Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

MissTherese Rejection Hurts :(
  • replies: 5

My partner of 3 years broke up with me two weeks ago, since then the pain of his rejection washes over me daily. I really thought he was the one... I can’t function, get out of bed or eat I just want to sleep all day... he told me that I have a beaut... View more

My partner of 3 years broke up with me two weeks ago, since then the pain of his rejection washes over me daily. I really thought he was the one... I can’t function, get out of bed or eat I just want to sleep all day... he told me that I have a beautiful heart but that I have too many issues for him. I struggle with anxiety i miss him so much, the pain some days is unbearable. anyone relate? Does this get easier??

FD7 Unhappy & stuggeling after weight loss surgery
  • replies: 1

Hi FD7 not sure why but feel I need to start a conversation life has changed, I have changed and not 100% sure where I fit... I had weight loss surgery later last year (medical requirements) I have 0 regrets..... but not sure whether this a new me or... View more

Hi FD7 not sure why but feel I need to start a conversation life has changed, I have changed and not 100% sure where I fit... I had weight loss surgery later last year (medical requirements) I have 0 regrets..... but not sure whether this a new me or the old me is back my confidence went through the roof unt recently..... yes 50+kg loss is great but I am now lost strugling being what I feel is a new me (husband & dad) and my wife and son say is a happier, healthy, more relaxed, nicer me but I struggle that my life has changed so dramatically personals but our family life has not, which is good but I find myself growing more frustrated with my family taking the easy options (takeaway or simple food, little to know exercise, fixation with phone/ gaming console) where they know I can’t and won’t take the simple options as I have put the hard yards in to get to the new me and don’t want to go back to the old me.... I have found myself going back to old habits in recent weeks and hate myself for doing it...... am I expecting too much from my family as it is my personal journey? i know the new me needs a new work environment to help complete the personal goal as well but that’s a whole other conversation family first sorry for the long post just have a lot going around in my head and need to start somewhere cheers FD7

Romy Sudden breakup
  • replies: 20

Hey all, My boyfriend of 7 months just suddenly broke up with me. It was a total shock to not only me, but also my family and friends, and his family. Our relationship was amazing, we had so much fun together, we respected each other, we cared for ea... View more

Hey all, My boyfriend of 7 months just suddenly broke up with me. It was a total shock to not only me, but also my family and friends, and his family. Our relationship was amazing, we had so much fun together, we respected each other, we cared for each other and we loved each other so much. He recently has finished university, and has no job and no money. He called me saying he was worried about a trip we were going on coming up, because he had no money and felt like he would have a bad time. I reassured him that it was only a 2 night trip and I had money saved up. Anyway, the same night he called me again, I thought in regards to our trip... he broke up with me. We live an hour and a half away from each other which is why it was over a phone call. A couple of days later he saw me in person to talk about it. He states that he doesn't feel as strongly about me as he once did, he loves me and cares about me, but not enough for a relationship, he thinks the spark is gone. I told him that after 7 months, the spark does diminish. We are comfortable with each other now, we enjoy each other's company and we love each other - the honeymoon phase is over and that's ok. Anyway - his mind was made up and it was over. We ended it on good terms, I told him I wasn't mad at him, but he knows that I am really struggling with the breakup. His mum has since made contact with my mum - she has said that she has no idea why he has done this. She said that he has been so happy since meeting me (and I'm his first girlfriend), and she agrees that he is panicking about his future and not thinking clearly. She hopes for my sake that he will change his mind and realise he does want to be with me. I am devastated, but after hearing that, I have been given hope that we may end up together one day. But, this makes me sad at the same time, because I don't want to live in false hope if it may never happen.

KayKay23 In-Law Problems
  • replies: 7

Hi, This is a long story, so I’ll try and keep it short. My fiancé’s sister absolutely hates me, for no reason at all. She told me that she didn’t want me at her wedding, even though I had been engaged for nearly a year by the time her wedding happen... View more

Hi, This is a long story, so I’ll try and keep it short. My fiancé’s sister absolutely hates me, for no reason at all. She told me that she didn’t want me at her wedding, even though I had been engaged for nearly a year by the time her wedding happened. She constantly says horrible things behind my back and is extremely competitive. She is that competitive that she told me she got pregnant so she could have a child before me. She also can’t handle other people having attention on them. At my engagement party she announced her pregnancy- which then made the whole night about her instead of my fiancé and myself. The part that makes it worse, she is having this baby at her parents house with her husband. She brags about the $90K she has in her bank account, she does not pay for anything at her parents house and expects them to pay for everything with this baby. The parents are that ‘blind’ in this situation that they kicked my fiancé and I out, even though we are both uni students with no income and no savings in our bank accounts. They also kicked out my fiancé’s other sibling who is in a very similar situation as us. Im at the point where I avoid my future sister in law as I can’t stand her constantly talking about herself in a competitive way. But sometimes I can’t avoid her, with Christmas coming up and the baby’s due date soon. I want to cut her out of my life completely, but I am aware that at this stage it is impossible. Ive tried everything to ignore her and not let it get to me. But it has, that’s way I’m writing here today. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like she tries to rule my life and currently makes me feel unhappy and gives me so much anxiety.

