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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Mira61 Estranged children by a Covert Narcissist
  • replies: 5

I have finally decided to tell my unbelievable story. It's unbelievable because of the invisible damage my ex-husband of 24 years has caused me, my children and my family. We have been separated now for 6 years and last month I suffered another PTSD ... View more

I have finally decided to tell my unbelievable story. It's unbelievable because of the invisible damage my ex-husband of 24 years has caused me, my children and my family. We have been separated now for 6 years and last month I suffered another PTSD flare-up due to a new evolution of his abuse. F (my ex-husband) is a depressed covert narcissist. His demonstrated fake "love" for me and my children (one 23 yo boy and one 19 yo girl) was unparalleled. My own family thought that he was an angel. When we visited them interstate, he would sleep on the floor. I did not feel the need to point out that he sometimes slept on the floor at home. I tried to support him in his depression but he refused my help because "it's none of my business". So I put up with his lethargy, apathy, putting me down, gaslighting me, picking on what I say and do with my beloved children, mocking my ethnic background for 15 years. Then he started cheating on me at the same time I was getting international recognition for my work and he became more abusive in private. I pulled back from work and tried to "save my marriage" but he became abusive in front of my children. I asked my brother to talk to him, but F told him how I am impossible to live with (sleeping on the floor was evidence of his martyrdom). My brother was also convincing me at the time to try harder to please my ex-husband to spare the children from a broken home. My brother now also believe that it was all my fault. One year after the break-up my daughter was admitted to hospital suffering from PTSD. Living mostly with him (the children were with him during the week with weekend-stays with me then) he took over her treatments with the help of a psychiatrist that he briefed who subsequently banned me from seeing my daughter. I was so distressed firstly for my concern for my daughter in the hands of a depressed narcissist and second for not being able to see my daughter. I suffered severe trauma as a result of the separation. My relationship with my daughter, my son, my brother and mother (who lives with my brother) is now estranged. I tried so hard to support my children even when they were nasty to me but they continue to treat me with contempt. I feel alone and I have lost hope of ever repairing the love my children and I had for one another. Thankfully, 2 friends who have known us for decades and my counsellor validate the abuse I suffered. I don't know what the next step is in my recovery but I'm trying it here as well.

LadyFlower Fear of dating
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I’m in my 20’s and never been in a relationship. I have considered joining online dating to meet and talk with people. However, the thought of it and then potentially going on a date makes me very anxious. To the point that I would rather n... View more

Hi there, I’m in my 20’s and never been in a relationship. I have considered joining online dating to meet and talk with people. However, the thought of it and then potentially going on a date makes me very anxious. To the point that I would rather not meet anyone. I’m scared at the thought of introducing to my family, I won’t have enough time, I just don’t know what to do. Any advice?

egyptian_writer Support groups
  • replies: 1

Good morning friends I am here to ask if anyone knows support groups for children age 11 unfortunately I can only find groups for young children till age 6 or teens. So I would appreciate it if you provide me with any information thank you

Good morning friends I am here to ask if anyone knows support groups for children age 11 unfortunately I can only find groups for young children till age 6 or teens. So I would appreciate it if you provide me with any information thank you

somebun Betrayal Trauma?
  • replies: 4

I've been umm'ing and ahh'ing about whether to post this for quite some time. It's something I haven't told family or friends, so I guess I just need somewhere to vent, and hopefully get some advice or reassurance. I recently discovered that my husba... View more

I've been umm'ing and ahh'ing about whether to post this for quite some time. It's something I haven't told family or friends, so I guess I just need somewhere to vent, and hopefully get some advice or reassurance. I recently discovered that my husband of 14 years has been doing some things behind my back that I find unacceptable - both the behaviours and the fact that he was doing hurtful things behind my back, and lying to me when it was discovered. In a nutshell, he's become addicted to porn and perving online, and was becoming infatuated with a female friend of his (thankfully she's a lot younger and way out of his league, so it was unreciprocated otherwise I think I'd be dealing with a full blown affair). Hi behaviours are all centered around online/social media use including regular online porn use, pornographic emails, googling images from skimpy to pornographic, looking up women on facebook through groups and suggested friends list and going through their photos, plus the private messaging and obsessive 'likes' of his female friend. All these behaviours were behind my back which tells me that he knew they were hurtful, and I wouldn't like him doing it. If he wouldn't sit there next to me going through countless images of women he finds hot, then he probably shouldn't be doing it? I discovered his behaviour by chance - I opened my eyes one morning in bed to see him scrolling through his suggested friend list and opening every hot chicks profile, going straight to photos and opening all the ones he wanted a better look at. Then onto the next woman.. After this discovery it all came out in dribs and drabs (along with lots of lies) about everything else - the porn (emails and websites), the facebook perving, the googling, the obsession with his female friend. I'm not totally naive, or a prude. It's fine to appreciate an attractive woman passing by, on TV etc.. It's incidental and fleeting. But to go hunting for them everyday, in secret - I don't think this behaviour belongs in a marriage. Even porn, we watch together every now and then to spice things up, so why go behind my back? Would love to know your thoughts. I feel so betrayed because of the lying and deceit. My self esteem has taken a huge blow - I feel like I'm not good enough, and if I'd been more attractive he wouldn't have done what he did.

