Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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John_s Living with wife who is an alcoholic
  • replies: 12

Hi, have been married 19 years. 2 kids. My wife is an alcoholic suffering from depression and anxiety. The drinking is everyday. Alcohol is hidden throughout home. She continually lies about the hidden alcohol and the fact she has been drinking. I am... View more

Hi, have been married 19 years. 2 kids. My wife is an alcoholic suffering from depression and anxiety. The drinking is everyday. Alcohol is hidden throughout home. She continually lies about the hidden alcohol and the fact she has been drinking. I am starting to lose my temper. I come home from work to find her passed out with food cooking on stove. I have asked her to leave. Tomorrow she will me signing lease on apartment. The kids will stay with me. The kids are my main concern. She will not seek help. I have suggested rehab, counselling etc no use. Any thoughts? When she is not drinking she is a wonderfull person. There appears to be a Jekyll and Hyde personality going on.

missrogue My Boyfriends Mum is Ruining our Relationship and making me depressed.
  • replies: 4

I apologise if this is a long one, but I desperately need advice. So I've been dating this amazing guy for just over two years. He has helped me in many ways with my anxiety/depression, he knew about it from the beginning and has helped me get out of... View more

I apologise if this is a long one, but I desperately need advice. So I've been dating this amazing guy for just over two years. He has helped me in many ways with my anxiety/depression, he knew about it from the beginning and has helped me get out of my shell and do many things I was never able to do. Over-all I've been a lot happier. Before dating him I had a year off working (we're both 23) where I would literally not leave the house because of my anxiety. I had previously been sexually assaulted by an ex, so he also knew to take a lot of things slower than normal which he was very respectful in. Also at the beginning of our relationship, his brother and his brother's girlfriend were living at his parents house with him. She had moved States to be with him. His Mum spend majority of her time gossiping to me about his brothers girlfriend. She was always comparing her and me together, even the gifts that we had given her sons.. the way we acted, everything. Majority of the time, she was praising me and putting her down. I remember one time I was over at their house and the girlfriend had run down the stairs crying and begged us to take her shopping with us so she would be able to leave the house. His mum had just found out they were moving States and the mum had blamed her for taking away her son and ruining their relationship. Fast-foward 6 months, they've moved out and now they are the golden children in his mums eyes. She has "fixed" her relationship with the gf and all is good. Except now I am the hated girlfriend. She has said some horrible things, always makes her son choose her over me. She complains when we spend time together saying that her son "prioritises" me over her. Yesterday was his birthday and she spent the whole night complaining that he had spent some of the day with me and not her. She made a comment that if we were to get married and have children she would be pissed off but if her other son and his gf would she would be fine about it. We both have full time jobs, but her son and other girlfriend are on casual work.. and the gf is currently un-employed. Im at breaking point, there are so many stories i could share about her horrid-ness but this would be an essay (which it almost is) We have plans to move out soon but we can't afford it. There is an option for him to move into my parents house but we can't sleep in the same bed... Please help

mayaduiva New Parent
  • replies: 3

im 38 , and my partner and i just had our first baby together.I love my daughter so much but i get always scared of not being able to be a good parent and my anxiety can reach the roof because i feel all the responsibility of another human soul relie... View more

im 38 , and my partner and i just had our first baby together.I love my daughter so much but i get always scared of not being able to be a good parent and my anxiety can reach the roof because i feel all the responsibility of another human soul relies solely on me. Knowing that, i, myself suffer from social anxiety makes it also hard for me to reach for help in person.My daughter is so gorgeous and healthy but i feel guilty to even feel i need some space sometimes. People can really judge severely as i had few drinks occasionally, and have been slammed to be a bad parent though i love her so much and i just get so worried she can inherit any anxiety from me or her dad.Its hard to say im pretty happy but pretty scared to of how to raise my daughter and how to be the best mum. Hoping to get advises, thank you

Ariedne My mother is like a cancer to me
  • replies: 2

Our relationship has been rocky since I migrated to Australia and started living with her and my stepdad and two younger brothers when I was 15. She is the selfless type mother. She tried very hard to love me but I found myself unable to reciprocate.... View more

