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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Marty9 Ending my engagement.
  • replies: 1

Hi first time posting My partner and I have been engaged for about 1.5 years and together for a total of 4 In the past few months a lot of stuff has happens that I am still not ready to talk about, but in short, three very major events were hidden fr... View more

Hi first time posting My partner and I have been engaged for about 1.5 years and together for a total of 4 In the past few months a lot of stuff has happens that I am still not ready to talk about, but in short, three very major events were hidden from me with lies, and deceptions keeping me content for over a month (I had no reason not to trust her) I then became aware of the truth when the police had to get involved... I was told an outline of the events that had occurred from an officer that is known personally to myself and my partner. A police investigation commenced, however my partner was painfully unwilling to assist. After couples councilling, I believed I could put things behind us and my partner promised not to hide things or lie to me again. Yesterday, my partner was out with friends when I got a knock at the door from more police, asking what my partner was doing the night before... i was out with mates so i truthfully didn't know. When my partner returned the questioned her. After questioning one of the officers informed me that there had been another incident. After they left I asked my partner about it and she said it was nothing.. I pushed and she relented, telling me that there had been an incident days earlier and she hadn't told me about it. I am at my wits end... we spoke earlier today, I said I wasn't happy with her excuse for not telling me, she didnt give me any more info... I said I don't think I can cope with this any more and need a break from everything. Lots of tears and yelling/abuse from her and she left to see a friend. So that's where I'm at at the moment. I'm.not sure what the next step is or if I am being unreasonable. I don't feel like i trust her anymore but i still love her so much.

Smithy19 I have just joined - I went off the rails everything I do or see I'd cry
  • replies: 5

Hello one and all iv been looking on this site for a long time but havent joined but i thought i would. Im male 56yrs old i live alone in a lovely litte town in Victoria. Where do i start Well the last 30 yrs i got married in 1991 and i thought id wo... View more

Hello one and all iv been looking on this site for a long time but havent joined but i thought i would. Im male 56yrs old i live alone in a lovely litte town in Victoria. Where do i start Well the last 30 yrs i got married in 1991 and i thought id won tatts we bought a house had 2 kids than we bought aoughter house and moved in to that 2003 all was going great than 2007 she come home one sunday afternoon and said sorry i dont love you and with that we tryed to talk about ti for a week or 2 but she just said no its over so with that she asked me to leave so i moved out to a unit and i got on dsp because i hada roofing accedent about 1988 i ended up having a double spinal fusion in sept 1994 1 month beforefirstchild was born good timing but i had to get it done because i was going to string myself up because i couldent do a thing so back to 2007 while living in a unit my daughter wasent happy with what had happened so wife brought her over to me and she lived with me for a while now i know how she felt because i went thought all this when i was her age and yonger thats aoughter story so i had her for a few months and she went back to live with mum. so all i could think was because of my injury i was no good for her anymore but as it ended up she was having affair well i thought wow the other guy must good than because i could never get sex off her it was a sunday morning wham bam (sorry i shouldent say that) i was more shocked she was having affair than the seperation i was a stay at home dad got the kids off to school cooked cleaned and i was a taxi driver for 28 yrs i evan started my own limo business so i was all ways trying to support but the back failed me. i moved up to this little town in 2012 iv been renting all the time been bloody hard i meet a lady back in 2009 and when i moved up here she moved in wth me with son well we lived togeather for 5 yrs and i was asking her can u asked son to do things like hang towel up wash dishes etc well no and i was getting rather shitty all the time that to the point i was having argyments in my head when i go to bed and i was asleep well id had eught i moved out in 2016 and than moved back in 2017 but the relatonship wasent the same so i moved out again in2018 id went off the rails every thing i do or see id cry. It was jan 5th 2018 i was mowing the lawns and it was nice warm day i watching all these motor bike ride by 2 stopped out front i asked if ok one come over he was sweating rang ambo he died3 min

Whyisme1973 Need advice, is wife emotional abuse to me?
  • replies: 10

So the situation is over the last year I have realised my wife has continually abused me for much of our marriage. A year ago my life changed completely when after 45 years I met my Birth Mother (im adopted). All of the negative self image, self hatr... View more