Lookingforpeace Married and in love with someone else
  • replies: 11

Hi all I don't know where else to go with this, but I feel like my current situation is eating me up and I'm so tired of it. Long story so please bear with me. I recently rekindled a friendship with my first love. We are both married and have admitte... View more

Hi all I don't know where else to go with this, but I feel like my current situation is eating me up and I'm so tired of it. Long story so please bear with me. I recently rekindled a friendship with my first love. We are both married and have admitted our feelings for each other. He has told me he is insanely in love with me. We tried cutting things off in order to work on our respective marriages but that only lasted about a month. If anything, I felt even more depressed during the time we weren't talking, like something significant was missing in my life. I am so unhappy in my marriage and sick and tired. Sick and tired of us just not "clicking", living like room mates and feeling like there is no emotional or physical connection. He is more like my best friend, which some people say is essential to a marriage but then why do I feel like it's not enough? My husband is a great guy and he is the first person I go to for advice and support with my mental health. I'm not even sure if I could get the same thing from this other guy. I feel so selfish and like a bad person for feeling this way. I have been questioning whether I am just infatuated with the other guy. I truly am blind when it comes to him, and feel like he is a drug. When I see him I'm on a high, which lasts for a few hours/days, then I crash. Can infatuation turn into long lasting love I wonder... I have never felt this way about anyone before, not even my husband. I was in my mid-20s when I married him and he was my first. I fee like I should have gotten more life experience before making a decision like that. At the time though, I'd been broken hearted and decided that truly being in love only led to heartache and instead I would marry someone that ticked the boxes. Yes I have thought about leaving my husband. But I'm terrified about the logistics aswell as the perception of me especially by my conservative family. Also I have had moderate-severe anxiety and depression for about a year now and not sure if a separation would be the best thing right now. Having said that, a lot of my anxiety and depression has stemmed from being in an unhappy marriage so.... Chicken or the egg I suppose. i feel like I just want someone to tell me what to do! But in the meantime, any advice or relatable experiences would be so so appreciated.

Magnolia_Tree New dad fear of failure
  • replies: 5

Hi there this is the first time I have ever posted on this type of thing. My wife and I recently had a baby in September this year. A baby girl we were both convinced it was going to be a boy as both sides of the family are all boys. Anyways I have b... View more

Hi there this is the first time I have ever posted on this type of thing. My wife and I recently had a baby in September this year. A baby girl we were both convinced it was going to be a boy as both sides of the family are all boys. Anyways I have been feeling these waves of frustration and Stress when trying to put the baby down to sleep and she is crying I get tense and angry. My wife try’s to help me but I don’t want to hand the baby back to her because I feel like I failed and my confidence is at an all time low . I know the baby must feel my stress and tension maybe that’s why she can’t settle. Today I tried putting her in the sling and it was just a disaster. She was crying and screaming. Then my wife put her in the sling on her. Few minutes later baby’s asleep so I just felt like shit really. Often I feel defeated as soon as she starts crying but still don’t want to hand her over as I want to prove to myself I can do it . So that can’t be helpful for the baby either These feelings only come up when I am trying to settle the baby. No other times. does anyone else have these experiences of such stress ? I have found it tricky to articulate on here exactly how I am feeling but often it’s a sense of frustration and fear of failure maybe? Thanks for reading my experiences and if anyone has had a similar experience I am worried that there might be more to my issue than I think .

