cope with anxiety or tension. Family members involved in after-lunch activities (such as cricket on the back lawn) are less likely to get into arguments. Plan for something to do as a group after lunch if necessary. People under stress tend to 'self-medicate' with alcohol, cigarettes and other drugs. Try to remember that drugs can't solve problems or alleviate stress in the long term. Some other ways to keep your Christmas stress levels down include: Try to be moderate – it may be the season to be jolly, but too much food and alcohol is harmful. Drink driving is a real danger and is illegal. If you can't (or don't want to) step off the social merry-go-round, at least try to eat and drink in moderation. Get enough sleep – plan for as many early nights as you can. Keep moving – keeping up your regular exercise routine can give you the fitness and stamina to make it through the demands of the festive season. Do you have any tips to help people get through Christmas with as limited stress, anxiety and depression? We'd loved to hear how you have learnt to manage. Kind regards PamelaR

Lana222 Grief and loss
  • replies: 2

Hi I am really struggling with the break down of yet another toxic relationship. I have co dependency issues and I panic when alone. I have never allowed myself to feel the breakdown of my marriage, loss of my kids. I just jump into another unhealthy... View more

Hi I am really struggling with the break down of yet another toxic relationship. I have co dependency issues and I panic when alone. I have never allowed myself to feel the breakdown of my marriage, loss of my kids. I just jump into another unhealthy relationship. I know my pattern of behaviour and I know it's not healthy but this fear is so overwhelming. The feeling of being alone and not having someone there. I want to be independent, strong and do it on my own and it seems so unreachable right now.. Im barely eating or sleeping and just want this feeling of emptiness to stop Thanks

Sarah_H Married but feeling single and very alone.
  • replies: 4

I'd just like to start by saying that I have posted parts this in another site but wanted to post in a local site as well. Also- this is an extremely condensed version of what I wanted to write but I was way over limit. Need to share some issues I am... View more

I'd just like to start by saying that I have posted parts this in another site but wanted to post in a local site as well. Also- this is an extremely condensed version of what I wanted to write but I was way over limit. Need to share some issues I am having in my marriage. Married to my husband for 6 years with 2 boys, 5 and 2. Both sets of parents live in other states. I am a stay at home Mum, my H works 14 hr days, 6 days a week and every long weekend. I found out a while ago that his salary is based on a 38 hr working week with a reasonable amount of overtime. I confronted him about this and he told me that it was just the way it was and I was going to have to put up with it- his response to most of the issues I bring up. When I do push an issue and try to resolve it, it ends up in a fight and a few times I have started crying. He has worked himself up until he starts crying as well and sits in front of me and stares at me until I notice him and insists I comfort him. I once heard a crash in the house and went to check it out. My son had climbed a bookcase and fell bringing 3 shelves of books down on top of him. My H was in the next room and completely ignored our screaming child because he was busy doing important work and got angry with me when I told him that he needed to put our possibly seriously injured child first. A similar situation has once happened in a very busy public setting. He is constantly bringing up how dirty the house is saying it will attract rats and vermin. The house isn't perfect but livable and I clean the kitchen every night. He once left a coke can on the desk and left it there after I asked him to throw it out. A few days later it was still there and a dead cockroach was next to the desk. I put the cockroach on top of the can where it stayed for 2 weeks until I threw it out. He definitely saw it. (Yes it was immature of me but I was trying to prove a point) We were once coming back from the airport after visiting family and another passenger got into an argument with staff. H joined in (the way people left the airport had changed slightly). The other passenger got a fine and H was offered one and told them no but he felt "he needed to stick up for what was right". I pulled him back and he got angry with me for not supporting him. So many more issues that have been going on for over 2 years now and I feel like I have done everything I can to fix things and I have just realised that I am the only one doing anything.