Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jmemaree Is my partner's mental health hurting our relationship or is our relationship hurting my partner's mental health?
  • replies: 2

Hey Everyone Just looking for some advice, direction, opinions and thoughts. I could write forever but I'll try to keep it short. At a glance, my partner and I have been together for 3.5 years. He is an asylum seeker and has been on a TPV for 6 years... View more

Hey Everyone Just looking for some advice, direction, opinions and thoughts. I could write forever but I'll try to keep it short. At a glance, my partner and I have been together for 3.5 years. He is an asylum seeker and has been on a TPV for 6 years. We both come from very traumatic childhoods (emotionally and physically abusive). Our relationship hasn't been easy as we both have unhealthy relationship habits. However, we have been to couples counselling and have grown a lot and stopped a lot of the heavier unhealthy habits (control issues, anger issues, some physical abuse). We got engaged last year but once that happened everything went downhill. He proposed but then became resentful of being engaged. He has control issues due to being excessively controlled as a child. Things climaxed and we broke up. He came back and wanted to talk and we decided to give it another go. We both agreed to call off the wedding because we weren't ready and still had to deal with our childhood trauma. For the last year, he has been saying he's not OK. Feeling low, wanting to take recreational drugs more frequently, anger issues. The recent federal election was a serious blow for us in terms of visas. Another 3 years of stress, concern and anxiety. I have been encouraging him to seek help but he finds it hard to be motivated. I am also feeling overwhelmed. I work in community services and I also deal with chronic pain. As a result I have had to quit sport and exercise and have put on weight and I am also a emotional eater. Calling off the wedding was really hard for me. I was 100% in but my partner never showed my enthusiasm at one point saying I wasn't allowed to mention the wedding. We had invites sent out and I ordered a dress which was delivered a few weeks ago. We called off the wedding in February. The dress arriving was really hard for me and he didn't seem to get it. After we broke up in February and got back together, we moved into a new rental for a fresh start and gave it another go. I really tried to change my communication strategies but my partner seemed more distant and disconnected. His became violent again on a few occasions (smashed his phone and some plates on another occasion.) More details in first reply below.

Mitch_D Advice for Separation
  • replies: 5

Hi, So I am going through a separation at the moment that is not even a week old. A bit of a back story is that we have been together for just over three years and engaged very early in the relationship. Last year I found out that she slept with some... View more

Hi, So I am going through a separation at the moment that is not even a week old. A bit of a back story is that we have been together for just over three years and engaged very early in the relationship. Last year I found out that she slept with someone from her work. After a few heated discussions and a lot of emotion we decided to try and work through it. We did couples counselling through the start of this year and have been planning on a move to Sydney at the start of next year as she is a GP in the army. We have had a few arguments as of that and have been questioning our relationship and if it is worth going through these hard times. At the beginning of last week I told her that I am not sure if I can do it anymore as I still think she is hiding something and I am struggling to get through that and so we decided that we should separate. I feel as though I was more reluctant to this as I just had a lot of hope for us and I was really looking forward to building a life together. I was still a little suspicious on why she was so strong on this and I found out that she was talking to another guy from the army. So I confronted her about it and asked her to leave. We bought a house 18 months ago so now I am wondering what to do with it all. She has paid a lot more than I have but she is now offering to buy me out for half of the profit that it would sell for. Close to 30k. We also have a cat and a dog that she would like to keep. Taking the money almost seems like the easiest thing to do but at the same time I am not sure that I want to know she is living in the house we bought together. Plus I will most likely be living in the same area and I am not sure if I would want to know where she is living etc. Looking for advice and past experiences.

Eliza_Kate Separated and alienated from children
  • replies: 3

Told husband of 20 years I wanted a separated at end of last December. He then refused to allow me entry into our rental home giving me just my clothes and some personal things. He is a manipulator and has my parents and siblings support. My children... View more

Told husband of 20 years I wanted a separated at end of last December. He then refused to allow me entry into our rental home giving me just my clothes and some personal things. He is a manipulator and has my parents and siblings support. My children 16 18 and 20 live with him and blame me and this rarely see me. Have been trying since separation to get the rest of my personal things with a solicitor friend acting on my behalf. No court as yet. Every time I get an email from his solicitor I fall in a heap and become severely depressed and suicidal. On medication. I feel like giving up. It's affecting my work. I don't know how to go on any more.

Anon2118 What are we to do?
  • replies: 3

My husband is facing redundancy we have 2 kids under 4 and a mortgage I am unemployed at the moment and I fear we'll be homeless and lose everything we've ever worked for. I just don't even know where to start... I've already applied for every job po... View more

My husband is facing redundancy we have 2 kids under 4 and a mortgage I am unemployed at the moment and I fear we'll be homeless and lose everything we've ever worked for. I just don't even know where to start... I've already applied for every job possible with nothing of offer just yet... What else can I do? I'm finding it extremely difficult to sleep and switch off my anxiety and stress of losing everything...

Whiskey1982 Overwhelmed - realisation you're dating a narcissist.
  • replies: 12

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this, had my first therapy session regarding my hopefully permanent break up from a long term relationship that has had devastating emotional consequences for me. As suggested by my psychologist I have done some research into ... View more

Hi Everyone, I'm new to this, had my first therapy session regarding my hopefully permanent break up from a long term relationship that has had devastating emotional consequences for me. As suggested by my psychologist I have done some research into NPD and I am feeling shocked, used and abused. It hurts to know the facts but also helps to have some clarity on the confusion I have suffered in regards to this 6 year long on again off again relationship. It has now been 2 weeks NC but on his terms and if history tells the story that won't last too much longer. I feel alone, and I know that when/if he contacts me I will find it hard to disconnect.

