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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Wallcat Depression Affecting Relationship
  • replies: 14

My partner has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since before we starting dating 5 years ago. It can be difficult on occasions for me to know the right things to do to support her, especially if I feel upset as well. Sometimes we argue, and ... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since before we starting dating 5 years ago. It can be difficult on occasions for me to know the right things to do to support her, especially if I feel upset as well. Sometimes we argue, and she has often described me as being selfish and uncaring - but after a particularly bad fight recently we both came to the conclusion that my own mental health may have been suffering as a result of trying to regularly support her at my own expense. Is this common? Though I'm sure I'm not alone, It's not easy to find resources for how depression affects partners. It's also difficult because I want to look after myself, but I don't know how to support my partner at the same time.

RangerBaker Where to from here
  • replies: 2

I am looking for advice and direction me and my husband have been married for 5 years, I truly do love my husband and would do anything for him. My husband has always been my biggest support and continues to do so, I have a huge dilemma that weighs h... View more

I am looking for advice and direction me and my husband have been married for 5 years, I truly do love my husband and would do anything for him. My husband has always been my biggest support and continues to do so, I have a huge dilemma that weighs heavily on my heart. All I have ever wanted for my husband is happiness, the fact is as much as I love my husband and he loves me. He says we are more like a old married couple who are best friends then lovers. Unfortunately due to health issues as well as anxiety, depression, bipolar and ptsd we lost the intimate side of our relationship. I have always found that side of things difficult as I have never had sexual desire and have issues initiating or cluing onto my husband's flirting. I am at the point where I am questioning everything. There are 3 things that my husband is asking me to change, they are simple things to many but I find them difficult 1. To shower daily 2. Change Clothes Daily 3. Have a clean and presentable house. I find all of these things a huge task and despite seeing the Psycologist and psychiatrist for over a year it is still the same. I knowing this is becoming a huge issue in our marriage and my husband has mentioned he can't take much more. I love my husband very deeply, if I didn't the decision would be easy. I feel as though I am holding my husband back. I only want what is best for him, he is the most sweetest and loving man, who is kind and caring. It is because of that and how I feel that I don't want to stand in his way. Due to me having a constant struggle with the issues mentioned above what should I do. I have asked my husband what he wants and he says whatever is best for me is what he wants. The issue is because my husband wants what is best for me I worry that he will make a decision based on what is best for me rather then saying what is best for him or he feel compelled we should stay together. what would you do the

CMH Trouble with Parents and Anxiety
  • replies: 1

Hi! 1st time poster. Ive been diagnosed with Anxiety 3 months ago after having a major anxiety attack that caused my brain to just turn off. After seeking proffessional help and counseling i am in a much better place now. One major thing that has con... View more

Hi! 1st time poster. Ive been diagnosed with Anxiety 3 months ago after having a major anxiety attack that caused my brain to just turn off. After seeking proffessional help and counseling i am in a much better place now. One major thing that has contributed to all this is my parents, they have such a negative,hostile relationship that has impacted me alot. Whenever we would be together as a family my father just finds anything to argue about and is negative about everyone and everything. My mum and dad fight alot and are really spiteful to each other infront of others. As a child my parents never showed affection towards one another and never really taught us that it was ok to disagree with things and talk about problems. My family always tries to play happy families. So i have grown up and held onto so many emotions. My father has always put pressure on me and blamed me for my sisters wrongdoings. After discovering why i had this major anxiety attack and started treatment i learned that these behaviours of my parents are not ok and that i don't want this negativity in my life as it is doing me harm. I wrote a letter to my parents to explain what happened and why and how certain things that they do has contributed to my anxiety. I did this in a way that was constructive and explaining that if they dont do these things and try to have a more positive outlook then we can all enjoy nice times together. We havent spoken in almost 3 months and i messaged my mother to explain the purpose of my letter and that it would be nice to have a positve happy relationship in the future. The response i got was that she is really hurt and hopefully time will heal. I feel that she has turned all this around onto her and trying to make me feel guilty about how she is feeling. This makes me really hurt that all of this happened because of the way they are and their constant negativity and unwillingness to talk about issues and instead be nasty and bitter, then expect to play happy families. i told her i am not angry at them for anything just want to make positive relationships for the future. I want to respond to her but how do i do this? I was intendong on saying something along the lines of ...its not nice that you feel hurt. I have had alot to deal with myself including sadness, fear, anxiety and the inability to do things for myself. However i am trying to reconnect so we can have nice times when we do see each other. I do not how to say this. Sorry if this is jumbled.

