Left my husband, feel like I left the kids too.

[LJM50]

A few months ago I left my husband. We met 15 years ago when I was a single mum. I didn't love him but we got on well so I hoped I would grow to love him. I didn't. He cooks most days and does the basics like washing and ironing. Over the last year and a half I found myself getting annoyed and angry with him. So much so that my retorts became vicious and below the belt. I couldn't stop and my kids were witnessing this. I dreaded the weekends because he would start pawing all over me and I couldn't stand him touching me. His mannerisms annoy me and he has no friends. We live on a small property so I bought a self contained caravan and live in that. I see him everyday as we have 2 kids but I still get mad at him. When he goes away on business, I stay in the house. It is filthy and a mess. He picks our youngest up most days and buys her chocolate and junk food all the time. He never says no and buys here anything she wants even though I have already said no. Every afternoon I go to my van and am alone. I feel like I have left the kids. I am missing out and am lonely. The kids prefer him. I just couldn't live a lie any more. I don't want to be away from the kids but don't want to be with him. I have never been able to talk about things. We tried a marraige counsellor but I didn't like him and we just recapped what we had already discussed. I don't know how to do this. I am sick of the anger.

[smallwolf]

Hi LJM50,

welcome to beyond blue.

Things must the very frustrating for you based on what I read in your post.

And I also wonder if there are a lot of "smaller" things that irritate you that when put together become too much to deal with; there is the state of the house, the relationship with your kids, and your relationship with your husband, broadly speaking.

I hope you don't mind me asking this first question, but I wonder what attracted you to your future husband those years ago?

Secondly, do yo u think your kids might prefer him over you, as it sounds like you are strict parent, and he is not? after all, you said...

He never says no and buys here anything she wants even though I have already said no.

Now I certainly not saying he is right and you are wrong or vice versa. But with different parenting styles, and he gives them what they want then...???

the point that I would like to pick up on and ask you about is.... You don't want to live a lie, but do not feel that you can talk about things? Does the not talking apply only to him or friends as well? Or perhaps you might be able to talk with a therapist by yourself about what to do? At least then you would be able to talk through the alternatives.

Also, and not sure if this is in the same context, but you have been able to talk her, even if in the form of a post. Which in itself is a courageous thing to do. Maybe by chatting here you will be able to find the strength to talk to him about the issues you see?

Anyway, I hope you come back to chat some more about what is happening, and perhaps over time work out a way forward. I am listening to you,

Tim