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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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mgd2016 My husband is depressed and won't seek help
  • replies: 9

I don't know why exactly I am writing, I just feel that I need to talk to someone. I come from another Country and have no family here and I feel quite pushed to my limit today, so here it is. We've been together for 10 years and have two beautiful c... View more

I don't know why exactly I am writing, I just feel that I need to talk to someone. I come from another Country and have no family here and I feel quite pushed to my limit today, so here it is. We've been together for 10 years and have two beautiful children who are 6 and 2.5. My husband got a very expensive divorce when we first got together, he could never get over all the money he lost and he used to blame for it (I still think he does even though he denies it). He is a hard working, loving and caring husband and father when he is at his best, but it has become quite rare to see him at his best. His work put immense strain on him, paired with massive financial problems (he's the sole income earner), he's been very nervous and moody, that is his 'normal' now. The accusations and nit-picking is quite relentless, I have a strong personality and will not allow him to treat me badly and that's where the problems begin, I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. I tried to start a little home business to help financially but his constant telling me my efforts do not make any difference to our finances and because me working annoyed him, and the accusations that by working I cannot give him or the kids the attention they (more like 'him') needs as I give my kids plenty of attention, this is all about him, not the kids, even though he uses them to manipulate me and try to make me feel guilty to get his way. Anyway, after 2 years of absolute hell I gave up my business as I can't deal with his accusations, annoyances and nit picking. I suggested he suffers from depression but he disagrees and won't do a thing to get help. He resents me because I am at home with the kids while he has to work, but he won't allow me to work either! I suffer from bad pms and I am on antidepressants. Because he is always moody we argue a lot and when I retaliate he blames my pms and says I'm a 'bitch'. The truth is, I can be quite understanding when I'm at my best, but when I have pms symptoms I get short and can't deal with his moods and constant picking. I am so tired of trying to reason with him, everything is my fault, no matter how awful he's been he won't apologize until I 'drill' it out and he will hold grudges sometimes for days on end. Sex and intimacy became non-existent. He gave up on it and to be honest I don't feel like being with him. Help! Thank you.

LaurKonig Worried my relationship is doomed.
  • replies: 3

Hi, not sure how to start this, will try keep it short. I've been with my boyfriend for over six years now. He is the most amazing guy, he is so patient, loving and kind. I'm 29 and have had depression since I was 16, my boyfriend is aware of this an... View more

Hi, not sure how to start this, will try keep it short. I've been with my boyfriend for over six years now. He is the most amazing guy, he is so patient, loving and kind. I'm 29 and have had depression since I was 16, my boyfriend is aware of this and has been nothing but supportive about it. He asked me to marry him a couple of months ago and I said yes, but honestly I don't know if I said yes because I love him or if I am just going through the motions. Our sex life is non-existant and has always been a struggle, as I often lose interest in sex for months and am unable to do anything remotely sexual if I am in one of my dark slumps. Then because we go so long without I start to feel that he is not attracted to me anymore and that I am disgusting and unloveable. He doesnt hit on me anymore because he's scared of setting off my anxiety around sex. So we just sit around and do nothing. Honestly I don't know if the issue is us as a couple, or if its just my depression. Would I be like this with another man? I've never been in another relationship so I honestly do not know. But I'm scared that if I break it off with him to go find out, I'll lose the best partner I could ever have. We've discussed this a few times and couples therapy has been suggested and agreed to, but then we never go through with it. We're always saying we should do things and then never doing anything. I feel so lost and alone in this relationship and I cannot tell if its him or me.

Syd74 Where do I start
  • replies: 6

I was 39yrs old when I started my first relationship,first time out of a job in 20yrs & 2yrs into the scariest most evil drug addiction-meth. I'd known this girl for many years & when I was unemployed she gave me money,put food in my fridge, done for... View more

I was 39yrs old when I started my first relationship,first time out of a job in 20yrs & 2yrs into the scariest most evil drug addiction-meth. I'd known this girl for many years & when I was unemployed she gave me money,put food in my fridge, done for me 10 times more than anybody in my life. Apart from my mother who physically worked harder than many men picking pineapples for yrs while me & my brother were just down right terrible fowl mouth menaces, this woman gained my respect & love. But now 3yrs later still smoking that crap my gf is & was battling with depression. I'm struggling with my addiction but it's nothing compared too what my girl is going thru,she is so screwed up its terrible. I'm not goin too give up on her even tho we're not married or have kids but I have tried too forget her but I can't & never will. This girl has had some bad luck but in the last few yrs I see it as "depressions luck"geez she keeps setting herself up for a big fall,it's so infuriating too watch or more so hear what happened after only because I'm not involved. I want too leave this small town which she never left her whole life with her & be nomads around Australia. Is that gonna help I don't no?

