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Women and societies mass demonization of low confidence men struggling with mental illness and lack of love and affection.

Community Member

I'm an incel (havent been with a girl for idk how long) who is normal looking but has social anxiety, was bullied in school, severe depression and anxiety since I can remember, no friends. Father is verbally abusive etc. Have been on antidepressants for years and seen multiple psychologists. These wounds cut deep . People like me generally are in too much internal pain and angusih to find a female partner from the rudimentary "self improvement" advice like "read more books" and "pump some iron at a gym". The reality is guys will be passed over in the dating hierarchy by women because happy, assertive, successful men are universally desired and it's an extremely brutal, unforgiving game.

But lately in society and the media there's been the mass demonisation of an entire group of men (low confidence men) who desperately need help and sympathy.

Why? What have we done to deserve this?


3 Replies 3

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Toviah,

A very interesting post indeed!

I think the world is going through the greatest change in history, particularly due to technology. I think we'll discover that it's all a part of natural selection, although, we don't have the correct descriptors yet.

How are the media demonising low confidence men? Can you please give some examples?


Community Member

Toviah you raise an interesting point about the roles men play in society these days, the shift in gender roles has had a bigger issue for men coming to terms with having a purpose. Perhaps no longer being the primary bread bringer so to speak and females being the power player in modern dating patterns has adversely effected male confidence by no longer having that domination over the opposite sex. don't get me wrong i don't disagree with gender equality, but has it begun to swing the other way and men are no longer feeling happy because they are no longer in that place of power? maybe that's just from my point of view, maybe I'm reading too much into it.

Regarding your personal issues it sounds as perhaps you haven't found the right psychologist or medication balance to deal with your social anxiety/depression. It can be hard to express your true self if in your past you have had bullies around you at home and in life that have made you feel less welcomed to be that person who you are. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, meet new people and get yourself a life off the line. but the rewards are bigger than the depression and pain and anxiety will lead you to believe. It will take time it will be hard to change your behaviors, but with small steps big distances can be covered. Don't focus on finding the right partner to be with, focus on self improvement and the former will fall into place for you.

Community Member

Hi Toviah, I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a hard time finding what works best for your depression and anxiety. As a guy with my own mental health issues I can certainly relate to a general feeling of never "measuring up" when it comes to finding a partner. I have had a few long-term partners in the past. I haven't spent much energy on courting a partner for some time because, well, you can only take so much rejection and hurt. I take some solace in the fact that not all relationships are necessarily good or healthy ones. See for example all of the posts by people experiencing the emotional upheaval associated with relationship dissolution. For me, with time being solo, I've just become increasingly indifferent to 'romantic' relationships. This makes it less painful being solo. I have one or two good friends. I do entertain the notion of a romantic relationship at times, but it's importance in my life is greatly reduced from what it once was.

For me, I imagined how I wanted to leave the world for my existence. This became my 'life goal' I guess and it's pretty independent of being in a romantic relationship. Relationships seem much more precarious than they have ever been. So if your happiness is tied closely to them... you may be in for an emotional rollercoaster. I certainly hear you regarding the conflicting desires society wants for males. Tread carefully with your views. I keep them to myself usually for fear of being lynched. Short of agitating for political change; there is not one thing you can do; apart from perhaps going your own way (see MGTOW). Going your own way is a practical option. I find dwelling on politics etc... makes me pretty miserable. For your own hedonistic well-being my suggestion would be just to take care of yourself. Look out for yourself. I hate the terminology of being the 'best version of yourself'. I think, just know that you're intrinsically valuable as a person and take care of yourself. And when you have the energy, help others. These are just my thoughts based on my experiences. I hope it helps.