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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Rodman316 having depression, quiting grog for good and dealing with my marrage falling apart
  • replies: 8

I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember, it comes and goes but when it hits its chaos. I recently got put on antidepresents. My wife gave me a choice of either her or the grog. At this point I was sober for nearly 3 weeks. I froze an... View more

I have suffered depression for as long as I can remember, it comes and goes but when it hits its chaos. I recently got put on antidepresents. My wife gave me a choice of either her or the grog. At this point I was sober for nearly 3 weeks. I froze and couldnt even answer. She packed and left yesterday. Ive only just been able to admit to myself im an alcoholic. Giving up cold turkey has been so hard. I crave to drink. I have used it as a coping mechanism for most of my life. I want to have my family back. Thats my goal. The only problem is now she doesnt believe that I will change. Im trying to getus counceling, I see a gp often, visit mental health regularly and see a psychologist. I ended up at hospital on suicide watch last night because I cant handle the pain. We are married and been together for 12 years. I have never loved someone so much. It breaks my heart the things I have said out of anger and frustration. She is my world. I cant stop crying andhate myself for not answeting her question. At the moment the only thing keeping me going is that she hasnt said im wasting my time. Im scared and dont know how or what to think. My head never shuts up and I bsrely sleep. Thank youfor your time

rossy1 Possible bipolar. Relationship breakdown
  • replies: 1

How do u tell the difference between mental illness and true feelings? My partner of 7 years has told me he doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for months . The way I talk and look at him just makes him sick .He hasn't yet been diagnosed with bi polar... View more

How do u tell the difference between mental illness and true feelings? My partner of 7 years has told me he doesn't love me anymore and hasn't for months . The way I talk and look at him just makes him sick .He hasn't yet been diagnosed with bi polar but I think it's coming . I told him I thought something was wrong and we went to the doctors he's been referred to a psychiatrist which I hope is soon. We have been together 7 years . Lot of ups and downs . I have moved out for now . This is so hard .. he thinks even if he is diagnosed that it has nothing to do with our relationship but how could something like that not affect a relationship. Looking for any advice or stories from anyone who has been through the same thing .. thank you*editHe gets very agitated easily . Has weeks where he is bouncing off the walls happy lots of energy . Can't get enough of me sex everywhere and everyday plus strange sexual fantasies. Then he will be ok auto pilot just going through the motions of the day . Not really talking getting angry over very small issues . He tried to kill himself 5 years ago after having a period of time where he was just sad and he didn't know why. He doesn't remember conversations we have had or claims that I have / haven't said things and is adamant his version of events is what's real. He said he's heard a voice in his head a few times . And lays in bed at night his mind just in overdrive . He's had trouble sleeping for about 3 years . Also these behaviours where he pushes me away happen at the same time yearly almost like clock work . He has had problems long before I come on the scene and has never dealt with anything . I think as he's getting older it's all just catching up with him. I just want him to get the help he needs

FeathersnFluff Son & DIL Seperating Slowly
  • replies: 29

My son has decided to seperate from his wife of a year. They have two small boys under 3 My son came to me with a heavy heart telling me he couldn't keep going to work coming home cleaning the house and taking care of both boys. I know being a stay a... View more

My son has decided to seperate from his wife of a year. They have two small boys under 3 My son came to me with a heavy heart telling me he couldn't keep going to work coming home cleaning the house and taking care of both boys. I know being a stay at home is a big job but not even the basics are getting done. When I visited the kids are dirty and running around with very little supervision. I have always been scared for their safety.....I have never said a word about it to my DIL because I don't want to interfere. Anyway when my son said he was leaving her she tried to harm him and told him he would never see his children again. The Police became involved and put a Domestic Violence Order in place against my DIL. . It's a big long background story but what I'm trying to get too is my son is trying to seperate nicely by dropping in to see the boys every day after work, teaching her to cook, driving her to appointments etc. I understand his motivation ....he wants the boys not to be traumatised and wants to go through mediation rather than a big court case. All this would be fine except my DIL has mental health issues and is a self confessed every day pot user. When she is at her worst she lashes out at people and it makes it hard to reason with her. To be quite honest I am worried for the safety of my Grandchildren and my son. My son says leave it to him. He can handle everything. So I have tried to stay out of it but it's very stressful. Has anyone else been through a similar situation?