SadSue Adult Child Estrangement
  • replies: 6

Hello, Nearly a year ago we had a falling out with my son and his new wife, now they won't have anything to do with us. We have all tried on various occasions to get together with them but we just get a polite response saying they can't make it. I th... View more

Hello, Nearly a year ago we had a falling out with my son and his new wife, now they won't have anything to do with us. We have all tried on various occasions to get together with them but we just get a polite response saying they can't make it. I thought that Christmas would be a good time to try again but my son has just told me they have plans for all of Christmas and won't have time to see us. He has withdrawn from all his family and friends and I am so worried about him. I am feeling so low and so sad, it is hard to find joy in anything. I have other family members to spend Christmas with but at this stage I just don't feel like celebrating at all. I'm wondering if anyone else has experience with this type of thing and how you coped because at times I feel like I can't.

Mumtoo3 Possibly domestic violence without violence?
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone im new here this is my first post as I don’t where else to ask I have no friends at all literally. I am a mum of 3 I have a partner who I have been with for 4 1/2 years now which my third child is his daughter who’s nearly 5. He works 7-5... View more

Hi everyone im new here this is my first post as I don’t where else to ask I have no friends at all literally. I am a mum of 3 I have a partner who I have been with for 4 1/2 years now which my third child is his daughter who’s nearly 5. He works 7-5 but is a drinker he drinks every single night after work and can’t not have a beer for one night. He has average about 6-7 beers a night he never drinks during the day only at night after 5. he definitely has some attitude problems and anger problems which I clearly asked him to get help for a few times but always refuses. I am thinking of leaving but everytime I seem to mention he lays out killing himself and saying he will take full custody of our daughter. I don’t work because I have a disability and he does so I’m not sure how he could but I was told he can legally take her if he tried and I can’t do anything about it unless I took him to court... the only time I get intercourse is when he wants it when I ask it’s in to tried maybe tomorrow etc just exsuses. He blames me for everything and anything and nothing is ever his fault I had brain surgery last year and plays the you don’t remember card on me. Yes my memory has been bad since surgery but I still know what I say and don’t say or do etc? I’m unhappy I feel trapped because I don’t want to leave my little girl behind because of his threats and at the same time it’s hard because I have borderline personally disorder all though I’m unhappy I can’t stand to be alone regardless I know it sounds bad I tried to put this past many times and I can’t. The thought of being alone kills me and I wel I won’t handle it. I have numerous medical problems and I feel helpless. What do I do? Why would he act like this or do this? He seems to hate my eldest son to but favours my younger son this brings on complications to... I’m so tired mentally

Jazza888 Anxiety Preoccupied Attachment Disorder in Relationship
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am new to the forums after recently being diagnosed with Anxiety Attachment disorder (I have suffered from general anxiety and depression for many years) I am wondering if anyone here has any experience with this. If you are unfamiliar with... View more

Hi all, I am new to the forums after recently being diagnosed with Anxiety Attachment disorder (I have suffered from general anxiety and depression for many years) I am wondering if anyone here has any experience with this. If you are unfamiliar with what this is, pretty much stems from childhood with inconsistent parenting. The way this affects me as an adult now is in my relationships, I find myself in a constant state of worry if things are not going as they should. As an example, I feel I always need reassurance from my partner which helps me confirm the relationship is ok, I am so worried about her leaving due to abandonment issues with my mother that I always seek to make sure she is ok. This become very smothering and overbearing and I understand now I do this and can take a step back and look at situations as they unfold. I can take the tiniest thing like the way a message was written, a lack of reply to text messages and turn them into a big anxiety attack because i feel like something is wrong in the relationship and my emotions get the better of me. I am working on this with my psychologist and starting mindfulness which I know will help overtime. I guess I am just looking for support from people who have experienced this in relationships to show that you can turn it around. I want to be a better person and partner. Even tonight, my partner and I just got back together this week after she wanted to try again, I was out playing basketball and I thought i'd have messages from her when I finished, i had sent her a few message and she didn't respond, I had nothing, not even a goodnight message, she simply turned her phone off and went to sleep (She does have a kid so that obviously affects her ability to do things too). However my anxiety flared up thinking wow 3 days back together and she is already doing these things. Reality is though am I just overreacting and being "needy" and "Clingy" and this is my disorder and anxiety acting up needing her attention? She doesn't have to text I guess but at the same time am I just blaming my disorder when really she could of just said "goodnight im going to sleep" etc. I know this is a trivial issue but my anxiety is just unbearable and I want to be better and happy once and for all. Thank you J

