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Getting you partner to understand your illness

Community Member

Hi everyone!

bit of background: I have severe generalised anxiety, depression and stress. I have struggled with it for years and finally went and got started on some help. I have a fiancé, who I love so dearly, we have been together for 7years and getting married very soon. He is supportive of me and he knows the extent of my mental health, but at times I can’t help but feel he doesn’t really ‘get it’.

i understand how it may frustrate him at times, especially when my mental health gets in the way of my career, it frustrates me to. But I guess my question is, how do I get him to understand why I sometimes need days off even tho I appear “fine” and not “sick”. How do I get him to really understand what’s going on in my head and in my body when I have those days where I just can’t function. I just want him to understand that I’m not just being lazy or being ridiculous.

i need him to understand, so that I can stop feeling worse about self on those days.

1 Reply 1

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi MO95,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for your post and your question. It's great that you're here and wanting to help your fiance' understand. How much do you think he does know about how anxiety and depression works and affects you?

Having been in the same boat, one of the things that helps me is to try and have these conversations before the bad days. Letting him know what a bad day might look like for you, how you're feeling and what you need. If someone's coming in blind it may seem like a lazy day, but to those who know and understand it gives a better picture of what that day is actually like for you.

Perhaps this video might help - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-IR48Mb3W0 It's a short TED-Ed talk on Depression (only 5 mins) but sometimes understanding the changes in the brain and body (like neurotransmitters and parts of the brain) can help things be a little bit more concrete.

Hopefully this is helpful,