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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Living57 Do I or don't I, is it an affair
  • replies: 8

I have a very dear Male friend I have know for a long long time. He and his wife were close to me and my late husband. Sadly his wife has dementia, it's so awful, such a vibrant woman who spends her days locked in her own world, not knowing who we ar... View more

I have a very dear Male friend I have know for a long long time. He and his wife were close to me and my late husband. Sadly his wife has dementia, it's so awful, such a vibrant woman who spends her days locked in her own world, not knowing who we are, or the world around her. She is still able to be at home and her husband with the help of a regular nurse are doing a wonderful job looking after her. We had a meal together a few weeks ago, and probably had a bit too much to drink, but the conversation was open, nothing barred. My friend bought up the subject of intimacy and sex and went on to say how he misses the closeness he once had with his wife. I agreed having lost my husband I too miss those things. Remembering bought a flood of emotions and I ended up in tears. My friend put his arms around me and held me. It just felt right. Things progressed from there, but I stopped myself before we became too intimate. My friend understood but said if I changed my mind........ I admit he is a good looking man and i could be attracted to him if i let myself. But his wife is still alive, albeit with an awful illness. I dont want to be the other woman. But would it he wrong? Would it be considered an affair? I admit i find it confusing, part of me wants this, but i also have respect for his wife especially with the life she now has. I mentioned it to one female friend and her attitude was that the wife wouldn't know. I am just struggling with this. Any advice or thoughts would be really welcome. Thank you

Sarra My partner is suffering a deep depression and I don't know how to support him without loosing myself.
  • replies: 2

Hello, I am in need of some guidance.... my family's and friends are concerned about my relationship. I feel so alone because if I tell them what I'm feeling and about my relationship, they will hate my partner and tell me I'm delusional and he's man... View more

Hello, I am in need of some guidance.... my family's and friends are concerned about my relationship. I feel so alone because if I tell them what I'm feeling and about my relationship, they will hate my partner and tell me I'm delusional and he's manipulating me. I know why he acts in certain ways and he is an impulsive person, I know he feels like he is unworthy of love and is scared of being close to me. He has been very honest about his past and problems with his relationships and wants to be better but is scared that there's no way out. We have been together for a year. When he feels good, he supports, encourages me in my work and art, loves teaching me things, sharing hobbies and plans for our future together. But then when he spirals he becomes distant and refuses to talk to me and becomes angry, paranoid, jealous, mean and aggressive towards me. He starts to worry that we aren't really in love and that he will never get better. I believe that I also have been developing anxiety and depression before I met him and it's getting harder. I want to believe that we can work together to get through this because we both understand this dark space. In our arguments he can lack empathy and worries I'm working against him and I don't care about him. His family don't give him the emotional support he needs and tell him he can 'sleep it off' or take medication. I don't want him to suffer alone through this. When I was at my worst, I isolated myself and I felt like no one could help me, want to listen to my problems or just be there for me. I'm trying to be that person for him that I needed when I was struggling. My family believe I make too many excuses for him but I truely believe he is a good person and is really suffering and needs a friend that will stand by him. Again, I love him because he's thoughtful, kind, listens to me, adventurous, witty, makes me appreciate things I take for granted and teaches me so many things, supports my dreams and is so so funny. Is it impossible for this to be real?and am I sacrificing too much of myself? I don't know where to draw the line and I want to know what's it's like for anyone's else who might have been through a similar situation. Please if you could give me any guidance, I just want to understand. Thank you

paranoid_android How to manage when your only support doesn't support you
  • replies: 2

I'm a 33 year old male who has suffered from depression and anxiety since my early 20s. Thanks to my issues I don't really have any meaningful relationships or support in my every day life. There is currently one person who's opinion of me matters, s... View more

I'm a 33 year old male who has suffered from depression and anxiety since my early 20s. Thanks to my issues I don't really have any meaningful relationships or support in my every day life. There is currently one person who's opinion of me matters, someone I'd been seeing for the last 4-5 years. I'm not sure what we are now. Background information - We live in the same share house but in separate rooms. We still have a physical relationship from time to time but she's said that she has given up on caring about my problems. Despite this she is still the only real connection I have with another person. As stated she has said she no longer cares about my struggle with depression. From her perspective it would be due to having spent several years with me and seeing little to no improvement. It's not like I willingly choose to be like this but she would probably say that I do. She says that she is depressed and manages to get on with life, that she knows other people with depression who are dealing with it and coping. I told her that im pretty certain that I have Dysthymia but apparently thats just another label to hide behind. I don't know whether this is supposed to inspire me or something but all it does is make me feel like crap and judged. It just makes me want to shut down (which I almost did before coming to post this here and I probably will after posting). She has made this sentiment before. This time I've just come back from a holiday and we were talking and she asked what I was doing this week. I mentioned that I was looking into contacting Wellways in relation to depression support and she went on to say about how I'd already been back for 2 days and should have already done it - then into the speech about how great other people are and how bad I am. I shot back though by telling her that the only reason she pushes herself so hard is because if she stopped she'd fall apart, which is true and no healthier than where I'm at really. Anyway I guess I'm just rambling on now. I'm still going to be getting into contact with Wellways to seek help. It's just hard when the only person that matters to you makes you feel terrible. If I tried telling her about how it impacts me she'd just argue back against it.