BunnyMuffin Dealing with the anger
  • replies: 23

Hi There, My partner & I were together for almost 10 years. Long story short, we met in London, he then moved to Australia to be with me and I (not we or even him...just me) spent the rest of relationship basically dealing with his immigration status... View more

Hi There, My partner & I were together for almost 10 years. Long story short, we met in London, he then moved to Australia to be with me and I (not we or even him...just me) spent the rest of relationship basically dealing with his immigration status. Working holiday visas, defacto visas and finally citizenship. Our physical relationship ended about 3 years ago due to his emotional issues surrounding his relationship with his mother and abuses he suffered as a child/teenager. I wanted to leave him but didn't feel I could due to the fact that he has no one is this country besides myself and my family. I encouraged him to seek help and he finally saw a counselor. After 3 sessions he came home and told me that his counselor thought he had abandonment issues. My reaction was to tell him that I would never leave him. Right after his very next counselling session a month later, he decided to end the relationship. He wanted to remain friends and he wants to remain a part of my family. He told me that he no longer looks at me "like that" and that he has been getting "urges" which I took to mean sexual urges. He also told me that he and his counselor had formed the conclusion that he may never be able to sustain another long term meaningful relationship due to the abuses he suffered. For the last 3 months I have been OK with that until I saw his profile on Tinder. He has also stopped seeing his counselor because they decided that he "no longer needs help and that he seems fine now he has ended the relationship with me". I feel so much anger towards him, my days are full of rage. I don't love him, I don't want to be in a relationship with him but he remains my best friend. I want him to still be my best friend but I can barely look at him let alone be around him. Yet, I miss him when he is gone. I am carrying around so much anger towards him. I feel like my whole life for the past 10 years has been completely consumed by him and his needs and now I have just been thrown away like I am nothing. I feel like everything he said to me during the breakdown of our relationship was a complete lie and I can longer trust him. When I try to tell him how I feel all he can do is focus on how my words hurt him and he can not see things from my point of view. I just want to feel normal again. I have lost so much weight that people comment on it every single day. I feel like I have no one to talk to and I am on the verge of angry tears all the time.

p_lifter Breaking up / depression feelings rising
  • replies: 3

Hey guys, I'm starting to feel really down about myself. I'm finding that I am getting really bored, looking for things to do and just looking to fill the void of a recent partner. I don't really have any friends and I don't talk to people other than... View more

Hey guys, I'm starting to feel really down about myself. I'm finding that I am getting really bored, looking for things to do and just looking to fill the void of a recent partner. I don't really have any friends and I don't talk to people other than my family (my sister and I are really close). I have no issues socially interacting with new people, making friends or catching up with acquaintances, I'm just finding that I have no friends that would do that for me and ask me if I would like to catch up. It's always me making the effort and I never get invited out... so I always feel lonely. I think I've narrowed it down to my ex partner, I'm currently writing this late at night and this would be our time spent together (she was super busy so we would always hang out at night) and now she isn't here I just feel so bored like I mentioned and that I have no purpose to fulfill (we were working towards moving out to the country). I miss her alot and I always want to talk to her but I don't want to invade her bubble since she doesn't want that with me anymore. I guess I'm just struggling coping with the loss of a lover and a best friend again and I'm finding it really hard to keep my mind straight. I think I've annoyed her enough telling her how I feel and what I want from her that I just shouldn't talk to her. I'm a powerlifter so i exercise frequently, I work, I play video games, but nothing is taking my mind off any of it and I just sit there and dwell playing the video game or mid set at the gym. Each day that goes by I'm just getting more and more into a slump and no matter how much i talk about it with my parents or my sister it just feels like it is getting worse and I feel like the more I write the more my tone is changing and I'm really scared of falling back into what I was a couple of years ago when I was really depressed because I had a relationship end the same way and I don't know what to do anymore... to fix these recurring feelings and relationship issues.

changeisneeded dealing with an unmedicated bipolar spouse
  • replies: 11

Hi All I'm new here and would like some advice on how to deal with my partner of 30 years with bipolar. I have BPD but I'm currently on anxiety medication and quite happy to see a therapist again but he wont let me, he's an extremely private person a... View more

