this is my first post here: just wanted to say thank you for everything BB and the online community have given, they've helped me see my problems spinning around in my own head aren't so bad and I'm "normal", "Ok", whatever that really means lol (I love that the word OK is a sideways person! hehe)
I have suffered from depression and anxiety pretty much all my life. The two have come in many forms, flavours and colours, sometimes apart, sometimes together. My memories are deeply negative ones, but I have had a very blessed life full of very good things, wonderful, loving people and times.
It may seem odd to read that in the same sentence, but its true.
My earliest depressive episode I can remember was at the age of 7, again at 10 and then it was triggered at 14 when an older child walked in to school with a gun....I won't go into that here, but I've never really recovered from that. I'm sharing it only to say those things were never talked over or about, all hushed up, swept under that carpet and only I could see the lump/dirt still there. I was always told I was stupid, to shut up, to stop blathering about stuff no one wants to hear - so what two children died of cancer? Oh well, that's life. I got the impression "No one cares about those silly things/problems/your problems/emotion." and that I need to not rock the boat, be polite, smile and let the "big adults" speak and do what they wanted only....don't eat any food because its dad's. etc.
All this crap mentioned has done nothing but caused huge problems when becoming an adult myself.
It still is causing problems they aren't even aware of.
I dont even know what an adult really is..... enough of my stuff. My message is, simply:
Adults can make a change in a growing adults' life.
Get help together
Work on problems and solutions together or allow the young person in your life time, space and encouragement to find the solutions and experience themselves. Let them learn from mistakes by allowing them to make a few along the way but be there to help sort through and find lessons and better ways.
All the best. Thanks
Talk! And REALLY listen!!!
Try to understand what the other person is really saying, take the time - it does take time. It is hard because we all live in such a busy world of distractions on TV and the internet and rush, rush, rush, buy, buy, buy, earn lots of money to just survive... its exhausting.
Please, please, take the time out to help and listen and talk with others openly. It is ok to hear someone's story and have someone express their emotions, fears, problems, beliefs and wants, wishes, likes, dislikes, dreams, etc. It is ok to say "I don't know what to say..." or "I don't know how to fix this..." then "...but let's take the time to go see someone who may know, or read about it and talk more!"
Hi CJs Mum
Good on you for a posting a great thread topic! (and the wonderful compliment too)
CJs mum said : "Let them learn from mistakes by allowing them to make a few along the
way but be there to help sort through and find lessons and better ways"
Kudos to you for the clarity and wisdom on that..well said and so very true. I see many 'helicopter' parents trying to overly control their kids. Just my opinion but those parents are doing a great job of leaving the door open for even low level anxiety in the future where nurturing their kids is concerned.
Welcome to the BB forums family
my kind thoughts
I am a parent, so it is hard to let go of a young child and let them fall down sometimes. I don't want to see my little one hurt or cry, but if I was to never let her experience things for example: climb a tree, go for a swim or ride a bike or never see her family or friends it would just make her future life so much harder.
Thank you for your comment. Lovely to hear from you and others on the forum.
(not sure if I wrote my initial post all that well - just dumping stuff that is going over and over in my mind. Maybe when I've had more sleep, I'll be a little more coherent hehe)