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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Notmyrealname2 Isolated
  • replies: 3

I am trying to be strong but I am really struggling to alter my current situation. I just find myself alone and without trying online dating - which seems to be a bad idea for me right now - I don't know how to connect with people. My ex-husband and ... View more

I am trying to be strong but I am really struggling to alter my current situation. I just find myself alone and without trying online dating - which seems to be a bad idea for me right now - I don't know how to connect with people. My ex-husband and I separated a year ago after a draining 3 yr relationship. We have a 2.5 year old girl and I constantly want to share my experience of parenting with some kind of family - but my family is very aloof. At times I try to reach out I feel snubbed and there is never any recognition from them that I might need some support and company. If anything I feel that my mum is secretly enjoying my pain and encouraging division between my sister and I. I think if I didn't need to be here for my daughter and to provide as the parent both paying child support and with more custody I would just run away. I would move somewhere to start fresh and meed a whole new network of people - but I can't. Add onto that the fatigue of being a single parent working full time, financial stress with no idea of how I can provide alone for my daughter long term and the cruel lengthiness of the legal divorce process - I am just feeling totally defeated.

Iloverainbows Feeling sad, disconnected, lonely, socially inept and in constant physical pain.
  • replies: 4

I've never had a problem with making friends until about 15 years ago. People always gravitated to me and i never put any effort into making friends. But having said that I have always been kind, sensitive, giving and basically a pushover for unscrup... View more

I've never had a problem with making friends until about 15 years ago. People always gravitated to me and i never put any effort into making friends. But having said that I have always been kind, sensitive, giving and basically a pushover for unscrupulous others. So now I am a bit more jaded and assertive and don't put up with anyone who I eel may be trying to walk all over me. I have moved to a new location to make a new start after ending a relationship when my ex partners drinking became toxic and destructive. I am having trouble making any meaningful relationships here. My friendships I had made in the other location weren't as strong as i thought that were and have faded to the occasional facebook post. I believe that relationships ARE the meaning to life and without them life's lonely and meaningless. I have of course tried ways of trying to engage with new people, I tried going to P&c meetings. I was polite friendly and made an effort to talk to people (I may have been a little over eager??) I tried 3 times and volunteered at the disco but my help didn't seem needed when I asked if the was anything I could do and I felt like like i was pushing in if I joined into a conversation. I talk to a few parents at the school gate but it appears like everyone else s friendships are moving forward and mine is still on a superficial level. I don't know how to make small talk. I always ask people about themselves and am genuinely interested in people but cant get past having superficial transactions. I know it's not the school or people here because my kids have been to 3 different schools and it's always the same for me. I have recently left work as my chronic back pain is getting worse. I would like to volunteer and contribute and feel valuable (I have a long work history and many skills in community service) But would be unreliable due to my ongoing chronic pain. As everyone does, I want to have purpose to my life, have meaningful relationships and contribute to society. Does anyone have any suggestions or could share their own experience of making friendships or relationships meaningful in adulthood. Does anyone else struggle with this? I never thought I'd end up here.

HelloThere Helping an ex-pertner
  • replies: 2

Hello everyone. So, myself and my partner (of 4 years) split up 6 weeks ago. This past 10 months or so with him have been hard as he had become distant, gone off sex and was constantly tired. Alarm bells started ringing for me and eventually he start... View more

Hello everyone. So, myself and my partner (of 4 years) split up 6 weeks ago. This past 10 months or so with him have been hard as he had become distant, gone off sex and was constantly tired. Alarm bells started ringing for me and eventually he started seeing a therapist. A couple of weeks after he started seeing this therapist I found out that he had cheated on me, and therefore we split up. The split was not an angry one, but more of a therapy session as he explained his depression to me. He found it financially hard to pay for the therapies and so I gave him money to help him out. He cried his eyes out whilst I drove him home I had never seem him cry before. Couple of weeks passed and we didn't really speak with the exception of sorting our money out from a house we had previously moved out of having lived together for a year. We went to the footy final, agreed to meet up the week after which we did as well as the week after. The meetings were nice, and when I walked in his face light up and he hugged me straight away. In the 2nd meeting he opened up to me about his emotions and his therapy, something he hadn't previously done. After the 3rd meet up, wasn't so much a date than a catch up. Since then things have gone quiet, he will reply to messages but they are short. Although he has apologised a few times for his short replies and has told me "he is not seeing someone else". I don't have depression so I cannot understand what is going on here; can anyone help? I am here for him, but I am looking to move on as I cannot hang around and get hurt.

