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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Modia Time for separation?
  • replies: 2

hello my husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other 10years total. We currently don't have children. I need advice what to do. I found out two years ago he was having an affair and also found out that he was talking to her when ... View more

hello my husband and I have been married for 5 years and known each other 10years total. We currently don't have children. I need advice what to do. I found out two years ago he was having an affair and also found out that he was talking to her when he came with me to my grandmas funeral. At that point I moved out for about 4-5months we eventually talked and decided that we would give it a shot again and communicate better. He also promised to start trying for children. Sadly 4 months ago I came across his email left open on the computer and I could see that he had signed up for an affair site and also an email from a woman about coming over that was dated when he told me he was going to his friends house for a few days. I haven't told him I know yet but kept my distance. I don't trust him anymore and I feel like we have lost the spark. Also think he was lying about having children as he went and brought a two seater sporty car.I don't know if he's still on the website at this stage. I don't know what to do please help? Do I leave? Will I ever get that trust back if I did stay?

Stork want to be liberated
  • replies: 2

Wife and I have been married 10 years, 2 great kids together, and mountains of possessions. a few weeks ago at the first marriage counselling session I expressed my wish to separate, and was given an option of 6 months on antidepressants, and more pe... View more

Wife and I have been married 10 years, 2 great kids together, and mountains of possessions. a few weeks ago at the first marriage counselling session I expressed my wish to separate, and was given an option of 6 months on antidepressants, and more personal counselling (extended mental health plan). I don't feel effective as a parent or a husband, I haven't felt that I have had any effective input for several years, just being dictated to, my mood has worsened in the past 3 years after employment difficulty, and my kids are being negatively effected all the time now. ive felt bitter and angry in my marriage for some time as I have always tried to have a best friend, a deep friendship and strong companionship, but as much as I try, it just isn't there. I feel I want to separate so that I can be the parent I need to be, I'm not interested in material possessions, she can have everything, I'm just so tried of feeling so alone. so I started antidepressants, weird things, some side effects, and im here for 6 months at least. I feel that she deserves to be loved for who she is, as do I, and since that love isn't here then we should look after the kids as best we can in a split household.

Light9 Toxic People
  • replies: 10

Hi there I live in a reasonably small town away from my home state with no family or good friends. The problem is my partner's friends are pretty 'rough' and I don't fit in at all. Only one of them works, the others all live off the government having... View more

Hi there I live in a reasonably small town away from my home state with no family or good friends. The problem is my partner's friends are pretty 'rough' and I don't fit in at all. Only one of them works, the others all live off the government having babies. They treat me very badly and it's starting to make me feel suicidal. I have stopped going to their houses but they are very old friends and relatives and so they come to us to see my partner. I just can't seem to escape them and their passive aggressive behaviour. I feel like I try so hard to be decent and they just keep treating me badly. It's making me sick. I must join some groups and get out there and make new friends, I know, but I have had 2 miscarriages and been very down from that too. My own family have never been interested in visiting me - not once in 5 years and that hurts very much. When I fly home I feel nervous stying with them as my mother and sister can be hysterical and controlling. They both have Bi polar disorder. I have had to alienate myself more and more to the point where I feel if I didn't have my lovely partner I would be dead for sure. I wish anyone reading this strength and positivity and to know that you are not alone. Nelson Mandella has inspired me to keep going this week with his gracious amazing outlook on life.

Shez Sudden unexpected breakup which I believe to be a result of depression
  • replies: 5

A month ago I went through a breakup. Unexpectedly my partner said he doesn't love me anymore & hadn't for 2 months, we had never even argued. Looking back I think it was a shutdown as a result of depression. He had been quiet for a few months & when... View more

A month ago I went through a breakup. Unexpectedly my partner said he doesn't love me anymore & hadn't for 2 months, we had never even argued. Looking back I think it was a shutdown as a result of depression. He had been quiet for a few months & when asked if ok would say yes. Two days before the breakup he was talking about moving in when his girls who he has week on week off are independent, 3 weeks before he was playing the Wedding song he had chosen for me. The breakup was a shock, we laughed together, went everywhere together & had planned our life together all as a result of him broaching these subjects. I put pressure on him without realising, his ex would take off & leave their girls stranded when it was their week at their mums, I would suggest talking to her about being responsible as she was taking off with her partner leaving the girls stranded . Having come from a broken family I was worried about the long term affects on the girls self worth & could see the stress of him being torn if we were out & the girls called asking to be picked up. Unknowingly I had focused on his stress & the self worth of the girls but forgot he was their Dad & had every right to be the Dad he wanted to be. I was leaving him feeling torn rather than helping. He had never discussed with me the way he was feeling as he is such a soft & gentle man & had trouble communicating how he is feeling as a result of being scared he might hurt me. I didn't realise he had become so depressed that the only way he could see to resolve the situation was to break up & be there for his girls without pressure. The realisation of what I've done has made me sick & so disappointed in myself as I'm a very family orientated person & had not looked at the situation by putting myself in his shoes. He became more & more withdrawn to the point of pulling away from myself, family & friends, everyone except for his girls which he says talking to them is the only pleasure he feels in life anymore. He sees no future & no longer has any plans for his life, to make matters worse his workplace is downsizing & his job is on the line. I have no idea where to begin to get help for him or even if I am crossing the line if I do. where do I start? I have stressed how depressed I think he is to his friends but they send a text to see if he is ok & he says yes, they rarely visit to see how he really is. I am a mess & don't know whether to help or stay away & rebuild a future I can't even begin to see