Our relationship has been rocky since I migrated to Australia and started living with her and my stepdad and two younger brothers when I was 15. She is the selfless type mother. She tried very hard to love me but I found myself unable to reciprocate. In fact I felt her love is a burden to me. I never felt close to her. I respect her as a mother but I never felt any bonding with her. I don’t want anything from her. She can be very unreasonably emotional, accusing and just unpredictable. I spent my entire teen years just being very afraid of her. Afraid to say the wrong thing to set her off, afraid poor grade to disappoint her. Just , afraid. I couldnt even begin to describe the conflicts and frustration we had over the years and then one day I just felt enough and I left home. I started to breath again. The estrangements were on and off. The last one was before my wedding and lasted 3 years. The happiest most liberating 3 years of my life. When she contacted me a few months ago I felt like a cancer survivor being told the cancer is back. No kidding. But purely out of obligation, i had to respond. At first I was planning occasional brunch for her to see my son. But she is not a woman to know boundaries when it comes to her children. Immediately she wants us to have regular Sunday visit. Regular phone calls, messages. And quickly I have to help her out financially, help her deal with all sorts of errens like dealing with strata managers, fixing air conditioner and before I know it, I became the only emotional dumping ground for her. She can call me for hours to an end complaining about my bothers and stepdad, her life misfortune and my mistreatments to her over the years. She will call me when I am at work to ask me the kind of detergent to use on mold. Then she starts asking me if she shoud divorce my stepdad. And when I told her I couldn’t give her the anser, she acts frustrated and disappointed in me for saying that. She has became the cancer of my life again, latching onto me for support, slowly seeping away my happiness and sanity. I know she loves me and she didn’t mean to burden me, but she just couldn’t help it. I am so stressed about her now that every time her id appear on my phone I have the sinking stomach feeling. My heart races and my hands started shaking. I felt terrible I couldn’t love her. Our relationship runs purely on obligation. Im afraid to go to sleep only to wake up next day to her new issues. I wish she never contacted me.

rob727 Relationships, Anxiety and Depression
  • replies: 3

Hello Everyone, I am having a difficult time at the moment. I am having unrelenting anxiety surrounding my relationship of 2.5 years. He is such a wonderful man. One of the most understanding, supportive and gentle people I know. However, I can't sto... View more

Hello Everyone, I am having a difficult time at the moment. I am having unrelenting anxiety surrounding my relationship of 2.5 years. He is such a wonderful man. One of the most understanding, supportive and gentle people I know. However, I can't stop questioning whether we are in love anymore and whether or not I should end the relationship. The anxiety surrounding this thought process is debilitating. Some days I find it difficult to get out of bed, and end up sick and crying because it all feels so overwhelming. My life is in transition at the moment as I just finished my degree and my research thesis, leaving me a little lost for purpose. I had these feelings a little throughout the past two months of completing my thesis, but now that it is done it is like they are back ten fold. When I think about actually ending the relationship I am reduced to tears. The thought of not being able to see him anymore and not having him in my life devastates me and makes me feel even more depressed. However, our relationship feels stagnant. Our libido has dropped off, we are inundated with financial worries and we are about to move in with my parents to pay off debts and save up some money. When I think about all this, I feel trapped and not sure how I got here. Some days I feel resolute in my decision to break up with him. Then others I am overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of not being together. I dont know whether it is my intuition telling me I am not in love anymore or if my anxiety and depression are skewing my view of this relationship. Also the thought of causing him any pain makes me sick. Has anyone else been in the same situation?

Sadkitty Dealing with double betrayal husbands affair
  • replies: 4

I found out my husband was having an affair with a good friend who is also works with him almost a year ago. At the time I was already traumatised by being forced to reveal child sexual abuse I’d suffered at the hands of a family member. My husband a... View more