So the situation is over the last year I have realised my wife has continually abused me for much of our marriage. A year ago my life changed completely when after 45 years I met my Birth Mother (im adopted). All of the negative self image, self hatred, anger and constant low level depression left me. I felt like a fog cleared from my mind and felt generally content most of the time. Fast forward to now and I have happily been walking and exercising most mornings, so feel healthy and look healthy. Have a quiet self confidence now and generally don't care what nasty people try to do me, water off a ducks back and all. But I don't enjoy coming home to my wife. We have a 13 yr son together and she has a 23 year son living with us too. So I am asking am I right is seeing all these things below as abuse? I am watched with surveillance in every move I make. If I am cooking dinner, I am told from the lounge I am doing it wrong, don't do that, don't add that, don't set the temp to that. I used to enjoy cooking, now I dread it that much I try to put my back to her so she can't see what I am doing. Name calling and sniping. Anything that I did or didn't do is saved up, and when I walk through the door, I am interrogated or asked did I forget something, or my favourite - don't you have something to tell me? I am told I never listen to her, and when an event comes up I am scolded for not remembering it. Ok so maybe sometimes I did forget it, but not all the time. This issue I am sure she has differently reality to me. When I said one day "that's your reality, not mine" it got me thinking, is she gaslighting me? If asked a question like have you seen something or do remember something, I answer honestly yes or no or as best as I can. But that is never enough and after asking the same question 3 or 4 times I start getting angry. Its like I am 5years old and caught out by a parent lying. Ok yes I raise my voice in anger, but that is a frustration anger of being taken for a liar. Silent treatment has been increasing in frequency. There has been times now when it is triggered by my looking at her "the wrong way". After a I finally give in and ask what's wrong. Answer is usually nothing wrong with her, I was the one giving the silent treatment. Huh? Other times its mostly about non-compliance with her wishes, or if I know for certain I am right when accused of something and stand my ground firmly. So I decided not react and last night she slept in the spare room. Help?

Sunny2567 First love
  • replies: 3

Hello, I struggle a lot with my mental health, but last year I really hit an all time low. I got with my ex 2 years ago who happened to also be my first love. I had to go back to my home country for a few months so we were long distance for a while a... View more

Hello, I struggle a lot with my mental health, but last year I really hit an all time low. I got with my ex 2 years ago who happened to also be my first love. I had to go back to my home country for a few months so we were long distance for a while and just before I was due back to Australia in September 2019 he broke up with me and said he wanted to be alone and didn’t want the responsibility of someone else. I was distraught and unsure whether to come back or not and it seemed like he was ok to never see me again if I didn’t come back. It’s been 7 months since we broke up and since I’ve been back in Australia and for the first few months I was constantly trying to talk to him and see him but not getting anything from him. He just seemed to be getting on with his life just fine whilst he had completely de-railed mine. I still see him from time to time as he lives with my best friend and her boyfriend (I was suppose to move into their flat when I came back from my country), but every time I see him it just makes me feel sad and reminds me of all the horrible feelings that I felt when he broke up with me. I just constantly have a feeling of not being good enough and having no confidence in myself to find somebody else. My friends tell me I could do so much better than him, but I didn’t want anybody else. Even though I’ve started to try the dating apps, it hurts me so bad to know he may be doing the same and has forgotten about me. I’m really struggling to find a way to forget or get over the whole situation completely and it just makes me sad to think he’s over it already and I never cross his mind anymore.

Ruthgada My husband visited a brothel
  • replies: 17

I came to know today that my husband of 20 years visited a brothel with his friend before we got married . He says he was drunk and was curious about sex so went to try out. He says he couldn't get erection, didn't feel good so just spent time talkin... View more

I came to know today that my husband of 20 years visited a brothel with his friend before we got married . He says he was drunk and was curious about sex so went to try out. He says he couldn't get erection, didn't feel good so just spent time talking and watching TV. He then told her to tell his friend who will visit her after him that he had sex. We have 2 kids and not in good relationship and no sex for 5years. I have been asking for divorce and everytime he convinces me saying he will try to be better. Now knowing about this has shocked me and asking him for divorce which he doesn't want to give because he loves kids. This truth has become unacceptable for me. I don't know what to do.

