Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

KDAWGS When to tell the kids we are splitting for good.
  • replies: 5

My husband and I have been married for 19yrs. A very rocky relationship and I feel it has been maintained by 1 side (me).. My husband has depression and a lot going on with his parents (mum going into care for Alzheimers and dad diagnosed with mesoth... View more

My husband and I have been married for 19yrs. A very rocky relationship and I feel it has been maintained by 1 side (me).. My husband has depression and a lot going on with his parents (mum going into care for Alzheimers and dad diagnosed with mesothelioma) I have been there every step of the way supporting him through his depression, trying to keep things happy at home and really trying in our relationship. We have NO sex life and I have recently found out he has been confiding in a woman he met through his work as a handyman. Essentially this is the 4th time he has found another woman to turn to during these times rather than his partner. He told me "I find it difficult to talk to you" which I don't get at all. So, needless to say things have been very tense in our house of late he is moving out and has asked for me to give him till mid march (after he goes away for a week to play golf) and then he'll move out. I told him last night he can have till end of Feb.... I also asked when we will tell the kids (15 & 16y.o), he said when he finds a place..... this is not good enough for me. I want to tell them while they are still off school so they can have time to process what's happening and not have to worry about school impacting on them. My son is not happy going back to school and is a very sensitive kid and I am very worried how this will all affect him. I am sure they both know what's going on and I am hoping that when they know the tension will be gone it will be a happy home again. We separated 7 yrs ago for 7 months and we were happy then. Hubby came home cause he wanted to, not cause I asked him to either..... I just want to know what you think..... do "we" tell them or do "I" tell them if he doesn't want to yet???? TIA

Harlo Adult child of Alcholic Agoraphobic Mother
  • replies: 4

Hi All, It's my first post here. Please call me Harlo =] At twelve years of age I remember looking up through my bedroom window and saw my mother, who was on her way home from work, frozen in the street. Both hands, white knuckled holding onto the ne... View more

Hi All, It's my first post here. Please call me Harlo =] At twelve years of age I remember looking up through my bedroom window and saw my mother, who was on her way home from work, frozen in the street. Both hands, white knuckled holding onto the neighbours white picket fence. I ran across the street and helped her cross the road. I made her lunch - but she wouldn't eat. That day changed my life. My mother never went back to work and she has never been able to make it past the letterbox alone again. She went untreated for many years. Her medicine was alcohol. My parents went bankrupt, we moved many times, I started working at 13 years old to help my dad with the rent. I always struggled with the fact that if I needed my mothers help, her mental illness stopped her from coming to rescue me. Somedays I felt like I didn't have a mother, other days I was angry that I had to look after her. I'm 28 now and I feel guilty some days for feeling cheated out of my teenage years. I have anxiety myself that use to only be based around a phobia. But now when my fear triggers it spirals because I have the fear of fear. I panic because I'm panicking. My biggest fear is that one day I also won't make it past the letterbox and I will fail myself and everyone around me. Are there any support groups for children (or adult children) of parents with anxiety? Thank you for listening and letting me share. - Harlo

Ellie2015 New user
  • replies: 2

Hi all, I am new clearly..... I have always dealt with depression. Mum thinks I'm insane slot of the time due to the nature of my deepest wishes.... Anyway, dad died, 4 year partner left me with no home or car or bed. Had two lessors lock me out and ... View more

Hi all, I am new clearly..... I have always dealt with depression. Mum thinks I'm insane slot of the time due to the nature of my deepest wishes.... Anyway, dad died, 4 year partner left me with no home or car or bed. Had two lessors lock me out and refuse bond refund at no fault of mine. Feel like dads death is tipping me over the edge. I'm tied to a tree though, can't fall, got little brother to look after. wouldnt mind some tips and support to keep going

Sandy104 Narcissistic mother inlaw
  • replies: 3

2016 - thrown into turmoil again. Father inlaw is ill We've been offered half their property to live next door. Financially this would be otherwise unachievable. I'm so worried about the MIL that I'm jumping at shadows and it's causing extreme tensio... View more

