Too ugly to find love
A warm welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing. It takes a lot of strength writing how we feel. We have just read your post and we're so sorry to hear that you're struggling right now. Do you think you'd like to talk through these feelings with one of our counsellors? You can contact our professional counsellors on 1300 22 4636 or you can also reach out to our friends Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.
Your are not alone and help is always available. Hopefully, a few of our welcoming community members will pop by to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. We hope that you are feeling a little better after posting, and we look forward to hearing back from you.
Hi Tiptup04 👋,
I see that you have already gotten two responses, which is two more than you were expecting 😊 my point there is that sometimes we have these negative defeatist attitudes that work against us and don’t actually represent reality and that is what you seem to be going on here. Yes there are superficial people out there, and we all need to weed them out, but the majority of people are just looking for someone that they have things in common with to share their life with. So you don’t consider yourself attractive, maybe there is someone out there who feels the same way about themselves that you will be more understanding with. There is always someone out there who wants/needs what you have, don’t underestimate your abilities. Do you have a good friend base? If not, expanding your social circle may be a good place to start.
Dear Tip Tup
Hello and welcome to the forum. Thank you for talking to us about yourself. We are always interested in chatting and helping as far as possible.
Without pretending to be a mind reader I imagine you are an ordinary teenager having difficulties with self esteem. Sorry to sound like your grandma (I am a grandma) but I want to say feeling unsure of yourself and worrying about your attractiveness is fairly standard. Surprisingly enough at that age I thought I was fat. My family used to tell me that but when I look at photos of myself as a child and teenager I see an ordinary child. Perhaps a little shy but nothing out of the ordinary. Do you have photos of yourself at various ages? I suggest you have a good look at them. Be as objective as possible and see if you are really as unattractive as you feel.
As a teenager I was size 12. A good ordinary size but I was very self-conscious and always wanted to look as good as everyone else I saw. While we are busy making comparisons we do not see the beauty which is ours alone. So please do not write yourself off. Find your good points and remind yourself of these. You have already said you are not over weight. Change that to my weight is good. I am as clever as everyone else. Make these affirmations positive.
Falling in love and being loved in return is wonderful. I can see exactly why you want to feel loved. Do you feel no one loves you or is it not feeling attractive enough to have a boyfriend who loves you? As Juliet has said, we find our most satisfying relationships with those with whom we have something in common. Do you want to be loved because you are very pretty or because someone finds the whole you lovable? Of course it's nice to feel attractive and I am finding that as I lose weight. I feel more attractive which makes me more confident.
What do you enjoy doing? Hobbies, activities etc? Do these involve being with other people? Think about how you relate to them. Do you talk to one person because that person is attractive, or because you enjoy chatting with them and perhaps admire their skill in that particularly activity. These are the real reasons we like others and why they like us.
When you are with your friends do you hug each other when you meet? Try offering them a hug. Hug your parents and siblings. It's surprising how good that feels. Please continue to write in.
I agree with Juliet
Also from a male perspective I can honestly say that personality, being jovial and caring in attitude is heaps more attractive than a pretty face.
See I have a problem with women in general. Most doll themselves up with makeup and clothing, hairstyles but they never ask what a guy likes in those actions.
For example in my taste some lipstick and rosy cheeks is all that most ladies need for me to find them attractive. Hair in buns forget it! Ponytail great! Drab jeans yuk, feminine clothes great. And so on. Add to that a happy joking laugh and suddenly you will find guys will be attracted to you.
Finally, if you believe you are ugly then you always will be. As part of your maturing process how about you, from now on, not refer to yourself in that way.
Please put the following in the top search bar
the best praise you’ll ever get
Hello TipTup, and a warm welcome to the forums and can really sympathise with the comments you have said to us.
You can't compare yourself to any of your close friends who have a partner, because if this happens, it only produces negative thoughts and that's certainly not what we want.
There is a person/s waiting for the love of their life to appear and this includes for you and with another person who is also wanting to meet the love of their life.
Even when we age, not only do our looks change but also our personality, and if I was shown a photo of what I loved like at your age, I wouldn't believe it, so now try to build up your confidence, I know it's there.
You could also contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 who are trained but for the benefit, only dress in casual clothes.
We'd love to hear back from you.
Hi Josh, trolling by someone is not helpful at all, it creates a false persona, trying to make other people believe what's not true and to overcome this, takes a great deal of work, trust and loyalty and openness to believe what you are saying is fact and not fiction.
Correct any mistakes, don't let this particular person making these false accusations block any contact between the girl and yourself, slowly the truth will prevail and shown so that you can connect again with this girl.
If she has blocked you, then try and make eye contact and if she responds, then you maybe able to tell her the truth and find out what you wanted to know about her.
I'm only a year older than you and I totally get what you mean! Sending you a virtual hug 🙂 and reassuring you that you will find someone who will love you.
It might not be the most helpful to hear but there's more to you than your looks. With that being said, I worry about my looks as well and it's something that we can't help but think about, whether we're attractive or not. I'm sure you believe you're unattractive but I'm sure you aren't. I'm sure you're a beautiful person both inside and out!
The best way to find love which isn't just romantic love is through friends and family. When I feel like a guy could never like me or I feel that I'm too ugly, my friends and family always make me feel better. It's love that you receive that isn't necessarily romantic but love still and it makes me feel worth something.
I don't know much about you but I'm sure you're an amazing person and I hope that compliment means something to you! You'll have days where you feel this down and upset, I have many of those types of days. But no one needs to feel that way, you definitely don't 🙂 Remind yourself that you're priceless, you're important and you're beautiful. One day, someone will definitely love you, I thought I'd never be loved but I am.
I hope this makes you feel better and I hope that you realise that you will get what you dream for!
I just want to say two or three things.
Firstly, we are surrounded by images in the media of a very specific range of appearances. The truth is, most people don't look like that. If you have some time go to a public place with lots of average people walking past (like a suburban shopping centre) and just have a really good look at them. The vast majority will not be supermodels! You may even notice some couples out together where neither of them are attractive people. They didn't have to be perfect looking to find each other, did they?
Another thing is that at 16 you still have growing to do. I know I personally was very shocked how my face changed from 16 to my early 20s. My face's bone structure changed dramatically in that time. I'm still very average looking, and there's plenty of things I might like to change, but I feel much more comfortable about my face than I did at 16.
Finally, there's stuff you can do to make yourself a more attractive person. I know it's cliche, but finding social hobbies and just generally being a nice person to be around makes you more attractive. Be polite and kind, keep your nails and hair neat, wear clean clothes that suit you well (not expensive necessarily). If you have acne or anything like that, consider seeing a doctor for more effective prescription treatments. Try to do well in school and think about what future career might suit you. Relationships are only one aspect of your future life, so think about what other life goals you might have and how you will achieve them. Recognise the things you can control and focus on doing the best you can at those things.
I hope that helps.