PJ99 How to deal with toxic father-in-law
  • replies: 4

I am having trouble with the way I speak to my father-in-law, and it's starting to cause issues between my wife and I. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for 7 years after a severe injury, have been to a psychologist and on medication, o... View more

I am having trouble with the way I speak to my father-in-law, and it's starting to cause issues between my wife and I. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for 7 years after a severe injury, have been to a psychologist and on medication, on and off over that time, and I am on antidepressants at the moment, mainly due to trying to deal with him. I know why I am speaking to him the way I am, it's because he is a narcissist, he treats everyone with total disrespect, he never has anything positive to say, and is the most selfish and self centred person I have ever met. He seems to be slowly destroying my house (that he also lives in, as he is broke) and he is not at fault for anything. His family make excuses for his behaviour, but expect me to change mine, which is extremely frustrating at times. The reason I want to change the way I speak to my father-in-law, is because I am not the person that I am when I speak to him, (if that makes sense) I am not a nasty person (so I am told) so why can't I control my attitude with him, I don't want to play at his level! So, anyone have any tips for me on how I can change the way I speak to him, I know why it happens, it's usually after he breaks or damages something, and I get frustrated. I know I can't change him. I know my wife won't stop making excuses for him, and if anyone does point out he is wrong, he goes into a rage, making life hard for everyone. I know he wants everyone to be miserable, cause that makes him happy. My best defence against him had been to be happy around him, and just brush off his negativity, but I am finding it hard to do that now. Thanks in advance for any input or advice PJ

T45h Long term intimacy issues
  • replies: 8

Hi folks I’m not too sure where to start this. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years & since I had some surgery approximately 6 years ago I have lost all interest in any sort of intimacy. The thought of it doesn’t even cross my mind. This of course ... View more

Hi folks I’m not too sure where to start this. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years & since I had some surgery approximately 6 years ago I have lost all interest in any sort of intimacy. The thought of it doesn’t even cross my mind. This of course impacts on my marriage & Im not too sure where I should start looking to seek help. Ive had a ‘perfect storm’ culminating with work/home/health & i believe I’m now at a point where my mild anxiety is spiralling into more severe, I feel no enjoyment, I cry for no reason (& im generally a very unemotional person) & I’ve tried the conventional activities with my husband to try & reinvigorate the spark to no avail. Have others found couples therapy or sec therapy has helped? I’m so embarrassed & ashamed about all of this & I don’t know where else to turn to. thanks for taking the time to read this. T

Beautifulview Husband so detached and cold
  • replies: 2

I married for the second time about 4 years ago. My 1st marriage ended after 21 years when he had an affair. I was very slow to trust anyone again but H was so loving and caring that when he asked me to marry him I said yes. About 2 years ago he star... View more

I married for the second time about 4 years ago. My 1st marriage ended after 21 years when he had an affair. I was very slow to trust anyone again but H was so loving and caring that when he asked me to marry him I said yes. About 2 years ago he started a very stressful job and became exhausted, withdrawn, uncommunicative and put on weight. I think he may be depressed but he wont talk to me about anything. If I bring stuff up, he clams up and acts deaf. He is now saying that everyone, including me bother him and when I call him out on not talking to me or even looking at me I am adding to his stress. I try to be understanding but my own stress and anxiety builds until I just have to say something to get a conversation started. Last night he said he couldn't give me what I wanted - i was asking for reassurance and hope that things would get better and when I asked why he wouldn't look at me he said he couldn't be bothered with the conversation and he had nothing to say. I'm so hurt and I feel so stupid - like I've let myself down by being fooled by another man who has let me down. I'm ready to leave but have nowhere to go and a 16 year old daughter who looks on him as a dad. I'm sleeping in another room but it doesn't seem to bother him. My heart feels broken and I'm so sad and so alone. I'm not one to open up and tell people my issues. I'll be at work tomorrow pretending everything is ok and that in itself is destroying me.

HELP_1 Neighbourhood dispute
  • replies: 7

Hi All, I am a 46yr old wife and mother of 3. We are having a dispute with one of our neighbours who complains about our dogs barking. They bark about 3 times a day at different times and only about 3- 5 barks each. He says they bark constantly all d... View more

Hi All, I am a 46yr old wife and mother of 3. We are having a dispute with one of our neighbours who complains about our dogs barking. They bark about 3 times a day at different times and only about 3- 5 barks each. He says they bark constantly all day, which they don’t. He only rents a granny flat from the owner of the property. The property owner also lives in the main house on the property. To start off with the property owner was sympathetic towards us but the tenant has told him a whole lot of lies and now he is also putting all the blame of the situation on us. The tenant has threatened my husband with physical violence, and the police are involved. I am just wanting to know how to get this out of my head so I can get some sleep and not go completely insane. I am constantly crying and have no motivation to want to do anything. I am already being treated for depression and high blood pressure. As we own our home it is not just a matter of picking up and moving for us. This is really affecting me as we have never had to call the police or been in any kind of trouble with the police at all and I am finding it really hard to cope with. Please help!