2016 - thrown into turmoil again. Father inlaw is ill We've been offered half their property to live next door. Financially this would be otherwise unachievable. I'm so worried about the MIL that I'm jumping at shadows and it's causing extreme tension in my otherwise loverly life I can't get past the fear she is going to tear us to pieces again. I can only see her as dangerous. I want to stop this. Here's my story 2013-16 set up a new home with our kids, live free, see my wife become open, happy and unguarded and loving of herself We have friends together, kids parents at school, people drop in. Dinners etc My wife can recognise her mother is narcissistic now. 2013 We moved out Discovered the word "narcissistic". Went to a psychologist and discover the term "intimacy". Rebuild marriage. 2011- split with my wife 2011- my life is hell. -I have no family, no friends -I'm demonised, I have no life anymore. -MIL takes the kids to pre school, all outings even weekend -Then...Birthday. That was a cruel blow coming home to find your family is having your sons birthday dinner without you. -I knew something was terribly wrong but I couldn't see out of the bubble 2009 -The rot really sets in hard. -Im portray as useless and uneducated. -MIL steps in to "help" -Second child is born. -I build decks,fences,irrigation, an award winning garden. A major garden magazine did a full spead, she took all the credit. 2008 -Life is good -My wife and I really loved each other -Had a baby I always wondered why my mother inlaw couldn't see our happiness. Why didn't she enjoy her childs happiness? I started to do lots of jobs with my loverly father inlaw on their rather ramshackle house. They were both accounts. I built a new kitchen for my mother inlaw... She criticised me ragged. She taunted about not having any university education. I just thought that it was her ethnic background that focused so much on this. -We went overseas to show our baby to the relatives. The MIL lied to people about what I did for work etc. Telling them I was a manager in business. The tell tail signs were right there. 2007 -We moved in with the in-laws to save some money and be close to their "help" -I built a house. It was loverly. -My mother inlaw was very inviting and engaging at first. 2001-06 -Got married -Travelled around the world for a year together -Had a wonder relationship, with lots of great times. -Moved out together -Met my future wife

TheLegalSpouse Frustrated wife of child support payer
  • replies: 4

I am new to this forum and seeking inputs regarding child support. My husband had a kid with a woman who agreed to have a friend with benefits relationship, lets call her FB. He met this woman online in 2009, she insisted on visiting him and accident... View more

I am new to this forum and seeking inputs regarding child support. My husband had a kid with a woman who agreed to have a friend with benefits relationship, lets call her FB. He met this woman online in 2009, she insisted on visiting him and accidentally got pregnant in 2010, my husband doesnt want the child so he suggested abortion, she insisted on raising the kid on her own and my husband's family pushed him to sign the kids birth cert. In 2012, they applied for a defacto visa though theyre not in a relationship. Btw, my relationship with him started in 2011. This has been a very tough time for me. So in 2013, they declared to the immigration that the relationship has broken down and FB automatically got her PR. My husband started paying child support and its really unfair because FB is not working and just relying on the child support and other government benefits. She's also using the child support payments to buy jewelries for herself and to send money to her family in the Philippines Recently, my husband filed his tax and the child support increased to AUD526 per fortnight. This child support is for a 4 year old boy. My husband and I also has a 2 year old boy. The problem now is that CSA does not approve of my husband's change of assessment for the reason that I am also his dependent. I recently applied for a Partner Visa and been taking care of our 2 year old boy so I dont have the chance to continue my studies or gain employment. It's really unfair because I do all the hard work and budgeting my husband's salary and FB is just sitting there, living comfortably and just waiting for the child support. She also stopped communicating with my husband and his family the moment she received her PR and her first child support payment. She doesnt even invite my husband to celEbrate the kids birthday. She basically removed my husband's responsibility as a father. Now I am frustrated because all of this child support crap is affecting our future plans such as buying our house. We are also considering taking the boy during weekends to minimize the costs of child support but we do not have FB's contact details as she totally gone incognito. What should we do about all this mess! PS: She used my husband's family and relatives against him to obtain all of this. She befriended them then back stabbed all of them the moment she got her Permanent residency. And I cant deal with it longer as I am the woman who plans her whole future and all this is ruining it.

ssteve wife can't be bothered with sex
  • replies: 8

As the title says, I know she does...she has fully admitted she can't be bothered. We have talked and talked, on many occasions and sometimes it gets better for 2 weeks and then she reverts back to her old ways. Gets up to go to bed "early" and says ... View more

As the title says, I know she does...she has fully admitted she can't be bothered. We have talked and talked, on many occasions and sometimes it gets better for 2 weeks and then she reverts back to her old ways. Gets up to go to bed "early" and says I am too tired, just going to sleep is that ok. I am not going to make anyone do anything so of course I say it is ok. I know the sex drive is there. Yes I have talked to her about it, once she said I don't do enough around the house...because I don't start doing house work the minute I walk in the door after being at work for 12 hours. S, I copped it on the chin and accepted this and now do everything I can, wash dishes put things away clean up and scrub bathrooms to sit down hours after coming home, but all I got was why are you doing this I am not changing.I've tried the "kids at Nana's house" romantic nights our, do everything for her and we get home....sorry I am too tired....now its a ritual.Every milestone date this year has been the same, no kids nights the same. She left an letter on my computer to a lady she sees re positive thinking and negative beliefs etc. I didn't mean to snoop but it was on my computer while cleaning up (there is a family computer she usually uses) and on this letter it said "sex is like a chore, I do it because I have to" I give up...i can't talk any more to her about it she just denies everything and tells me i am being silly and how happy her life is right now she has everything she wants.....whoop-de-doooo i don't

kembot daughter wants to destroy me
  • replies: 5

Hi there. Ive had problems with my daughter since she was 12...where do I start? She's now 23, our relationship is up and down, she moves in and out of our house. She refuses to study and work and lately, I just found out she's been working in the se... View more

