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Both children getting divorced, I’m not coping well

Zoe30
Community Member

Hi, I’m new to this but just feel the need for some advice as to how to get thought this horrible period in my life. Three awful things within 12 months... my first child announced divorce as her partner had come out as gay and did not want to remain in the marriage, my daughter was devastated , they have a 3yr and 5 year old. A few months later my elderly father’s dementia worsened and he has had to go into a nursing home, he is no longer lucid at all., I feel I have lost my relationship with him
my second daughter has now announced her intention to divorce her husband as their marriage is not happy, they have a two year old.
I feel as if my life is unraveling and am struggling to handle the grief and loss and the huge changes I am trying to be as supportive and strong as I can be for my daughters but I just feel weighed down by sadness. They are both professional successful women, and I wanted them to have happy family lives . It’s heartbreaking

Any advice as to how to get through this would be appreciated

I have been seeing a psychologist and am trying to meditate and practice mindfulness but some days nothing works. Thank you

1 Reply 1

Aaronsis
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

HI Zoe30

It is so great that you have found yourself here in this supportive and caring community and that you have come to get some support.

Our babies are our babies forever and even when they are adults the pain they suffer becomes our pain too, however they are as you said both very successful women. I know you have mentioned that you are weighed down with sadness, but can I just ask how they are feeling? What i am getting at is that not always is it that divorce ends with devastation and sadness and that mostly people go on to be happier people than they were married as they no longer have the problems that they had in their marriage. I have been divorced for three years now and I can say that I am a much happier and stronger person than in fact I have ever been. I role played in my head how sad I was going to be and how my children would be effected, it actually never happened that way. My children get the best version of me and the best version of their dad as we are both happier....apart. I am not saying this is what happens to every one, sure there are people who never get over the pain of a divorce, however..I think we have to take it day by day and not role play and expect it to be bad as it just may not be.

I can understand you are so very sad and worried for your girls but I just want you to consider it may not be like that.

I am so very sorry you are having to deal with dementia and the relationship with you dad all starting to change, it is so very upsetting to see our parents become so vulnerable and become different people and not the strong parents we always knew them to be. He is safe in the nursing home and will be cared for and that is wonderful and you can visit him and love him knowing he is safe. The staff may even have some suggestions for how you can manage your feelings with him being there too, they are wonderful people in nursing homes.

I am not sure if I have helped at all Zoe30 but huge hugs to you at this time when you have so much on your plate.

Hugs

AS