I found out my husband was having an affair with a good friend who is also works with him almost a year ago. At the time I was already traumatised by being forced to reveal child sexual abuse I’d suffered at the hands of a family member. My husband and I have been trying to repair our marriage and have had some counseling. Things where going well because I got to a state where I wanted to let go of the anger and anxiety because it was only hurting me more. He’s been very open answering my questions and we’ve been making good progress. However, the other woman is still working with him, and although he has placed clear boundaries she has other ideas. He and I have been going through an intense process of truthfulness and accountability. She has not. She ended her marriage when the affair was discovered. ( it went on for nearly 2 years under my nose) she keeps interfering, and making her presence felt. Last night while we were out at our local she felt it was ok to approach my husband for a chat. I think she has some crazy idea that this will blow over. I told her in no uncertain terms that she was to leave us alone and I wanted nothing to do with her. This was the first time I’d spoken to her. She said something to the affect that I should concern myself with the problems in my marriage. The whole thing has left me reeling. I feel like it’s set me back. She’s moved in virtually around the corner from us and turns up everywhere. My husband says we have to let that go because we have no control over where she lives, what she says or does. It’s doing my head in. I want to put this baggage down, I was doing so well. I don’t want to slip back into despair or take marriage advise from this harpy.

Likeadream My partner is an ice user
  • replies: 2

I met my partner 4 years ago...I was in a relationship with my sons (8yearsold) dad..there was no love in that relationship and when my son was 6 I split up with his dad...I had fallen for a guy at work! He was mesmerizing!!! He wa something differen... View more

I met my partner 4 years ago...I was in a relationship with my sons (8yearsold) dad..there was no love in that relationship and when my son was 6 I split up with his dad...I had fallen for a guy at work! He was mesmerizing!!! He wa something different to what I was used too...he was like me...loud/funny/bubbly/happy... we moved in together pretty quick...I had one done (8years) and he has 2 daughters (8 & 4) to 2 different mums.. i took on the step mum role to his beautiful daughters instantly...I instantly love these girls as if they were my own!!! a few months after he moved in, he care home..dilated pupils and not wanting dinner...now being 29..I’ve experimented...I’m not dumb..he denied that he was on anything...he later told me he was...(ummm no derrr) I told to him how I had only experimented a few times with crack and wasn’t interested and didn’t want to be with anyone that was smoking crack... I have done it with him 3 times and every single time I was intoxicated when he offered...of course I accepted...being kid free and feeling pretty free I said yes! STUPID MISTAKE! Lately he has been hitting the pipe pretty hard...he thinks I don’t know...but I’m seriously not that daft!!!! he has become really distant...I’m always the one trying to fix things...he knows how much it hurts me and every time he does it I cry and “carry on” he doesnt realize that him and our 3 children are everything I have (father and brothers live interstate and my mum passed away 5 years ago) when he is not on crack...he is the most amazing person I have ever met...I’m so physically and mentally attracted to this man...he makes me laugh every second I am with him...I just feel like he is pushing me away and I have no say In anything that goes on...

Jason_T How to communicate better with my wife and children
  • replies: 6

Hi. I am Jason Iv had depression for a number of years . l am married for 20 years and have children . Over a number of years my depression has got worse hence I am going to a counselor to help me out. My family life has taken a tumble for the worst ... View more

Hi. I am Jason Iv had depression for a number of years . l am married for 20 years and have children . Over a number of years my depression has got worse hence I am going to a counselor to help me out. My family life has taken a tumble for the worst where we currently separated to make life easier for all. My biggest problem at the moment is my communication skills with my wife and children is not very good. I find it hard to express my self to them in how I am feeling . If someonecould offer some advice that would be appreciated. I feel some days I am stupid that I can't even talk about how I feel.

Kazzylou Hello new here! Trust! Loving my cheating partner
  • replies: 7

Around two years ago I found out my partner was having an affair with my best friend! Not his first affair! But long story short I love the man and he is good to me we have a great life and says he’s not going to do it again. But it dosnt matter how ... View more

Around two years ago I found out my partner was having an affair with my best friend! Not his first affair! But long story short I love the man and he is good to me we have a great life and says he’s not going to do it again. But it dosnt matter how much I try I can’t get thoughts of them both together out of my head! I feel I’m going mad! With angry outbursts and accusations I’m scared I’ll lose everything. I don’t really want to go on meds but I don’t seem to be getting any better. I constantly work on self love but I can’t help the self hate instead! I can’t talk to him ! He just thinks I should be over it. Kaz

Kate1984 Working mum guilt
  • replies: 1

Anyone ever feel so guilty leaving their kids at Daycare that they cry? I do, especially when they scream for me to stay. I do love my job but I love my kids more.

Anyone ever feel so guilty leaving their kids at Daycare that they cry? I do, especially when they scream for me to stay. I do love my job but I love my kids more.