Left my husband, feel like I left the kids too.
welcome to beyond blue.
Things must the very frustrating for you based on what I read in your post.
And I also wonder if there are a lot of "smaller" things that irritate you that when put together become too much to deal with; there is the state of the house, the relationship with your kids, and your relationship with your husband, broadly speaking.
I hope you don't mind me asking this first question, but I wonder what attracted you to your future husband those years ago?
Secondly, do yo u think your kids might prefer him over you, as it sounds like you are strict parent, and he is not? after all, you said...
He never says no and buys here anything she wants even though I have already said no.
Now I certainly not saying he is right and you are wrong or vice versa. But with different parenting styles, and he gives them what they want then...???
the point that I would like to pick up on and ask you about is.... You don't want to live a lie, but do not feel that you can talk about things? Does the not talking apply only to him or friends as well? Or perhaps you might be able to talk with a therapist by yourself about what to do? At least then you would be able to talk through the alternatives.
Also, and not sure if this is in the same context, but you have been able to talk her, even if in the form of a post. Which in itself is a courageous thing to do. Maybe by chatting here you will be able to find the strength to talk to him about the issues you see?
Anyway, I hope you come back to chat some more about what is happening, and perhaps over time work out a way forward. I am listening to you,