LittleSquee I'm not over him...
  • replies: 3

He left me after a year and a half - I had no idea it was coming... he did it over the phone but made sure I had a psychologist in place... He said he didn't want to be with me anymore, that I wasn't getting better (depression & anxiety). He also sai... View more

He left me after a year and a half - I had no idea it was coming... he did it over the phone but made sure I had a psychologist in place... He said he didn't want to be with me anymore, that I wasn't getting better (depression & anxiety). He also said he could be making the biggest mistake of his life. I'm so angry, alone, hurt. He wanted to keep in contact regularly - to be friends... offering 'help' and 'support' (I later got diagnosed with BPD) - I felt like I kept having to turn to him constantly and do what he wanted (be friends even though I was so angry).. I gave myself the home truths that he was an angry, unpredictable alcoholic, who also abused pain killers and drugs and I was afraid of him and his temper. I thought I was fine so I started seeing someone else… He's separated with a little toddler part time - it's all moved so quickly, and me being a step mum for the first time... the little girl has filled the void of my aching heart and he is easy to be with - a safe choice… I found out my ex partner has moved on and it is killing me. I'm hurting all over again. I asked my ex to leave me alone to move on and he has not been in contact since which is good. But, I want to have a break from this new man I have been seeing, I'm hurt, on the re-bound obviously (but I didn't think I was) and I need space. Thoughts please? Advice?

steviewonder87 at a crossroads. My dreams and happiness slipping away.
  • replies: 5

hello everything its very nice and honour to meet you all. Pretty much my whole life I have been a very shy and very quiet type of person. Perhaps indeed have got social anxiety and I did go and join a group to help with that and I was able through t... View more

hello everything its very nice and honour to meet you all. Pretty much my whole life I have been a very shy and very quiet type of person. Perhaps indeed have got social anxiety and I did go and join a group to help with that and I was able through that to make some changes in my life and things did improve slightly for me but my personality still remains that of being shy and quiet around anyone that includes even at times when with my extended family. Through it all though I have tried to remain positive and had goals and dreams and my big goal and dream is to find someone special. A partner who I can build a life with and get married and have kids with. That's what I want more than anything in this world. I give up anything for that. Last couple years got the chance to be able to go out with girls. My longest relationship was over a year and I really thought at the time I found some special. But we had disagreements at times. She brought up a lot of things I wasn't doing for her and though they were really hurtful things to me and not to her she was just telling the truth fact I can look back and can see some of the hard truths she made perhaps were right. I think end of the day she couldn't accept me for the person I am and to me that's the big thing for me. I would accept anyone for the person they are and I only ask in return that they do the same for me. I just feel though there no one really out there who going to really do that for me. Accept me for the person I am. Can I sit here and say im happy with who I am and how my life is atm I really think I am at the point of where its hard for me to know anymore. And now sometimes its hard as I watch and see everyone else around me now living in happiness. Family members and friends now married with kids exactly what I want more than anything a part of me now just cant help but feel sad and hurt because I just wonder now if I can really have that. My family and my friends would say and I know deep down within myself I am a great, genuine, down the earth guy who can make someone happy. Im a good listener and I be there no matter what for anyone through good times and bad. Just don't want to loss faith cause I truly believe in my heart and have faith that there is someone out there who be with me for me and love me for me. I can see where exactly I want to be. I just cant see how I am to get there. Thanks for giving me the chance to tell my story. Any thoughts or help would mean a lot