SweetAngel New guy friend buying me expensive things
  • replies: 9

I have a new guy friend of 2 months and he has been super helpful to me like interview preparation, but just recently he took me shopping and spend $400 on clothing and buys all my dinner when we eat out and now says he will buy me makeup . He says I... View more

I have a new guy friend of 2 months and he has been super helpful to me like interview preparation, but just recently he took me shopping and spend $400 on clothing and buys all my dinner when we eat out and now says he will buy me makeup . He says I already looks nice but the things he buys will make me look like a model he says. my friends and mum thinks he obviously like me because he is doing all this, but thinks he will expect more now, like a relationship since I accepted the clothes as a gift,..like he said it is his gift for me for travelling to Sydney with him... although he spent $400 what are your thoughts about him paying for me?

Needs_Balance_ Think Husband needs help!
  • replies: 2

Hi, First post of here so please bear with me. 2 years ago I finally seeked help for my anxiety / depression and thought not 100% am a lot better after seeking advice. Now my husband is showing the classic signs I endured - grumpy constantly, snappin... View more

Hi, First post of here so please bear with me. 2 years ago I finally seeked help for my anxiety / depression and thought not 100% am a lot better after seeking advice. Now my husband is showing the classic signs I endured - grumpy constantly, snapping, glass half empty kinda guy (was not like this before) we have been together 20years How does one suggest maybe it might be time to go speak to someone... mental health plan from GP? our currently communications are not the best (both work FT + 2 smal babies.. life is busy!) We have spoken about marriage counseling which we both agreed to.. but the costs are outta of the budget at present. ant ideas?! x

Reeu Partner can’t leave my past in the past
  • replies: 2

Hi, When I met my partner I wasn’t 100% honest about my past between my ex husband and him as I did things I am not proud of because it’s not who I am. I thought all evidence was gone and I never minded with my partner going through my phone but he f... View more

Hi, When I met my partner I wasn’t 100% honest about my past between my ex husband and him as I did things I am not proud of because it’s not who I am. I thought all evidence was gone and I never minded with my partner going through my phone but he found messages from someone I had a one night encounter with. I now regularly get called a slut and told that I’m someone he doesn’t want to be with. Today he went to the chemist and sent me a photo of condoms asking if I needed any for when we break up seeing as I threw my supply out because I had so much sex between my ex husband and him (9 months between them). I am heartbroken. My past shouldn’t be used against me and I have cried every day for nearly 4 months once he found this message in my phone. Some days are fine and others, one little word is twisted into how much of a dirty hoe I was and that I am not trustworthy etc. Combine that with a narcissistic ex husband with who I share 50/50 with the kids and I just feel like I can never get through all this. I struggle to concentrate at work but I do my best to not let it affect my work. I have no family or friends to speak to because I’m scared to tell them my issues as I sold my house to have a future with my partner and don’t want to hear the ‘I told you so’. I can’t see a way out of this....

Sporadicallyanxiouswifemu Anxiety making it impossible to make decision on my marriage
  • replies: 2

Hi there, This is my first post. I’m writing this during a really bad anxiety attack where I feel like I’m going crazy and I have come out in hives. I feel like I can’t talk to my friends or family because they are sick and tired of hearing my story ... View more

Hi there, This is my first post. I’m writing this during a really bad anxiety attack where I feel like I’m going crazy and I have come out in hives. I feel like I can’t talk to my friends or family because they are sick and tired of hearing my story and to be honest so am I. Heres a bit of background: I am a 44-year-old mother of two children. I am married. My husband and I have been together for 11 years. My children are five and eight. My husband is very successful and we live a very comfortable life. My husband is an excellent father and provider and I do believe he loves me and that it would shatter him if I left. Earlier in our relationship for the first 6 to 7 years my husband was a sex addict and cheated on me many times. We sleep in separate bedrooms and have done now for the last eight years. We sleep in separate bedrooms and have done now for the last eight years. My gut feeling says that they need to be true to myself I need to separate. Even though the fear of being alone is very strong. When I confront him about this he flat out refuses to separate because he’ll says he loves me and he does not want to destroy our family. Every time you cheated we separated for three months and somehow ended by a pack together. I feel weak and stupid. My husband is a very charismatic man with many good qualities. Should I try to work on putting the trauma in the past or should I leave him? He has done everything in his power to fix all his mistakes. He sees a sex addict therapist once a week. I just can’t seem to work up the courage to divorce him. Right now I do not work and I haven’t for 10 years I have no idea what job I could do. I go through stages where I am so anxious I have had glandular fever or I come out in hives. My depression has been under control now for 20 years. But my anxiety is hard to manage. I know my words seem chaotic. When these bouts of anxiety hit .... I literally feel like I’m going crazy. I’m embarrassed and feel too insecure to go to social gatherings. All I want to do I lie in bed. I wish my mind would just stop and I could just be grateful for what I have. But it won’t. I’ve tried meditation although I can’t seem to stick to it. Exercise helps.

Needsmotivation Being Mum
  • replies: 4

I suppose this is more of a vent but I need to get it off my chest. Does anyone else feel like they can’t do the Mum gig some days? I love my family and won’t leave them but I’m tired and frustrated. My life isn’t fulfilled by just being a Mum, possi... View more

I suppose this is more of a vent but I need to get it off my chest. Does anyone else feel like they can’t do the Mum gig some days? I love my family and won’t leave them but I’m tired and frustrated. My life isn’t fulfilled by just being a Mum, possibility because I started my family late and already had a career which I miss as being the Mum means my career comes second. Maybe I’m just having an extra bad down day as I don’t have any family/friends close that I could just sit with. Think I’ll have a day of nothing today while the kids are at school. I know we should be grateful for what we have just some days are hard.