GhostAu Stay at home Parent
  • replies: 5

Gday, Woke up feeling really emotional this morning, and i guess ive decided enough is enough and i need to do something. Ive known im an emotional person for a very long time, but ive always tried to keep it under raps and controlled, but my situati... View more

Gday, Woke up feeling really emotional this morning, and i guess ive decided enough is enough and i need to do something. Ive known im an emotional person for a very long time, but ive always tried to keep it under raps and controlled, but my situation has changed over the last couple few years, and i can just feel myself dissapearing more and more, and i find myself hiding in video games. For someone who is nearly 40, i cant see that as a good thing. I gave up work 3 years ago to be the fulltime carer of my eldest, who is now 15. He goes to a special education school during the day, but someone needs to be available incase he has a seizure, and as my wife has the better career path, it was only logical that she work, and i stay home. He has an acquired brain injury, caused by what the doctors have labled " aborted SIDs". Ive always blamed myself for his difficulty's, as i was the one at home with him when it happened, and the one that found him.I would pick him up from his childcare on my way home from work, and take him home. If he was restless when putting him down for his afternoon nap, i would put him in our bed, instead of his cot, as the smell of his mum would help him settle, but on this day he didnt wake up, and was in a coma for 2 months after. I was 23 at the time. since then we have had 2 more children, now aged 12 and 4. Since leaving work, ive realised i dont really have any friends, i had people i worked with, or my wifes friends, but none of my own. I dont get phone calls, i dont get out of the house, i dont socialise, im just here, trying to stay busy. I love my wife, but she is so busy with her work, i dont think she notices me . I know she loves me, and cares for me. She just has so much on her plate allready, i dont want to add to her burden. Ive been sleeping on the couch for the last year or so now, ive told her its because of her snoring, but really its because im not sleeping much and i dont want her to notice. We havent been intimate in over 2 years now, which isnt down to my lack of drive, but hers. Im ok with that, i think, but it brings with it a sense of being worthless and feeling unattractive. I dont know. I just have the feeling i want to dissapear, i want to leave everything behind and walk of into the sunset, and leave everything behind. I wont thought, i have three smiling little ( or not so little) faces smiling at me that need me. It would be nice though lol

16ShadesofBlue Infidelity, mental health, lost and broken
  • replies: 24

2 months ago I accidentally discovered that my husband and partner of 20 years had a 2 month affair with a 'friend', someone who I was led to believe was supporting him through his own mental health journey and who was also trying to befriend me at t... View more

2 months ago I accidentally discovered that my husband and partner of 20 years had a 2 month affair with a 'friend', someone who I was led to believe was supporting him through his own mental health journey and who was also trying to befriend me at the same time. I ignored my instincts that something wasn't right, other friends were telling me it was good for him. He was happy. To complicate things the same week, he was diagnosed with Bipolar2. Me finding out about his infidelity sent him to a new low. We both want to reconcile. He is now on mood stabilisers and is distraught at the trauma he has caused (he truly believed I would never find out). I am trying to be supportive and keep 'life' swimming along for our two beautiful happy children. I feel like I am wearing a mask because I have to pretend everything is ok. And I am NOT ok. I am physically not coping I feel ill, my stomach knotted, my heart hurts and now my jaw and teeth ache. I have to force myself to eat during the day and I am not sleeping well. I drop the kids at school and come home and cry. I just want to go to sleep and when I wake up have my life back. I had made positive changes this year, building my self worth. eating well and being active. Things were falling into place. But now I am scared and overwhelmed with all the things I am feeling. I have no joy for any of the activities that previously gave me fulfillment. I have an overwhelming obsessive hatred and anger towards the other woman which I know is not healthy...but I am plagued by images and thoughts in my head of their intimacy and it scares me that they will never fade. It makes me so anxious that I don't know what way is up. I feel panicked being people and I feel panicked being alone. My self worth has plummeted to a new low and I am scared I am heading into a bad place. I have had PND and there is also a history of anxiety and depression on my side of the family tree. Every morning I wake up overwhelmed with grief that it is still real and I cannot breathe. This does not feel like my life. I am disconnected. I don't feel alive. I just feel like I want to run away. I am outwardly doing all the right things (GP, psychologist etc) and everything I read tells me the way I am feeling is normal for the first 3 months and that I may not feel completely ok again for years. Please tell me it gets better. I love him. I should hate him. But I love him. I feel broken and I do not like the person I am becoming.