Yelah90 Always the 2nd choice.
  • replies: 1

So my friend will always plan a catch up then say she's busy or try next week. She has done this quite a few times. So today since I've got my car. I said I'll even drive to you today . Since she said next week. She reply she's not home... So I guess... View more

So my friend will always plan a catch up then say she's busy or try next week. She has done this quite a few times. So today since I've got my car. I said I'll even drive to you today . Since she said next week. She reply she's not home... So I guess she out out with other people. .

BPD76 Constantly Thinking About My Therapist
  • replies: 3

I saw a suicide prevention therapist after a suicide attempt. I am female. He is male. I can't stop thinking about him. I can see why as he was so focused on me and everything was about me. My time with him has ended. But I still think of him everyda... View more

I saw a suicide prevention therapist after a suicide attempt. I am female. He is male. I can't stop thinking about him. I can see why as he was so focused on me and everything was about me. My time with him has ended. But I still think of him everyday. I fantasise about him I want him! And I am married with a family. I don't know what to do. I have Facebook stalked him. I don't want to let him go. Even though our sessions ended in January. Not necessarily looking for answers or suggestions, but I just need to say it.

Rebeccaann Met someone while traveling.. had to part ways
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I’m currently traveling in Australia on a working visa and I met a guy. He’s in Australia and is German. We had a 4 month fling (I lived with him for 5 weeks) and we decided to part ways. He is looking to get sponsored to stay in Australia ... View more

Hi there, I’m currently traveling in Australia on a working visa and I met a guy. He’s in Australia and is German. We had a 4 month fling (I lived with him for 5 weeks) and we decided to part ways. He is looking to get sponsored to stay in Australia and once my visa expires I have no way to stay. I’m absolutely heartbroken, we both really miss each other but we know this is for the best. We decided to part way now because if we continued on for another 6 months or so we knew we’d both get hurt even worse.I keep thinking there are ways to make it work, but I think I might just be so desperate for a way to make it work when I know it never would. Were we right to make this decision? I’ve been heartbroken for 3 weeks, I’ve never had such a strong connection with someone before.

SweetAngel Seeing two guys
  • replies: 4

I'm in a sticky situation. I dont know what to do Long story short, I'm still in contact with my ex. He and I are only friends but we kissed/made out the other day. At the same time, I'm also dating a new guy, who I obviously kiss too. Its wrong I st... View more

I'm in a sticky situation. I dont know what to do Long story short, I'm still in contact with my ex. He and I are only friends but we kissed/made out the other day. At the same time, I'm also dating a new guy, who I obviously kiss too. Its wrong I started dating the new guy to forget about my ex. It worked for a couple months, as I've grown feelings for the new guy and I dont want to lose him. But now months later, I am back at missing my ex, and we both want to kiss each other. I know I can only choose one but I dont want to lose either from my life.

Katie11 Dealing with a husband with depression
  • replies: 7

Hi this is my first time posting. I am married to a amazing man who suffers from PTSD and depression. This has been our journey for the last 5 years and I am reaching the point where I am starting to realise I don’t want to have to deal with this any... View more

Hi this is my first time posting. I am married to a amazing man who suffers from PTSD and depression. This has been our journey for the last 5 years and I am reaching the point where I am starting to realise I don’t want to have to deal with this anymore. we have beautiful children that both them and I have been impacted previously by his depression (his anger, meltdowns and disengagement) and everyone now walks on eggshells now and again wondering what the day will be like. When he is low He becomes selfish and treats me like I am nothing (the way he talks and ignores me). I have been nothing but supportive juggling our life and work. We fight over me trying to engage with him and getting him to communicate. I get so lonely having to constantly deal with this. I just want the man I married back. It breaks my heart when the kids get worried about what mood he might be in and they are truly amazing kids. His behaviours have broken my heart to the way he treats me and the kids when he is low. We don’t deserve this. When he is not feeling low he is a great father. I just don’t know how to deal with him and his depression anymore. I look at him and think he isn’t even trying anymore. He wants to sit in his depression. He doesn’t want to cuddle or anything. His medicated and has mental health supports. I get angry and frustrated because I am so positive about life and it’s worth living and having fun. He’s just a negative Nancy and is pulling his family down. Would love some advice as getting to the point where i can’t deal with him anymore.

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