Hi All I'm new here and would like some advice on how to deal with my partner of 30 years with bipolar. I have BPD but I'm currently on anxiety medication and quite happy to see a therapist again but he wont let me, he's an extremely private person and because he has been abusive to me I feel he doesnt want that brought up but he says that therapy only feeds the BPD mind and its no good for me - thats another issue. Currently I have an issue where I hit rock bottom, having dramas at home and work. I have no family (disowned them due to childhood abuse) and have found my way out of the darkness and then it starts again. I cant say exactly what was said if he knew I was posting - well he wouldnt be happy about that! Basically things have been good ok for a few weeks and yesterday I stuffed up. I brought up something that he has told me prior not to as it triggers him so I realise it was my fault there. I dont know why I brought it up was just an automatic thing. I apologised as soon as I did it but it just made things worse. Now he is constantly putting words in my mouth saying by what I said means that I hate him etc and I never compliment him on his looks (which is true) and only bring negative things to his attention about him. So now I'm getting a rant of how ugly I am, how fat I am, I must be the fattest person around, anything cutting and cruel he can say. I am handling it better than I used to due to increase in meds probably but I'm worried about going home tonight after work. As I left this morning he was just yelling vile and hurtful things to me - I dont respond at all which is really hard for me with BPD. Sometimes that works for me and sometimes its like he will keep going until he pushes me beyond my limit and I crack and then he will have go off about that. Its like he needs to get it out of his system and I dont know if this is coincidence but it happens monthly. Often I think "wow" is it a full moon and no its always half and it happens at this time every month just about. I dont know if its me as he blames everything on my BPD since I was diagnosed and his issues have faded into the distance and when I do bring them us he gets extremely angry and abusive so I dont bring it up anymore for my own safety basically. I know you will probably say I should leave but I do know that my issues have caused some of this but not all of it. How do you handle someone who is in a rage and doesnt let me walk out the room to calm down?

Sue78 Marriage issues in first year of marriage what do I do?
  • replies: 7

We have been together for over 3 years...2.5 years of absolute bliss later we got married in January this year. In April problems started from what seemed like a very harmless argument. It got to a point where he started to backchat about me with his... View more

We have been together for over 3 years...2.5 years of absolute bliss later we got married in January this year. In April problems started from what seemed like a very harmless argument. It got to a point where he started to backchat about me with his friends, yell at me to get out of the house during arguments and abandoning me when I'd get ill. I started getting anxiety attacks and while he was supportive then..he also started relating it to complete madness since my father has BPD. His mother kept inviting him but left me out. His father tried to be supportive but he was told off. My mother lives overseas and she tried to reason with him he would not listen. He started taking advise from 3 very toxic women and one of them kept egging him to divorce me. The other called me a 'bat shit crazy jealous woman'. And the 3rd told him not to have kids with me cos they would turn out 'just like' me. He lapped these things up. Where I was his best friend and confidante, I became the butt of all jokes. Since my efforts to chat were not working, we started counselling. It kind of worked. We went to our honeymoon in June and once we got back we seemed to get back to normalcy finally. A couple of months were fine. Then troubles started again. This past 1.5 months he has pulled out of interstate weddings and other social plans. He stays out really late...working 7 days on his business and refuses to find any..and I mean any...time for me. He openly now talks ill of me. His mother has openly said she wants me gone. He refuses to go to counselling now. He is a stranger and I don't know what to do. I have now been diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. I have just started a course of anti depressants. I am wondering if anyone has anything that would help me make sense of this situation. I have pushed his buttons too....but while I am objective re advise I receive, he is too influenced by his controlling passive aggressive mother and toxic, dysfunctional friends. I feel locked out....I just want the man I knew to return. He has acknowledged that his stress levels are a 9/10 and his anxiety is through the roof. What can I do? Is there any hope?

Proper_Etiquette Coping with loss of wife and kids
  • replies: 6

Hi, this is my first time on here and I think I just needed to express all this. I have 3 kids. The eldest 12yo boy isn't biologically mine but I have always treated him like my own son as I have been with him since he was 2. I also have an 8yo daugh... View more

