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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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_78lost_ Advise
  • replies: 3

I feel like his not as affectionate as he use to be. We use to always hold hands and cuddle I have brought this up and he said it's too hard now with the kids. I understand it's part of his job to work away from home but last time suggested we go too... View more

I feel like his not as affectionate as he use to be. We use to always hold hands and cuddle I have brought this up and he said it's too hard now with the kids. I understand it's part of his job to work away from home but last time suggested we go too as he was only going for 3 days but he kind of shut me down and said it will be better if he goes alone and stays with the other guys to keep the accommodation cost down. I feel like he likes to go away because he can go to the pub with the guys he works with and live the single life he usually rings us when he gets back to his room whenever they close the pub yet when his home his always in bed by 7:30pm and always says his tired and has to get up for work were I can sleep till whenever I want as I'm on maternity leave. Which anyone with small kids know this is unlikely to get a sleep in. I get really jealous when he goes away 1 because I'm worried what his getting up too and 2 I think it get a bit jealous that he gets a break. I'm aware my jealousy has caused a lot of the issues. Which I have probably brought on myself I have searched his phone before and found he looks at a lot of porn like it's a couple of times a day and he is on private pages on Facebook and I found a message he sent to a woman who put a message with a photo of herself on one of these pages on Facebook asking the group how far have you travelled for sex and he wrote that he would travel across australia for her. This to me was a form of cheating but he said it was just a jokemail and would never cheat on me because he would want me to do the same to him. I've also found messages from his work friends where there talking about me and he has called me an offensive name when I questioned this his response was I was reading it wrong. I feel so disrespected and can't get over these two incidents he has apologised but I don't understand how he could do it in the first place. Last night we had a fight over money as he always says things like I pay the bills and my money I told him it should be our money and I pay things too as with my leave pay I paid our bills until I go back to work plus I buy the groceries he pays the mortgage but it seems to be always his money we have separate accounts when I suggested we get a joint account he said no if you want money just ask me and I will transfer some into your account or get you a card for my account. I love him with all my heart but feel like I'm losing him he tells me i never say sorry andidn't I'm stubborn.

amberrc always trying to kick my boyfriend out
  • replies: 1

I have a pattern in relationships of always trying to break up with my partner even when I don't really want to. my current boyfriend is patient with me even when I try and kick him out once a week. I think this stems from my fear of abandonment but ... View more

I have a pattern in relationships of always trying to break up with my partner even when I don't really want to. my current boyfriend is patient with me even when I try and kick him out once a week. I think this stems from my fear of abandonment but I don't know how to stop it. I'm always trying to find something he has done wrong. I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, bipolar and borderline personality disorder.

B_bear Recent separation and struggling
  • replies: 24

My wife of over ten years recently left. We always had a rocky relationship and I thought I would handle separation if it happened but I’m not. Currently going through lawyers re property dispute. I’m really struggling to let go, still being in love ... View more

My wife of over ten years recently left. We always had a rocky relationship and I thought I would handle separation if it happened but I’m not. Currently going through lawyers re property dispute. I’m really struggling to let go, still being in love with her but even more so with the family dynamic we shared with our children. She has been somewhat difficult during this time and recently wrote a letter along with property settlement papers which contained some really hurtful comments. She wants contact and outings together for the children which i would love to do for the kids but it rips me up each time I have to see her. My emotional state is already at rock bottom and seeing her just causes more pain and confusion for me. Just not sure what to do from here. It’s been about five months since she moved out and I just feel like I keep going backwards.

Jaluso I hate hurting everyone
  • replies: 1

I have recently left my husband after 27years of being together. In fact I've been with him longer than I've been without him. I love him. But have fallen out of love. We have 3 kids 19, 18 and 15. Because I didn't feel anything for him for about 5 o... View more

I have recently left my husband after 27years of being together. In fact I've been with him longer than I've been without him. I love him. But have fallen out of love. We have 3 kids 19, 18 and 15. Because I didn't feel anything for him for about 5 or so years I started to look elsewhere just to feel something. It's not something I'm proud of and I hate that I hurt him like that. And now I've hurt my kids by leaving. We share them 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off. That was six months ago. Now I'm seeing someone else and I'vee had to tell the kids this and it feels like I'm reopening the wound all over again. They are my world and I hate that I'm hurting them. I cry all the time. Even at work I'll just break down. I just want my family back together again. And happy. It feels like I was happier being the only unhappy one. I'm such a disappointment to them. I don't know what advise you have. I'm just trying to work it all out in my head. I can't sleep and I'm just laying here crying. Thought it would be a bit therapeutic to write it down. It has helped a little bit. Just don't know what to do. My babies are hurting and it's all my fault