Kathleen_ I need my son
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone. I have a son 20 years old, who I love dearly. I have tried to be so many people for him and I cannot get it right. I want so badly for him to know I love him but everything I say is wrong. I muck up all the time. He is so angry at me and... View more

Hi everyone. I have a son 20 years old, who I love dearly. I have tried to be so many people for him and I cannot get it right. I want so badly for him to know I love him but everything I say is wrong. I muck up all the time. He is so angry at me and says such terrible things. He keeps losing his job for anger towards women and I feel like I am to blame. He talks about how much I have let him down and it is unbrearable for me. I try so hard and my 3 girls seem to think I have done ok by them. Please can some young men help me understand why I have failed him so badly.

Toosmile Loneliness
  • replies: 4

Hello. I haven't been in forums since high school, that was ten years ago. Without getting into everything, I realise I need help again. I haven't experienced this type of loneliness before. I have a husband and some family but I really can't share m... View more

Hello. I haven't been in forums since high school, that was ten years ago. Without getting into everything, I realise I need help again. I haven't experienced this type of loneliness before. I have a husband and some family but I really can't share my problems with them. They just don't understand. I've come here as my marriage isn't strong right now, my family are distant and I don't have friends to talk with. I feel empty, sad and alone. I don't know how to open up to others and I guess that's because I always feel judgement from others. I thought maybe coming here and talking with like minded people, I could get some help. I'm tired of feeling lonely, it's horrible and it's not helping my anxiety or depression. Apologies if this isn't the right thread or I haven't given enough information. To be honest is was hard enough to sign up Thank you

Singleat30wchild Separation involving a child
  • replies: 1

So I’ve been with my partner 7 years. I’ve been unhappy most of it because I think he is a bit emotionally and verbally abusive but after a while you just get used to it really. He’s in a high income high stresss job and is an alcoholic with a decent... View more

So I’ve been with my partner 7 years. I’ve been unhappy most of it because I think he is a bit emotionally and verbally abusive but after a while you just get used to it really. He’s in a high income high stresss job and is an alcoholic with a decent bad back injury which is adding to the alcoholism. I recently found out he’s been caught cheating on me .. again... yes I have forgiven the last 3 times because he had a great story which I was stupid enough to believe and now this time is different because someone has physically seen him cheating on me. They are with brothels not with like a girl with an emotional attachment but still... i believe it’s time to leave but I feel like it’s going to be a horrible legal fight because he will say I don’t deserve anything and I am assuming he will want almost 50% custody of our son of which I’m going to truly struggle with as I’m usually primary parent should I stay? I know so many supportive friends who I will probably lose because they all think I’m losing myself staying with him. Alternatively though I am going to have to change my life and it will be a tough year ahead... i work full time in a high stress decent income job as well. My son is in day care full time from 8-6 of which we will I assume, split the cost of... i have zero family living in nsw as well... i feel lost and helpless and I have anxiety and can’t sleep. I cry most nights and days too but I’m becoming numb because I haven’t told him and I’m biting my tongue every day and just feeling miserable. I want to tell him and confront him but I fear if I’m not prepared he will drag me through litigation or catch me off guard because he has more money and experience with lawyers... i just don’t know anymore

Marlet Survivor of NPD Abuse and OCD Mother
  • replies: 1

I consider myself to be a survivor of two complicated family relationships - an abusive sister with NPD (who I'm not estranged from) and a mother with severe OCD (and likely other illnesses) who I have a complicated relationship with. As a result I h... View more

I consider myself to be a survivor of two complicated family relationships - an abusive sister with NPD (who I'm not estranged from) and a mother with severe OCD (and likely other illnesses) who I have a complicated relationship with. As a result I have complex anxiety, occasional panic attacks and probably some anger issues. But I'm working on managing myself and making my life & other relationships healthy. I am wondering if there are any others in a similar situation? I can't find anything about survivors of Narcissistic Personality Disorder abuse on here. I'd love to chat to others about how they cope with things like maintaining a relationship with a parent with extreme and untreated OCD? And how they cope with the fallout of having a close family member with NPD. Thanks, Marlet

