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My mum said something that really hurt my feelings..

Community Member
Essentially, I've been working on my anxiety for the better part of 6 years. The second I would wake up every morning, I would have to run straight to the bathroom to vomit because I was so anxious all the time. I'd cry a lot, felt there were lots of 'easy' things I wasn't able to do, even if I really wanted to, and I lost all motivation to study, work, go out with friends ect. I have no problem admitting that in my late teens and early twenties, my parents really struggled with how to help me, and I definitely stressed them out a lot. However, I haven't had a panic attack now in around three years. I graduated University and have a steady full-time job. I have more friends than ever and I do try really hard to keep up a 'normal' healthy life. So what my Mum said a few weeks ago really hurt me a lot. We had some family friends over and my mum had had more than a few glasses of wine. I was extremely hurt, and also beyond embarrassed when my Mum said in front of everyone that 'if [she] had have known what I would be like with all my anxiety and everything, [she] wouldn't have chosen to have me.' She sort of played it off as a joke but I didn't find it funny. Trying to save my own embarrassment I bit back saying I wouldn't have chosen her as a mother, either, to which she got mad and said 'seriously?!' I just got up from the table and walked away. After trying so hard for so long to reach this point, it was really disappointing to hear something like that. I understand me going through what I've been through was hard for her too, but that one stung.
2 Replies 2

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Essbee,

Welcome to Beyond Blue, and well done for both reaching out, and for coming so far in your journey! It sounds like you certainly have worked hard to get to where you're at today. You should be very prould of yourself! I feel proud of you, even though I don't know you, because I know how hard it is to rise above the agony of anxiety and depression that is so debilitating.

As for what your Mum said, well I too would be hurt if someone said that to me, about me. Particularly knowing how much work you have put in to getting better.

Alcohol is/can be quite the terrible elixir ..... so seductive, and yet so poisonous at the same time. People say and do things they would not ordinarily say and do when sober. As you can see by my name - Soberlicious - I too know the pain of hearing/saying awful things to loved ones. People think they're being funny when clearly they are not. Alcohol changes the chemistry in our brains and affects people in a wide variety of ways ....... some are more equipped to handle it than others.

My suggestion; take what she says when drinking with a 'grain of salt' ...... in other words, it may well have been quite difficult for her to watch you go through what you went through, but maybe it was more because she could have felt quite powerless to help you? And unfortunately, by trying to express that frustration while under the influence, it has come out very badly.

Remember, you know how hard you have worked and how far you've come. And keep up the good work! Maybe, if she remembers what she said, she might apologize in time? And if not, again, remember, the booze is nobody's friend. Not that I have anything against people drinking, but drinking to excess more often that not brings more trouble than people realize. And perhaps if there comes another time when she's getting stuck into drinking, take it as your cue to leave.

You're doing so well, don't let this one incident set you back.

Hope that helps at least a little. Take care. xo

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi essbee,

I’m so sorry that has happened to you. That would be upsetting and hurtful coming from anyone, but the fact that it came from your own mother must have been particularly painful.Good on you for sticking up for yourself though, I think you should be proud of that fact.If it was me, I’d be tempted to have it out with your mother and let her know how it made you feel, how you didn’t appreciate it etc. it may give her a chance to apologize or maybe it did come out wrong on her behalf and she didn’t mean it the way that it was said or taken? Of course you don’t have to bring it up with her but I think that you should perhaps give yourself the chance to let her know how it made you feel and also a chance for her to explain herself.