Amali Anxious about contacting my ex
  • replies: 6

i have been single now for 10 months after a traumatic break up. My ex lied to me and made some poor decisions including taking steroids that made him very unpredictable and unreliable. I loved him and I think I still feel that for him but being with... View more

i have been single now for 10 months after a traumatic break up. My ex lied to me and made some poor decisions including taking steroids that made him very unpredictable and unreliable. I loved him and I think I still feel that for him but being with him was no good for health. So I ended things very abruptly after an incident that pushed me over the edge. His mother passed away 3 years this Wednesday and I am struggling to decide what is the best way to deal with it. I have stayed strictly no contact, even though he rang and texted a lot when we first broke up. I feel guilty for shutting him out, and hope he's doing ok and want to tell him I'm thinking of him but I also know that contacting him could just make things harder for both of us. Any advice on this would be appreciated.

Aram grief over depressed partner leaving
  • replies: 1

Hi! My partner of six years moved out this week saying he could no longer be with me. He says he still cares for me but cannot cope living with me and my kids as a family any longer. His decision seems to have come at a time when I have observed his ... View more

Hi! My partner of six years moved out this week saying he could no longer be with me. He says he still cares for me but cannot cope living with me and my kids as a family any longer. His decision seems to have come at a time when I have observed his depression worsening, increased alcohol use and a general withdrawal from activities which may help lift his mood. He seems to blame me and the relationships with me and my kids for his worsening depression. He has refused to seek assistance for his negative thoughts and for a number of weeks has been saying he is a waste of space and will always be. It is so hard to accept his leaving when he is so down and the hurt of his rejecting and pushing me away is immense even though I sense it is his depression talking. Now I am in full blown grief and struggling to let go of him when I do not want to...

Morenaa Unwanted wife - I am lost what should I do?
  • replies: 2

I don't know what to do: I have been with my husband for 11 years, been married for 8 year...My husband told me yesterday that he does not have the same feeling towards me but he still loves me: I am so confused and does not understand what it means?... View more

I don't know what to do: I have been with my husband for 11 years, been married for 8 year...My husband told me yesterday that he does not have the same feeling towards me but he still loves me: I am so confused and does not understand what it means? Our marriage has been up and down as all marriage are with one exception: He said that his been talking to other girls on Facebook & change his status as single...when I asked him if he's cheated on me he said that he have not cheated on me but I think he's lying..he's always on his mobile and when I asked who is messaging him....he always said that he's checking his email plus everytime we go out he always checking out other girls or stare at them up & down makes me feel so uncomfortable and when I tell him to stop looking at other girls he gets angry at me I get really upset and have no family to talk to about this and they are all overseas: and I feel embarrassed talking to my friends about this as I feel that he's disrespected me and I don't want my friends to feel that he's a bad person. I am stupid for letting him doing this? I told him if we can work things out and he doesn't want to work things out because he doesn't think that its going to work He's ready to move on and its so hard for me to move on because he's my first partner /husband.I feel that he just broke my heart in many pieces and that's its going to be hard to put them back together..HELP ME I need to prepare myself and move on but its so hard: what do I do?

Dreaming14 Separated - the final straw was a phone call from my husband just now
  • replies: 5

i am not sure where to start but its yet another day like this that makes me wonder what I did wrong again. i am mid 30, have two children one in primary one yet to start, and what used to be a great husband. who left me towards the end of 2013 after... View more