Sezmua being cheated on and the affects its having on me as a person
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, this is the first time i really know of that im suffering from depression. I'm 32 years old and i've had 4 serious relationships all of which i've been cheated on. The last 2 relationships have hit the hardest. The father of my kids chea... View more

Hi everyone, this is the first time i really know of that im suffering from depression. I'm 32 years old and i've had 4 serious relationships all of which i've been cheated on. The last 2 relationships have hit the hardest. The father of my kids cheated and then left me for the same woman.. and the relationship im in now, my partner keot leaving me for 3 or 4 days every 6 months atleast until october last year it was like every couple of weeks or days until i found out he was having an affair with another woman who didnt even know i existed. i caught him a month and a half into it... we've been trying to make it work ever since. Hes remorseful and sorry but i cant help but feel insecure, stupid, nervous, stressed and sad. I'm at war with myself. My brain hates him and wants to leave but my heart says otherwise. I'm scared of him leaving or me leaving him and then he moves on with someone else again..it makes my physically sick..when im away form him im a mess, when he's near me im ok. I'm scared of moving on with out him. It gives me extreme anxiety. Makes me feel weak and sick. I want to be strong enough to leave and be happy but i can't. I feel like im drowning. I see a psychologist and my doctor has prescribed me anti depressants but im terrified to take them as he said it'll make me worse before i'm better. I dont want to feel worse then i already do. It scares me. I am a jumble of a mess

ChrissyStar Why isn't anybody proud of me - why do they put me down instead?
  • replies: 2

Growing up, I often dealt with my mother interrogating me about topics I was offended at. She would start by passing the blame to my father & open the conversation up, with: "Your Father thinks that you...." and out with the shocking accusation. An e... View more

Growing up, I often dealt with my mother interrogating me about topics I was offended at. She would start by passing the blame to my father & open the conversation up, with: "Your Father thinks that you...." and out with the shocking accusation. An example of what would follow is: "...are a prostitute?" (before I had even had sex - at that very delicate time in a young lady's life). I'd be hurt because they were always massive put downs. I'd have to beg and plead my case, that I wasn't the horrible thing I was being accused of being or doing. Finally my mother would go "ok, I believe you" (as if she had been convinced of what Dad said and I had to then convince her of my innocence). It was tiring and emotionally damaging. As an adult - I am angry that my mother would even pass on such things & even worse, think maybe she was just being manipulative in some way. My teenage years were actually super hard and I became a major rebel (something which saw my life destroyed through drug addiction & the wrong kind of choices). I often consider the effect of these questions on my very early, formative years - did I believe that I was the bad, horrible monster I had always been told I was (that I had to beg and plead I was not).....did I finally give in and be the person I was painted as - or as close to this person as I could get? That would actually explain it all! Deep down, I have a really bad feeling = that this is the truth. After all, they were my parents - they are a major factor in who I become (what they want me to be = or who I am to them.) Now, as an adult - I fear I am repeating my childhood by attracting non-supportive people. I just think "Why can't anyone be proud of me?" & say something positive about my achievements? I've fought me whole life to never need others' supportive or appreciation (so that I can stand on my own 2 feet) - but sometimes I need it to get me through. And if I don't get it, I don't get through. How can I devise new ways of getting this support when my family fail me? Any suggestions or comments to help are greatly appreciated. Thanks.

oooverthinker :( boyfriend / porn
  • replies: 5

I get really sad and anxious over the thought of my boyfriend watching porn. Whenever he is home alone, all I can do is think about it. To set a context we have a healthy sex life and have only been together 7 months. We spend a lotttt of time togeth... View more

I get really sad and anxious over the thought of my boyfriend watching porn. Whenever he is home alone, all I can do is think about it. To set a context we have a healthy sex life and have only been together 7 months. We spend a lotttt of time together but I've found whenever I am not with him he will look at porn. I don't really have many insecurities (that I'm aware of) nor have I been single for more than a month in the past 8 years (I'm 24). I have talked to him about it and he said he will stop watching porn but I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't want to keep something from him that he must enjoy. I get really down about it daily, I've even been having nightmares and broken sleeps because of it. I try and make sure we spend as much time together as possible or try avid him being home alone (I am aware this is not healthy behaviour). I just want to stop thinking about this and feeling the way I do. If anybody has any advice on this please reach out.