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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Elizabeth CP Son & his family want to stay with us until he finds another house. Worried about how to deal with this given our situation.
  • replies: 75

As discussed on other threads I have been struggling with anxiety, depression & exhaustion while caring for my husband who is blind & has a chronic illness which has led to frequent episodes of illness. In desperation I rang for help last week & arra... View more

As discussed on other threads I have been struggling with anxiety, depression & exhaustion while caring for my husband who is blind & has a chronic illness which has led to frequent episodes of illness. In desperation I rang for help last week & arranged for a carer to assist so I could go away for a couple of days on a family camp over Easter. Unfortunately I developed a stomach bug so haven't been well since coming home on Sunday so fatigue is still a major problem. My husband has gone away for 5 nights with MDA & I promised I would try to rest & recover while he is away. Today my son rang to say they had to move out of their house on Friday & have nowhere to live so can they stay with us. We downsized a few years ago due to my husband's condition so there is little room for 2 adults & a 2yr old & 11mth old. I feel like I'm in a no win situation. If I say no they have nowhere to live so I'm a terrible parent. My son also has a history of depression & has only recently started work again after a long period of being too unwell to work & being suicidal. If I agree to have them I can't rely on them to stick to any agreements. DIL is good at promising but never follows through. I find her very stressful. She yells at her son frequently which I find upsetting. They are both very messy & I would find it hard to prepare meals due to her mess. Having them here will also make it impossible to keep the house in a suitable state to ensure my husband's safety given his blindness. Tiredness tends to lead to my husband becoming ill putting extra pressure on me. I don't know what to do.

VRCT46 Lost.
  • replies: 7

I came across this site after I was trying to find some sort of community support for men. After reading some posts, I thought why not. I am lost and don't know what to do.... I don't know if there will be enough space for this - but here goes nothin... View more

I came across this site after I was trying to find some sort of community support for men. After reading some posts, I thought why not. I am lost and don't know what to do.... I don't know if there will be enough space for this - but here goes nothing. My partner (possibly ex) is wonderful. She is my complete world. The idea of losing her i cannot describe. I, however, am far from perfect. The first 6 months of our relationship, I was travelling a lot. She didn't seem to have an issue with it. However one day while I was at work, she opened my laptop and found an inappropriate conversation I had with someone 3 months earlier. I made the decision to move back home permanently. She ment that much to me. That was 5 years ago. Since that issue, we have had an insane amount of issues. First she was convinced that I had been sleeping with a female friend whom I was close too. It was certainly not the case. Over time we had our ups and downs. Lots of fights, but also good times. A turning point in our relationship, without getting into details, one night I got extremely angry and proceeded to set fire to her car. That was about 2 years ago. It's something I am not proud of, and something that I am still regretting and disappointed in myself with. Since then, we have done a little bit of couples councelling, as well as me having 1-1. Unfortunately - due to my casual employment, it's very hard to afford and also maintain appointments. She suffers from anxiety. I don't make life very easy for her at times. I can get angry or moody very easily. It's fair to say I have taken her for granted throughout much of our relationship. I don't open up very much (standard male procedure) I keep things bottled up and explode at a later date. The most recent situation was when I got home from work, the house was empty with the car in the driveway. I rang 17 times over 15-20min. I started getting scared and angry. She never has her phone away from reach. When she finally rang back, she informed me that she was having lunch with a male friend. I lost it. She told me to leave the house. I have 2 weeks to have all my stuff out. The thought and ideas that I may have lost her for good are slowly tearing me up. This was someone who I pictured marrying and getting old together. Im not easy to get along with, I'm short tempered. I don't open up, I don't discuss feelings. I don't know why. Anyway. Thanks.

Quiettall Feeling frustrated
  • replies: 7

We have recently moved into our home after retiring from interstate. After working in a relatively high pressure job, I have developed a real interest in gardening and landscaping as well as world travel. My wife is becoming increasingly house and ho... View more

We have recently moved into our home after retiring from interstate. After working in a relatively high pressure job, I have developed a real interest in gardening and landscaping as well as world travel. My wife is becoming increasingly house and home centred. She is wanting to do some home decorating which I am happy to support and assist with where possible. I'm feeling a tad frustrated because we used to work well together for example in the kitchen cooking. Now this is "her domain" and any time I am in the kitchen doing cooking or other things, she always appears and instructs me on how I should do this, dont put things there etc etc. Yet she often comments about how I "never cook" or "have lost interest in working together". In the home decorating, she wanted to do a feature wall of pictures of our recent travels. So I went out and chased down a large number of different picture frames, sorted through hundreds of pictures of our trips to choose the best to suit each of the frames. We agreed on the wall, the layout etc and as I start to stick the picutres on the wall, each picture that is put up is criticised by her as being crooked, or not right etc etc, although I use all the right tools such as spirit level, tape measure etc. So I am feeling very frustrated and think maybe I retreat from the feature wall and kitchen and leave it to her, and focus my efforts on the garden. I thought retirement was a time where we enjoy doing things together, but I am now finding myself looking for more opportunities to do things outside the home or wherever or with others where I am not constantly under her scrutiny. I have started work with a number of voluntary agencies but she has insisted that I keep account of every cent I spend and make sure I get it back from the agency, and limit my hours of work there. I know I am not perfect in my handywork or cooking or housework, but I do want to do my part. However, when I do, I end up copping criticism. I have tried to broach the subject with her, only for her to say it is all my problem and issue and she doesnt see what the issue is. In her words, "all you need to do is listen and do what I ask". I would love some objective guidance here as it gets me to the point of screaming some days from frustration.