Zoe30 Both children getting divorced, I’m not coping well
  • replies: 1

Hi, I’m new to this but just feel the need for some advice as to how to get thought this horrible period in my life. Three awful things within 12 months... my first child announced divorce as her partner had come out as gay and did not want to remain... View more

Hi, I’m new to this but just feel the need for some advice as to how to get thought this horrible period in my life. Three awful things within 12 months... my first child announced divorce as her partner had come out as gay and did not want to remain in the marriage, my daughter was devastated , they have a 3yr and 5 year old. A few months later my elderly father’s dementia worsened and he has had to go into a nursing home, he is no longer lucid at all., I feel I have lost my relationship with him my second daughter has now announced her intention to divorce her husband as their marriage is not happy, they have a two year old. I feel as if my life is unraveling and am struggling to handle the grief and loss and the huge changes I am trying to be as supportive and strong as I can be for my daughters but I just feel weighed down by sadness. They are both professional successful women, and I wanted them to have happy family lives . It’s heartbreaking Any advice as to how to get through this would be appreciated I have been seeing a psychologist and am trying to meditate and practice mindfulness but some days nothing works. Thank you

ConfusedNanxious Partner had depression, relationship breakdown, and now I'm anxious.
  • replies: 6

I have a past history of anxiety and my last severe episode was in 2017. Towards the end of my recover, I met my ex-partner and we really hit it off. We fell madly in love, got some animals together and even bought a house within the following two ye... View more

I have a past history of anxiety and my last severe episode was in 2017. Towards the end of my recover, I met my ex-partner and we really hit it off. We fell madly in love, got some animals together and even bought a house within the following two years. My ex-partner has always been reluctant to communicate effectively, and is much more prone to withdrawing from a conflict then actively trying to resolve it together. His reactions to stressful situations come from his young adulthood where he was the carer to his Mum who passed away from cancer, and then his father passed away the year after that. So I always acknowledged his past circumstances, and factored that in into how we dealt with conflict. Other than that, we had many fun times together and our relationship was amazing. However, as things progressed, my ex developed a medical condition (not life long, but fairly long term) that saw his mental health deteriorate into depression. I acknowledged this, and still loved him with all my heart. I was no stranger to mental health issues. However, 6 months down the track and his mental condition was not improving, he was stuck into his computer games, and our relationship was completely neglected. I felt so alone in our house, despite there always being two people in there. We would never go to bed around the same time and when I wanted him to stay with me in bed a little bit longer in the mornings, he would just get up, roll over, and head to the computer. At this stage, he was no longer working and his mental condition was affecting his optimism and willingness to achieve our dreams. Our finances were suffering and I was the only one bringing an income in. We barely had food in the house some days.

Joby1 My partner does not want to be loved or receive help
  • replies: 4

Hi there, I’ve done a bit of research, have tried talking to my gorgeous partner, hoping he would talk to me, but he wants nothing from anyone, wants to live a solitude life without people, will not talk to a doctor or counsellor, refuses to seek any... View more

Hi there, I’ve done a bit of research, have tried talking to my gorgeous partner, hoping he would talk to me, but he wants nothing from anyone, wants to live a solitude life without people, will not talk to a doctor or counsellor, refuses to seek any sort of help. And sadly the thought of being in a relationship is simply too much work and does not get any enjoyment in life at all, let alone be loved. When we first met we were both deliriously in love, talks of marriage, lots of sex. A year later he wants nothing. He told me that throughout his life he experiences months of depression, he’s taking antidepressants but apart from that won’t seek help. He had a serious accident years ago which sadly he experienced significant pain but manages that well with meds and rest, but there are bad days. Ive known him for 25 years as great friends since school so I know him well, together 2 years. I love him dearly. I told him to not give up on us, I’m patient and I’m here for him whenever he needs me. We have slept in seperate rooms for months, no contact, I’m not taking it personally. I’ve offered to wait and be there for him but even the thought of me waiting for him adds pressure and he doesn’t know that the love he had for me will ever return as right now he feels numb, nothing. Hes a beautiful soul, regardless if we remain friends I want to be there for him but not sure what else I can do. He just hides in his room and hardly speaks a word. I listen without judgement when he’s up for talking, even though with him not wanting to be with me hurts, I don’t take responsibility for it. Any advice on how I can support him when all I want to do is hold him and tell him how much I love him when he simply doesn’t want that or hear that from me or anyone else at all. What we had was beautiful, I’m not expecting to get that back but I’m hanging onto those memories, a reminder he was happy and in love. The catalyst is not seeing his children very often and an ex that’s milking him dry of funds, very sad circumstances, but I’m trying and I’m exhausted.