Gypsyangel Was I wrong to leave?
  • replies: 4

Hi everyone Feeling at a loss. 7 years ago I went through a group of stressful events. I lost both my grandmother's 3 months apart, had to walk away from my dream business as it was illegally sold to me. Then to top it off my son, then 13 came to me ... View more

Hi everyone Feeling at a loss. 7 years ago I went through a group of stressful events. I lost both my grandmother's 3 months apart, had to walk away from my dream business as it was illegally sold to me. Then to top it off my son, then 13 came to me in tears and completely distressed telling me all the horrible things my then husband had been saying to him about me. He basically ran me down as a person to my son. From sexual content to how useless I was. This shattered my world. I asked him to leave and he agreed to go stay at the farm house. He continued to take out his issues on my son when he had contact. His behavior became even more erratic after I told him I wasn't coming back. 6 years later I am fighting depression, anxiety, trying to survive and now finally settlement. He is and has made everything so very difficult. I just want all this to end. It's been a nightmare. I sometimes think should I have stayed and lived a miserable life doing what he thought I should be doing....was it wrong of me to leave?

Alx Separated and staying in same house ... She is seeing someone else
  • replies: 13

My wife has instigated separation and I don't want to be, I told her I would fight to save my family with some success but also a couple of huge failures. I'm now not in a good place mentally as she is seeing another guy leaving me home to get our 3 ... View more

My wife has instigated separation and I don't want to be, I told her I would fight to save my family with some success but also a couple of huge failures. I'm now not in a good place mentally as she is seeing another guy leaving me home to get our 3 boys through the evening routines while she is at her "friends" house

Nene How do I let go?
  • replies: 15

How do I stop wanting to contact me husband and son. It is clear they both don't want anything to do with me. Neither will answer their phones. My husband is going to visit my son and grandchildren for a couple of days. I want to be in a space where ... View more

How do I stop wanting to contact me husband and son. It is clear they both don't want anything to do with me. Neither will answer their phones. My husband is going to visit my son and grandchildren for a couple of days. I want to be in a space where it doesn't matter. I have to accept that the situation is what it is. I just am finding it hard to get to that place where it doesn't matter and doesn't hurt. How is it though when they say and do really hurtful things that they cut off contact? In a general sense, why do people do that?

Ryan86 Confused and unsure
  • replies: 2

Am I such a bad person that for the past week or so I have been entertaining thoughts of not being with Emily.i love her and care for her don't get me wrong there but all the arguments and frustration over anything is getting to the point where a dec... View more

Am I such a bad person that for the past week or so I have been entertaining thoughts of not being with Emily.i love her and care for her don't get me wrong there but all the arguments and frustration over anything is getting to the point where a decision has to be made.i don't necessarily want break up no, I just want one day where there no arguments no outbursts of anger or frustration, is one day to much to ask?I have even on brief periods looked at dating sites but quickly stop. We're currently looking for a house and have a third person join us and if something doesn't happen soon then I don't know what will happen, one thing I do know is is that unless something changes then I won't be with my partner ,and I do want to be with her,as it only going to hurt me and trying to improve my recovery. Everything I do seems to be wrong and I can do nothing right or that's the impression I get from people. I have no other reason to think that as she only ever focuses on the negative she only ever shows happiness for certain things and none of them seem to be anything I can do so fingers crossed something changes.

MisterM My family just don't understand me
  • replies: 10

And it angers me and is part of the reason I feel depressed. I feel like an abnormal freak amongst them. I am an artistic individual yet they expect me to have the normal work, buy a house, marry, have kids lifestyle. I don't care for all that as muc... View more

And it angers me and is part of the reason I feel depressed. I feel like an abnormal freak amongst them. I am an artistic individual yet they expect me to have the normal work, buy a house, marry, have kids lifestyle. I don't care for all that as much as I do for making music. My tastes and views of the world are so different. For example, my family are conservatives whereas I am left leaning with my views. The music I like isn't the radio music, it is artistic, edgy, loud, hard. My choice in fashion is different. Everything is different about me compared to my family.