Hi there. Ive had problems with my daughter since she was 12...where do I start? She's now 23, our relationship is up and down, she moves in and out of our house. She refuses to study and work and lately, I just found out she's been working in the sex industry. She took off with my 17 year old son who's the total opposite of her, nice boy, academic and aspiring to be a doctor but he's weak, easily manipulated. She's been taking him away from me since he was 9, Im divorce from their dad, he's now in a self care retirement home, he has schizophrenia and other memtal issues. I'm still caring for him. My daughter brainwashed my son to live with her. She tought him to take drugs at 16, cocaine and esctacy. He changed since he started taking drugs. He does everything she tells him to do. My son needs me, he has big dreams and I worry about him and his well being. They party all the time-drug parties, she has group sex in the house (not my house) and she's been teaching his other friends to take drugs. Her whole life is dedicated to hurt me, sleeping with my men, stealing my friends, vilifying me. I feel there's jealousy beteeen us. It makes me sick because she"s my blood. I did try for many years but Ive totally given up on her, now she's taken my son away. I'm very depressed. I feel so sorry for my son, how can I help him? He doesn't want to come home.

FrangipaniMum Still stuck in limbo land...
  • replies: 1

A bit about me... I am mid 30s, married for 13 years and 2 school aged kids. I persuaded my husband 7 years ago to move here (from UK) for a better life. He has missed his family/friends a lot. I started developing anxiety about a year ago, which mov... View more

A bit about me... I am mid 30s, married for 13 years and 2 school aged kids. I persuaded my husband 7 years ago to move here (from UK) for a better life. He has missed his family/friends a lot. I started developing anxiety about a year ago, which moved up the scale to social anxiety. I was always a bit shy anyway. Recently my psychiatrist decided to lean towards Bipolar Disorder 2 also. It is hard to accept and accept that I am still a capable mum, full-time worker (health sector) and citizen of the world. My husband causes my anxiety. He is and has always been snappy, tight with money and thinks the world is against us (like his father). He also pressures me into social situations I am not keen on. He knows nothing about anxiety to BPD, because he isn't interested to know. He just thinks I am a nutcase basically. He annoys me so much. I have worked hard to be where I am financially and we have moved from overseas (with no family here), so my situation is tough. I also feel bad if I leave. It is my son's first year at high school too, so I am very confused and annoyed about the situation. I hate the anxiety, but he does cause the attacks. He shows no interest to learn more about the condition, yet picks to the point of my explosion. I feel I am stuck in a rut.....

Kjays Broken and not good enough
  • replies: 3

Hi, i am new here to B.B just wanted somewhere to vent and somebody to tell me I am not going mad. I have been in a relationship for the past year which was great I was head over heels, could not believe my luck. Everything I wanted and more. But lat... View more

Hi, i am new here to B.B just wanted somewhere to vent and somebody to tell me I am not going mad. I have been in a relationship for the past year which was great I was head over heels, could not believe my luck. Everything I wanted and more. But lately things have been popping up with his ex trying to get in contact her name pops up on everything and she won't quit and he rang another ex for advice about us and his job and I found a message about plans for coffee. Was he planning something is what I cannot get past. He said he just wanted advice and she is good for advice as we were in a rough patch due to a promotion at work which was interfering in our relationship. The problem is that he never tells me he makes me play detective and then admits he never would of told me. How can I trust this person? I mean I know it may seem small to some but I am the most loyal honest person and just want that in return. I have been awfully treated in past which I know may contribute but I can't shake the feeling of not feeling good enough. Not good enough to be honest to. If he lies about these small things I think imagine the big things he is keeping from me and then I can't help but put up this Brick wall and get all insecure. I mean has anything else happened? Did it go further? He admitted he wouldn't tell me. I just get this feeling something isn't right. I have become so jealous and insecure and feel as though I am not worth anything because he can't talk to me he just wants to talk to other ex girlfriends. How can I not compare and feel useless? Am I losing it am I being ridiculous? Just feel broken and alone I would love honesty from him and I wouldn't be so down and question every word he says thanks

broken-hearted Says he loves me but not in love with me
  • replies: 2

Hi my husband and I have been together for 10yrs married for 8. We have had our ups and downs but he told me that he cares and loves me but isn't in love with me anymore and is planning on moving and is now sleeping in another room. It feels like my ... View more

Hi my husband and I have been together for 10yrs married for 8. We have had our ups and downs but he told me that he cares and loves me but isn't in love with me anymore and is planning on moving and is now sleeping in another room. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and I don't know which way is up. I love him very much but I don't understand. He said he doesn't want to try and work it out anymore and can't see that we can work things out. I don't know what to do and I am shattered and feel so lost and alone. He has some man issues and is seeing a doctor but he doesn't think it will change anything with us. It feels like I can't win.