AdriftAnnie My husband left me and our 3 children a week ago
  • replies: 2

Hi,I've never posted in a forum before, but I feel the need to get this out and hopefully get some advice.On Sunday my husband, who has always had anger management issues and says he is depressed began screaming at our young children because they wer... View more

Hi,I've never posted in a forum before, but I feel the need to get this out and hopefully get some advice.On Sunday my husband, who has always had anger management issues and says he is depressed began screaming at our young children because they were bickering. This is not unusual as he has a very short fuse and a very bad temper. He then put on his headphones and refused to engage with anyone. I left him a while, but when I tried to talk to him later in the morning he started screaming at me. I can't even remember what he said, but it involved lots of swearing and name calling.Most weekends are spent like this, but for some reason this weekend I got angry and asked him to leave for the week so I could have a break from his anger. He reacted very badly to this and packed all his things telling me that I have cost the kids a father and that he will never be back. He then concinuted to abuse me before leaving. He withdrew half the money from our bank account and has refused to speak to me.I couldn't get in contact with him at all for days, which is unusual as even when we fight he always gets back to me eventually. I started to worry like crazy. I haven't eaten and have barely slept so I sent my friend to his office to see if he is there. He very angrily told my friend to tell me to stop calling and that since I said 5 days, he'll give me 5 years.This isn't the first time he's hurt me this way or ended the relationship so cruelly. I'm just struggling to understand what is wrong with me that I want him still. Why do I want a man who verbally and psychologically abuses me and our children? I feel like a terrible mother and a pathetic person. I am teaching my boys that it's okay to treat women this way and I hate myself for that, but the thought of ending the relationship causes me so much anxiety. I just haven't the strength to go it alone.If anyone has any advice or supportive words I would really appreaciate it. I'm in desperate need of some kindness today.

Lou06 My thoughts are controlling my
  • replies: 2

Hi I'm just looking for some help, ive recently broken up with my partner of four years but we do have a 10 year old son together that we had when we weren't together. He left 2 and a half months ago and I cannot get past it I don't sleep, I cry I am... View more

Hi I'm just looking for some help, ive recently broken up with my partner of four years but we do have a 10 year old son together that we had when we weren't together. He left 2 and a half months ago and I cannot get past it I don't sleep, I cry I am constantly getting these thoughts in my head that control me so much that I get so worked up over them I end up texting him horrible nasty things which makes things even worst as all I want to do is work this out with him. Originally he said that he would stay at a friends and we would both get the help we needed to fix our flaws but my emotions and thoughts got that bad and controlling he ended up finding a house to move in which I preety much pushed him into with all the things in my head. I'm constantly thinking his with somebody else or he wants somebody else I cannot stop them. I have thought about ending my life thinking that it will be best for everybody on numerous times. i don't know if it's anxiety also as I get so worked up sometimes I can't breathe and I just go on this texting calling rampage. He says he can't be with me until he sees a change but I don't know how to change it It over powers me. I am seeing a councillor and she is great I've been going for 2 months she gives me homework and I feel better for a couple days until I see something on Facebook or hear about what his doing or hear from him at all it just comes back and I cannot get rid of it. I can't sleep I feel mentally exhausted. It's all I think about my head just does not stop with controlling my emotions and thoughts. I want it to stop and I don't know how too I hate it I hate that I feel like this I hate that I do this to him I was like this also before we got together 4 years ago. My stomach feels like it's a whirlwind at times i feel like crap

AyGok Family or love?
  • replies: 1

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. It's a secret relationship. His family all know about me. But no one from my side knows about him. This is the major cause of my anxiety. I'm too afraid to tell my parents about him because I ... View more

Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. It's a secret relationship. His family all know about me. But no one from my side knows about him. This is the major cause of my anxiety. I'm too afraid to tell my parents about him because I know they Will disapprove of him and make me leave him. My sisters are very judgemental and my anxiety is mostly cause by their comments. My friends get suspicious when I get phone calls and texts and constantly ask who I'm talking to.. but I can never open up to them. So I tend to isolate myself and disconnect from everyone. I put a brave face next to my partner but if he brings up my family my anxiety kicks in and I have panic attacks.. my panic attacks are so bad that not even medication can help me. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle and I feel like I have to make a choice between my family or my partner.. I just need some advice or any sort of help ..

