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I'm lost and need help

Community Member

I don't know how-to start this....

me and my wife have been together for 11 years and married for 5 years. we have two kids together.

is kissing someone else while your drunk cheating???
I'll start at the beginning...

my wife has a friend whom she as slept with but that was before I was in the picture .
they are still very good friends. untill I found out her past. I was pissed off she was still close friends with him. (I found out 8 months ago.)

skip to yesterday (17/05/2019)
my wife has told me about 7 years ago her and her guy friend made out. she told me they were drunk.

I just find numb, sick and angry about it all.

she kept this from me for 7 years. plus when I found out they were sleeping together years before I was in the picture. she told me nothing else has ever happened.

in my eyes I believe it's cheating.
I have lost all trust in her and I don't know how much is lies now.

sorry if this is all over the place.

I don't know how to write it down.

thank you

3 Replies 3

Community Member
It is cheating and deceitful, intoxication is no excuse and they have past history.

Its upto you whether you can forgive her or move on

Dear flymadd,

Unfortunately that is definitely cheating, especially doing while you were and are still together. I think there is something very wrong if she can simply write it off and blame it on alcohol. Is she remorseful?

If she is not remorseful I would be very concerned.

Did you ask her why she decided to tell you 7 years after the fact? Also, is she professing her love for you and that it is all in the past?

In the end, it doesn't matter what she says because at this stage the ball is in your court. If you cannot truly forgive her and move past it then your relationship will be doomed, particularly if you feel you can no longer trust her now or ever.

If you truly forgive her for what has happened and you believe that she has and will never do it again then you can move forward and continue the relationship. If you guys fight a lot and constantly bring it up, it means then that you have not forgiven her. Your relationship will not be able to move past this point.

Think about what it is you want from her to continue the relationship.

Goodluck with it all.

Keep us updated.

Kind regards,


So it was also while you were together ?Sorry just double checking that one because there's a few different year things in there.

But if it was then yeah it is def' cheating , no excuses , sorry . lt's up to you what you wanna do about it or feel , but l would at bare minimum myself , want him the hell out of our lives for a start , personally.