Not_my_monkeys Narcissistic sister
  • replies: 4

Any advice welcome yet again I have left my mums house in tears my sister is a complete narcissist and has my mum completely under her spell she is always pointing out flaws in me, and playing the victim, no one does anything for her, no one protecte... View more

Any advice welcome yet again I have left my mums house in tears my sister is a complete narcissist and has my mum completely under her spell she is always pointing out flaws in me, and playing the victim, no one does anything for her, no one protected her, and she uses guilt to get people around her to bend to her every whim she has upset me many times and I have tried to keep my distance, but she lives with my mum, whom I try to see every week. sh wanted to have a chat, and told me that I had upset her, and that I am not making the effort to keep the family unit together, she whispers in mums ear all the time, causing friction between us, she has accused me of being jealous of her, and not supporting her, I am sick of being there when she wont help herself. i mentioned some things that had upset me. All she did was threw it back at me saying she didn't mean it and it was my fault, i admit I have said some things out of line in the past but this is purely down to frustration she saya she wants to go out as a family but my partner doesn't like the way she treats me and won't go, that is now my fault as I am not making him make the effort I think the worse thing about this is that I feel I cannot go and see my mum, whom I once had a very close relationship with as she is always there i got married,9 months later she did, I looked at a house I wanted didn't get it, she bought one in the same street, I moved away, she followed, she has messed up her own life but still plays the victim, she is always talking about herself and how fabulous she is, but won't admit to it apart from cutting myself off completely from this drama what can I do, I try not to let her get to me, but every time she still does this is not half of the story but it will give you an idea, I just can't keep doing this

Beryl48 Not good enough /Excluded from events
  • replies: 2

My husband and I are late 50s - We have worked hard raised our family been together for 40years . We have done ok in life , never caused anyone any grief . The last couple of years the issue of being excluded and " Looked down on us " has become obvi... View more

My husband and I are late 50s - We have worked hard raised our family been together for 40years . We have done ok in life , never caused anyone any grief . The last couple of years the issue of being excluded and " Looked down on us " has become obvious to us . This "Vibe" comes from both sides of our families, the family members are really nice people etc . It's all come to a head in recent weeks when my husband was excluded from his Aunties 80th Birthday event , even though his sister and more distant relatives were invited. My husband was terribly hurt and reached out to his Aunty to wish her Happy Birthday and mentioned he would liked to have been invited, response was "I have lots of friends and had to cut numbers " The event was a casual affair at a pub Has anyone else dealt with this ?

Gracee_ Disowning my family
  • replies: 6

Tonight was finally the night I disowned my dad, step mum and siblings. It’s been a long time coming and although I feel relived, I am also devastated. Since living with them when I was 15, I was constantly yelled at, sworn at and accused of doing th... View more

Tonight was finally the night I disowned my dad, step mum and siblings. It’s been a long time coming and although I feel relived, I am also devastated. Since living with them when I was 15, I was constantly yelled at, sworn at and accused of doing things I hadn’t done. Never had they let me explain myself when I made a mistake, rather they would scream and remind me of how unwanted and how much of a disappointed I was. I once confided in my step mum about how I was getting depressed again (I had tried to commit a year ago before this) and she told me I belonged in a mental institution. My parents continually tell everyone how great they are and how they never put their children down and it infuriates me because it’s total bullshit. They let everyone know that they have done everything right to raise their children when in actual fact they have emotionally damaged us. They’ve turned my siblings against me and anything I’ve confided in them with has gone straight to them. I’m 21 and don’t deserve what has happened but I feel guilty for telling them I no longer want anything to do with them. My step mum responded with “good riddence, looking forward to a much better 2020 now that you aren’t in it”. I guess I’m just needing advice or someone to tell me that what I’ve done is okay. I’m so scared I’m going to cave when I begin to feel sad in a few months and I don’t know how to make sure I stick to what I want and to cut all contact. Any advice would really mean a lot.