i am not sure where to start but its yet another day like this that makes me wonder what I did wrong again. i am mid 30, have two children one in primary one yet to start, and what used to be a great husband. who left me towards the end of 2013 after 9 yrs of marriage and 12 yrs together. he was my everything. he said he wanted to spend time with his family, mainly his mother, who just didn't like me no matter how hard I tried ( and yes i really did try, i wanted her to be happy i was married to her son). we tried counselling but that was just a waste of time and money. he moved out with friends then decided he wanted the house as he didn't want to pay for it if i was living there, leaving me to move back in with my parents with my two kids, 120kms from where we knew 'home'. meant changing schools and agghhh was just simply hard. move fwd, he hired a lawyer, has spent thousands on fees, court costs and now I've got a lawyer. after 18 months he's ruined me. i have only just managed to get the kids to see him on weekends, they come home totally upset, having nightmares and saying they don't want to go back (he has now got a new girlfriend who has 2 kids of similar ages) he complains to me that he loves his kids but they are misbehaving and have bad language.. this totally upsets me as i know our kids are not perfect but nobody is. they are 3 and 7... hardly grown up and the eldest really misses not having her mummy and daddy living together. the final straw has come with a phone call from him just now... i used to run a small after school business teaching sport activities, his lawyer did a report to say its worth 90k a year... where do i earn that much???!! i wish. i pretty much gave up my career when i married him and had kids... have moved further and further away from my friends and family so he could progress in his work.. now he's on his 200k a year job, got our house (i had no income and no money and he cut up my cards when he left so i couldn't pay mortgage) .. him and his lawyer are taking me to court to prove i closed down my after school business just so i could get more from him.. it feels horrible. i loved and trusted this man for years, now i get horrid phone calls, abusive texts and messages. i even changed my mobile number but was forced to give it to him.. his sister even sends abusive messages saying I'm not worthy. i hate life, i love my kids but I'm sick of crying and feeling like such a failure.

g2015 Brother in prison, Mum depressed?
  • replies: 3

Hi all. I’m after some advice to help with my Mum. I’m not sure if she is depressed but I know she’s definitely not the same as she used to be. 10 years ago my brother was arrested and sentenced to 22 years in prison. Obviously a huge shock to our fa... View more

Hi all. I’m after some advice to help with my Mum. I’m not sure if she is depressed but I know she’s definitely not the same as she used to be. 10 years ago my brother was arrested and sentenced to 22 years in prison. Obviously a huge shock to our family. I won’t say what he did but you may be able to work it out based on the time he got. There is a lot to the story which I won’t go into here, not relevant for now. In the first few months of my brothers arrest/prison time etc a lot of Mum’s friends and family distanced themselves and “cut her off” in the end which didn’t help. Mum and I have stood by my brother and will continue to do so until he is released. In the early days, counselling was offered for us but we, at the time, believed it wouldn’t help and we could get through this ourselves. Mum had not many friends and even now the couple she still has don’t know about my brother because she fears that telling them would drive them away too. I tell her if they are really your friends they won’t but that doesn’t help. I on the other hand have had the opposite. None of my friends have turned their backs on me so I can’t understand what Mum has been through. She keeps telling me that “I don’t understand the way she feels because I’m not a parent” and ok maybe I don’t know what she’s been through as a Mother of a Son in prison but I’m trying to. I have dealt with this a lot better than Mum, I slowly got used to the fact my brother wasn’t around anymore, even though we still see him regularly, write letters, phone calls etc. I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 years and married for 2. Mum more or less refuses to even acknowledge my Wife, she never asks about her, never sees her and shows no interest in our lives together. This makes us sad, angry and annoyed but I desperately want to help Mum past this. She doesn’t see any problem and every time I bring it up, try to talk to her about it she gets defensive and angry and pushes me away. She thinks I’m overreacting and being stupid. Mum doesn’t see my wife as I said, she saw her once last year and so far once this year but she basically ignored her. I confronted her about it and again she didn’t see a problem. In her mind I think she believes that she has “lost” one Son already and now she’s losing the other one (me) because I’m still living my life, carrying on and she isn’t. I could go on but I’ll stop here. Thanks for reading, any advice/help would be greatly appreciated.

JMZ Deciding to Seperate
  • replies: 6

Hi, Im 40, been married for 14 years and have 2 children. My relationship with my husband has never been real good. We have had many ups and downs. There has been abuse (both kinds) and I have repeatedly forgiven him. We have been in and out of thera... View more

Hi, Im 40, been married for 14 years and have 2 children. My relationship with my husband has never been real good. We have had many ups and downs. There has been abuse (both kinds) and I have repeatedly forgiven him. We have been in and out of therapy which only helps for a while until there is a breakdown again. There are so many problems I don't know where to begin. We both have NO family support at all which is the main reason why it has been so hard to leave. I have no one to turn to. I have almost left 3 times but when it come to the crunch I stayed, too scared to be alone and have a lonely life for my children. I used to talk to my friends but they all back away so I cant talk to them at all, or they tell me to just leave. I have some money but at the moment my husband is unemployed, he is not motivated to look for work and not motivated in much really. I feel like I am failing my children by staying with him. He does not treat them well at times either. Then other times he can be amazing with them. I have low grade depression and anxiety. My grandfather, uncle and brother all committing suicide. My husbands family hate me and they say I am the cause for them not speaking to us. I feel like I want to be happy and I want my children to have a happier life without the arguments between parents. We have tried and tried to make it work but always after a few months there is another argument/incident. I know I need to find a house but how does one go about leaving? What if I do it and the regret it? What if my children are worse off? Lots if what ifs! Not sure who to turn to or where to go for advice but feeling over it all and depressed with no self esteem.

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