Hayds When is Enough Enough?
  • replies: 2

I’m Haydn. I’m tired; emotionally drained and ‘going numb..’ I’m not suicidal at all (part of my story) long term AOD Recovery Bipolar 1 MDD & complex grief..... all at once. My clinical team are solid. My family is toxic; my relationship is folding.... View more

I’m Haydn. I’m tired; emotionally drained and ‘going numb..’ I’m not suicidal at all (part of my story) long term AOD Recovery Bipolar 1 MDD & complex grief..... all at once. My clinical team are solid. My family is toxic; my relationship is folding....people always want more... I’ve nil more to give & dare I (mockingly) ask for support? I’m over facades, lies, agendas, false ‘authentic’ care & im hurting. My dad died last year and he’s the only human I’ve encountered whom intrinsically connected with me. It’s all a bit messed up. H

TMC Feeling stuck and worthless.
  • replies: 6

My quality of life seems to have been on a downward spiral for years, ever since a family crisis in 2013 I guess you could say. I don't remember the last time I felt like I was on track... the last time I felt content that I was heading in the right ... View more

My quality of life seems to have been on a downward spiral for years, ever since a family crisis in 2013 I guess you could say. I don't remember the last time I felt like I was on track... the last time I felt content that I was heading in the right direction... or the last time I felt good about myself in general. Most people in my life are too busy to care, or make it known that they have issues larger than my own and they need to focus on themselves. I have tried reaching out but most people turn me away... they are too busy, I'm too needy, or they just don't care. I'm always questioning my self worth. I feel like no one values me, so why am I here? I try so hard to do the right thing by my family, friends and career, yet it seems every step I take is the wrong step. I just want to give up. I don't know what to do anymore...

Sammy2019 No one in my family understands me or supports me
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I suffer from bipolar disorder. I recently signed up with the government mental health who did nothing but run me around in circles. I try getting support from family with no help. My partner says he is sick of me acting up. I can never ... View more

Hi everyone, I suffer from bipolar disorder. I recently signed up with the government mental health who did nothing but run me around in circles. I try getting support from family with no help. My partner says he is sick of me acting up. I can never talk to him without him turning things around into me. I don’t feel listened to or appreciated. Thank you for listening

Speakforchange Partner with depression (ruining perfect relationship)
  • replies: 89

I have been with my partner for a year, and although all relationships have their ups and downs I can honestly say we have had the greatest year, with love, laughter, great holidays, understanding and support and open communication about everything. ... View more

I have been with my partner for a year, and although all relationships have their ups and downs I can honestly say we have had the greatest year, with love, laughter, great holidays, understanding and support and open communication about everything. I knew my partner used to speak to someone a few years ago but that is all I knew, I also have gotten professional help once for some life direction at a time where I was a little lost but I was never clinically depressed or anxious. I assumed he meant the same thing. I found out that he was on medication and only came off it 1.5 years ago and was diagnosed mild to moderate depression/anxiety. I was surprised that he had not told me this sooner, the reason I found out was because I had moved into his place and we decided to live together as we basically were already, the only thing that changed was me paying rent and the title of me 'living' there. One night he would not have sex with me, came home and had taken some drugs which he never does, maybe one since I have known him, plus some other strange behaviours that week.This was upsetting for me, he said something had changed and he felt like the dynamic had changed and he didn't know why or what and of course it upset me, i had not changed, nothing had changed. I initially thought it was me and he just didn't love me anymore but after speaking to friends and putting the pieces together I realised it was his mental health that was struggling which was the reason for his low libido and disconnection. I moved out for a week, gave him space, looked after him, offered him support in anyway he wanted it. I literally have done and read absolutely everything I am even going to a psychologist for myself to talk it out and get supportive coping strategies, but I know at the end of the day if he does not want to get help than I cannot do anything, I ended up moving out which shocked him and killed me.... he has started making slow steps, he has a lot of past hurt that he has never fully dealt with from family issues to never having anyone to support him... the fact we have discussed a future I think that scares him because he thinks it will all go wrong and that he will have to face more family break up and pick up the pieces.. He's struggling to let go and move forward, he says he doesnt want to lose me. I am not sure what else to do??? Not sure how long I can hold on.