Hi, this is my first time on here and I think I just needed to express all this. I have 3 kids. The eldest 12yo boy isn't biologically mine but I have always treated him like my own son as I have been with him since he was 2. I also have an 8yo daughter and 2yo son. In January 2015 my wife told me she wanted a divorce. I had been struggling with anxiety at work and had been distant. It was also my birthday that day. She and the kids left a few weeks later, moving a half hour away. I struggled to talk to my kids on the phone and see them due to the fact I was so crushed. I worked hard on this and after a couple of months I was seeing the kids at least a couple of days a week and (I think) being a good dad. We agreed I would pay for full time child support for the 2 children that are biologically mine, even though I was financially supporting them when I had them. It worked out to be more than if I paid for all three if I declared when I had them. She was initially happy about this arrangement. I waited for a year before deciding to date again, I had been trying to get back with the ex but even when I did I still had that hope in the back of my mind that someday our family would be whole again. As soon as she found out I was dating someone, she immediately started going out with the only non work friend I had made since living in QLD. A few weeks ago she decided I wasn't giving her enough money for child support so threatens me that she will keep the kids from me if I didn't start paying child support for all 3 kids, at full time custody rates. I refused; I have been giving her extra money the whole time whenever she needs it to the tune of at least 2-3 thousand dollars over the last year. I can't even afford to fix the broken windscreen on my car even though I earn plenty. Because of this, she now has made plans (without mine OR my children's consent) to relocate back to NSW. I can't take holidays that often and can't afford to travel that far numerous times a year. By my calculation I'd probably only see them once a year. So the kids think I don't want to see them which is untrue. She has taken all my money so I can't even afford a lawyer. My kids were the only thing keeping me going after the divorce. I feel like my toddler is going to forget who I am. I feel so hopeless right now. I have no support up here, no family and the only friends I have are colleagues (a very boys club environment). It feels like I am just keeping my head above water.

Horus Dating a man that seems to suffer from depression and is distant
  • replies: 6

Hi, i have been dating a man for a few months and though a little aloof had a great connection and were texting at least every 2 to 3 days and going out once or twice a week. After a couple of work trips overseas and a prolonged flue or cold and a fe... View more

Hi, i have been dating a man for a few months and though a little aloof had a great connection and were texting at least every 2 to 3 days and going out once or twice a week. After a couple of work trips overseas and a prolonged flue or cold and a few issues at work he just changed. He started not wanting to spend time because he was not coping with all the issues that were happening especially the stress and his health. We have been seen less and less of each other and the texts were becoming less frequent. No future plans have taken place, anyways we had a special event that happened and he come and did it but was exhausted and left soon after it. He does not feel like kissing or spending time with anyone- me , his friends or family. I have been supportive but really only send photos and say hi, he texts back but seems distant. I have asked if he was avoiding me - he responded no- just not in a good place . He supposed to come to my birthday but may not make it because of a meeting, he said we could have coffee the following day if he can't make it. My question- is he just suffering from depression or trying to just move away but due to not wanting a conflict due to his depression?

SubduedBlues Thanksgiving this month and a Silent Christmas next :]
  • replies: 9

I have always looked forward to November as it brings out the best in people and being American we have always celebrated Thanksgiving, even in Australia. Thanksgiving is celebrated in both Canada and the US as a holiday dedicated to being with famil... View more

I have always looked forward to November as it brings out the best in people and being American we have always celebrated Thanksgiving, even in Australia. Thanksgiving is celebrated in both Canada and the US as a holiday dedicated to being with family and friends to give thanks for all of the blessings received throughout the preceding year. I find it more cheerful than christmas as people are all happy and looking forward to the winter solstice and yuletide traditions; whatever your faith may be. It's also one of the few times a year that I can openly show my native heritage without fear of being shunned (the avatar I use is my name in Ojibwe). I got the three kids and their partners coming here for T'giving. Got me a big ol' turkey, a pig, squash, yams, johnnycake, and all the trimmings. already baked pumpkin pies and a banana creme pie. (American pies are much better than those here, we use fruit not meat). I do miss the pheasant, caribou and rattlesnake though. Come christmastime and everything changes ... it is by far the quickest holiday celebration of the year. From the time the kids drag the oldfolks out of bed, run down to the tree and start ripping open presents. Where's mine? Give me a present? What did you get me? Why does he have more presents than me? and ... It's the wrong color. It's too big, it's too small, it's too ... /different/ or I already have one of those. or that's not what I wanted. And all the joy and merry making leading up to the big day is gone in a flash. By 9am christmas is over and it's a long boring day of everything closed... sitting cooped up in the house quickly becomes: sit down, be quiet, don't hit your sister, pick up your toys, and pieces being hauled out with the trash. Then comes why haven't you done this that or the other. The constant bickering and utter disappointments. This year, three of my (adult) children will be spending the hol's with their mother interstate; the other will be with her grandma in Oklahoma. I get to sleep in until the afternoon and spend the hols fixing the stuff that can't be done when their here ... re-oiling the staircase, re-sealing the slate floors. It's going to be the first nice quiet holiday I've had in 25 years. Can hardly wait. I'll avail myself to care for those who come to BB during what is allegedly the loneliest time of the year. Some people don't like the solitude the way I do; I use it to recharge. But I'll be about to lend a hand ... if anyone might need it. SB