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Should I stay or should I go?

Community Member

I suffer from severe anxiety and my depression is starting to peak again.

I’m a 24 year old mum of two; for nearly 4 years I was a single mother, but I’ve been with my current partner for just over a year. Prior to moving in together I was living with my parents, and things between my partner and I were perfect, and he was so caring towards my children . At 9 months into the relationship, we decided to move in together (which we both agreed later on that we weren’t ready for such a big step).
the first couple of weeks were fine, then I started feeling depressed and like I didn’t even want to be around him. I’ve been living with him for 5 months now and I don’t feel at home at all. I want to be with him but I want to be alone. My depression is starting to get worse; I feel so extremely homesick and part of me just wants to move back in with my parents. And to make me feel even worse, my partner told my sister that he has no connection or bond whatsoever with my children and he’s always yelling at them.
I just don’t know what I should do. My mum did give me the option of taking the kids and staying with her for a few days. But I don’t think my relationship is thriving with us living together?
I guess I’m really just looking for some advice on what to do

4 Replies 4

Community Member

My heart hurts for you and your children.for the sake of your children I feel it would be better to take up your mum’s offer and go from there.i understand its not an easy thing to do .you probably feel guilty about going home and being a burden to ya mum but the anger from the Boyfriend will escalate as resentment builds in both of you .the psychological damage to your children is the most important thing to protect them from.i am a product of this stuff .protect your children’s mental health as best you can.being yelled by someone who seemed to like you ,but now doesn’t .makes you feel unsafe (as a child)every day you are exposed to it is damaging .as a child you have even less tools to cope with it.That said try not to blame your self the ether .we are not given the tools or taught about how to cope with life’s shit .i struggle and I strive -To do better for my child than was done to me.i hope this helps. Good luck to you Jenny 102.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Jenny, and a warm welcome to the forums.

There is an enormous difference between living apart, having a good relationship with a partner, than to actually living together, the whole dynamics change because it's a 24/7 situation, decisions have to be together keeping the kids in mind as to what would be the best option.

If you feel as though the relationship isn't going well, especially being homesick, anxious and depressed, then this is the basis of how you will be feeling, and

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Sorry Jenny I pressed something and it went through.

---and I agree with Lostsoulonleyheart, you need to look after yourself and the kids first, because if any hostility has already happened by living together, then it would be best to go your own ways.

The only problem is have you both signed a lease for a flat/house that could cause a hicup.

Best wishes.


Community Member

Step 1 - look after yourself.

Step 2 - look after your kids

Everything else comes next - especially when it sounds like your relationship has not yet been founded.

Give yourselves some separation time. And take it from there.