LSmith94 Relationship growing, but having some major concerns...
  • replies: 2

Hey everyone, I’ve been with my BF for around 5 years now and we’ve lived together for roughly 2 years. My BF is here on a bridging visa while we wait for our partner visa application to be processed/granted (which can take a few years). My BF & I ha... View more

Hey everyone, I’ve been with my BF for around 5 years now and we’ve lived together for roughly 2 years. My BF is here on a bridging visa while we wait for our partner visa application to be processed/granted (which can take a few years). My BF & I have faced some major family issues over the years. His family is full of drama & they’ve been abusive to both me and my BF to the point where he no longer has a relationship with them (which is easier as they live overseas). My family also didn’t have a relationship with him for a while as they had some concerns about him using me for citizenship or money (as my family is well off). The issues with my family are no longer an issue though as everyone gets along perfectly now. However, as my BF and I get more serious, and look to buy our first property soon, I can’t help but notice some issues. My BF has a very short fuse. The majority of the time I have an opinion he doesn’t agree with, it leads to him snapping at me instantly, or he’ll just keep pushing his side to try and get me to agree with him. The problem is... he doesn’t think he has a short fuse at all & whenever I tell him the way he handles certain situations is too aggressive or hot-headed, he can be very condescending and says I just need to toughen up or stop acting like a victim, which obviously isn’t something you want your partner saying to you regularly. Secondly, when my partner and I met and first started dating, he seemed very driven and proactive, which is how I’d describe myself. However, since living together, I’ve noticed we’re two very different people. He is ridiculously lazy and it drives me insane. I literally do absolutely everything around the house, on top of studying and working full time. If I ask him to do something, he may do it, but it’ll be in his own time. For example, if I ask him to do the dishes because I need to cook dinner, he’ll do the dishes 2 hours later which obviously means I end up making dinner two hours later than I planned too which sets me back for the rest of the night. He’s also not as ambitious and driven as he first seemed... which makes me question whether he plans to be lazy forever and leech off me (as he knows I have quite a good job and career progression ahead of me). Im starting to wonder whether he’s going to end up being a hinderance to my future. I often find myself questioning whether someone else would be a better life partner for me and I don’t know if that’s a good thing at all.

Clint82 My wife admitted cheating on me. I’m lost
  • replies: 17

Hi. I found out last night that my wife has cheated on me. We were living apart for the reason of me getting my head in the right space due to suffering from depression and anxiety. I did not want my wife to have to deal with my crippling anxiety att... View more

Hi. I found out last night that my wife has cheated on me. We were living apart for the reason of me getting my head in the right space due to suffering from depression and anxiety. I did not want my wife to have to deal with my crippling anxiety attacks and depression episodes that left me house bound and bed ridden. I did not feel it was fair on her or my young son. During the time we were apart, we were still married. Spent nights together, family outings, nights away etc. plan was for me to move back into the family home in the new year. last November I was away and she went out with her girlfriends. When messaging that night I asked her what she was doing and she told me she was watching tv at home when actually, (now I know), she was out at a pub/club with her friends. She met a guy and they kissed and shared numbers. In the months after they met up a couple of times and messaged/spoke/snapchatted. Just before Christmas she had him come over to the house whilst my son was at kinder. At this time they had sex in our bed. Just after New Year’s Day, (as I was making arrangements to move back home), she told me she wasn’t sure what she wanted anymore. I questioned her if there was another man and she denied denied denied. For 3 weeks I was a mess. Not sure if I was going to be with my wife again and not sure how I would live without her. Australia Day weekend she said she was happy to make it work. numerous times I have asked her if there was anyone else and she looked me in the eyes and promised me there had not been. Last night, 11 feb, I got a number of calls from a private number. I eventually answered and was told by an unknown man what my wife had been doing. I came back to bed and asked her about it. It took her a bit but she admitted to it. She then told me she wanted to tell me but was not sure how or when. Her reasoning is that she was lost and not sure where we were at although we had discussed the move back in and also having another child this year. she tells me she is extremely sorry and promises it will never happen again. I love her but I’m not sure if I can get past this. I’m not sure if she’s only sorry because she got caught? Is this the only time? I feel empty, worthless and not sure what the point of being here anymore is. all the work I’ve done to deal with my depression and anxiety, feels like it was for nothing. I did it for my wife and son. I feel like it was a waste of time. Feeling confused and conflicted.