Jenny102 Should I stay or should I go?
  • replies: 4

I suffer from severe anxiety and my depression is starting to peak again. I’m a 24 year old mum of two; for nearly 4 years I was a single mother, but I’ve been with my current partner for just over a year. Prior to moving in together I was living wit... View more

I suffer from severe anxiety and my depression is starting to peak again. I’m a 24 year old mum of two; for nearly 4 years I was a single mother, but I’ve been with my current partner for just over a year. Prior to moving in together I was living with my parents, and things between my partner and I were perfect, and he was so caring towards my children . At 9 months into the relationship, we decided to move in together (which we both agreed later on that we weren’t ready for such a big step). the first couple of weeks were fine, then I started feeling depressed and like I didn’t even want to be around him. I’ve been living with him for 5 months now and I don’t feel at home at all. I want to be with him but I want to be alone. My depression is starting to get worse; I feel so extremely homesick and part of me just wants to move back in with my parents. And to make me feel even worse, my partner told my sister that he has no connection or bond whatsoever with my children and he’s always yelling at them. I just don’t know what I should do. My mum did give me the option of taking the kids and staying with her for a few days. But I don’t think my relationship is thriving with us living together? I guess I’m really just looking for some advice on what to do

SJ69 Manipulative reward and punishment attempt
  • replies: 2

I am 51 years old with three siblings, aged 48 and 47. I left home at 18 because my middle sibling C caused friction between myself and my parents. Aged 24 I decided to emigrate to Oz because of the friction C caused and the insistence by my parents ... View more

I am 51 years old with three siblings, aged 48 and 47. I left home at 18 because my middle sibling C caused friction between myself and my parents. Aged 24 I decided to emigrate to Oz because of the friction C caused and the insistence by my parents that she was never to blame. Once she caused my father to pin my youngster sister R against a wall. We don't know why. R will never forgot this. Growing up my father was largely absent, working as a farm labourer 24/7 to provide for his family. From the age of 8, I had to look after my siblings during school hols (with a stay at home Mum across the lane and father popping in throughout the day). When I was older and Mum worked full time, I had to put homework on the back burner to prepare the evening meal. I received no academic support and was told to leave school at 15 and get a job to contribute financially to the house. I did ok but yes it pisses me, especially when my parents rave about how C's two sons have gone to uni and done well for themselves. There is nothing to be gained. I say nothing to my parents who have put C and her sons on a pedestal. Since 1994 when I moved to OZ I have maintained a distant but cordial relationship with C. We do not exchange cards, phone calls etc. Her relationship with R (UK based) is also distant. Recently I found my maternal biological grandfather for my Mum. Fantastic but sad too. He is unwell. I suggested I visit my father said no then started a diatribe of cruel words relating to my relationship with C. I should be proud of her and her sons success and we can get back to normal. That I go round the word pissing people off and on NYD, the blackmail.. apologise to your sister and her sons (for what I do not know), and show them a few words of love or I'll cut you out of my will and you'll be about in the cold. Oh and tell anyone about 'the deal' and it's off. He parenting style has always been dictatorship, he has no self awareness only a manipulating, controlling trait that makes me sick in the stomach. R has tried to talk to him and Mum. They either do not get it or do not care. Personally, my mental health (shaky since May 19) doesn't need this, and I do need, nor want his money, so I have disowned both of them. Thankfully I have a great circle of friends and a counsellor. My husband not so much but maybe there is hope we can use this episode to build love and respect between us again. Thanks for reading.