Confused

[TJD16]

Hi I'm in my late 30s and have been with my partner for over 6 years. My partner has sent me photos of a painting of himself holding up a piece of paper in it with a smile drawn on it and constantly tells me he cannot switch off his mind. He is constantly having these thoughts but doesn't elaborate on what they are. I have pleaded with him to go and see a Dr and he has admitted he won't do that because then it's like he's admitting he has a problem. From around March this year has started pushing me away. Almost 2 weeks ago he told me I was the only one invested in the relationship how he didn't know what to feel or how to feel about anything anymore. On the Friday he messaged me to say he would be coming up around 10pm that night. When it got to midnight I said to him that I was going to bed he was welcome to stay or if he wanted to go that was fine too. He said so you don't want me to stay do you. I said no of late if has you of you want to have dinner together or if you want to come over you tell me you feel obligated to do I wanted to make your own choice. He has lashed out at me several times now to the point I feel nothing I can say or do is the right thing in his eyes. After leaving here the Saturday morning he sent me a you tube clip of queens I want to break free then underneath wrote from my mind. Once I see it I begin to worry so I try calling him, no answer, I message back without a reply so I went to his house. When I got there I was asked what brings you here? What did you expect to find here? And then was told you know I was really looking forward to having a night on my own. I said that ok I only came to check you were ok any way. I got out the door remembered I had a pyjama top in my drawers there that I'd been meaning to grab only so he let me I I go to my drawer and it's empty. He points to a bag on the floor and says there's your clothes in there. I got really upset by this and said how many times are you going to do this to me and out of spite said I hope one day you feel as hurt as I am. He then said to me will you just rack off. We haven't seen each other or spoken to each other since. It's now been over a week and I'm at a loss as to what to do from here. I am worried about him but I feel that I need to leave him be and let him come to me if he chooses to otherwise I'd be just adding pressure onto him and I don't want that. Am I doing the right thing? I'm so confused?

[Doolhof]

Hi TJD16,

Welcome to the community here. It does sound like your partner is going through a rough time right now for some reason. If he is unwilling to go and seek help, there is little yo can do about that unfortunately.

You mentioned there has been no contact and you are concerned. Do you have mutual friends at all? Do you know if anyone has seen him or heard from him?

Would you feel comfortable sending a text message saying something like "Hi. Thinking of you. Hope you are okay" and leave it at that.

Do you have friends of your own yo can go out with and spend time with? You also need to look after yourself in all of this.

Both my husband and I have mental health issues. I know I can be a horror to live with at times! I try to get out of my husband's way when I feel awful. I do sometimes go out for the day, but I let him know and have my mobile phone so we can keep in touch with each other as I know I worry him at times.

We can not change the behaviour of other people no matter how much we love and care for them. It may come down to you deciding if you want to continue with this relationship or let him go.

Wishing you well as I know that is not an easy decision to make.

Cheers from Dools

[TJD16]

Thanks for your reply. I have spoken to his cousin briefly about what is going on because I am concerned about him. She has said the best thing for me to do would be to stand back and be silent and let him come to me but in the meantime concentrate on me. This isn't the first time we have gone through this. He does have a lot going on outside if the relationship and feels he is being pulled in every direction but what he wants to do. I feel if I were to contact him i would only be adding more pressure.on him. I do love him and care for him but he has been lie this before resulting in losing his licence and cheating on me. The way he has been has brought all those feelings and emotions back in my behalf to. I am trying to remain strong and keep telling myself it'll be ok it's the depression talking. I now realise I need to concentrate on me too and let go of the past if we have any chance of a future together