Dani___ Partner diagnosed with depression and now he’s cheating on me
  • replies: 1

My partner has been diagnosed with depression 4 weeks ago. Since then he’s completely shut down on me and won’t see me. Before this he was having problem in the bedroom and when we started discussing it that’s when this all came out about the depress... View more

My partner has been diagnosed with depression 4 weeks ago. Since then he’s completely shut down on me and won’t see me. Before this he was having problem in the bedroom and when we started discussing it that’s when this all came out about the depression, I helped him to get help and have been trying to support him but he’s completely shut down on me saying he’s emotionally exhausted and needs space. The other day I found out he’s cheated on me, and also he’s on tinder and doing god knows what. I’m so heart broken. He said the issues with the bedroom concerned him and he had to see if it could work otherwise he’s not a man. I’m so confused and I don’t understand what is going on. He started meds a few weeks ago and since then it’s like he’s spiraling

Romy 4 months post breakup - still overthinking things
  • replies: 1

My boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago. I have significantly improved from the initial anxiety I had been dealing with initially after the break up, and I'm so glad I'm now able to get on with everyday life. I'm very busy at the moment with... View more

My boyfriend broke up with me about 4 months ago. I have significantly improved from the initial anxiety I had been dealing with initially after the break up, and I'm so glad I'm now able to get on with everyday life. I'm very busy at the moment with uni, work and placement - however, thoughts of my past relationship have been on my mind every single day since the breakup. I worry about made up scenarios that may not even happen - I keep thinking, "if he does ask for a second chance, do I want to try again? What if I reject him and then I'm just miserable? What if I take a second chance but then I miss out on meeting someone so much better for me?" These are the questions that go through my head everyday. I'm so scared that no future relationship will make me feel as happy as my previous one. I'm worried I'll get into a relationship but I will still think of my ex constantly. If I'm feeling this much stress, anxiety and sadness over somebody, then surely that means it would not be a good idea to ever go back there if I had the chance. I know deep down I want to move on and one day find somebody else. I just want to know if this is a normal part of breakups - if anyone else has these thoughts.

David Nobody Having a bad people day today
  • replies: 4

Just needing to offload... My ex wife is asking me for money, as Miss B needs to see a psychologist about her yr12 exam stress... I’m ok with the money, the issue is why it is needed. Inherited issues from me, or environmental/upbringing which is als... View more

Just needing to offload... My ex wife is asking me for money, as Miss B needs to see a psychologist about her yr12 exam stress... I’m ok with the money, the issue is why it is needed. Inherited issues from me, or environmental/upbringing which is also down to me. So I'm 2 for 2 at breaking my children. My ex partner is still wanting to be my “friend”, even though she “walked out on me” to deal with her own poo when I had just quit my job and was in hospital for a life extension. I can’t help thinking there is an ulterior motive, even though I “know” there isn’t one. Apparently she re-read my book and cried again, trying to decide which poems were about her. I felt like replying, they are about me not you... but didn’t. My foot is too sore for me to go anywhere. Phantom pain/bruise at the rear of my left heel. I remember nothing. Not an “other people” problem, that is just me whingeing. Tomorrow I have to take Miss B to a school trip meeting to find out what we need to buy her to survive Europe in a few weeks time. The “job people” didn't ring/email today like they said they would. And to top it off I have nearly run out of my backup long-life milk stash. *sigh*... people tomorrow (today now), no sleep for you!

ImplodedSoul 3am thoughts
  • replies: 4

So..... it’s 3am and I can’t get to sleep. My mind is racing. It’s feeling conflicted. The wife left me and our kids just short of a year ago. We are still talking, although it feels like the conversations are getting worse rather than better. She’s ... View more

So..... it’s 3am and I can’t get to sleep. My mind is racing. It’s feeling conflicted. The wife left me and our kids just short of a year ago. We are still talking, although it feels like the conversations are getting worse rather than better. She’s starting to bring the new boyfriend (started seeing him 4 days after she left me) to places we might catch up. And I can’t talk about him (and how he interacts with our kids) without her becoming frustrated and shutting down. Ive been trying to move on - met a wonderful woman, but am cautious about rushing anything - especially because of the kids. I feel ‘safe’ when I’m with her, but it’s difficult as I have the kids almost all the time. I don’t feel right. Tonight I’m lost with thoughts I don’t like.... I was almost at the point where I thought I could start winding back on the antidepressants, but random nights like this hit me and I don’t dare think what mess I would be in if I had stopped. A decent full nights sleep would be wonderful. Hasn’t happened since she left. What am I doing?