Sillylittlewritergirl Partner left me - too depressed to eat.
  • replies: 2

My partner left me and I feel completely broken. We were very happy together and had an amazing, healthy and figuring relationship. We had a big fight and she broke it off and told me she had to leave because she's dealing with some stuff in her life... View more

My partner left me and I feel completely broken. We were very happy together and had an amazing, healthy and figuring relationship. We had a big fight and she broke it off and told me she had to leave because she's dealing with some stuff in her life right now. Really bad stuff. And stuff with her childhood. She said she still loves me but she doesn't know what to do anymore and that she doesn't deserve me. I begged her to stay but she left and she packed up all her stuff and went to a different state. Im a mess I still love her and I miss her. I don't know what to do with myself now. I'm so lost and I feel sick all the time. I can't eat I can barely drink anything or shower myself. I feel awful all the time and every time I think about the future I break down. I'm so scared. Idk what to do

NormpyB wife's affair makes her happy and me miserable
  • replies: 12

I been happily married for 16 years and 3 weeks ago found out about my wifes few month long sexual affair. Yes, I had probably ignored her needs for years. Yes, I was too tied up in our business. Guilty as charged, I contributed to this too. The trig... View more

I been happily married for 16 years and 3 weeks ago found out about my wifes few month long sexual affair. Yes, I had probably ignored her needs for years. Yes, I was too tied up in our business. Guilty as charged, I contributed to this too. The trigger, I believe was our youngest child being diagnosed wiyh type 1 diabetes 8 weeks ago. It all became too much and when the opportunity to be free presented, she took it. As we worked through the emotion, I went from feeling gutted to hopeless to madly in love and even slightly aroused. Over the next few days I asked so many questions and had the deepest conversations ever. She claimed to have broken it up and I believe her. But then as she answered my questions about him, I could see her face light up and she would glow. She had ended it on paper but she was just as attached as ever. In the haze of the next few days, I made a big mistake and told her I could handle it if she continued her affair. She did. Some days I'm ok and others I'm shattered. Mostly I'm shattered. But in terms of our relationship, it is like a second honeymoon. She is mych happier. We talk more. The sex is great. Inwardly though I'm broken and don't know what to do.

EmotionalMe Lost- whats next!
  • replies: 5

I am new to these forums but at am so lost i don't know where to turn. My partner has had depression for years and blames me for it. He told me he didn't ever want to hear about any of my past relationships, and we have very different views on relati... View more

I am new to these forums but at am so lost i don't know where to turn. My partner has had depression for years and blames me for it. He told me he didn't ever want to hear about any of my past relationships, and we have very different views on relationships and he is very hypocritical of experiences. He found out that in the past i slept with a friend on 1 occasion who i had know for many years and i would still see them at events after that, and he tells me that it was a one night stand and he blames that as the reason he is so mentally unwell. He says that he is worthless and that i obviously liked that guy more than him because i took a month to sleep with him when we were dating. He constantly thinks of me having sex with someone else. He can't stop comparing him to our relationship and it rules his life, and mine!! He no longer wants to go anywhere or do anything, our sex life is non existent, i can't mention anything to him (just general life chat) or it ends in an arguement that turns around to his problems and its all my fault. It upsets me alot and i do my best to not cry in front of him but sometimes when he just blows up i cry and he doesn't understand how i can be upset and hurt when he is so hurt from 'what i did to him'. He is on anti depression medication and used to see a therapist but doesn't see them anymore because they don't help. He has seen 3 therapists in total but none of them have helped at all, 1 of them actually told him that they can't help him. So he has lost any drive he did have to try and get help because they have no faith in him, he doesn't want to have to go to someone new and tell them what is going on again and again not feel any better. He no longer shows any affection towards me, when i get home from work he is on the computer, i have to go in and say hi, give him a kiss. No reaction, no emotion, no greeting, no conversation at all from him. Then i just go and sit on the couch alone and watch tv until i go to bed and the same routine starts again the next day. He has on a number of occasions expressed suicidal thoughts, threats. He will get so worked up he storms out and says he is going to kill himself. I try to support him and keep the peace and not do anything that will trigger an arguement but am just so lonely and alone and exhausted and just had enough! Sorry for the length, i need to vent and it probably isn't even much more than the icing on the cake that i have gone into. thanks for listening.

Damo4115 Should be happy but I'm not
  • replies: 11

Hi there my names Damo. I'm 32 married for 7 years with 2 awesome kids. My wife and I have been together for 15 yrs. I was very young and green when we first got together. She is 9 months older than me. After just getting through the tough changes to... View more

Hi there my names Damo. I'm 32 married for 7 years with 2 awesome kids. My wife and I have been together for 15 yrs. I was very young and green when we first got together. She is 9 months older than me. After just getting through the tough changes to life kids make to yourself and your relationship I now find myself resenting my wife and my life. Don't get me wrong i try to be the best dad i can and put in 110% into it. I have a great relationship with my kids. They respect me and what dad says goes. But it feels like my relationship with my wife hasn't grown with us. It feels more like living with a house mate with the kids being the common denominator. We don't argue or yell and fight. But we seam to just exist. We do nothing together unless it involves the kids. I am just starting to feel we are just different people. Sex life is non existing and i am over putting in the effort just to be shut down or fallen asleep on. Really confused at the moment in two minds about the grass is greener somewhere else. On the other hand i can't imagine not seeing my kids every day. If anyone has some words of wisdom it would really help me through this really crappy time. Cheers Damo