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Broken trust

Sad_Heart
Community Member
Hi. My first post. Not sure if right area but I need help. I can't trust my husband anymore. Everytime he is on his phone or the computer I wonder who is he messaging or what is he looking up. I have caught him out messaging other girls and now I have seen a sight called "My secret fling" on his phone. He told me he "was curious" he now he has told me he got out of that coz it hurt me. He lied. He forgets I have his email login. And I went into it today. He hasn't talked to any of the "girls" yet. Bit how long till he does I have depression and am currrntly being reassessed. All I do is cry now. And I want to run away again. Please no judgement. I just want to talk to someone as I have no one in my life that I can confide in. I dont want to fall down again. I just want to hear a human voice talk to me about this without judgement. I feel so alone as everyone I know has a happy marriage and doesn't understand what its like to have a mental illness and they will pass judgement on me and say its all in your head. Everyday I hide my pain away from my kids and everyone.Every night I cry alone in the shower. Please help me to cope and to stay strong. I can't afford to see a professional if I could I would...
7 Replies 7

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Sad Heart,

Welcome to the forum and to the community here. People here are not judgemental, we try to be caring and supportive, offer suggestions and ideas that have helped us individually and generally try to help each other.

Sorry to read you are doing life tough right now. It is rough when you feel like running away, I know I have felt that way many times. Is there somewhere you could go for a couple of hours? Maybe to the movies, to a café, the beach, a park, the shops or somewhere else close to you.

When I am feeling really depressed and overwhelmed, it helps me to take a break from everything that is happening around me and go somewhere different. It is a little like running away, only I return home again in a much better mood.

If I can't leave home for some reason I will read a book, phone a friend, watch a movie, colour in, do some craft, go out into the garden, just something to add a little distraction, pleasure and happiness to my day.

Have you spoken to your Dr about getting assistance? You may be entitled to a Mental Health Care Plan which will allow you to have reduced or even free psychologist visits. (Some professionals will bulk bill Medicare). Some Churches offer counselling as well at reduced prices or free.

You can also use the Beyondblue phone number on 1300 22 4636. The support people will listen and offer advice that is suitable. Or you can use the Chat online service or email.

Sad Heart, you can talk here and write as much as you need to. Hopefully you will feel safe, acknowledged and listened to on this forum.

One step at a time, one positive thought, one action of self help. A few deep breathes and a sense of hope also go a long way to help us help ourselves along the journey.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

White_Rose
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Sad Heart

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. I am so sad for you being in this horrible situation. We are here to support you and help you in any way we can. This forum is a safe place to be as no one knows who you are. So please be reassured you will not come to harm here. No one, absolutely no one will judge you here.

It is very hurtful to know you have been told lies, especially when it is your spouse. Being depressed as well makes it even more upsetting. I know what it's like to trust someone and then find the person is completely untrustworthy. In my case I believe that person has no idea how to be trustworthy or to recognise how much hurt is inflicted by the lies.

Depression makes us cry and want to run away in an attempt to leave our problems behind. Unfortunately we only take them with us. It is better to stay safe at home and get help with your depression. May I ask, why are you being reassessed? Does your doctor think there is something else you need help with? We are not being nosey in asking these things, we want to help you as best we can. The people who write in here have a huge collective experience in different facets of mental illness (MI). We share our experiences and help each other along.

We can support you but I believe you need more professional help than we can provide. Have you talked to your GP about your difficulties? Or perhaps it is your GP who is reassessing you. This is your first step. Writing in here is your second step, so many congratulations.

There are organisations who can help you for no payment or a very small payment. Relationships Australia is one such organisation. Ask Mr Google to find you a branch near your home. Anglicare will also provide counselling free of charge so again find a centre near you. Your GP may have more information on local services.

For someone to talk to try https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ they have a 24/7 helpline 1300 659 467. Don't be put off by the name. They are very good counsellors and will talk to you for a while. They may also be able to give you more information about free or cheap services. And of course there is the BB helpline 1300 22 4636 which is also available 24/7. Also look at the resources in BB. Start with the drop down list at the top of the past, The Facts.

I hope these contacts will be useful to you. The phone lines will give you the comfort of a human voice which I cannot do. Think about my suggestions and please come back and talk to us.

Mary

redglasses111
Community Member

Hi Sad Heart.

I'm really sorry to hear of all the stress you're going through and I wont pretend to understand what an array of emotions you must feel. I'm not married and don't have a boyfriend so I can't pretend to offer you a practical and plausible pathway out of what you're feeling but what we can do here on this forum is listen carefully and maintain a judgement free environment.

Like Mrs. Dools says, getting in touch with a Doctor is always a good idea. I work in a medical clinic and have a mum as a doctor so I have an understanding of how some health professionals may chose to bulk bill their patients. Furthermore, even a GP can prove to be a really good person to just talk to. There are many walk-in/bulk billing clinics around so just a simple search should do the trick.

Also, utilising the BeyondBlue number is always a good idea. I once had a friend who was hesitant to do so because she thought that her problems weren't appropriate and that the Beyond Blue support people had other people to help. Honestly, that's not the case and never hesitate to pick up the phone because your feelings and emotions deserve to be heard.

Finally, one thing i've found growing up (keep in mind i'm only 19) but talking to someone is always a good idea. Whether that be your husband or a friend or family or beyondblue. Even if it comes out as a series of emotional vomit and you're afraid of what they are going to say, its so much better than keeping it bottled up inside you.

So to sum up... don't forget that at least on this one forum there are people who will listen to you no matter what and that it's fine to take this journey step by step and at your own pace.

xxxx

Thank you Mrs Dools.

Thankyou mrs Dools

Thank you Mary. The reassessment is due to the doctor wanting see if there may be another issue there. Mental illness is strong in my family. My brother is Bipolar schizophrenic for one. Initially I was diagnosed with depression but i guess the doctor wants to be sure. I will definately look into your suggestions.

Tread
Community Member

Hi Sad Heart, I’m just wondering how you’re doing?