RatLady Partner wants time to himself - I have to partially move out?
  • replies: 6

My partner of 3 years has out of the blue decided that I need to take some things and go stay with my dad for a while. It was incredibly unexpected. He says he’s depressed and anxious about his life - his career, future etc. and needs time to himself... View more

My partner of 3 years has out of the blue decided that I need to take some things and go stay with my dad for a while. It was incredibly unexpected. He says he’s depressed and anxious about his life - his career, future etc. and needs time to himself to figure it out and just needs his space which he “never got to have” with me there...? He wont seek help as he doesnt want it on his medical record and doesnt want my help either. Going back 3 years ago, he got me to move in with him. My life at home had been toxic so I packed up and left without hesitation. Being told to go back there crushed me completely - especially since his family had become mine and I now had nothing. We havent broken up and its the last thing I would ever want. He says he still loves me but doesnt know what he wants or what he can handle. I honestly do not understand what that means and it’s been crushing me physically and mentally. I myself have become very anxious. I dont sleep, I cant stomach food, and my work performance has dropped to the point where I spoke up to my boss’s and they said I need to take some time off. I wouldnt know what to do with myself if I had time off. I just want to see him. To talk to him. He ignores my texts for days sometimes. I know to give him space no matter how hard it is, but some of the things he says (like loving me but not knowing what he can handle) have made me feel so worthless as a human let alone a girlfriend. He has said that keeping me in limbo is just as crushing for him yet doesnt know what he wants. I’m just so alone and feel a burden on the people around me. Stuck between two homes where I’m not wanted in either.

Am_I_being_unreasonable_ Was this an apology?
  • replies: 1

Hi Everyone, my problem is not huge, I am generally happy and content with my life . A significant relationship has deteriorated in the last 8 months or so. We no longer talk and this has affected another relationship that I am very unhappy about. I ... View more

Hi Everyone, my problem is not huge, I am generally happy and content with my life . A significant relationship has deteriorated in the last 8 months or so. We no longer talk and this has affected another relationship that I am very unhappy about. I saw a psychcologist for awhile who helped me a lot. She confirmed that I wasn't crazy in my thinking and also helped me come to the conclusion that the relationship was not going to improve. My problem is that this person has called me to apologise, however when saying this they said that they had already apologised a long time ago but was now making it formal. My problem is the apology was not a real apology. I said if I had received an apology I would have accepted it. The only "apology" I received stated "I'm sorry for stuffing up the date on my email regarding ....... ..... YES I mean it I don't apologise for nothing why would I bother" . I said that this was the only msg I received with "sorry" in it. I then said "it doesn't matter, let's just get over it and go forward from now". The person kept insisting that they had apologised and I know has told others that they apologised. Now I am the nasty person who did not accept this person's apology. Believe me, if it was a real apology I would have said OK that's fine, thank you and let's go forward from here. The person I'm talking about started all of this by sending me a nasty e-mail months ago. I replied addressing their behavior and didn't call them nasty names or insult them. I continued to receive nasty emails and texts calling me names but never actually saying what I had done to cause this. We are very different people and have very different opinions. This is something that isn't going to change and I can accept that, I just walked on eggshells and kept my mouth shut but as this is a very close relationship I was happy to do so to keep the peace. That was until the insulting e-mails and texts started. I haven't done things or behaved as this person has wanted me to. I think a lot of the problem is that I have now stood up for myself and said I'm not going to put up with it anymore. This person has often tried to control what I do and does not take into consideration my family circumstances when making plans for family get togethers, work commitments for example, they don't work. My very long winded questions are"was this an apology ?" and "should I make an effort to mend the relationship ?" Your thoughts will be appreciated. Thank you.

Insignificant Caring for Father-in-law puts family under pressure
  • replies: 3

My 93-year-old father-in-law and his children were advised following a stroke back in August, that he needed to go into a nursing home. However, he wanted to go home so the kids said they would give it a go. He has since also been diagnosed with deme... View more

My 93-year-old father-in-law and his children were advised following a stroke back in August, that he needed to go into a nursing home. However, he wanted to go home so the kids said they would give it a go. He has since also been diagnosed with dementia. Although he has people coming in to heat up some meals, shower him and get him ready for bed most days, he is still heavily reliant on his children. Only one of his kids, however, lives near him. The others are a minimum of 90mins away. One is interstate. We are not the ones living close. But we are not interstate - so my husband is travelling regularly to his father and staying away. If something goes wrong overnight, we are too far away to get to him. I don't feel like I can say anything about how alone I feel without sounding selfish. We are both retired - and this is not the way I expected to spend my retirement. It is also costing us a small fortune in petrol, food - and time. I suffer from anxiety and have had to increase my medication due to the pressure of living alone far more than I thought I would without being a widow. The last time I saw my doctor my pulse was so high she immediately did an ECG to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack. I feel like I am constantly on the edge of a panic attack. And I am having moments of depression that I have not had for years. I feel like my life is being run by my husband's commitment to his father. We can't plan anything without a family discussion of who is available when - be we are the only ones who consult. Everyone else just tells us when they can't do it, meaning that my husband fills in. So essentially, I am stressed because of the situation and I'm stressed because I'm stressed by the situation. I don't know where to go from here.